"You just went shopping a few days ago with Willow and Faith. I don't want to run Wesley into credit card debt. He's already paying for everything. I'm not going to make him pay for a whole new wardrobe for you. Just the basics for now, okay?"
"It's not Wesley's money. It's money racked up from years of evil lawyering by Wolfram and Hart. We should feel no guilt in spending it freely." At Buffy's skeptical look, she added, "Besides, you need to get something to wear for your big date with Angel!"
"It's not a big date," Buffy told her sister, denying the fact that she was feeling like a nervous schoolgirl. The very few times she and Angel had been on official dates they hadn't turned out that well. And despite how raw they had been with each other last night, in the light of day things were somewhat more awkward. They didn't know how their lives were going to fit together again.
"Still, you need something to wear," Dawn reminded her, already pulling her towards the store.
Dawn's persistence paid off and when Buffy descended into the lobby that evening she was wearing a new pair of black pants and a maroon silk v-neck top that showed off just a hint of cleavage. Angel, dressed in black slacks and a white button down shirt, watched her as she came down the stairs, smiling to himself at his great luck that this beautiful woman had granted him another chance. They headed out to his car and he was a perfect gentleman, opening the door for her and pulling out her chair at the restaurant. They made small talk about what they had done that day as they ordered their food but soon ran out of things to say and lapsed into silence; they had never really been a chatty pair.
"Buffy."
"Angel," she said at the same time. They both laughed, but Angel gestured for her to go first.
"This is weird, isn't it? I mean, we should be able to have a conversation. We've done it before."
"We're just trying to figure things out. It's not going to be easy."
"Things are never easy between us, are they?"
"No, they never are." Their eyes locked across the table and finding familiar warmth in Angel's chocolate orbs, Buffy found herself blurting out her thoughts.
"Angel, I'm scared. Things never end well between us and I don't know if I can take being hurt by you again." Angel saddened immensely at her softly spoken words.
"Buffy, please believe me when I say I never wanted to hurt you," he beseeched.
"I don't doubt that and I never meant to hurt you either, but that's always what ended up happening," she replied. "And I honestly don't know if I can go through it again. I'm not as strong as I used to be. I've lost my mom, and my life, and a good relationship with my friends, and everything I owned. Plus, I've gained the huge responsibility of finding and training all these new Slayers. I have no clue what I'm doing with my life and I probably shouldn't even consider being in a relationship right now." Angel opened his mouth to reassure her, to let her know that he would wait for her as long as she needed, but she just rambled on. "But if this is our chance, I don't want to give it up. I want so badly to be with you, but I don't know if I can."
"I want so badly to be with you, too," he told her, yearning creeping into his voice. "And I'm just as confused as you are. You would think after 250 years, I'd be able to figure some of this out, but I can't. Suddenly, I'm human and in charge of a previously evil law firm. I don't know what I'm doing here, but I do know that I want to be with you while I'm figuring it all out. I want to talk things out with you, experience things with you and I want to be there for you like I should have been these past years while you figure everything out."
"I'd really like that." She reached across the table and laced her small fingers with his large ones.
Once she had began, Buffy remembered how easy it was to let herself go with Angel. She didn't need to be strong for him, didn't need to hide her fears, so she confessed them all. She was afraid she would never be able to get back to the closeness that she had once shared with Xander, Willow, and Giles and that she wished she could go back to when they were in high school. There were so many things that had happened over the past few years that she regretted, things she could have done or said differently. How she should have seen Willow's breakdown coming, how she should have been better to Dawn and her mother. She told him that she was scared that activating all the Slayers was a mistake. In turn, he shared his own fears: that he wouldn't be able to protect her and his friends now that he was mortal, that the Powers would realize he didn't deserve his humanity and take it back, that he was just a pawn in some evil master plot of the Wolfram and Hart Senior Partners.
They talked all throughout their dinner, filling each other in on their lives. When they finished their meal, they took a walk to the pier, staying for awhile to look out over the water, then went to get coffee. Neither wanted the date to end. Dawn was approaching when they finally headed back to the hotel. Angel's fingers were loosely entwined with Buffy's as he walked her to her door.
"Tonight was really nice," she said, suddenly feeling shy. The idea of having him in bed tonight made her nervous and giddy, although she had just slept with him the previous night. He responded by sliding his fingers slid over her cheek, tilting her head up and giving her a kiss that made her toes curl. She shivered as she wrapped her arms around his neck and his hands slid down her back. Angel pushed her up against the door jam and tangled his hands in her long blonde hair, keeping their bodies and lips pressed together. But just as Buffy was reaching for the doorknob, he pulled away. He stayed close to her, nuzzling against her in a eskimo kiss.
"Good night, Buffy. I'll see you tomorrow." He brushed a final kiss across her lips and headed towards his own room.
"Good night, Angel," she whispered after him, then went into her bedroom, sure that she was going to have some X-rated Angel dreams.