Title: Now What, You Idiot? (03)

Author: Procella Nox-noctis

Category: Humour

Sub category: Spicy comentaries

Keywords:Hermione, Draco, Troubles

Summary: A potion gone wrong makes Hermione and Draco change bodies. Now, Hermione is in Draco's body and Draco in hers. To get out of this situation they must cooperate. Perhaps even become friends. But, what happens when each of them falls for the other's best friend? Blaise/Hermione, Draco/Harry pairings later on.

Sneek-Peek:"Sorry." She said reluctantly standing up.

"Don't worry. Like Hamlet says: What's done is done." He said whipping himself out and looking at her.

"That was MacBeth. Oh shit." She looked up at him in horror. He was smirking. He knew. Damn it all! I couldn't last a day!

"I knew something was fishy around you. Aren't I right, Granger?" he said int her ear, while helping her stand up.

A/N: I'm back!!! I have too many fics on construction that it creates writer's block. Just peachy isn't it? But anyway. I've been thinking whether to make this last for a day or for more, and I've come to this conclusion: they have to know each other, understand each other, and fall in love, thus this will last for more than just a day. Perhaps a week or so, who the heck knows. Depends on Snape, and you'll see why.

I have another thing I need your help with. I want to do a story that isn't a Harry Potter based story. But I'm afraid for that I need ideas. It can be anything, movies, games, books, anime whatever, but I need YOU to give me an idea. You just say, for example, do something on Tenchu, and perhaps I'll try hard and do it. All I'm asking is for you to tell me what I can do the story on. No Harry Potter. Also, I'll try and make this a one-shot or a drabble. Something to re-inspire me for other stuff. Could you lend me a hand? I'd be eternally grateful. I already have on of Wolf's Rain called WE ARE. Try and read it if you know anything about that. And now: to the story!!!!

Three: The Trouble With Men

Hermione couldn't help but stare in awe. The Slytherin common room had been too packed up with people, so Blaise decided they should read in the boys dormitory. On Blaise bed. Let me rephrase that. On the bed where Blaise slept each night. A bed invaded with his scent. A bed where Hermione hoped to get in. Wait. That wasn't a good thing.

Okay, Hermione. This is bad stuff. You only talked to him for five or so minutes and you already want to get inside his pants...bed. Whatever. Look, just control yourself.

Far easier thought than done, she thought. A good start could have been sitting on Malfoy's bed. No way. That's just plain disgusting. Thus, she decided to screw the 'control yourself' part, and sat cross-legged on Blaise's bed. Hey this is bouncy. She bounced a bit on the bed. Doesn't squeak. That could be a convenience. Definitely a convenience. Ok, Hermione, STOP! It's like it's not you who thinking, it's like Malfoy's. Urgh.

"I suppose we should start with a simple thing, right? I mean, I'm quite sure you don't want to read something about some sappy romance, would you?" Blaise said, going over to where a small shelf with some books stood. He lifted his arms to reach a book, and Hermione's mouth went dry. Desert dry. Blaise didn't tuck his shirt into his pants. Which meant that if he'd lift his arms, you could see his back, and if he were looking at you, you could see his stomach. Which was exactly what Hermione was doing now. Staring, no, better yet, gaping at Blaise's low back, a spot that stood far too close to his pants' line, in her opinions. Those with guttery minds could imagine what Hermione wished right then. Him, of course. Well, it was rather his bum, but what's the difference?

"Malfoy?" she turned her gaze on Blaise's face now. He was smirking sexily. "Tell me, that planet you're on, is it nice?"

"We were talking Shakespeare, Blaise. Not planets. Now explain before I lose my interest." Wow, I wonder how I managed to say that phrase when all my mind could think is how sexy his bum is! Must be Malfoy's cool attitude. How many times did he look at Blaise's bum and got caught?

Before she could focus on that, Blaise sat down beside her on the bed. He handed her the book and gave her a suspicious look. She shrugged at him looking at the book. "Hamlet". Not bad. Blaise started explaining who Shakespeare was, but Hermione didn't really listen. She rather just stared at his lips moving. You are playing on dangerous land, Hermione. Watch out.

Blaise finished his lecture and asked her if she wanted a drink or something. She nodded and immediately a jar of pumpkin juice appeared on the table. She stood up from the bed and served herself a glass. On her way back to bed, she tripped clumsily and landed on Blaise's chest, her glass of juice spilled all over his shirt.

"Sorry." She said reluctantly standing up.

"Don't worry. Like Hamlet says: What's done is done." He said whipping himself out and looking at her.

"That was MacBeth. Oh shit." She looked up at him in horror. He was smirking. He knew. Damn it all! I couldn't last a day!

"I knew something was fishy around you. Aren't I right, Granger?" he said int her ear, while helping her stand up.

"How did you know?" she asked sitting on his bed.

"The trouble with men is that they're ignorant. Except for me."

Yes, because you're not a man, you're a God! "Continue."

"Well, I noticed that in Potions you stirred two times more than you were supposed to. I don't know exactly what could happen when you do that, so I let is pass by. But then you didn't know Malfoy hated his hair, which was a hint. You had no idea of the password. You knew the quote was from Macbeth, which by the was, that was to test my theory, I knew it was from Macbeth anyway. But I'm guessing what triggered me, was your constant staring at my bum. Not that no one does that, but only you aquire that certain blush when you're turned on. At least so I've noticed."

"Right. So you're telling me that it wasn't a sin to stare at your body, because everybody does it, right? Talk about ego, there Zabini."

Blaise grabbed her hand and yanked her against him. In her ear he whispered: "Come on, Granger. Admit it. You want me." She let out a deep sigh when he pulled away. If she'd be a girl, her panties would've been wet. That was by far, one of the most sexiest thing a boy ever whispered in my ear. Reluctantly again, she freed her arm from his grip and looked into his eyes defiantly.

"It takes more than just looking at your bum to make me want you." She said, turning away from him, finding interest in a mirror on the wall.

"Is that a challenge?" he whispered again in her ear. This time she shivered pleasantly. Oh come one, no one has that much self control!

"It's a statement. Now that you know of my secret, you must vow that you won't say a word."

He smirked. "And what's in it for me?"

"Nothing."

"That's a real pity." He answered, brushing her neck with his fingers.

"Does it really not bother you that you're caressing Malfoy's body?" she asked, pulling away.

"But it's much more fun when you're in it." he grinned slyly.

"You are one sick person, Zabini."

"Turned on, yet?"

"No." Liar!

"We have time."

"No. We don't. Malfoy and I want, need to get out of this as soon as possible. And now that you know, you shall not tell a soul, in fear of losing Malfoy's friendship. And you will help us both, as to maintain that friendship. And you will also not tell him you know."

"As you wish, My Lady." He smirked again. "I'll tell you all you wish to know about Draco so that you can be more believable and no one else discovers you. But in turn."

"Oh boy."

"I want you to become friends with Draco."

"I will not become your—wait, what?" that wasn't what she expected. This was not what I expected.

"Draco only has one true friend. Me. And he needs more. Now that his father is an empty shell and his mother a hyper lunatic, he needs all the support he can get. So I want you to try and befriend him."

"No sex-slave services to you? Just friends with Malfoy? I can do that."

"No. No sex-slave to me. I'm not that selfish. Plus, I don't need blackmailing you into that. I can seduce my way there."

"Yeah, right."

"Why Granger, was that another challenge? You're full of surprises today."

"Thank you. Likewise."

Draco stood on the ground of the seventh floor. Where the hell is that common room? He had spent the last hour looking for some fat lady's portrait, but found nothing. Not his day at all. It also didn't help that Granger's friends were only two, and they left her. I mean, Graner only has Potter and Weasley. All the rest hate her guts. No surprise there. But they could at least talk to me!

"Hermione? What are you doing here?" he looked up to the owner of that voice. A blonde girl. It was that girl called like a plant. How was that? Oh yes, Jasmine.

"Taking a rest. Why?"

"Not much. Want me to join you in the common room?"

"Sure." Finally! Salvation! Thank you Jasmine...Green? Is that her name?

The blonde girl smiled and went in front of Draco. On her bag he read L.B. Lavender Brown! So that's her name! Thought I heard it somewhere. Draco followed the girl into the common room. He twitched involuntarily upon seeing so much red and gold. For him, it was almost the same thing if you sent a Goth into a room painted pink. Marking. Shuddering. Horrible. But, unfortunately he had to get used to all the red and gold, because he was going to have to live here.

I hope Granger doesn't screw things up, and get herself discovered. I'll be the laughing point of everybody. Not the having a soul-less dad and slightly insane mom is good. They're already laughing about me for that. I'd like to see if Granger can cope with that.

Sighing, he went his way up to the girls' dorm, also following Lavender. They entered the room. Soft red. Disgusting. He'd have nightmares that night for sure. He scanned the room looking for Hermione's bed, and went to sit on it. It was too comfortable for his liking. Of course, sleeping his entire life in the rock beds in the Slytherin dorms was the cause of that. Only Blaise was lucky to have a soft bed, because he had raided the dorms first in their first year, and picked that bed before Draco could say a thing.

He smiled at the memory. Those were good times, when he was admired and Blaise was his enemy as well. Whatever happened to make them such good friends was still unclear even for him. He just remembered that in his youth Draco hated Blaise because the boy didn't care about blood-lines and he had stolen the best bed. Childish as it may sound, that was what he had thought back then.

But then, in his third year, Blaise started to talk to Draco more, thus betraying the loner image he had created for himself. At first, the blond boy wasn't all that confident with the raven-haired loner, but they came to respect each other. Thus, by the end of fifth year, they were best friends. And by the end of sixth year, he was the only friend Draco had.

Deciding now would be a good time to go down to dinner he exited the dorm, saying a goodbye to Lavender, his saviour. In the common room he was greeted by the lovely Harry Potter. The Gryffindor grinned at Draco, and a strange reaction occurred in his body. A reaction he wished didn't happen to him.

Shrugging, he went with Potter to the Great Hall for something to eat. They sat at the table at which Draco wished never to sit in his life and ate. Later on, Ron joined the party, accompanied by Ginevra and Neville. Draco shut them out of his mind as he looked over the Slytherin table. Zabini was missing. And Granger-in-his-body was missing as well. I swear, if Granger already got into Blaise's pants, I'll give her a prize. Blaise wouldn't go for me, right? I mean, we're just friends! She's going to ruin my friendship with the only friend I have! Angry as hell, he proceeded to tear apart a chicken wing, pretending it was Hermione's head. And Potter's. And Weasley's. And Blaise's as well, now that you're at it.

E/N: He found out!!! This will make flirting soooo much easy. I'm gonna make myself keep this rated low. Must. Succeed. Anyway, very soon I'll be registering at Fictionpress, because of an original I'm working on. I hope you'll read it if I ask you.

Anyway, poor Draco. Who knew he had such a hard life? Well, Hermione didn't but she's about to find out! As will you find out how fast people can fall in love. Or destroy another chicken wing. Or be ignorant as hell. Or oblivious. Or friendship bloom. Thanks to Blaise Hermione is now obliged to at least try and befriend Malfoy. Torturing sadistic sod Zabini is, eh? We'll see. Hermione might come in handy in the H/D pairing. And I'm not saying more.

People I thank for their patience:

Sabi4Ever. Yes I really like that. Well, thanks for the compliment. As long as you don't come to me with supercalifragilistic it's dandy to me.

TygressHeart. Well, she could leave an anonymous. Thank her anyway. That psycho line is one of my cousin's and mine's favourite inside jokes. Cracked me up when you wrote that. You're the first to take observation in the Pricotti thing there. Thanks for the review.

Blink182rawk. Really? Well I thought he's sweet in the movies too. Yeah I think it's allowed to converse, after all, that's why the thx notes are for. Well, I love Nickleback, Lifehouse, Alien Ant Farm, Coldplay, Marooned 5, Metallica, AC/DC and a whole lot more. If you have any type of messenger please TELL ME! We'll be cyber buds!

JeanB. OMG you reviewed! I so missed you! Thanks a lot. I loved those lines as well, but this chapter is by far my favourite as to B/Hr goodness. Yeah, keep reading, but what about that happy ending sequel you e-mailed me about, hnn? Thanks a lot anyway.

Fantasy101. thank you, and here it is!

Kaaera. Well there's the possibility of Snape coming to their aid, but it's still going on thin land. Yeah, Hermione beat him to that, and she's gonna beat him to the man! At least she thinks so.

Aine Rowan. Blaise is my favourite shadow character, thanks to O&U crew, so he's bound to have the upper hand. Sorry to baby Draco, I love him too, really. Sarcasm is the lowest for of wit, but it's my friggin forte, so what the heck! That should be a motto!

Blacksatin96. Thanks very much. Harry is somewhat difficult to write nowadays. Can't see why. Sorry this took so long!

Ura. In bask your nickname means water. Funny fact, eh? Thank you for reviewing.

Cmere1. ARE YOU KIDDING? The Trilogy is one of the fics I'd rec for ever and ever! I simply loved it! pity Hermione doesn't stay with Draco, I love the bad guys more. Slytherin's character was really cool. Thank you.

Moi. You actually put me in doubt with that question. And I almost forgot that fact. Thanks very much, you just saved me a bunch of nasty reviews. I'm not quite sure how long this is going to be We shall see

The-damaged-rose. Thank you! Yeah, he's probably bound to have some fun, to take revenge on Hermione, oh I don't know, maybe shagging Blaise? Not a real fact, but hey, it could happen. We shall see. Zoinks! A shipmate! ::glomps and huggles to self::

SingSingMa. Oh you'll just have to wait for that twist! Read between the lines of the chapter's title, it says a lot about Harry's situation. Thanks for reviewing.

As usual, read the notes, and say if I'd have a future as a writer which is what I intend on doing. Thanks a lot!

Paula