Title: Now What, You Idiot? (05)

Author: Procella Nox-noctis

Category: Humour

Sub category: Humour

Keywords: Draco, Harry, Hermione, Truce, Arse

Summary: A potion gone wrong makes Hermione and Draco change bodies. Now, Hermione is in Draco's body and Draco in hers. To get out of this situation they must cooperate. Perhaps even become friends. But, what happens when each of them falls for the other's best friend? Blaise/Hermione, Draco/Harry pairings later on.

Sneek-Peek: Draco chocked on his drink. "I'm fine. Ahem. He? There's no he, Harry. I've studied so much in advance that classes bore me a bit. The food part, let's just leave it aside, okay? And Slytherin, they tick me off. Especially Malfoy."

"Speaking of Malfoy. Doesn't have the nicest bum?"

Draco chocked on his drink again. Sodding hell. Did Harry Potter just say I have a nice ass? Harry Potter? You're not bad yourself, Potter. "Really? I never noticed."

A/N: More DracoHarry action, as you dear guys asked. Sorry for not being able to write more of them before, but I needed to accommodate myself to slash, it isn't easy to write, but it sure is fun!

Five: A Talk About ASSets

Draco stared at the white parchment. Potions. He was seriously considering whether to kill Snape now, or when he returned to his body. Bloody twit, probably knows all about Hermione and I. I did not just call Hermione by her name. Damn! Ok, Draco, quiet down. You will in no way get close to Granger. In no way!

"So what do you say?" a voice woke him up. "Hermione, are you okay?"

No I'm not okay, Potter you twit. I'm stuck in Granger's body. With boobs! I mean, ungh, honestly, what do guys like in these things, so bouncy and all. And then there's this whole Weasley liking me stuff. And your eyes. Stop looking at me like that. See? I'm going mad! I'm not only talking to myself, but actually talking to myself about how nice your eyes are! "Sorry, Harry. What did you say?"

Harry gave the person who he thought was Hermione a strange look. "I asked if you'd like to go to Hogsmeade with me today. So we could catch up with things and stuff. Ron said he can't come because of the detention with Snape, which leaves us time to talk about...you know."

Draco raised an eyebrow. Right. As if I'd go with you to Hogsmeade to talk about your homosexuality. "Of course I'll join you, Harry." Oh. Bugger.

"Great! Let me get my cloak and we'll go, okay? The carriages are leaving in a few." Harry answered happily, and ran up the stairs.

Draco cocked his head to the left in admiration. My god, Potter. Where the hell did you get that ravishing-worthy ass? Oh, no. Bad Draco! Bad, bad Draco! You will not think about Potter's assets. And certainly not of the words containing ass. And certainly, most surely, you will not think about Potters ass. Naked. Aaargh!

"Done. Let's go." Harry said, as he returned from the bedroom, his cloak over his broad shoulders. Draco smiled weakly, and joined him out the portrait. All the way to the carriages, he went in front of Harry to avoid sneaking uncontrollable glances at his bum. Sheer torture.

The ride to Hogsmeade was surprisingly quiet. Draco looked out the window, while Harry looked strangely at him, or who he thought was Hermione. They got out off the carriages and went directly to the Hog's Head. Draco stopped dead in his tracks.

"Why are we going in there?" he asked, pointing to the pub's entrance. In all honesty, the place gave Draco the creeps. Plus, the bartender smelled bad.

"Come on, Hermione. You know we always come in here. We can talk freely here. No one really comes around anyway."

"Yeah, because it smells, Harry."

"Getting picky on me, aren't you Hermione?" Harry grinned, dragging the girl inside the bar at force. Meanwhile, Draco fumed. No one dragged him away by force. No matter how cute his bum was, no one dragged Draco Malfoy around. It was simply...not to be done. Somehow, he didn't protest anyway, the feel of Harry's hand on his wrist felt nice.

They sat down at a table in the farthest corner, ordered two butterbeers and started chatting freely.

"So, care to tell me what's gotten into you these days?" Harry asked after a few minutes.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I'm not that sure, Hermione. You looked bored in class. You tear your food apart as if you're trying to kill it. And you look at the Slytherin table for long times. So...who is he?"

Draco chocked on his drink. "I'm fine. Ahem. He? There's no he, Harry. I've studied so much in advance that classes bore me a bit. The food part, let's just leave it aside, okay? And Slytherin, they tick me off. Especially Malfoy."

"Speaking of Malfoy. Doesn't have the nicest bum?"

Draco chocked on his drink again. Sodding hell. Did Harry Potter just say I have a nice ass? Harry Potter? You're not bad yourself, Potter. "Really? I never noticed."

Harry grinned. "Yes you do. It's not Malfoy you were looking at, was it Hermione?"

"NO! No. It was...Zabini."

"Zabini?"

"Ah...yeah. He, ummm, stole my, err, quill, and yeah."

"You're lying."

"I know."

"I'd like to think so," Harry said, ginning.

"Smart pants."

He laughed. "Now come on, tell me. Who is he?"

"For the last time, Po-Harry, there is no 'he'! I just like to glare at people nowadays. You never know, I might even think about you while tearing the food apart."

Harry only laughed again. Draco decided he liked his laugh, just before he considered killing himself fort thinking such thing.

"Speak of the devils."

Draco turned his head towards the door right in time to see a smirking Blaise Zabini and a furious Draco Malfoy (Hermione in his body) enter. Zabini nudged Hermione in their direction; the girl glared at him through Draco's icy eyes, but directed herself to Harry and Draco's table, nonetheless. Now what is he up to?

Hermione had had a normal day so far. If you consider waking up in the body of your enemy normal. Or in the boy's dormitory. Or with your bed across from Blaise Zabini. Who had the custom to sleep without a shirt. And having to wake him up. Well, let's just say she had had a normal day.

Her mood improved after realising it was a Hogsmeade day. Blaise said they should go together, so that she could finally find Draco and stick to her part of the deal. Namely, befriend the boy.

They took a carriage, separately, and stalked Harry and Draco. They listened to the discussion over Draco's bum, and snickered at Harry's obliviousness. The poor boy probably didn't suspect he was telling Draco he had a nice arse.

Finally the two Slytherins entered the Hog's Head, Hermione a bit whiny as to what she was supposed to do. Blaise nudged to the table where Harry and Draco in her body sat, and she went there, a bit too angry.

"Potter. Granger." She nodded at them both, before sitting down aside them.

"The hell are you doing, Malfoy?" Harry asked bewildered.

"Keep your pants on, Potter, I'm here to talk to Granger." She replied.

"What do you want?" Draco asked angrily.

"A truce," she answered, biting her tongue.

"A what?" Harry asked.

Draco only laughed. Hardly. "You have got to be kidding me, Malfoy. You want a truce? With me? Why?"

"I don't believe you've met this bastard. Granger meet Zabini. Keep your pants on for now and listen. I lost a bet. And I have to make a truce with you. Now. I can convince you the easy way. Or the hard way."

"You'll do no such thing!" Harry said, sitting up.

"Potter, please? I'm trying to speak to your girlfriend alone. What part of alone don't you understand?" she snapped at him, obviously enjoying acting like Malfoy. Behind her Blaise smirked in admiration.

"Get this over with, please?" Draco replied, tiredly. He was, however, surprised at Granger's interpretation of him.

"Right. No name calling, no hexing, blah, blah, blah, you know the deal." Hermione said, putting her hand out.

"How long will this bet take?" Draco asked.

"Don't know. Probably as long as Zabini wants it." Hermione shrugged. Draco's eyes widened. Zabini can't know, can he?

"Fine. Now leave, please." Draco accepted her hand. Hermione nodded at him, and together with Blaise, she left the pub.

"I never thought I'd see the day. Hermione Granger offering Draco Malfoy a truce because I, Blaise Zabini asked her to do it," Blaise said once they were outside.

"Zabini, I'm currently considering killing you, so please don't worsen your situation. Let's just go back to Hogwarts, this town is too chirpy," Hermione muttered, and made her way to the carriages. They settled inside and it took off right away. Hermione looked out the window, but after seeing them, she decided against it.

"Can you see them?" Blaise's soft voice came from beside her. "The Therstrals, can you see them?"

Hermione sighed. "Yes, I can see them. I saw my aunt's dog die last summer, killed in a car accident. I wish I couldn't see them, though. You?"

"Unfortunately. I had to see my father die," Blaise answered. A hand covered his. He looked up into the concerned face of his companion, and smiled softly. "It's okay. He died of age, anyway. And he told us he was dieing happy."

"I don't know what I would do if I'd have to pass through that situation. I'm sorry."

"You didn't kill him. Anyway, I'm proud of you, putting behind old grudges and befriending Draco, and at the same time sound like you don't want it and fooling Potter. Like a real Slytherin," he grinned at her.

"It was fun, acting like Draco. And a bit fun fooling Harry as well. I think you're contaminating me with Slytherinism, Zabini."

"You deserve a reward for that assumption," he smirked, and pecked her cheek.

The carriage stopped, and Blaise got out, followed by Hermione, who had her hand on her cheek. The girl (in Draco's body) shook her head, and looked at Blaise.

"Zabini, you do realise you just kissed a boy's cheek, don't you?" she smirked at him.

The boy stopped dead in his tracks, and turned around to look at the smirking face of his friend. Hermione just came close to him and looked him in the eyes. "Think you should re-question you sexual orientation, Zabini?" she asked, in a smug tone, and left the boy standing there, mouth agape, while she went to Hogwarts to take a shower.

E/N: SEE???? This had lots of DracoHarry in it. And a bit sad moment. I hope that compensates for the shortness of the chapter. Slash is really hard to write, no matter how fun it is. If you do want to know what Hermione would do, would her parents die, read my fic: "Nobody's Home". Aside from that...sorry for the delay, and the lots. I really want to put this up fast, so no personal thank yous today. But thanks to all my reviewers nenotheless. Attention!!!!! This fic is being translated to Italian, by the wonderful TheMadHatter. I don't think she has posted up here, though, but I'll ask her about it some other time. Maybe with this she reviews me and all. Oh, and yeah, the fic's translated version is entitled: "Ora Cosa, Idiota?" Isn't Italian such a sexy language? Review if you agree. And if you don't. Just review!!!