It wasn't long until we got to our destination. Still it felt like forever with the silence that filled the air when walking to the party. I had my chance to tell her, Lizzie Maguire, my best friend, just how I felt about her but I chickened out. I always have chances like those but I just could never actually say the words I want to say you know what I mean? the party was already starting when we entered the front door. The house looked the same as it did every time I would come here everyday after school with Miranda. The only difference was that there were a lot of kids. A lot of kids I didn't even know. I questioned myself earlier in the evening to why I came to the party. Miranda would probably yell at me and I would be totally embarrass. But what the hell did I care right. She's not my girlfriend no more I got other plans, Lizzie. I wandered off into the kitchen where I grabbed a soda for me and Lizzie but when I came back she was nowhere to be found. She probably notice somebody she knew, which was cool because that's Lizzie. I can't stop her from having a good time just because I want her for myself. So I decided to go outside and drink my sodas on the porch. Hey it was better then being inside with a bunch of saps I hardly knew. As I got outside breeze came through. I should've brought a coat. I sat on the steps of the porch with the sodas on my hand. I don't know I just felt alone you know. All I can think about is Lizzie having a great time in there with her secret admirer. But I'm cool with it, I'm always cool with it to tell you the truth. Seeing Lizzie be happy means everything to me honestly. I got up and peeked through the mirror I saw Lizzie in there having fun, living life something I wish I can be you know. I don't know growing up I was just never content with my life. Hell the only time I felt happy, imean really happy was my sophomore of high school. Last year when I was with Miranda. But even then I wasn't really totally happy. Last year was the happiest/loneliest days of my life. All these kids in there were having a ball. They were living life whereas me I was already settling. I don't know what no more. We just got there and I already felt like leaving. There goes my mission. Mission aborted like it always is. Then I was surprised to who came out and sat next to me on steps. It was Miranda. She was looking beautiful, hell she always looked beautiful. I was just wondering why the hell is she doing out here with me. I was glad anyways you know. I never saw her for 13 months but she still looked exactly the same but there was something different about her at the same time.

"Miranda." I said giving her a big hug. She was a little hesitant at first but she eventually gave in to the hug. "Long time huh?"

"Yeah long time." she agreed, "why are you out here? Didn't you come here with Lizzie?"

"I just wanted to come out here you know." I answered not looking into her eyes but at my can of soda. "I mean you know me."

"Yeah." she sighed.

"Look Miranda, " I started. "I'm really sorry. Really I am. I never meant to hurt you the way I did."

"Gordo you can save it okay." she shot back this time my eyes and her's met for the first time in a year. "You know I really don't want to hear it okay. I mean I'm not mad at you I just want you to know that." I was about to say something but she cut me off. "I mean I'm not going to lie to you Gordo I'm going to be here for whenever you have any problems you know. It's the least I can do since you put up with my drama you know. But this doesn't mean I want to hang out with you anymore. It also doesn't mean that you can call me anytime you want so we can just talk because frankly Gordo I don't want to seriously. I don't want to be your friend ever again. But just know that I'll be here for you whenever you really really need me that's it." Hearing her say that really broke my heart in half. I loved her, I cared for her, and I stayed through her through all her rough times, but I guess I deserve it. My eyes began tearing up, not because of what she said but because of the tone of her voice. She sounded okay. She sounded like her life at the moment was the best that it has ever been. It's making me cry because for the first time I'm actually seeing Miranda live her life. I mean she deserves to be happy. She deserves somebody who will love her and will never hurt her. She really truly sincerely deserves somebody like that because she really is perfect.

"Ok," I stuttered. It was the first word that came into my head. "yeah because you don't deserve somebody like me. I guess I'll see you when I see right." I kissed her on the cheek as tears rolled down the side of my cheeks. "good bye Miranda Sanchez." with that I left.

I pretended I'm glad you went away
These four walls closin' more every day
And I'm dying inside
And nobody knows it but me

I started walking to God knows where. I just realized right now at this very moment how much Miranda really meant to me. I mean I had someone, someone who knew the real me. The me that Lizzie never knew. I had her but now she's gone. And all this time I've been blinded by Lizzie and I just couldn't love Miranda the way I should've had.

Like a clown I put on a show
The pain is real even if nobody knows
Now I'm cryin' inside
And nobody knows it but me

Why didn't I say
The things I needed to say
How could I let my angel get away
Now my world is just a-tumblin' down
I can see it so clearly
But you're nowhere around

The nights are lonely
The days are so sad
And I just keep thinkin' about
The love that we had
And I'm missin' you
And nobody knows it but me

I finally got back to Miranda's house hoping for some strange reason that she'll still be outside waiting for me to return, but she wasn't. I guess you never really know how much you love a person until that person is gone from you.

I carry a smile when I'm broken in two
Now I'm nobody without someone like you
I'm tremblin' inside, and nobody knows it but me
I lie awake, its a quarter past three
I'm screamin' at night
As if I thought you'd hear me
Yeah my heart is callin' you
And nobody knows it but me

How blue can I get
You could ask my heart
But like a jigsaw puzzle its been torn all apart
A million words couldn't say just how I feel
A million years from now you know I'll be lovin' you still

I peeked through the window once more and spotted Lizzie with I think may have been her secret admirer. And I spoted Miranda sitting down with a bunch of her real friends, unlike me.

Tomorrow mornin' I'm hittin' the dusty road
Gonna find you wherever, ever you might go
I'm gonna unload my heart
And hope you come back to me
Said when the nights are lonely...

The days are so sad
And I just keep thinkin' about
The love that we had
And I'm missin' you
And nobody knows it but me

Once upon a time there was a girl I knew. Dark hair brown eyes. When she laughed I laughed, when she cried I cried. Everything that really mattered in my life in someway had to do with her. Miranda was my everything not Lizzie Maguire. I had someone who loved me more then I loved her, but I fucked it up. Life isn't perfect. I should've said something to Miranda though, like tell her how I really feel about the situation, that I still want to be with her. Tell her my true feelings but I guess she's never going to find out is she? I'm just a coward.