.:Monday:.

Hell At The Grocery Store

Okay, now to get to the action in this diary. Before I start telling you about our adventure to the grocery store, I must first tell you this.

You must have figured out that video game characters don't eat, lest ways they don't need to. Vincent is in the same boat. Except, after the game ended, and he started to live in his 'spooky' old mansion, the government said that he had to start living a normal life, including eating, otherwise the neighbors would go crazy and turn into rabid squirrels.

So last night, Vincent ate the last of the food. Y'know, he's really weird… he makes servings for two, and sets another plate with food across the table. At first, I thought it was for me, as a joke or something. But once I probed his mind, I found out that it was for Lucrecia! Man is he paranoid!

So Vincent was walking to the grocery store today. Everyone was staring at him, 'cause he's tall and spooky looking, and Vincent was shying away.

I took control of him for a moment, and went up to a little kid, mad glint in my and and all that stuff, raised my claw hand threateningly, and said 'Git awey bifor Ah eat yuu fer deener t'night!' For those of you that are incredibly stupid, I'll tell you what it means. It means "Get away before I eat you for diner tonight!"

Yeah, I scared that kid good, and Vincent was mad at me. Hell, you gotta have fun once in a while, otherwise life is pleasant, not disastrous! And WHO would want to live a PLEASANT life beats me!

So anyways, we got to the grocery store. It's called McBlandProducts (one word), a partner of McDonalds, McToilets (Port-A-Podies), McHospital, and McMall. So we went through the door and took a McCart. Vincent selected some 'McFruit' (supposedly grown by McBlandProducts himself), McMeat, McVeggies, and McEggs.

I really don't get why a guy would want everything in his store to start with the prefix Mc-. It's kinda paranoid – but not creepy at all. Me and Vincent, WE know CREEPY.

I told Vincent to buy some tomato soup, ketchup, sheep pork, garlic, and Tamato Juice – when he realized what I was hinting at, he just took a bouquet of flowers, for his precious Lucrecia.

We meet Yuffie there, buying some brown sugar, cakes, and the like, and I laughed – sinisterly, of course. I told Vincent "Let's get the Hell going already!" and Vincent sighed… a clichéd reply.

Yuffie ran up, and shouted "HEY, VINNY THE VAMPIRE! WASSUP! HEY! Do I see tomato soup, ketchup, sheep pork and garlic? How are you ever going to keep up your complexion for those rabid fangirls of yours?!"

Yuffie took Vincent's arm, and 'forcefully' led him to the McHealthy section, which is McAisle 3.

She turned to a McNutritionist, who then lectured Vincent on the 'McPortance' (importance) of eating McHealthy McBrandProducts. She recommended McVitamins, things like folacids and Vitamin B, L, U, and D. We all laughed at the hideously apparent vampire pun.

After a few long hours of pestering Vincent and wearing him down, he became tired enough from the combined efforts of me, Yuffie, and the McNutrionist (a girl named Scarlot, who we learned works for a daycare center and has 3 girls). I took control of Vincent's body, him screaming in horrible agony (a lovely sound that I cherish… his scream is like no other).

Everyone else then started screaming, seeing a two-horned black-winged EVIL DEMON THAT KICKS ASS (!), and they ran around like sheep. An appropriate simile, since I started biting their necks and sucking their blood, just raising the stereotype that Vincent's a vampire.

Yuffie eagerly shouted that she wanted her blood sucked, because apparently it raises your luck and fortune, and I willingfully obliged.

Inside me, Vincent groaned, worrying about all the clean-up that would be involved, as always, especially after I brutally mauled five 'innocent' people. It was bloody fun, to use that odd accent those Brits use.

Hey! Speaking of Brits, I heard this really funny joke. It goes like this: In Canada, we CAN a duh! We can do a duh! But those Brits…. They're ISH! Hahaha! I'm master of jokes!

Hey… does anyone know who British are, and what Canada is? I heard Hojo bragging about how he went to another world and all…

ANYWAYS, Vincent was getting a real nice hangover when he finally took control of his body. He went to the McCashier and paid for the goods, and then went outside with a McBlandProducts McBag full of… bland products!

There was an angry mob chasing him home… ah, how I had missed the sights and smells of the mob…

-Demon Chaos

(I do not own Final Fantasy 7 or any of its characters. Please review!)