Okay, this is kinda discouraging. Ah well, I'll live. Okay, part two. Standard disclaimers. Lots of stuff happening, big lime in the middle here, and the plot thickens. Duh-duh dun!
Part TwoI finally had the sense to drag myself from the hard, unforgiving ground to the bed. It wasn't exactly the best of places in my book, but it was a lot better than the floor. As I eased my aching body onto the mattress, I had to bite my lip to keep from screaming. More blood trickled from the new cut in my lip, but I barely registered it, merely licking it away.
Hugging my knees to my chest, I sat there in fear, jumping at the smallest things. Despising myself. Despising him more. Shadows danced along the walls and ceiling, making my pulse race with adrenaline. Fight or flight reaction. You'd choose flight, wouldn't you, you coward? Every little noise, the creak of a floorboard, the sound of snow being blown against the window, made my heart jump with anxiety. My mind spun, unable to distract itself from this horrible wait.
Is that him? No, relax, it was nothing. Wait . . . listen . . . is it . . . no. Is he coming at all? Am I safe? How long will it last? Has he forgotten me for now? Oh, please, let him have gotten bored for a while.
But in my heart I knew that that was too much to ask for, it would never happen, as long as both of us still drew breath.
Finally too tired to care, I closed my eyes and leaned back against the headboard. Nothing for it but sleep, and with sleep comes dreams. And the dreams bring my only escape.
Dream Sequence
The boy looked up sharply as his roommate entered, trying to make as little noise as possible. The bluenette failed to do so, he was too sore and stiff to move as silently as he would have liked.
"Kai?"
Fire blended with ice, and Tala knew what had happened to his friend. Motioning for Kai to sit on his bed, Tala reached under his own mattress for a roll of bandages and a white tube. He stood to see the other pull his shirt off gingerly and toss it to the floor. Unscrewing the cap, the redhead squeezed a generous amount of salve onto his fingertips. Pushing Kai gently to lay down with his free hand, Tala slathered the cool gel onto the fresh bruises on his friend's chest and arms, massaging lightly.
Warm fingertips coated in slightly colder liniment moved to his abdomen, easing away the pain. "Tala? Is there something wrong with me?" The voice was a whisper, uncertain, as Kai never was. This was serious then.
The hands paused for a moment, then resumed as the other masked his surprise and anger. "No Kai. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, it's not your fault."
"That's not what I mean…" his voice trailed off as he struggled to explain the thoughts and emotions that were so well hidden they confused even their owner. "Bor- he said that- that he loved me… and I almost believed him. I think that I wanted to, but I know I don't. I don't want to more, but if he loves me… then… I just don't know anymore, Tala. I just don't know." The boy placed his head in his hands, trusting in his best friend to protect him in his moment of weakness.
Tala was silent for a minute that seemed to stretch into hours, as his salve-dipped fingers attended to Kai's hips above his low-riding jeans. He gazed at the furious purple markings that marred the smooth skin before speaking. "He does love you, but not in the way you're thinking. He loves you like a man loves a possession, as something that belongs only to him, to be owned and coveted, something he can do with whatever he wants without any consequences. Like a man loves an object, not a person, and that is what's wrong. Wrong and sick. He could never really love you Kai, not like I …"
He stopped abruptly, but it was too late. In his passionate fury, he had crossed the boundary, had said too much. He looked up to meet the other's crimson eyes, waiting for judgment.
Kai sat up, back straight as a rod. Tala… but no. Things like that only happened in fairy tales. You fall in love with your best friend, who you know would never be more than that, and suddenly, he says something that makes you think, maybe, just maybe…
The redhead started to stand up, but Kai grabbed his wrist, pulling him back down, his voice clipped and quiet. "Tala. Finish." The magma eyes were veiled again, not betraying a single thought.
The wolf master sighed in resignation. "He could never really love you. Not like I do." The last was a whisper, so soft that Kai could barely hear. Icy eyes suddenly met his in defiance, daring him lash out at the confession.
End Sequence
I gazed dreamily at the ceiling, having just woken up from my pleasant little trip down Memory Lane. Imagine my surprise when, instead of reaching out and smacking me like I thought he would, Kai kissed me. Thus began a beautiful relationship that neither of us wanted to end. But we had to.
Flashback
Tala shoved the duffle bag into Kai's arms, kissing him fast and rough. "The gate is unlocked. Get out of here Kai, and never come back."
"Tal-" he spluttered. "What the fuck do you mean?"
"I mean run. I mean get out of here before I pick you up and toss you out myself. This might be your only chance."
"No," he denied. "I won't leave…"
"Dammit Kai! I'm not giving you a choice! Get the hell out of here. We'll be fine, but if you don't go, he'll destroy everything that I love about you."
The bluenette grabbed the icy-eyed youth's arm in frustration. "I won't let my grandfather do that. And I won't let Boris touch any of you. If I'm gone what's to stop…"
Tala's lips covered the other's, cutting him off. He thrust something into Kai's hand, pulling away harshly. "Kai, I can only give you five minutes. Use them." With that, the redhead turned around, walking away swiftly to cause enough trouble to cover his lover's escape. He didn't look back.
End Flashback
Even then, he knew. He knew that Boris would come after one of us. Kai couldn't stand to let that happen, but he thought I would be able to protect them. That was the only reason he let himself leave. And I did protect them. Ivan, Bryan and Spencer are fine, maybe a little worse for wear, but what can you expect? But I couldn't protect me. I'm living a nightmare, and I can hardly wait to die. Hell can't be worse than this.
But I can't die . . . the thought of seeing Kai again is all that it takes to make me hold on.
Except I made sure he wouldn't come back. I hate me.
Rei's amber eyes watched me as I paced back and forth in front of the bed. He knew better than to say anything right now.
Russia. Mr. Dickenson wanted to take us on a world tour, which was bad enough, but no, the first stop just had to be fucking Russia. Bloody Hell. I had promised that I would never go back to Bolcov Abbey, and it was one that I had kept well, since I had been nowhere near Moscow for years. But now, I was going to be staying in a hotel at the edge of said city, only fifteen miles from the Abbey. I could drive there in about ten minutes.
And I knew that I would have to. I hadn't seen any of my friends since I had left and I missed my old team, not that I'd admit it to anyone but them. And Tala would be there. Tala . . . my best friend, my first love. The world's greatest contradiction ever known. Fiery hair, icy eyes. Soothing voice, biting tongue. The straightforward one with a backwards wit that would have mad a great punster like Shakespeare weep for joy. My wolf. My Tala.
I didn't realize I had stopped pacing until my koi spoke. "You're going to go see him, aren't you?" I looked up, surprised. He gave a soft, wistful smile. "I know that you want to. You always have a certain look when you think about him."
Something in Rei's voice was sad, like he had lost something precious. But I didn't understand why, there was nothing for him to lose. I sat next to him on the mattress, wrapping my arms around him. He leaned into my chest, taking a deep breath, inhaling my smell.
"I love you Kai."
I just smiled at those three typical words, but I knew there was no other way to put it. I pulled him closer, feeling him snuggle into my before closing his eyes to catch one of his curious catnaps. I held him in my arms, feeling the gentle, rhythmic beating of his heart and the steady rise and fall of his chest. I brushed away a wayward tendril of midnight hair, gazing at his sleeping face.
Suddenly in my mind's eye, the body in my arms grew harder, adding even more wiry muscle than Rei already had. The hair that tickled my chin flashed a brilliant bloody red, and the eyes drifted open. Not amber, as they had been before, but blue. A shocking, electric blue. Those magnificent eyes looked at me just as they had all those years ago, when we hadn't said goodbye to each other. I bent down and touched soft pink lips with my own, gently caressing his warm mouth.
Tala groaned, and I broke the kiss to allow some air. No, not Tala. Rei. He smiled up at me with tawny orbs, pressing himself all the closer. He flicked his tongue along the curve of my ear and I shivered with excitement. Rei. My koi, my tiger. The one that I love.
I untied the wrap in his hair, letting the dark mass fall around us, kissing him again. I gasped when a small fang nipped at my lip, causing me to open my mouth to him. Our tongues mingled and danced as Rei leaned back, pulling me with him. I struggled out of my shirt, tossing it carelessly to the floor. His tunic followed shortly, and he pressed his warm, tanned skin against mine.
I felt a tug at my belt, but instead of letting him get too far yet, I carried my caressing mouth down his throat, pausing at his wildly beating pulse to lick and kiss. His neck arched back, giving me a better range, which I took willingly, eliciting soft moans from the beautiful one beneath me. I ran my hand down his side, smiling through my kissing as his back lifted in pleasure at my touch. He took my earlobe in his hot mouth, making my eyes widen, forcing me to stop and take a deep, steadying breath.
I returned so that our tongues met again, tasting his passion, and that wonderful flavor that reminded my so much of another. His hand was at the base of my neck, pulling me even closer, and I obliged. My fingers twined through the mass of ebony, refusing to let him go. A warm hand was on my back, stroking gently, deliciously. I hooked my fingers under the hem of his pants, touching the skin that covered his hip bone. Rei gasped, pressing up against me, softly biting at my shoulder and collarbone. His hand slipped from my neck to my waist, fumbling with the belt. I growled impatiently, soon rewarded by the quiet jingling that told me the buckle was undone.
Taking his lips with mine again, I showed him how much I loved him, better than any cliché phrase ever could.
When Life hands you lemons, make lemonade. But the thing is, I don't like lemonade. So my theory is, keep the lemons, and when you have enough, chuck them as hard as you can back at Life.
I think Life got tired of getting stuff chucked at it, so it chucked those damn lemons right back. After which my pride would allow for nothing other than a full fledged food-fight with Life. But Life cheated. It didn't want to fight me (Life knew I would win, of course, I always win). So it started chucking other things.
Don't you hate that? People don't want to play by your rules, so they change the rules to fit them best. I tried that once. It wasn't pretty. The rules say I lost the tournament for my team, and for that, I get "punished." I really don't like these rules. In fact, I don't even like the game. Isn't it supposed to work 'three strikes you're out'? Well, I skipped strikes two and three, and I'm not out, I'm screwed. Take that as you will.
He came again that morning, ravaging me, satiating his twisted desire, then leaving me hours later, broken again. Broken, in mind, body and spirit. I think that's the part that bothers me the most, that makes me hate myself. All he has to do is look at me, and I shrink away. The longer he's gone, the more I can convince myself that I'm strong; I can start to build up my walls. But then he comes, and tears them down one more time, destroying me over and over again.
And he knows that's what's happening. He enjoys tormenting me, sending my mind to the brink of insanity, before pulling me back again with physical pain and pleasure. Sometimes, I just wish he would let me fall. But no, he's put too much time into me, spending several hours everyday enjoying the perfect toy that he has created. That's what he whispers in my ear as he takes me. I am his toy, his pet. I'm nothing but a whore, and when I scream, he still thinks me a virgin, not something that's been passed around for the fun of it. A cheap party favor of the worst kind. A weakling that no one but him cares about. That I should be grateful, because if it weren't for him, I'd be dead. Then he leaves me to bleed, and sleep, and to wake when the nightmares release me, crying silently, because there's no one there to hear.
Wishing you were somehow here again,
Wishing you were somehow near,
Sometimes it seemed,
If I just dreamed,
Somehow you would be here.
I sigh as I recall what he threw at me, remembering his words. The Bladebreakers were in Russia. Kai was in Moscow. How badly I wanted to see him, how I wished that I had never said those things to him. How I wished that he would actually listen, for I knew that, being the stubborn ass that he is, he won't.
I buried my head in my hands. I felt like someone had just placed a five ton rock on each of my shoulders, and then ordered me, on pain of death, to go climb Mount Everest. Life just overwhelmed me, making me feel like I would drown in despair. Looking out the window, I watched the sun fade below the horizon, leaving behind it the forlorn purples and blues of an abandoned landscape. The world lay in darkness, helpless against the shadows that threaten to overpower the frail hope that disappears with the sun.
I turn away from the sight, but the night had reached here even more than it had outside. There was no escape from the torture and torment that came with each setting of the great Helios.
Wishing I could hear your voice again
Knowing that I never would
Dreaming of you
Won't help me to do
All that you dreamed
I could
Standing at the window, I stared out at the snow as it drifted from the dark night sky, the pendant warm and smooth in my hand. The world around me blurred in on itself until nothing was recognizable and my inner battle came to the fore. I wanted to see him again; I wanted to make sure he was okay. But I had given my word, and that was nothing to take lightly. I was so close though; no one was around to stop me. I could get him out; we could be free of Bolcov forever. But there was no way I could get in undetected. I could practically hear him calling me, 'Kai,' he said. 'Kai, come and find me.'
"Kai?"
I glanced up to see his reflection staring at mine, his eyes soft with worry. I blinked, wanting to be alone and hoping he would get the message. No such luck. "Kai, we have to talk.
I turned around to look at him, leaning up against the cold window with my arms crossed. He folded himself into a lotus position on the bed and studied the floor for a moment, unsure of what to say. Finally he brushed his bangs from his eyes with an impatient hand and spoke.
"Kai, I know you've been thinking about Bolcov since Mr. D said we were going to Moscow, and now that we're here, you want to go back, for your old team, and because of Tala . . ." he paused, gathering himself to voice his next thought. "Kai, he wanted you to leave. If you go back, everything he worked for will go to pieces. I know you miss him, but if not for me, then for Tala, stay away from the Abbey."
His golden eyes were filled with pleading, asking me to say something reassuring, to promise that I wouldn't go near the place of my childhood nightmares. But I couldn't. Pushing off from the wall, I clenched my jaw, refusing to look at him. "I can't abandon him. You have no idea what it's like, and I will not leave him there." My hand clenched the silver chain that dangled from my fist.
Rei's brow furrowed and he reached out, catching hold of the disc, inspecting the engraved phoenix. He turned it over and I could see him piecing it all together. He leaned back, staring at me, face perfectly blank. "You still love him." It wasn't a question. His voice was filled with hurt, betrayed that I would do such a thing to him.
I froze. I still loved him. No, what we had was over, this was concern for my closest friend. I loved Rei, didn't I? Didn't I?
"No." And with that, I kissed him hard enough to bruise, leaving the hotel and my koi behind.