What Empty Places are For

Chapter three

Pippin woke to a pounding headache, nausea, and what sounded like someone sawing logs. He opened his eyes and looked around. Boromir lay on the floor, half-leaning against the bed since the chairs there were entirely too small for his large form. His mouth was open and an empty coffee cup lay beside him. Boromir was snoring, loudly. This was the source of the sound that was steadily ripping through Pippin's pounding head.

Pippin cautiously crept out of bed and quietly made his way to the chamber door, intending to have a hair of the dog that bit him. He knew if he woke Boromir that would be the end of that, so he intended to just slip out. He put hand to knob, then froze when Boromir twitched with a hitch in mid-snore. He waited a few seconds to make sure the Man was still asleep, then quietly turned the knob and opened the door. He was suddenly soaking wet and had an inverted and now empty bucket on his head. He heard howls of laughter as he struggled to get the bucket off and knew he had been had.

Boromir was rolling on the floor holding his stomach and laughing like a madman.

"That was a dirty trick!" Pippin said, forgetting his headache long enough to raise his voice, which he immediately regretted. He winced as the sound of his own voice increased the pain in his head.

"Yes, it was a dirty trick, and it worked beautifully. Try to sneak out on me, would you? That is what I call a dirty trick. One deserves another."

"I wasn't aware you could be so childish." Pippin sniped.

"Why not? You knew I have a little brother." Boromir took his cup to the small brazier where a pot of coffee waited. He poured two cups and handed one to Pippin. "You'd be better off with this."

"I don't want that, I want brandy."

"Fine, but you're still coming home with me."

"Are you still on about that?"

"Alright, Pippin, alright, but just wait before you hit the bottle again. One cup of coffee first. Then if you still want a drink, fine."

"Oh, alright, if it means you'll let me be." Pippin took the cup and sat beside Boromir, sipping cautiously, as if he were trying to sneak up on the hot beverage.

Not content to sit in awkward silence, Boromir decided to get right to the point. He never had been good at bandying words about. "Pippin, I want you to think about Faro when I'm telling you what I'm about to say." he began.

"Hoy, here it comes." Pippin rolled his eyes.

"That's right, here it comes. You need to think about the examples you're setting."

"That's hardly your business, Boromir."

"Well, it is and it isn't."

"What in the wide world do you mean by that?"

"Well listen and see if you can figure it out."

"Alright, then."

"Alright. Alright, then." Boromir heaved a sigh. "Do you know what the first thing I thought of was when I saw what had been done to Diamond's portrait?"

"What?" Pippin said, curious now, but still having an edge in his tone of voice.

"I thought of my mother."

"What?" Pippin said, again wincing as his voice raised.

"That's what I said, I said, 'my mother'. Because you are doing exactly what my father did after my mother died."

"What?"

"You did not mistake my words. I said you are doing what my father did. You are giving in to pain, and you are taking Faro down with you, just as my father took Faramir and I down. Now, ask yourself if that's what kind of father you want to be, or want Faro to be. Because he could easily fall prey to this…shadow."

"Of course I don't want to be like that, or want Faro to be like that."

"And what of me? Did it ever occur to you, you fool of a Took, that you set an example for me, too?"

"What?"

"You keep saying that."

"Boromir, I don't know what else to say!"

"I should hope not. Because if you did then I'd really think you were turning out like father."

"Boromir, you can't possibly mean that…"

"That I've learned my fathering skills from you and Merry and added them to the lessons I learned as a child on how not to be a bad father?"

"I… I… I don't know what to say."

"Well, think about it! Have you ever seen me treat my children any differently than you and Merry treat yours?"

"Well, now you mention it, no, but I never thought…"

"And just where do you think I learned all this from? My own father?" Boromir gave a short bark of bitter laughter.

"Oh goodness. Oh my goodness. I never thought about it like that." Pippin took a good drink of his coffee. His hands started shaking. He put the cup and saucer on the floor beside him. "I really have been behaving like your father, haven't I?"

"Not deliberately, my dear friend. Never deliberately. But, yes, yes you have."

"Have I… that is, have I done… too much damage, do you think?"

"No, not yet. But that is why I want you to come home with me. Let Faro stay with Merry a while and you come for a nice long visit, and perhaps we can sort each other out. Because I tell you, Pippin, I have been tempted to act the same way you have."

"No! No, Boromir, one of us is enough! One is too much! I swore I would never be… like that."

"As did I, but Pippin, I'm very lonely. I miss her so, and every day I think how hard and empty my life is without her. And I want to just creep away into the darkness to be alone with the hurt. But I don't want to do it, Pippin. I fear turning away from my children, as my father turned away from Faramir. In a way, he turned away from me, too, because that's when he started… remaking me… into someone I never was, never wanted to be. And look at what happened. I was so lost in despair I nearly ruined everything. Now, this may not be a war of any ring, but it is a kind of war against darkness, Pippin."

Pippin buried his face in his hands.

"Don't you dare start crying right now Pippin Took, you smell too bad to hug. You, little hobbit, need a bath."

Pippin laughed, taking down his hands. He wiped his face swiftly with a sleeve, but not so swiftly that Boromir didn't see the wetness on one cheek.

"Oh my goodness." Pippin said. "I'm afraid you are right. I've been an awful example, to everyone. I'm the Took and the Thain. I'm supposed to set an example for everyone, including my family." Pippin nudged Boromir's elbow. "I suppose that includes you, you great git."

"Well, aren't you a silver-tongued flatterer."

"You're welcome."

"So will you?" Boromir asked. "Will you let Faro stay with Merry and come home with me a little while?"

Pippin held out his empty cup. "Get me another cup? I need to get a bath, I do smell perfectly awful and feel as though a dragon has shat in my mouth."

"You smell like a dragon has shat in your mouth." Boromir got up and made Pippin another cup. He handed it to the hobbit and sat back down.

"Uck! I do, don't I?" Pippin looked thoughtful for a moment, and then a look of mortification crossed his face. "Was I awful? I said perfectly terrible things, didn't I?"

"It doesn't bear repeating, Pippin. You were drunk. Forget it and just say you'll come?"

"Then you forgive me?"

"Ass, compared to some of the things I've done in my life, it was nothing, so there is nothing to forgive."

"You're letting me off the hook." Pippin said miserably.

"No, because I did not put you on a hook. I just understand is all. I've had to learn a lot about forgiving myself, Pippin. I suggest you do the same. Now, I said there is nothing to forgive so let's just leave it at that. Unless, of course, you won't come? Then I'll just have to be impossible."

"And no one can do it quite like you."

"That's right. Now, say you will? Please?"

"I suppose it's for the best. Only…"

"Only what?"

"My head is killing me."

"Well, a nice long drive in the cool night air just might do you good, and Faro will love it. You'll feel better after a bit. Get a bath and pack your things. Please, Pippin?"

"Alright! Only just get me another cup of coffee?"

"Done!"

Boromir stuck his head out of the door and called for a servant. "Your master will be coming with me. Draw him a nice hot bath and pack his things. Oh, and send someone to mop up this mess, please." Boromir took Pippin's cup and made him a third cup of coffee. "Thank you, Pippin. Thank you so much. This visit, distressing as it's been, has been a reminder to me to not let myself fall into shadow again. We will find ways to fill up the empty places together, you and I."

"But what will we fill them with?"

"I am not certain of that, my friend, but we shall find out together, eh?"

Pippin smiled, fighting back tears. "We have to, don't we? After all, we have to set an example."

"Now there is the Pippin Took I know and love." Boromir gave him a playful cuff on the shoulder. "Drink up, we've many miles to go tonight."

To Be Continued