Chapter 2: June
A lithe grey tabby sauntered across the deserted, rain dampened street. It made its way towards the red-brick abandoned store front whose fading green sign read "Purge and Dowse, Ltd." As the cat neared the front door, it suddenly stood upright and grew taller and taller, until the little tabby appeared nothing less than the fully grown figure of a woman, wearing a bottle green cloak. She stopped at the shop window, peering intently through the grimy glass at the shabbily dressed mannequin whose faded eyes were fringed by eyelashes that were coming unglued, sagging across its field of vision. The woman pursed her lips and muttered something under her breath when the moth-eaten mannequin's head seemed to twitch a peg downwards. The woman pushed up her sliding glasses, glanced out at the rising afternoon's sun, and faded into the shadows and through the glass doors, out of sight.
As she entered the crowded reception area, Minerva McGonagall stood instantly straighter as the strong antiseptic and curious peppermint smell of St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries infiltrated her nostrils. She adjusted her glasses again, decidedly focusing on the long line at the Welcome Witch's electric blue desk. Professor McGonagall thought she recognized the tired and drawn face of Rose Dowdy patiently attending the inquiring visitors. Professor McGonagall shook her head slightly and smiled wryly as she watched her former student's frazzled brown hair become even more disheveled as Miss Dowdy ran her thin hand through it obviously not for the first time that day. Miss Dowdy then happened to glance in the professor's direction and Minerva McGonagall, pleased, saw the recognition dawn in the young witch's eyes. She gave her an encouraging smile and turned, heading towards the stairs; there was no need for her to stand in line.
The professor mounted the four flights of dulling white marble stairs easily, but methodically stopped in front of the pale yellow door of the Janus Thickey Ward, straightening her robes with nervous hands which then reached up to her glasses and meticulous bun-drawn hair. Taking a fortifying breath, she pulled the door open and stepped through.
Her pulse became easier and her breathing more even as the blue and yellow ward soothed her anxious spirit. On hearing Professor McGonagall's muffled and determined steps, the healer at the station looked up and felt her automatically attached smile turn natural.
"Why Minerva McGonagall! What brings you down to London on a Sunday morning?" she asked, her pleasure and surprise very evident in her voice.
"Hello, Janus," Professor McGonagall smiled back, equally pleased. "All's well I trust?"
"Yes," Madam Rook answered, a knowing look suddenly entering her large eyes. "Yes, no trouble at all. She finally seems to be coming round," she finished, sounding slightly annoyed, relieved and pleased all at once.
Professor McGonagall chuckled quietly, shaking her head.
"I wonder at you, sometimes, Janus. It's not like you to doubt Albus."
"Well, no…I didn't doubt him…not really," she paused, her brow creased as she chose her words carefully. "Lord knows I'm as happy as anyone to see Miss Penelope improving," she stopped again. "But,…well,…I just wish he didn't gloat so." She was quite put out.
"Albus Dumbledore never gloats, Janus," quipped Professor McGonagall fairly, but still thoroughly amused.
"Oh, like Dragon Pox he doesn't!" she continued, outraged. "You know exactly what I mean, Minerva! He may not say anything, but he looks at you with those laughing eyes of his!"
"Now, now, Janus, settle down," Professor McGonagall soothed somewhat forcefully as Madam Rook's voice was beginning to carry. "You can hardly blame the man," she said loyally. "After everything that girl's been through. And Albus was always fond of Charles Potter and his wife. It's only natural he took a special interest in his children, clever as they were…is," her face grew slightly pink as she caught herself.
"Yes, I know," Madam Rook sighed. "But it doesn't make it any easier to take, does it?" she threw down the now strangled quill she'd been holding.
Professor McGongall regarded her bemusedly a moment before recalling herself.
"Seriously now, Janus," she continued, lowering her voice as she placed her arms on the station desk and leaned forward, "has anyone…unusual taken an interest in all this?"
"No, no, thank heavens. I'd know if anyone had. Besides, it's not as if we're going round with painted placards announcing it to the world, are we?" she seemed affronted. She took a composing breath, closing her fiery eyes, before continuing sadly. "She isn't rightly awake yet, anyway….But, perhaps she'll brighten today now you're here. I don't think that young man will be much use to her today, poor thing."
"Is Mr. Lupin here then?"
"Yes, but looking quite haggard. Needs a few good meals by the look of him."
Professor McGonagall considered this news.
"I'll send him upstairs for some tea then," she resolved.
"Hmph," Madam Rook retorted. "I doubt he'll go."
Minerva McGonagall straightened herself and arranged her sternest teacherly face.
"Oh, he'll go all right…if he knows what's good for him," she lifted her chin, turned on her heel, and marched straight to room 3.
Remus Lupin's soft, horrified voice could be heard reading.
" 'My Lord, as I was sowing in my Closet,
Lord Hamlet, with his Doublet all unbrac'd,
No Hat upon his Head, his Stockins foul'd,
Ungart'red, and down gyved to his Ankle,
Pale as his Shirt, his Knees knocking each other,
And with a Look so piteous in Purport
As if he had been loosed out of Hell
To speak of Horrors, he comes before me.' "
Remus paused. When he resumed he'd changed voices for Polonius, but faltered a little as he read.
" 'Mad for thy love?'
'My Lord, I do not know. But truly I do fear it.' "
He paused again.
" 'What said he?...' "
He looked up suddenly, feeling Minerva McGonagall's eyes upon him.
"Professor!" he exclaimed, letting his feet, which he'd been resting, knees bent, on the chair in front of him, crash to the floor.
Professor McGonagall surveyed him. He looked worn out and much too thin, the lines on his aged young face more pronounced. His light brown hair could use a trim, and she noticed there were traces of grey starting to show. He had dark blue smudges under his eyes, but his smile was radiant, lighting his face and eyes with a brilliance that hinted at the handsome young man he truly was.
Remus watched Professor McGonagall's quick and careful study, and stiffened self-consciously. Her face lost some of the sternness it had worn as she stepped around the chair his feet had rested on and sat down facing him. Three days past full moon.
She let out a soft sigh. "How are you, Mr. Lupin?"
He relaxed and sat back, lowering his eyes as he gave her a non-committal shrug.
"Not bad," he turned to look at Penny and smiled again. He reached out to caress her head.
Professor McGonagall's gaze followed his hand and met Penelope Potter's bright eyes. They were fixed, it seemed, on a point just over Professor McGonagall's shoulder, but a smile appeared to want to flit round her mouth. Penny blinked.
A small gasp escaped the professor's lips as they curved into a warm, open-mouthed grin. Her hands began moving on their own as her fingers fumbled to find the lace handkerchief just inside the wrist of her sleeve. Finding it, she dabbed at the corners of her eyes, knocking her glasses askew, with one hand whilst she leaned forward with the other, reaching out to caress Penny's cheek softly with the backs of her fingers. Except for the expression in her eyes, or rather the lack of it, she looked perfectly healthy.
Remus took in this scene and closed his eyes, letting the warmth of it seep into his soul. He felt tears pricking behind his closed lids, but sighed contentedly. Professor McGonagall turned her face to him. He was about to doze off. He could use this bed more than she by the looks of him, she thought. Remus Lupin had always had a rather frail look about him, but this…this was unlike the usual affliction. She looked at Penelope again. It suddenly occurred to Professor McGonagall that despite being in a coma for nearly five years, Penelope Potter had never waned. Her eyes narrowed behind her glasses as she considered this, stealing another look at Remus. Doubtless Janus is giving her nutritional potions. Something niggled at her though. She shook her head pushing the doubt down, and cleared her throat just loud enough to rouse him. Remus opened his eyes and fixed her with his slightly darkened and unfocused amber gaze.
"Professor Dumbledore didn't mention you'd be in London today…at this time of year," Remus began quietly, sleep laying thickly on his voice.
"Yes,…well, thankfully I am a thoroughly organized witch who prepares her exams ahead of time," she replied, enunciating every word carefully in mock offense; the mirth in her small dark eyes betrayed her.
Remus chuckled quietly as he sat forward to adjust himself, trying to find a more comfortable position. He kicked off his shoes and placed his feet on the metal frame of Penny's bed, beneath her mattress, wiggling his toes deeper to gain a better hold. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the copy of today's Daily Prophet he'd tossed aside earlier before turning to Hamlet. He threw himself into the back of the chair disgustedly.
Professor McGonagall, who had alternated between watching Remus' comic attempts and Penny's oblivious face, looked up suddenly as he flung himself into the chair and, startled, caught sight of the paper as well.
ESCAPE ATTEMPT THWARTED
blazed out at her from the front page. Ah.
"Did you read it?" she asked, knowing full well he had.
Remus grunted.
"You don't think he was involved do you?" she asked, hoping her own fears wouldn't be confirmed.
"I certainly wouldn't put it past him," he said angrily.
"But,…he doesn't know, does he? He doesn't know she survived as well?"
"I've no idea," he answered, a shadow of pain darkening his eyes, his mouth tightening. "He'd gone off to find Peter before I found her in the rubble," he fought down the sickening rage threatening to rise as memories of that night flashed vividly in mind. He crossed his arms tightly across his stomach in an effort to stem the nausea. "She was with Lily…in Harry's room," he whispered harshly.
"But Albus has been so careful, Remus,…and so have the staff here. There's no possible way that Sirius"
"Sirius Black is a cunning dark wizard, Professor," he spat hatefully, making sure to keep his voice down. "We've no idea what he learned from his parents, or what or how much he did to James and Penny. For God's sake, he lived with them!...He was Voldemort's tool for at least a year."
A slight crease had appeared in Penny's brow, but neither of them noticed.
"But…how, Remus? How would he find out in there?" Professor McGonagall asked impatiently.
He looked at her suddenly, eyes ablaze with his fury at his former best friend.
"Well, we all know who's on the patrons' board here don't we? And I don't care what he says, Lucius Malfoy has not reformed."
She stared at him. She'd wrestled with this same theory since that express owl had appeared for Professor Dumbledore during dinner last night. Lucius Malfoy had gone to visit Azkaban with the new Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge, with whom he was ingratiating himself, two days before this escape attempt. The Ministry, though, refused to say which prisoners had been involved in the attempt. But Dumbledore could not find that Malfoy or anyone else had learned of Penelope's survival, or of her seeming recovery.
When she replied, it was Professor Minerva McGonagall's voice Remus heard, firm and clear as if he were in class again. "Curtius Epps is trustworthy, Remus; remember everything he's done for the Order. He'd die first rather than let the secrets in and of his hospital fall into the wrong hands."
He wanted desperately to believe this. "Then why is he accepting Malfoy's donations?" he answered, growing paler and weaker with the effort of his fear and hate.
"Enough!" she silenced him. "Sirius Black is still in Azkaban and Penelope is safe. Albus Dumbledore has never led us astray, Remus. If there is anything going on, he'll soon discover it….Now," she changed tacks, not at all happy with the worsening in his pallor. "Be a dear and run up to the tea room and get yourself some lunch." Remus' eyes widened in disbelief. "No arguments. You look terrible. You cannot starve yourself sitting by Miss Potter's bed day in and day out."
"I am not here day in and day out," he began.
"Up! I said no arguments," she reached into her pocket with one hand while taking out her wand with the other to charm his socks and shoes back on his feet, and forcing him to stand up. "You are to march yourself straight up there and get yourself a nice lunch and hot cup of tea. Here," she said, shoving her hand at him. His eyes and mouth narrowed in anger as he glared down at her. "Have a peppermint." He balked but took the proffered candy anyway. It was a truce and Remus let the sweetness of the candy carry away his bitterness.
He turned to leave but Professor McGonagall called him back.
"And when you return I would appreciate a cup of tea myself. Reading aloud always leaves me parched."
Professor McGonagall picked up the well-worn copy of Hamlet and smiled sadly.
"Now then, where did Mr. Lupin leave off?" she asked, still looking at the book, unable to bring herself to look into Penny's fathomless eyes again.
"Here we are," she said, and cleared her throat. She planted her feet on the seat of Remus' chair and began.
" 'What said he?'
'He took me by the Wrist, and held me hard,
Then goes he the length of all his Arm,
And with his other Hand thus o'er his Brow
He falls to such Perusal of my Face
As 'a would draw it; long stayed he so;
At last, a little shaking of mine Arm,
And, thrice his Head thus waving up and down,
He rais'd a Sigh so piteous and profound
As it did seem to shatter all his Bulk,
And end his Being; that done, he lets me go,
And, with his Head over his Shoulder turn'd,
He seem'd to find his way without his Eyes,
For out a' Doors he went without their Helps,
And to the last bended their Light on me.'
'Come, go with me, I' "
She stopped suddenly, her eyes still on the text, for she thought she'd heard a strangled noise. She didn't have to strain her ears, for from her left came the high whine of someone scratching on bed sheets. She looked and saw Penny's furrowed brow and tense face, her eyes searching desperately, her fingers clutching at the covers, at the air.
Professor McGonagall sprang towards her, tossing the book on the empty chair.
"Now, now," she soothed, running her knuckles across Penny's forehead. "It's all right. Remus will be back in bit…He must eat Miss Potter," she said, adopting her classroom voice again. "Surely you've seen how thin he's getting. That won't do…you know he needs his strength."
Penny would not be comforted, though. Her eyes raced back and forth, her mouth and throat moving frantically, yet forming no sound, her arms stretching out to reach something. Professor McGonagall grasped both Penny's hands, and struggled to place them palm on palm so that she held them in one of her own.
"Sh, sh, sh," she cooed, smoothing Penny's hair, trying to calm her. "There, there…calm down…that's it….breathe…breathe." It seemed to be working. She continued caressing Penny's hair and when she finally seemed a bit calmer, though her eyes continued their dance, she asked, "What is it, dear? Mmm?"
Penny's breathing became more ragged. And then, "hmmmm….hmmmm," she whimpered, her eyes suddenly filling with tears.
Not wanting to scream for Janus Rook and upset Penelope further, and not wanting to leave her, Professor McGonagall grasped at the first idea that came to her.
"Do you want me to read some more?" she asked, fighting the note of desperation that was creeping into her voice. "Is that it? Do you want me to keep reading Hamlet?"
"Hmmm," Penny repeated. "Hmmm," she breathed, her voice catching as the tears spilled over, across the bridge of her nose and down the side of her head.
She must mean Hamlet. That must be it, she smiled, anxiously reaching for the book. She tried to steady her hands and voice as she flipped through the book….Act II, Scene 1…here it is.
Professor McGonagall began again.
" 'And, with his Head over his Shoulder turn'd,
He seem'd to find his way without his Eyes,
For out a' Doors he went without their Helps,
And to the last bended their Light on me…' "
His stormy grey eyes bore into her, darkening the angrier he got. Penny, though, gazed at Sirius Black with composed green-hazel eyes. She was used to being on the receiving end of Sirius' dagger-filled stares. These had started during her first year after she'd learned Remus was a werewolf. He'd sprinted into the hospital wing minutes ahead of James and Peter and found the pair of them asleep, hand-in-hand. It was the power of his gaze that pulled her awake that morning. She'd smiled tentatively, letting go Remus' hand so that she could push herself up into a sitting position. "Hi," she'd said, but all she'd got back were icy daggers in a stormy face.
She sighed at this memory as she stared blankly back at him. It was a long time since she'd let his teasing and bating get to her, and seemed longer since their rows ceased worrying her. At first, she was crushed, and, in her second year, had sought James' advice.
"He hates me," she'd said tearily.
"Nah," James said. "He thinks you're dead cool. Don't pay him any mind, all right?" he smiled, squeezing her to him, one-armed.
"Then why's he always picking on me?" she asked obstinately.
James gave her his Dear, clueless, Pen look, shaking his head for added effect.
"Cuz you're Kitts, and he's still trying to figure it out," he said matter-of-factly. "We need you because you're a natural Animagus and he wants to be one. You know Sirius, he's always got to be…you know…cleverest."
Penny gave James a withering look and said, "Oh, please!" and got up and stormed away.
Now, though, she was a cleverer fourth year, and he was still Sirius, but now Padfoot as well. And Animagi though they might be, they were not, at the moment, on equal footing.
They were supposed to be studying as the boys had their Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L. in the morning. Penny was quizzing them while studying for her own final exam in the subject. They sat in their favorite spot nearest the fire in the common room; James and Sirius at the table, James lying partly on the table, head propped up in his hand, while Sirius leaned back in his chair, balancing it on its hind legs. Peter sat in the squashy chair facing Penny, who sat on the floor, knees up with Remus' book propped up in her lap, leaning against the small couch Remus was sprawled on, stomach down, and his chin resting on the cushion nearest her head. He looked over her shoulder studying the definition Sirius had just got wrong.
"What do you mean, 'No,'?" he demanded.
"I think she means you got it wrong, Sirius," offered Peter quietly, feeling a cat and dog moment coming on.
Sirius shifted his murderous gaze to Peter, who quickly looked at his hands in his lap. James grinned knowing what was coming.
"Dementors prey on a person's emotions; they feed off them, and suck out their life," Sirius answered again forcefully.
Penny sighed heavily. "No, not all their emotions," she provided.
James was like a spectator at a Quidditch match, his head moving back and forth, first watching Sirius' move, then Penny's.
"What d'ya mean 'not all their emotions!'" he roared.
"I mean," she began patiently as if dealing with a dull child, "just that. Dementors prey on a person's positive emotions….that's what's important. They feed on happiness and leave you with nothing but your worst nightmares, your worst memories."
Sirius let the chair fall flat and sat mute, glaring at her.
"They leave you with your worst emotions; that's what drives a person mad," she finished simply, sounding bored.
James caught Remus' eye and the two of them bit down hard on their lips, trying mightily to suppress their laughter.
Remus inched closer to Penny's ear and whispered, "Ask him about the Kiss."
His warm breath tickled her ear and she rounded on him suddenly, their noses nearly touching. The laughter in his eyes brought a slow, lopsided smile to her lips and leisurely she shifted her eyes sideways from Remus' bright ones to Sirius' deadly pair.
James shifted his view again, waiting for it, and glimpsed Peter with fist between his teeth, barely holding it together.
"Tell me about….the Kiss," she said huskily.
James, Remus, and Peter lost it, their laughter starting deep in their chests as low, scratching rumbles which finally erupted. Penny sat there grinning at Sirius, wiggling her eyebrows up and down.
Seeing the joke, but refusing to admit defeat, Sirius scowled, though the thunderstorm in his eyes subsided. "Aw stuff it, the lot of you."
" 'Sweet Gertrude, leave us two,
For we have closely sent for Hamlet hether,
That he, as 'twere by Accedent, may here
Affront Ophelia; her Father and my self,
We'll so bestow our selves that, seeing unseen,
We may of their Encounter frankly judge,
And gather by him, as he is behav'd.
If't be th' Affliction of his Love or no
That thus he suffers for.' "
She struggled against….that voice…affliction did it say?
Sirius' eyes faded, the glistening lake taking their place. She heard laughter behind her. The power of its warmth tempted her eyes away from her Charms notes. Looking over her shoulder, she saw a growing crowd laughing and pointing at someone. Oh, no, she thought miserably. Why can't they leave a poor person be? Out of the corner of her eye she saw dark red hair, moving swiftly in the direction of the crowd. Penny jerked her head round to see who it was and spotted Lily Evans, a Gryffindor 5th year, wearing a scowl that would make Sirius proud.
What's she on about? Penny thought as she watched Lily reach the edge of the crowd, fists balled. Penny knew Lily Evans pretty well; she was not one to be angry for nothing; she was kind and quite easy-going. In fact, the only thing that ever really set her off was James and his antics….
Oh no! She could hear Lily ripping into whoever was at the center of the action. Penny looked round desperately for her wand. Finding it underneath her school bag, she grabbed it and gave it a flick that swept her books and notes away. She raced towards the crowd, her schoolbag bobbing along dutifully behind her.
"I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid," she heard Lily say in a disgusted tone as she reached the crowd.
"Bad luck, Prongs," she heard Sirius say as she barreled through to the inner edge of the crowd.
Shite, James! Penny then saw two successive flashes of light as she reached them, James' face was gashed and he was bleeding. And hanging upside from a tree was…
"Snape!" she breathed. Shite, shite, shite!
Penny scanned the smaller inner group while some in the crowd cheered James and Sirius on, the two of them, and Peter, roaring with laughter.
Where's Moony? He had to be here, surely. He can stop them; he's a prefect! She dimly registered hearing someone hitting the ground. Penny quailed as she spun around searching for Remus.
"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Lily shouted.
Penny stood on tip-toe, craning her neck to find him, and shoving people forcibly out of her way.
"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!" she heard Snape spit, stopping dead in her tracks.
There under the beech tree sat Remus Lupin, his nose nearly buried in his book. He looked as if he was trying to will it to suck him into its pages. Penny heard her blood rush in her ears, her eyes beginning to sting and prick.
"You make me SICK," Lily stated flatly; Penny barely heard her. Lily nearly toppled Penny over as she hurried away to gather her things. Penny followed her with her eyes, her head turning slowly. She saw Lily's hand move swiftly up to her face and come back down in a fist. Lily threw her head back as she marched purposefully away.
"Who wants to see me take off Snivelly's pants?" James asked, a slight hitch to his voice.
Penny's eyes widened, her mouth set angrily as she wheeled round and strode quickly over to her brother. She grabbed his right arm, his wand arm, and spun him about, sticking her wand violently into the hollow of his throat. He might have been more than a head taller than her, but Penny drew herself up fully and was just tall enough for this.
She watched as James' hazel eyes widened in shock, registering that the crazed person stabbing him in the throat was his sister. Penny caught something red oozing down his cheek. Her fingers bit into his right arm. James opened his mouth as if to speak but Penny didn't want to hear him.
"Don't. You. Dare." she uttered, pressing her wand in a little more and lifting its shaft to press on his chin and lift it higher.
"Come on, Pen, let him go," said Sirius, a hint of fear in his voice.
James silenced Sirius with a repeated flick of his left hand which hung tense at his side.
Sirius crossed over to them, undeterred, when suddenly they heard Snape fall softly to the ground. Sirius turned quickly back to Snape, but Penny was quicker and before either could hex each other again, Snape was lifted bodily as though on strings and flung through the air back towards the stone steps leading in to the castle.
The crowd, which had begun to disperse after Penny stuck her wand in her brother's throat, was now gone.
Sirius' attention was back on James and Penny, his grey eyes light and wide open. He raised his hand slowly and touched Penny's arm with gentle fingers.
"Penny?" he said, forced calmness in his voice. "Penny, look at him….Look at what you're doing."
Penny had never felt such rage and such shame course through her. The angry tears filling her eyes spilled over, trailing down her burning cheeks.
James watched her fearfully, never taking his eyes from hers, and Penny watched numbly as a tear escaped her brother's eye, making its way deliberately towards his untidy black hair.
"Pen…please," Sirius whispered hotly in her ear.
She felt her lip quivering and her wand arm begin to slacken. She loosened her fingers from brother's arm and stepped back, her arms feeling heavy at her sides and her head pounding.
"How could you?" she whispered thickly, her watery gaze still fixed on James.
Fire suddenly blazed in his own again, muddying his irises.
"This is Snivellus we're talking about here, Pen…Snivellus…who never misses a chance to hex me," pointing purposely at his cheek, "in case you hadn't noticed."
Penny kept shaking her head, 'no,' unable to connect the words she'd heard her brother utter with this reason.
"You were ready to pants him, Jem….Why?"
But James didn't seem able to answer that, fixing Penny with a liquid chocolate glare.
"And you," she rounded on Sirius, "you were going to let him."
Sirius sucked in his lower lip and looked down at her feet.
Penny turned on Peter next, but as he already looked mournful, brow furrowed as he concentrated on the pebble he was twiddling with in his stumpy fingers, she said nothing and walked straight over to Remus.
He slowly raised his eyes to meet hers, and fresh tears poured over her lashes as he did so. She shook her head incredulously, pursing her lips to keep them from trembling, and waved her left hand at him imprecisely, unable to take in that he'd sat there and done nothing the whole time.
Remus' eyes twitched painfully as she tore her gaze from his, dismissing him.
" 'There's the Respect
That makes Calamity of so long Life:
For who would bear the Whips and Scorns of Time,
Th' Oppressor's Wrong, the Proud Man's Contumely,
The Pangs of despis'd Love, the Law's Delay,
The Insolence of Office, and the Spurns
That patient Merit of th' Unworthy takes,
When he himself might his Quietus make
With a bare Bodkin? Who would Fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary Life,
But that the Dread of something after Death,
The undiscover'd Country from whose Borne
No Traviler returns, puzzles the Will,
And makes us rather bear those Ills we have,
Then fly to others that we know not of.' "
Dread….Weary life….Dismiss the proud man's….insult….haughtiness…Was that it?
Remus' eyes swam out of focus in the rain pelting her bedroom window as she peered up into the thundering inky sky. A bolt of lightening cracked, illuminating Penny's bedroom and revealed a sudden green glow lighting her hazel eyes. Her mouth broke into a wide, toothy grin as she laughed aloud. She pounced off her bed landing next to her writing desk. Penny drew quill, ink, and partially-filled parchment to her, and leaned over, quickly jotting down the line that had flashed across her mind in her letter to Lily. "It was a dark and stormy night," she intoned melodramatically, finding the inane humor in that line and giggling to herself. "Ah, Muggles," she smiled. Lily would laugh. A niggling anxiety flitted across her happy face. Lily always made her think of James, and thinking of James filled her with incredible sadness these days.
Ever since his and Sirius' prank at the end of the year, Penny didn't know what to say to him. Her chest ached with the heaviness of her sorrow. She missed her brother terribly. After term, he hadn't even come home, choosing instead to spend two weeks with the Pettigrews and another two with the Lupins. And now it was August and James, Mum, and Dad were in Spain for another two weeks. It was clear he didn't want to speak with her either. The day he'd arrived home from Remus', he spent a combined thirty seconds in her presence all day, leaving rooms when she walked in, even if he was in the middle of a conversation with their parents. They'd left for Valencia the next day, Mrs. Potter asking her to the last if she was sure she didn't want to go.
Penny listened to the silence of the house, broken only by the rain and the occasional crack of thunder and lightning. His fault, she thought bitterly. It wasn't right! But her arguments no longer convinced her. Penny wanted her brother's easy smile and obnoxious ways back. She sighed heavily, shaking her head as if to clear it, pushing the unfinished letter away from her. She crossed the dark room and stepped out into the passage. A crack of thunder made her jump, but she chuckled it off as she went down the stairs in search of food. As she reached the bottom, she inhaled the smell of rain and earth wafting in through the open windows.
Blast! she thought. Forgot to close the ruddy windows. She changed directions, intending to go right, into the drawing room, when a sudden, persistent banging on the front door began. She nearly leapt out of her skin, the sound echoed through the house so. Who on earth could that be?...And tonight of all nights? She crept towards the door carefully, painfully aware she'd left her wand upstairs. The visitor began banging again. Eyes wide, Penny cleared her throat carefully and affected a deep, and what she thought frightening voice.
"Who's there?"
No answer. She hesitated.
"Whaddaya want?" she asked again, more gruffly.
Again, no answer, then unexpectedly, "Pen?...Is that you?"
It was her turn to be silent. She bit her lip hard. Now what do I do?...Great plan, Pen!
"Pen, please," the low, frightened voice began again. "Please let me in….It's me,…Sirius…pl"
Penny flung the door open, her eyes wide in disbelief.
Sirius stared back at her, a peal of lightning revealing pained, dark grey eyes. He was soaked through.
"Sirius," she breathed, and stepped back so he could come in.
He did, gingerly, dragging his trunk behind him slowly. Seeing this, she gently took the trunk handle and kicked the door closed. Free of the trunk's weight, Sirius shuffled over to the stairs and carefully lowered himself down.
Penny placed the wet trunk next to the umbrella stand, so it could drip dry on the planked floor. She turned and saw Sirius sitting but obviously trying to find a more comfortable position, his arms bent so he could use his elbows on the stairs to raise and lower himself carefully. Penny's eyes narrowed in concern. She padded through to the kitchen and pulled out a few candles, lighting them with the flint topped wooden Muggle lighting wands her mother always kept handy. She lit one of the candles and walked back over to Sirius.
He hung his head, letting his hair fall forward, shading his eyes from the painful light. Penny put the candle in the nearest wall sconce next to the staircase, placed a soft hand on Sirius' knee and crouched in front of him, until she was kneeling.
"Siri?" she said quietly. She watched as the water dripped from his ink black hair. She reached up tentatively and carefully pushed back a lock of his hair. Penny gasped as the soft glow of the candle revealed Sirius' bruised and scratched face.
"Oh, Siri!...Who did this to you?"
Sirius turned his face away from her tender, probing fingers, wincing as he did. It was clear his face hadn't been the only thing on the receiving end of such blows.
Penny clasped her lip between her teeth and carefully but decisively stood up.
"Come on," she said softly, taking his hands in her own. "You need to get out of these wet clothes," she said pulling him to his feet. "And I need to see the rest," she said quickly, turning on her heel and walking over to his trunk.
She tucked her hair behind her ears as she bent down to lift the end again. She flicked her finger to release one side of her hair, and walked back over to Sirius and the stairs. She could feel his eyes on her, hesitant.
"Go, go," she shooed, turning again so he couldn't see her, switching hands on the trunk handle so she could grab the candle from the sconce on the way up.
Sirius turned, facing upwards, and they slowly mounted the stairs. When they reached the landing, Penny reached out and placed her hand on Sirius' waist, steering him gently to the right and into the bathroom. She placed the dripping candle on the cool vanity and turned to Sirius.
"There are towels under there," she said, pointing to the cupboard door nearest his knees. "Take off those wet clothes and dry off…..I'll just put your trunk in James' room and bring you some dry clothes," she finished quietly.
He looked at her sideways a moment, then nodded.
She backed out of the bathroom and shut the door softly. She was back a few moments later, her hand nervously fingering Sirius' T-shirt.
"Siri?" it came out a whisper. She cleared her throat. "Siri?" she tried a little louder.
The door creaked open and Sirius' drier head peaked around, his eyes watching her carefully.
"Clothes," she offered shyly, lifting her laden arms. "Just the shorts though and then let me in."
Sirius blinked at her. "No," he said firmly and shut the door.
"You want to move about, don't you?" she snapped.
He didn't answer.
"Sirius….Don't be childish."
Silence.
"Fine. Deal with the pain then!"
She turned on her heal and began pacing, worrying her lower lip with her fingers. Just then, Penny finally heard the door click. She turned towards it and walked in, eyes on floor, and pushed past Sirius.
"Pen, I said no."
"Oh stop whining," she said, squatting to open the cupboard nearest the bathroom door. She rummaged a bit before finding the light blue bottle she sought and stood up again, footing the cupboard door shut.
"Sit," she motioned with her chin.
Sirius glared at her.
Irritated, she grabbed his arm and pulled him back into the room.
"OW!"
"Sit," she nodded.
Penny moved the candle closer, its light growing brighter as she held it, while Sirius walked angrily over and sat on the covered toilet. Sirius breathed deeply as Penny positioned herself in front of him, lifting his chin with one hand and placing the candle down again. Its light now illuminated the room brightly.
Penny perused Sirius' face again, taking in the gashes across his cheek and above his left eye; the bruise purpling his right eye; the split upper lip. Sirius kept his eyes tightly closed.
"Open," she tapped lightly on his right eyelid. "I need to see if it's bleeding," she added firmly when he refused.
His raised lid revealed a crimson iris; blood had seeped thickly towards his temple and had trickled towards his nose. Penny's lip disappeared into her mouth and that small crease appeared again between her brows. Sirius' eyes began to fill with shamed tears; he jerked his head away.
"No, Siri…who?" her voice was thick with unshed tears.
Sirius suddenly grabbed Penny's waist and pulled her forward, wrapping his arms tightly around her, his faced buried in her stomach. His shoulders shook uncontrollably, his muffled cries ringing loudly in Penny's ears.
She put the bottle down and cradled Sirius' head, her fingers lacing themselves in his hair, her other hand soothingly caressing his shoulder.
"James.…." he sobbed into her stomach, "James said….. here….if…if—" but got no further, the tears coming faster again.
Penny's own tears spilled silently. She bent down and placed a light kiss on the top of Sirius' head, keeping her face in his damp, musky hair a moment before forcing herself up and gently pulling away from him.
He looked at her, hurt and confusion showing on his tear-stained face.
"I need to take care of these," she smiled weakly.
Sirius blinked and returned her smile lopsidedly, his features relaxing into comprehension.
Penny picked up the bottle again, plucked out the cork, and poured some of the clear, sweet smelling liquid into her open palm.
Sirius inhaled deeply, and Penny could see the aroma begin to alleviate his sore body, his posture becoming less tense. He looked at her questioningly.
"Witch hazel."
He smiled, wincing when it stretched too wide, his brow pinched in pain.
"Wouldn't try that just yet."
"You think?"
Penny dipped her fingers in the solution and ran them across his hurts, her fingers tingling warmly at the familiar sensation. As she expected, the gashes began to heal, the bruises changing from deep violet to a lighter plum. She then carefully opened his right eye wider and let a droplet plop into his eye. Sirius flinched and blinked a few times, the scarlet tinge receding into pink. She dropped a swift kiss on his eye and with a satisfied grin, turned her attention to his arms. They were blotchy pink in spots, but otherwise looked better than his face had. She rubbed her hands together, dampening them with the witch hazel, and kneeled. Running her hands slowly up and down one arm and then the other, she watched anxiously as the blotches began fading, feeling the tension melt from his skin and muscles. She next placed a hand on each of his shoulders and began to work them and his neck.
Sirius sat transfixed and said suddenly, "Your hands are dry."
"Mmm," she said distractedly, her attention focused on the warmth running up her arms and flowing down to her toes, as she tipped his head up with her thumb to inspect his throat and clavicles. Using her fingers, she pushed back on his shoulders to get a better view of his chest and stomach. His instant flinching reflex tipped her backwards and she landed hard on her heels.
"Ow," they both said.
"Sorry—"
" 'Ow'?...Why 'ow'?...Sirius?"
"It's nothing," he said, holding out his hands to help her up.
Penny was faster, though, springing up grabbing his shoulders again, pulling him forward to look over at his back. She gasped; his back was purple, blue, green, and yellow, with deep red weals running across his back.
Sirius stood up, quickly grabbing his shirt from the sink top, clasping it in both hands, and buried his face in it. Fixed on his wounded back, Penny walked up to him and ran her fingers lightly along the weals, biting her lip in concentration.
"Don't," he said, trying to step away from her, but Penny ignored him and shadowed his step.
As these weals began to shrink, she placed one palm on his shoulder blade to begin healing the bruises next. When she'd finished, she stepped back, letting her arms fall to her side, the healing warmth waning.
"I don't want to go back," Sirius spoke into his shirt.
"Then don't," Penny said simply.
He turned to face her, the fluidness in his movements now stronger. He stepped forward and clasped her to him, burying his face in her neck.
"I….I don't want to sleep alone tonight."
" 'My Lord, I have Remembrances of yours
That I have longed to redeliver;
I pray you now receive them.'
'No, not I, I never gave you ought.'
'My honour'd Lord, you know right well you did,
And with them Words of so sweet Breath compos'd
As made these things more rich; their Perfume lost,
Take these again, for the Noble Mind
Rich Gifts wax poor when Givers prove Unkind' "
Penny closed her eyes to shut out the glowing light. This can't be…He can't mean it.
"I can't do this to you, Pen…I can't let you throw your life away on me," Remus continued.
She opened her eyes again, her tightly clasped hands swimming in her lap. She shook her head and whispered, "That ought to be my decision"
"No!" he jumped off the chair and knelt before her. "Not this time, Pen….please…you must see that."
"Why?...Why must I see that?"
"I'm a werewolf, Pen, and—and," he firmly placed his slender finger over her lips, silencing her, "I'll be an outcast all my life," he finished frankly. "You don't deserve that."
"But I'm making progress with my research," Penny pleaded quietly.
"I know you are….But we don't know how long it'll take to finish it, or even if a cure is possible."
"Anything's possible, Rem," she whispered defiantly.
Remus smiled sadly, tilting his head, his finger now stroking her chin. His eyes narrowed and he drew his hand deliberately back to his knee. His eyes dropped as he shook his head.
"You ought to be with Sirius," he said softly. "He fancies you," he ended almost inaudibly, pushing himself to his feet to turn and run up the dormitory steps.
"But he's practically my brother," she yelled at his retreating back.
" 'If thou doost marry, I'll give thee this
Plague for thy Dowry: be thou as Chast as Ice,
as Pure as Snow, thou shalt not escape Calumny,
Get thee to a Nunn'ry, farewell. Or if thou
wilt needs marry, marry a Fool, for Wise Men
know well enough what Monsters you make of
them: to a Nunn'ry go, and quickly too,
farewell.' "
"Your brother!" Sirius yelled, wheeling round. "Penny," he began again, forcing himself to stay calm. "There's nothing brotherly about the way I feel about you."
Penny stared at his checked kitchen floor.
He raked a hand through his shaggy hair then crossed the kitchen purposefully, squatting down in front of her. He took her chin gently in his fingers, tipping her head up until she raised her eyes to his.
"Love,…" he smiled tenderly, "you can't expect me to believe that….not….not after what we've shared."
Penny's eyes filled with tears, his soft lead gaze swirling. She closed her eyes and felt her warm tears hurry down her cheeks. A soft rustling told her he was moving closer, his hand now left her chin and slid gently across her cheek to caress her ear and neck. She felt his warm breath and then his soft lips were on hers, his tongue probing her open mouth, his teeth nipping her lip as she fought not to return his kiss. He tasted of dark chocolate and her body reacted instinctively, her hands somehow finding their way around his neck and in his hair, pulling him closer. His hand began to slide down to her breast as something warm and persistent slid up her thigh. Penny choked a sob and broke the kiss roughly, pushing him away as she jumped back and out of the chair.
Sirius' pained eyes bore into her. His lips pursed to speak.
"I can't," she shook her head vehemently.
His leaden eyes began to darken stormily.
Better...I can deal with this.
"Why not?" Sirius asked through clenched teeth.
Penny's eyes widened at the quiet anger in his voice.
"I'm entitled to an explanation, Pen."
Her hands clasped her midriff and she felt the strength returning to her limbs. She lifted her chin defiantly, biting her inner lip to stop it quivering.
"Remus," she stated flatly.
Sirius' eyes grew round, his lips disappearing into a thin, white line.
"Fine," he said so quietly Penny almost had to strain to hear him. "You'll do James and Lily a lot of good running around with that traitor."
Penny's eyes flashed.
"He's not the spy, Sirius. You of all people ought to know that."
"I only know I'd never turn my back on those who love me; I'd die first."
"He hasn't turned his back on anyone," she said loyally.
Sirius scowled and shrugged.
"Go on, then…..Go off and ruin your life," he snapped, wiping an angry tear threatening to slip down his face.
" 'There's Fennel for you, and Columbines;
there's Rue for you, and here's some for me.
We may call it Herb of Grace a' Sundays; you
may wear your Rue with a Difference. There's a
Daisy; I would give you some Violets, but they
wither'd all when my Father died; they say 'a
made a good End.' "
He was in front of her, raising her chin with his fingers. She couldn't see for the tears.
"Pen, it's time to go."
A gentle hand caressed the back of her head. A light touch under her elbow lifted her up off the chair.
The scent of freshly turned earth was all around her, filling her nostrils with its soft, alkali smell. Hot tears ran down her face, their saltiness invading her mouth, making her want to retch. The pressure on her elbow increased, a slender hand now grasping hers.
"Pen," he whispered in her ear.
She turned and buried her face in his shoulder, drawing in the comforting bittersweet chocolate scent which belonged to him alone.
"Don't leave me," she whispered, before collapsing in Remus' arms.
When she woke up, she was laying on her own bed….in her parents' house. Fresh tears welled in her eyes, making her sniff. She felt the mattress sink next to her and turning her head, she met Remus' warm amber gaze shining at her from atop the pillow. He reached up and brushed her tears away with his thumb.
"You're awake," he smiled sadly.
But Penny's face crumpled with grief as she said, "They're not," bursting into tears again.
Remus drew Penny lovingly to him, stroking her hair and kissing her brow as he let her cry herself out. When the tears and sobs subsided, he dried her face gently, and kissed her sweetly on the mouth. Penny shivered and Remus pulled her closer to him, rubbing her arms deliberately. But the rhythm of his hands soon changed, growing slower. Penny nuzzled his neck, fluttering kisses on his warm skin. The tip of her tongue slid up unhurriedly, until her lips began kissing his strong, raspy jaw. His breath came in quiet, shallow gasps and only then did Penny chance a peek into his eyes, raising herself on her elbows to look down into them. They were dark and languid, and full of her. Remus pulled her mouth forcefully down to meet his.
Two steaming cups bobbed gently ahead of Remus as he eagerly walked over to Penny's bed. He could hear Professor McGonagall's quiet voice intoning Shakespeare's verse. Ah. Ophelia's burial. This was one of his favorite scenes.
" 'I loved Ophelia. Forty thousand Brothers
Could not with all their Quantity of Love
Make up my Sum.—What wilt thou do for her?'
'O he is mad, Laertes.'
'For love of God, forbear him.' "
'S'wounds, shew me what thou't do:' "
Professor McGonagall laughed as Remus's glowing face suddenly appeared before her, reciting Hamlet's lines now. He bowed comically like a courtier, his robes flittering about him, one hand jauntily on his hip, the other extended towards her offering her a cup of tea. He straightened with a flourish and took the other, raising it before his face and continued.
" 'Woo't weep? Woo't fight? Woo't fast? Woo't tear thyself?
Woo't drink up Esill, eat a Crocodile?
I'll do't. Doost come here to whine?
To out-face me with leaping in her Grave?
Be buried quick with her, and so will I.' "
Remus turned his eyes on Penny and saw an enraptured, contented smile; her eyes seeming to focus on a shadow dancing on the ceiling. Remus stepped towards her, his eyes softening beneath a sudden mist.
" 'And if thou prate of Mountains, let them throw
Millions of Acres on us, till our Ground,
Singeing his Pate against the Burning Zone,
Make Ossa like a Wart. Nay and thou'lt mouth,
I'll rant as well as thou.' "
Remus' spare fingers slid softly across Penny's temple; a tear escaping moistened them as she closed her eyes and breathed.
After a moment, Professor McGonagall spoke up quietly, her lace handkerchief still dabbing at her moist eyes.
"I've never seen such a reaction; you ought to have been here."
Remus turned inquisitive eyes on his former teacher and listened attentively.
"She was nearly beside herself drinking in the words of this play."
"It's our favorite," he said simply. His brow suddenly creased, puzzled. "Though, I've never really known where she picked it up. She knew so many of his plays nearly by heart when we she came to Hogwarts. My mother was a Muggle, so of course I knew him, but…I didn't know Muggle writers were widely read by wizard kind."
Professor McGonagall sat chuckling at him with disbelieving eyes.
"My dear, lad, you can't really think a Muggle could cause such confusion about his parentage, education, indeed, his very identity, can you?"
Remus stared at her, mute.
"Of course not. He's one of ours."
Author's note: All references to Hamlet are taken from Everyman Shakespeare edition, John F. Andrews, editor; London and Vermont: Doubleday Books, 1989.