Life After Death

NOTE: I don't own LOTR or any of the characters.

Have you ever fallen asleep in a chair, with your upper body leaning forward to rest on the edge of a bed? I had done that apparently because when I work the next morning my lower back screamed at me for the abuse while my leg muscles scolded me for ignoring their need to move. How I have tortured my poor limbs.

I woke up with Théodred's hand on my head; his fingers were twitching slightly in my hair, tickling my scalp. Once in a while his fingers would curl up but only to uncurl again. It felt like my own personal head massage, too bad it could not last forever since my lower back would not permit it.

Sighing in resignation with the fact that I had to get up I shifted my face to look at my cousin.

"Théodred," I mumbled as I lifted my head, his fingers falling from my head to his side as I stood up. "Théodred, I must go get dressed, but I shall return with food and fresh cloths."

His moan, as I was leaving, was one of contentment and I knew he understood me.

You know that sort of giddy feeling you can feel when it appears like a day is going to go your way for once? Well, that was how I felt that day, and I must have seemed extremely foolish skipping down the halls humming my mother's song.

I remember very little of my mother but I do remember her song very well. I should remember the song since I heard it every night, at least until she had passed due to sorrow. However, it is not wise that I should linger on such melancholy thoughts when my day had begun so gaily. This was going to be a good day, it just had to be.

Upon entering my quarters I found my hand-maiden ready to dress me. Closing the door behind me I approached the girl, who was no more than a year or two older than I. Although she might be older than I, I held the advantage of height over her; on that count I could appear sometimes intimidating towards her.

"I shall not need your assistance this morning," I told her, but she did not budge. Something was on her mind that morning for normally she would strike up an argument of some sort with me. "Is there something you wish to say?"

She looked up at me and boldly inquired, "How does Lord Théodred fair?"

I smiled, where some may not tolerate boldness from those who are lower in station, I have encouraged it. "He is not at all well," I stated, now sobering out of my light mood to the somberness of the situation.

The girl sighed grimly, it seemed as though the answer was not completely unexpected but it did crash any shreds of hope she may have held. "Shall you need any assistance I will be more than willing to give it," she assured me.

This was the reason I liked her so much, she was so loyal not just to me but to both Éomer and Théodred. Plus, she was always willing to drop whatever task she was doing just to help. I really respected her so much for that.

"You will be the first to be called upon should I require any help at all," I promised with a wink. "Now off with you."

She left reluctantly. On any other day she would have argued with me about it being her duty to dress me. I always won the disagreement since I would be half dressed by the time we came to a consensus of some sort. Due to Éomer, I have always felt that I should be able to dress myself and never wear anything too fine, unless I knew that I was not going to 'get dirty'.

Glancing down at the dress that my hand-maiden had laid out on my bed for me, I feel truly grateful to have her. For if I did not have such a sweet girl to choose my dresses for me I would never have known that I even had a simple brown dress. Who knew? I certainly did not.

Most women, I imagine, take much wasted time to dress themselves, or to be dressed in most cases. I do not. I wash my face in the basin, dress, comb my hair until it is acceptable-it will only become unruly again, and bind the hair closest to my face in the back of my head. It may not be the most lady-like routine but I never took the time or had the patience for proper routine.

I am not the most patient person in Middle-Earth and my dear cousin soon found that out when Éomer and I first arrived. Théodred was supposed to show us around Meduseld, well as it turned out Éomer and I had to wait in the hall for him. Of course, I did not wait long before I decided to show myself around the Golden Hall, despite my brother's warnings of not to wander. Still I did, only to get lost and be found later by Théodred.

Once dressed, I crept into Théodred's room to borrow a pair of pants as I always did. It has been tradition for me to borrow his clothing ever since I was eight but it seems as thought it shall soon stop…I stopped as I headed to the door, wearing a fresh pair of pants.

Théodred is going to die, I realized.

It did not matter that he could speak, even just a little, or that he could me, or that I was watching over him. He was still going to die. He was still…

Swallowing hard, I sank to the floor in shock. I could just see it all right before my eyes; the funeral, my Uncle's form perched upon his seat, unmoving, Grima following me everywhere propriety could allow him to, all the while Grima would be trying to offer me words of 'comfort'; and I would be left alone to watch the possible fall of Rohan.

No. No, that could not be. "No!" I screamed before I could clap my hand over my mouth. Shaking myself from such vivid imaginings I muttered, "That shall not come to pass. It cannot happen. I must not let it happen."

Then and there I had made a vow never to let Rohan fall or my cousin die. Although in the latter of my two goals I knew there was little I could do to alter it I was determined to try and prevent it. I could not bear to be completely alone without Éomer or Théodred there beside me to comfort me, should I ever need it, or just to talk with.

With my new resolutions set I decided to leave the room and send for breakfast to be brought to the sick-room. I did not wish to leave my cousin alone too long, and I have been gone too long as it was.

I entered the sick-room and had to blink a few times to adjust my eyes to the dimness of the room. That would be the first thing to do, pull back the curtains and let whatever available light into the room.

So, I did, I pulled back the heavy material to allow the light freedom to enter the room. Turning to my cousin I noticed that he seemed paler than what he was last night, which was not good.

I went to his side and placed my hand over his mouth and nose to feel any breath he may take. I felt his breath against my hand and that relieved me, at least he was still alive but just probably weaker. He must have lost quite a bit of blood to be so pale.

"Théodred," I whispered, hoping that any worry that I felt did not show in my tone. "I am borrowing a pair of your pants again; I hope you do not mind. Just how did you ever know that I would follow you and Éomer around when we were children?"

I know that I was asking questions to a person who could not answer me, but I did not care for it felt great to just ask my cousin questions that have plagued my mind for years. Perhaps I was also inquiring about such meaningless matters just so that if he does die I shall not regret never asking him such questions.

"You know, I always followed you two so that I could be like you. I wanted be like you two so badly, at one point I even wished that I had been born a boy rather than a girl just so that I could be like you and my brother," I told him. "You must have been excessively amused by my pathetic attempts of disguising myself as a boy. Why did you let me believe that my little disguise actually worked for so long?"

I am positive that Théodred was actually laughing with me on the inside, how could he not? Here I was, the girl who usually played the role of listener, reminiscing with him about our childhood and my madness.

Suddenly, my mood just changed as a thought struck me; this is my husband-to-be.

Unconsciously, I licked my lips nervously then bit on my lower lip in nervousness. I glanced up at Théodred to see if he had seen my nervous habit, even though that was such a silly fear since he was unconscious on the bed.

"Théodred, I…" I began but stopped as the door opened and my hand-maiden entered the room with a tray of food, glass of warmed milk, and bandages.

"Here you are my Lady," she stated as she set the tray upon the nearby table.

"Thank you," I replied before she left my cousin and me alone again.

Returning my attention back to my bleeding cousin, I pulled back the blanket and, using all the strength I could muster, propped his upper body against the wall as best as I could. I went to the tray and took the bandages then went back to Théodred's side. Swallowing again, I began to remove the old bandages and as I done so, the thought from earlier hit me again.

This is my husband-to-be. It truly is such a frightening thought, especially since I was tending to him while he was only half-dressed.

Clearing my throat I decided to just ask him the number one and two questions that had been weighing upon my mind as of late. "Théodred, I have something I need to ask you even though I do not know if you can hear me at all now. I need to know, why do you wish me to marry you? You could have any woman as your wife, but instead you had asked me, why?"

Most people would probably tell me that it does not matter what his reasons were, I was marrying him and that was all that mattered. To me, marrying him was not all that mattered, what mattered to me were his reasons. I did not wish to marry my cousin and then find that he was not content with me. It was a position in life which I was determined to avoid at all costs.

"Why me, Théodred? Why?" I repeated. "Who am I fooling, right? You cannot answer me no more than I can change the alignment of the stars."

Who was I trying to fool? Théodred? Everyone else? Myself? I do not know but I knew that I had asked in vain, for there was no possible way for Théodred to answer me. Maybe that is what hurt me most, the fact that I would never know what my cousin's reasons were for wishing me to be his wife.

Thanks yous this week go out to Iona and Evenstar Elanor. Thank you both for reviewing and sorry about the late update, my computer had broken down.