Life After Death
NOTE: I don't own LOTR or any of the characters.
I feel drained, it may possible be due to all the anxiety and the limited amount of energy I have had to exert throughout the day, which was almost none. So with all that built up energy wasted on nothing, it has left me exhausted.
My day had gone about something like this: I sat beside Théodred, walked about the room to get the feeling back into my legs, and once in a great while I would run down to the kitchen to order a tray of food to be sent down. So, my day had been rather lacking to say the least and the most.
Right now I was starring mindlessly out the window into the dark abyss. Yes, it was indeed night, I think it was closer to being twelve o'clock, but that's only my estimation. While I stared Háma entered the room quietly, I did not even hear him until he spoke up.
"My Lady," he bowed briefly, startling me out of my trance, "may I have a word with you?" He seemed to be rather tense, more than usual, which told me that what he had to say was going to be important.
"Certainly," I nodded, motioning him to take a seat. How could I actually deny him speaking to me?
Instead of sitting down Háma approached me until he was about an arm's length away. Whatever he wished to say must be really important if he feels the need to stand this close.
"You cannot do this to yourself," he told me in a low voice.
"Do what? What is it that I am doing to myself, Háma?" I inquired. Just what was it that he spoke of?
"You cannot shut yourself in this room and chain yourself to his side," he answered firmly, gesturing vaguely at Théodred. "It is very unhealthy for you to be locked in here and not about."
Closing my eyes, I let out a long, drawn-out sigh. Háma was not the first to think that, he was only the first to actually come to me and say it directly to me. I had just found out that day all the amazing gossips one can hear from the halls. Normally, I would not have thought that people would have so much time to gossip, but I was wrong.
It took quite a bit of my self-control to no become so defensive, I had been thinking about my defense replies throughout the day. I did not wish to become so defensive towards Háma since he was only expressing his concern for my wellbeing, and there is nothing wrong with that.
"I thank you for your concern but I shall stay by Théodred's side for as long as he still draws breath," I stated calmly and slowly. Unfortunately, when I thought of my defense replies, I did not think of phrasing them politely, so I had to talk slow so that I could choose my words more wisely.
"My Lady, look at him. Take a good look! He is not going to last the night," Háma declared.
I stared at my cousin, he was getting paler but not to the point where his skin was pale blue or pale purple, like that I had seen in other dying people. Would he survive the night? I did not know but it was something that I did acknowledge as a possibility although I loathed to do so.
"Please understand that this is my cousin and my future husband lying on that bed. Like any other wife or future wife, I shall remain by his side until death takes him." Háma was ready to protest again. "Háma, my brother has been banished, Théodred is my only relative and friend left with me. I would like to be with him. Please." I was imploring him to do this for me; if his estimations are correct then this phase of mine will be over tomorrow…that is a depressing thought.
He sighed in frustration as he gave me a tired gaze that softened. "Very well, but I think the healer should be here as well…"
"She was here earlier," I interrupted quickly, "and she said that there was nothing she could do for him. I do not think she would wish to return only to say the same thing again."
Háma scratched the back of his head for a moment. It seemed that he was uncomfortable with leaving me alone. "I do not wish to leave you alone in here, but nothing I can say will make you change your mind, will it?" he stated.
"No, nothing you say will change my mind," I smiled. He had yet to say that I had won this disagreement, but I knew I had.
"All is well, Háma. Nothing is going to happen," I promised starring him into submission. It is a very useful skill to have, to stare someone down into submission, it works almost every time. "Now," I spoke up, "go off to bed, it is late and I shall call for you if there is a problem."
He was going to argue again, but I stopped him. "No excuses Háma," I insisted, "get some sleep. You are no good to us if you are asleep on your feet."
With a nod Háma went to the door but turned around to me when he was at the door. "You would have made a great queen, my Lady." Before I could reply Háma had left me to my own devices.
His compliment had stunned me into silence. It is not everyday that someone tells me that I, me, myself, would have made a great queen! Has anyone ever said that to you?! It is among the ultimate of higher compliments to ever be blessed with!
Sobering from the effects of the compliment I bit my lip and thought about it for a moment. "Would I?" I questioned to the nothingness in the room. "Would I have truly made a good queen?"
A murmur from the bed broke my train of contemplation. That seemed to be happening quite a bit to me, guess I should really keep my mind on what is at hand.
"Théodred?" I sat down upon the bed and leaned forward, my hair brushing against his cheek. Perhaps I should pull my hair back from now on…never mind, I have too much hair to do that everyday.
There was no reaction, so I just laid my head on his shoulder for a moment. I was tired and I wanted to sleep, but Théodred needed me, so how could I sleep?
"Eo-wyn…?" The faint whisper caught my attention.
Raising my head from its resting place I stared at my cousin quizzically. Did Théodred just speak? Did I just hear that? Or was my mind playing games with me? After all, he had not spoken a word all day.
"Did you say something?" I gulped.
He groaned softly, even his moans and groans sounded weak.
"No, I did not suppose so." I was disappointed, not that I knew if Théodred speaking was a good or ill sign, but it would have been nice to…
"Eo-wny…?" That time I did hear it for it was stronger but obviously more draining than anything else.
"Yes Théodred, I am here," I assured him with a smile.
"I…" His voice was strained, almost sounded as though he were choking out the words.
"Hush, do not try to talk Théodred, you must save your energy," I told him gently, brushing a strand of hair from his eyes. Unlike Éomer, Théodred did not wear his hair too long but it was long enough to keep getting in his face.
He did not listen to my advice. "Eowyn…I l-" he began but then coughed a couple of times, "l-ove…y…ou."
"What?" I blinked. "Théodred, what did you say?" He had fallen back into his slumber it seemed, leaving me without answers.
He loved me? Why would he say that? Why did he use so much energy just to tell me that? Why…Why? That was what I had asked him earlier. Why do you wish me to marry you? You could have any woman as your wife, but instead you had asked me, why? Now, I have my answer, because he loved me.
He loved me! Me, his younger cousin who would follow him around and be like 'one of the boys'…Wait a moment, perhaps he only loved me as a sister, or a cousins, or even a friend, but my heart tells me otherwise. A heart can be a traitorous thing though.
Should I really believe what my heart tells me? Éomer would tell me not to trust my heart for the heart can be like a person and be blind, yet Théodred would advise me to let my heart guide me for it will never intentionally make me believe a lie. Still, it could make me believe in something that is not true. That is the part that keeps me from believing that my cousin loved me for more than being his cousin, a sister he never had, and a friend.
I yawned. It was late and I was tired but I did not want to move from that place at Théodred's side. It felt…comfortable to be at his side, although most people would question my intentions by sharing the bed with my future husband.
Personally, I did not care at the moment for my head was too fuzzy to actually think straight and advise me to move to the chair to sleep again despite the screaming muscles I would have in the morning. Instead of moving, I remained on the bed with Théodred.
Resting my head back onto his shoulder, I whispered in his ear, "I love you too, my King."
Thank you goes out to Evenstar Elanor and CarminaBurana1 for reviewing. Thank you so much for your support.