(A/N: yes I had to change some of the lyrics for this to work.)
"Perfect"
He'd almost killed her. Killed. The one bit of family he had, his own wife. He'd almost followed exactly in his fathers own footsteps, murder.
Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
No it don't hurt when you disapprove all along
Sitting in a dusty corner of the Harlem Lodging House, he was alone. Not certain that he'd chosen right or wrong, he knew he had to live by it.
His mind jumped back to a time when he was little, about 4 or 5, and he saw his mother cleaning the counter, a look of fear on her face that at the time he didn't understand.
They heard the apartment door slam open and then closed. His mother looked frantically around and huddled him into a cabinet and closed the cupboard closed. He knew that this was the norm, he just never understood why.
"Stupid bitch!" his fathers sluggish drunk voice reached his ears.
"Where's that damn boy?! Ya sendin' him off ta school? He oughta be here takin' care a da house!"
"I'm sorry, I didn't think. You're right." Her frantic voice arose questions in his mind. He'd never thought about it before, never considered what the reason might be that every time his father came home he was hurried into a cupboard, or a closet. He heard his mother scream after a loud slap, and he shoved himself further back, just as his mother had told him.
Hours later, after the slamming had long since ceased, his mother pulled him out into her arms, hugging him close. She'd always have a bruise either on her face or arms.
And now I try hard to make it
I don't want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that I'm alright
And you can't change me
One night when he was six, when his father had come home unexpectedly and drunk, there was nowhere for him to hide. His mother had stood blocking the doorway to the room, protecting him, and she was tossed aside like a rag.
This memory brought tears to his eyes. This was the once that she fought back, the once that she'd hurt him back. It hadn't been worth her life. He sat in the corner wide-eyed and watched his own father bend over her and clamp his hands in an iron grip around her neck.
Being the sneaky boy he was, he knew there was a way out for him, but he had to watch her get free. She never did. Her face turned red and her breathing ceased, until her breast fell with her last exhale. He didn't cry, nor did his father.
"c'mere boy." He'd said.
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I sure ain't sorry
I can't be perfect
Jack had jumped out the window and onto the fire escape, then gone as quickly as he could down the stairs, floor by floor, until he'd reached the bottom. He heard swearing and his father calling his name, but he just ran until he found the police.
That was the day he put his own father in jail.
I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spend with me
Now seem so far away
And I know that you don't care anymore
His eyes slowly cleared from the memory, and all he could see flashing in front of him was his own hands around Raven's neck.
He'd almost killed the one person he loved more then life.
And now I try hard to make it
I don't want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I'm ready for another fight
And nothing's alright
But he'd left. He'd held her close, apologized to her, then gotten up and walked away. She'd never be hurt by him again.
Clicks of boots against the floor approached him, and he found a piece of bread shoved in his hand and Ace kneeled in front of him.
"So Kelly ya feelin' any better?" he asked lightly. Jack shook his head, his face pale and withered from not eating, the blood drained from his face from the horror of realization of exactly what he'd become.
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Ace gently nudged his hand, but no motion came afterwards.
"Look Jack, I know that you fucked up. I don't know what you did, but you fucked up bad if you ain't in Brooklyn or Manhattan." Ace said angrily.
"But I will not see my friend die! EAT IT!"
Jack sighed, and brought the cursed food to his lips.
"Jack I care about ya, and I know you got people everywhere around here that care about ya. Ya can't give up like dis. Remembah dat." Ace left him to his thoughts. He heard a frantic banging on the door downstairs. "I'se comin, I'se comin'!"
Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Go ahead, turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand
Frantic words were jumbled together, and the only ones he could understand were a muffled 'Jack' and 'Raven'. Seconds after, he heard a blow received by Ace and someone running up the stairs. He looked up to see Jackal, then looked back down at the bread and threw it across the room. Great, she'd come to rub his stupidity in his face.
Surprising him, she knelt in front of him and lifted his chin panting. She looked to be in worse shape then he did, and she'd lost weight, enough that she looked almost disgustingly thin.
"Jack." Her raspy voice sounded as if it hadn't been used in weeks. "Ya gotta go ta Raven!" He pulled his head down, but she brought it up again, panting. "SHE'S GONNA DIE YOU TWIT NOW GET YOUR ASS OVER THERE!"
He wasn't going to make the mistake his father'd made. He wasn't going to kill Raven, be it physically or psychologically. He raced out the door and towards Manhattan.
He looked around the shocked room full of newsies until he saw Raven's limp form huddled on his bunk. He breathed deeply and took her in his arms.
" . . . Jack?"
"I ain't nevah lettin' you outta my sight again." He said firmly, then kissed the top of her head.
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm not sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm not sorry
I can't be perfect
"Perfect"
He'd almost killed her. Killed. The one bit of family he had, his own wife. He'd almost followed exactly in his fathers own footsteps, murder.
Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
No it don't hurt when you disapprove all along
Sitting in a dusty corner of the Harlem Lodging House, he was alone. Not certain that he'd chosen right or wrong, he knew he had to live by it.
His mind jumped back to a time when he was little, about 4 or 5, and he saw his mother cleaning the counter, a look of fear on her face that at the time he didn't understand.
They heard the apartment door slam open and then closed. His mother looked frantically around and huddled him into a cabinet and closed the cupboard closed. He knew that this was the norm, he just never understood why.
"Stupid bitch!" his fathers sluggish drunk voice reached his ears.
"Where's that damn boy?! Ya sendin' him off ta school? He oughta be here takin' care a da house!"
"I'm sorry, I didn't think. You're right." Her frantic voice arose questions in his mind. He'd never thought about it before, never considered what the reason might be that every time his father came home he was hurried into a cupboard, or a closet. He heard his mother scream after a loud slap, and he shoved himself further back, just as his mother had told him.
Hours later, after the slamming had long since ceased, his mother pulled him out into her arms, hugging him close. She'd always have a bruise either on her face or arms.
And now I try hard to make it
I don't want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that I'm alright
And you can't change me
One night when he was six, when his father had come home unexpectedly and drunk, there was nowhere for him to hide. His mother had stood blocking the doorway to the room, protecting him, and she was tossed aside like a rag.
This memory brought tears to his eyes. This was the once that she fought back, the once that she'd hurt him back. It hadn't been worth her life. He sat in the corner wide-eyed and watched his own father bend over her and clamp his hands in an iron grip around her neck.
Being the sneaky boy he was, he knew there was a way out for him, but he had to watch her get free. She never did. Her face turned red and her breathing ceased, until her breast fell with her last exhale. He didn't cry, nor did his father.
"c'mere boy." He'd said.
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I sure ain't sorry
I can't be perfect
Jack had jumped out the window and onto the fire escape, then gone as quickly as he could down the stairs, floor by floor, until he'd reached the bottom. He heard swearing and his father calling his name, but he just ran until he found the police.
That was the day he put his own father in jail.
I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spend with me
Now seem so far away
And I know that you don't care anymore
His eyes slowly cleared from the memory, and all he could see flashing in front of him was his own hands around Raven's neck.
He'd almost killed the one person he loved more then life.
And now I try hard to make it
I don't want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I'm ready for another fight
And nothing's alright
But he'd left. He'd held her close, apologized to her, then gotten up and walked away. She'd never be hurt by him again.
Clicks of boots against the floor approached him, and he found a piece of bread shoved in his hand and Ace kneeled in front of him.
"So Kelly ya feelin' any better?" he asked lightly. Jack shook his head, his face pale and withered from not eating, the blood drained from his face from the horror of realization of exactly what he'd become.
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Ace gently nudged his hand, but no motion came afterwards.
"Look Jack, I know that you fucked up. I don't know what you did, but you fucked up bad if you ain't in Brooklyn or Manhattan." Ace said angrily.
"But I will not see my friend die! EAT IT!"
Jack sighed, and brought the cursed food to his lips.
"Jack I care about ya, and I know you got people everywhere around here that care about ya. Ya can't give up like dis. Remembah dat." Ace left him to his thoughts. He heard a frantic banging on the door downstairs. "I'se comin, I'se comin'!"
Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Go ahead, turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand
Frantic words were jumbled together, and the only ones he could understand were a muffled 'Jack' and 'Raven'. Seconds after, he heard a blow received by Ace and someone running up the stairs. He looked up to see Jackal, then looked back down at the bread and threw it across the room. Great, she'd come to rub his stupidity in his face.
Surprising him, she knelt in front of him and lifted his chin panting. She looked to be in worse shape then he did, and she'd lost weight, enough that she looked almost disgustingly thin.
"Jack." Her raspy voice sounded as if it hadn't been used in weeks. "Ya gotta go ta Raven!" He pulled his head down, but she brought it up again, panting. "SHE'S GONNA DIE YOU TWIT NOW GET YOUR ASS OVER THERE!"
He wasn't going to make the mistake his father'd made. He wasn't going to kill Raven, be it physically or psychologically. He raced out the door and towards Manhattan.
He looked around the shocked room full of newsies until he saw Raven's limp form huddled on his bunk. He breathed deeply and took her in his arms.
" . . . Jack?"
"I ain't nevah lettin' you outta my sight again." He said firmly, then kissed the top of her head.
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm not sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm not sorry
I can't be perfect