Star Cross'd Lovers
Disclaimer: I do not won Harry Potter. JK Rowling owns all the characters ) except the ones I make up).
Chapter 9 - Star Cross'd Lovers
Now that mid-term break was drawing nearer Harry's mood brightened - holidays meant he could see Susan more often. He spent his waking hours thinking about her, wondering what they'd do together the next time they met. Every so often he would steal a glance at her in the mirror; her playful expression countered her mouthing to him that they would "talk later - later!"
Later wasn't good enough for Harry. He had to be with her now, every second, every night and she felt the same way. The trysts in Hogsmede weren't enough. By then he had missed her so much and waited so long all he could do was hold her tightly and forget if only for a while that the whole world didn't exist - that they were the only two people. . .
Snape had just finished telling the potions class how stupid they were when the bell rang. Harry hadn't been listening anyway. He just knew Snape was talking about stupidity because he kept hearing Snape mention "Potter" in his sentences.
Harry checked his timetable - Charms next - at least he'd be able to daydream in peace without being insulted. Just then Professor McGonagall turned the corner.
"Potter", she said when she saw him. "You have a visitor. She will be waiting in my office. I let you both use it. I trust you will not be long?"
Harry did not know if he would be long or not; he didn't know who the visitor was but McGonagall had hurried off before he had given her an answer. Quickly, Harry made his way to his Transfiguration teacher's office. The door was open and a light was burning from candles inside. Reluctantly, he stepped inside. A figure of a woman was standing with her back to him by the window. The flickering light cast her shadow around the walls, then she turned around. The broad, square-jawed witch looked sternly at him. Her look along with her short grey hair told him immediately who she was.
"Ms Bones?" Harry asked in surprise. She raised a thin eyebrow and nodded.
Why did he have a horrible feeling that this was about Susan?
Harry cleared his throat and went on. "Um, is this about the hearing?" Anything to take the subject away from Susan.
"I think you know exactly what this is about, Mr Potter." A desert had now formed I Harry's throat and the prospect of tackling a boring Charms class was more appealing than tackling the forbidding Amelia Susan Bones. "Shall we have a chat?" she asked politely.
"If you want", Harry said pulling over a chair. Amelia Bones sat against the windowsill, her arms crossed defensively. "What do you want to chat about? Susan?" there was not point in painfully dragging this out.
"I do want to talk about my niece as a matter of fact." she said, her voice sharp. "Recently I have had reason for concern, you see. Matters have arisen which need to be put right."
"We're going out with each other", said Harry simply. "Nothing needs to be 'put right' Ms Bones."
Her lips thinned. "Please call me Amelia. You seem like a reasonable young man so I will say what I have to say then go. I want you to stop seeing my niece." For a few minutes she watched Harry intently.
"I know what this is about", he said finally. "This is because of the trial. You think I'll be up to no good."
Amelia rolled her eyes to the ceiling. "The trial is just the beginning Mr Potter. I wish it were as simple as that. Susan is a very vulnerable girl. As her guardian it is my duty to look after her. A while ago I received a letter from Dumbledore; it was an award for Susan, for loyalty to the school last year."
The DA, Harry thought. He had received the same award.
"When I questioned him on what exactly Susan had done I found out that she had joined some kind of rebellious club. . .run by you." Harry ran his hand through his hair and looked away. What if she never let Susan come back to Hogwarts again?
"Apparently you purposely gathered a group of youngsters andencouraged them to deceive their parents."
"Youngsters?" Harry cried snapping his head up. "They weren't youngsters! They were old enough to know what they were doing. I didn't force them to join." The rage boiled the blood in his veins while her face contorted in anger.
"You brainwashed my niece!" she said standing up. "Made her believe the risk of getting caught was actually worth the lies? The deception? Going behind my back for moths? Was that really all worth it?"
"Yes it was worth it. Susan passed her Defence Against the Dark Arts exam didn't she? What if Umbridge had sent Voldemort and his Death eaters after the school? She would have stood a chance of defending herself because of the DA!"
Amelia Bones filched slightly at the mention of Voldemort's name, as if the name had stirred her mind and made her remember a past of misery. But she chose to ignore his question. "That's another thing I wanted to talk to you about", she said heavily. When she was worried Harry could see how her features were just like Susan's. She looked tired and scared. "By now you know only too well that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is in constant pursuit of you. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but I don't want Susan to be around when he finds you." Harry was so angry his fingers trembled. He wanted to tell her all about the Dementors, how he and Susan had been just fine. But he didn't want to bring all that up for the sake of arguing with her. It just reminded him of how he had failed to protect Susan that day. Instead he got up and paced around a cage of two augureys which were now flapping about after Harry and Amelia's heated discussion.
"That is why I think it best if you let her down gently. Tell her it's over. Her father had a rebellious side too", she said absently. "He was always off playing the hero. I told him not to. . .not that it did him any good. . .he died all the same. . .in the end."
Her eyes drifted over to Harry once more; there was desperation in her eyes and he could see that her forbidding side was just a mask. He felt sorry for her now. She wore that mask so that no one could reach her or change her strong opinions. Harry did not want to be manipulated with warnings about past mistakes even if he did sympathise. Had the circumstances been different, Harry realised that he could have actuallyliked this woman. She was strong and loyal to Susan. He felt that pity push awkwardly at his heart.
"I love Susan asa friendyou know." Harry told her.
"Oh and you think I don't love her?" Amelia rounded on him. "You think I don't lie awake at night while Susan and the house around me falls asleep? You think I don't start in fright at every creak and groan of the doors swaying open in a draught? Or the wind howling? Or the water in the tap dripping, making metal thuds? I jump in fright because I thinkthey've come for Susan or it's some lunatic I sent to Azkaban, escaped and come back to get me! You're not there Potter! You don't know what it's like. . .living in fear because of what I am and what my brother was.
"But every day I get up and I go to work to earn a living for my niece because I'm all she has left. Every day I lock up some nutter or rapist or murderer to make the world a better place for witches and wizards everywhere. I'm not proud of everything I do. You don't wake up screaming because you remember the harrowing details of a vicious, gruesome murder being recalled by a witness. I do. And when I send them to Azkaban where they deserve I live in fear that that criminal will come after me or Susan for revenge."
Harry could only stand there and listen to what she had to say. He'd had no idea of what torture she and Susan lived through.
She laughed bitterly. "Oh it never used to be like this of course. When I was young I always wanted to work in law; it was the power that attracted me I suppose. I was much younger then and could handle all those risks. They were minor risks. . .I could handle them. . .then my brother was murdered, and his daughter came to live with me. Suddenly I wasn't living for myself; I was living for Susan. Any risks I took she got involved. And I love her so much.
"On top of that I've got Death Eaters to worry about. In all my years as Head of Department of Magical Law Enforcement I have avoided any such attacks made on Susan to get revenge on me. I made a vow that I would never let anything happen to Susan over the head of my job. I could never forgive myself for it." Her eyes narrowed and her lips thinned. "But when Susan is in danger because of something Ican control - going out with you for example- I absolutely refuse to stand by and watch while her life falls apart. I will not let all my years of keeping my vow to protect her go down the drain over some silly romance.. I will not. . ."
Harry watched as her rapid breathing came to a halt, then resumed again; her breathing sounding desperate, shallow. With a pale face she looked directly at him, tears forming in her eyes and implored him. "Please, please don't jeopardise the safety of my niece. I'll beg you if you want." Harry stood thinking carefully as she came over and held his shoulder in a shaking hand. "I beg of you, if you love Susan as much as you say you do, don't let this relationship continue. End it. . .save her. . ." Her trembling hand slid off his shoulder and flopped hopelessly to her side. They stood in silence for a while, Harry considering the matter at hand before he answered heavily.
"Ms Bones, I understand what you're saying but I'm afraid I can't do what you're asking. Believe me, I will never let anything bad happen to Susan. She's too precious to me-"
Amelia rolled her eyes angrily and let out a groan. "Don't you understand what I'm saying to you, you insolent boy? You don't even know what you're saying yourself! This has got to end!"
"Love doesn't end!"
"Ha! You're too young to understand what love is!" Amelia roared wildly. "You're - you're just a pair of star crossed lovers!"
Harry opened his mouth, as if trying to take in what she had just said. He closed it, opened it again, feeling a little intimidated.
"What?"
Amelia rolled her eyes (he wished she wouldn't do that) and explained it to him as if he were completely ignorant, punctuating every word.
"You know. . .star crossed lovers."
"I'm afraid I don't", Harry answered patiently through gritted teeth.
"A pair of star crossed lovers", Amelia explained, her glowing eyes getting narrower, "is the term used to describe a couple whose relationship is doomed to fail from the start. It's written in the stars. You can't argue with destiny."
She sounded like a teacher telling him off; the formal language she used at trials and hearings had a great effect on making Harry feel an inch tall. Reminding him of the time she had questioned him at the trial. But he refused to listen to her. . .for Susan.
"Mine and Susan's relationship is not like that", he said defiantly, his fists securely clenched at his sides.
"No I suppose it isn't", Amelia said in a condescending tone. "All hearts and flowers is it? Oh yes, I understand now; it's all fun and exciting and new is it? Well let me tell you something Mr Potter, once the novelty wears off you won't give a damn about my niece. She'll be cast aside so you can go gallivanting off with some common tart and you know who'll hurt at the end of the day? You know whose hopes and feelings will be shattered into a thousand pieces? My niece - that's who - Susan! That's not love Mr Potter, that's just two teenagers living a fantasy. Like I said; you're just a pair of star crossed lovers."
All the while she had been speaking Harry was shaking his head. She was wrong! What did she know about their relationship?
"We ARE NOT!" Amelia's eyes opened wide as saucers; she was so taken aback by his sudden outburst. Then he continued quietly, "I love your niece and nothing is going to break us up! Do you hear me? Nothing!"
"We'll see about that", Amelia snapped advancing towards him, though he stood tall over her. When she was right up close to his face her voice was just barely a whisper but menacing and a fire burned like hell in her eyes. "Because if you hurt my niece, Potter - and I have begged you, pleaded with you to end this - don't say I didn't warn you."
Harry knew deep down she was worried about her niece, she had every right to be because of the risk of Susan being found by Death Eaters, but she had to believe he would never hurt Susan. He'd rather die first.
"No need, because I won't hurt her."
"Good, because I deal with people like you every day potter; delinquent juveniles who think they're so great and at the end of the day someone gets hurt. Let's hope Susan realises this for herself." With that, she spun around and stormed out of the door, the moon patterned cloak disappearing from his sight.
Meet me at the statue of Hengist of Woodcroft an hour before we leave Hogwarts.
Susan held the note tightly in her hand. It seemed like only yesterday she and Harry had been departing for the Christmas holidays. The only difference was that now they knew each other so much better. She liked him so much more now.
Harry stood waiting for her, leaning on the statue. When he saw her he smiled and walked towards her.
"All set for the mid-term break?" Harry asked, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.
"I certainly hope so, I keep going over it in my head - about what you've said to me. I think I should tell Auntie about us."
Harry's insides squirmed; Amelia hadn't even told Susan that she knew. Susan knew nothing about Amelia coming over to persuade him to end the relationship. He had to avoid this conversation; it would only make Susan worry.
He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "Oh that. . .that was ages ago."
"Not really. It's better for me to tell her now rather than later." Harry swallowed, he hated lying to Susan. He didn't know why he was lying to begin with. He supposed it was best. If Susan found out how horrible her aunt had been. . . He didn't want them to have a row.
"How do you think she'll take it?"
"Badly", Susan said immediately. "She's far too protective, bless her."
Harry and Susan sat down on the floor beside the statue. Susan rested her head on Harry's shoulders. "Listen Susan, I don't think you should tell her yet. Give it a while."
Susan silently considered this. "Yeah. . .maybe if she sees how long we've lasted she'll come round. I'll give it another while then."
Then they both rested their backs against the cold stone wall, feeling it cool them, just enjoying each other's company before they departed.
For some reason it felt as if Susan was venturing into a dangerous mission. A few times she had tired to reassure Harry that Auntie would accept their relationship but it felt like she was trying to convince herself.
Unfortunately, there was one person Harry had not counted on.
The train sped through the underground towards London. Now that Voldemort was back chances could not be taken. Portkeys were no longer reliable in case they had been sabotaged and the floo network carried the risk of being monitored. The muggle way of travelling was safer. At least Harry was among many people in broad daylight as he made his way toward Grimmauld Place.
A very flustered Tonks was there to greet him at the station. Work must have been getting more demanding now that Voldemort was back in power. As Harry had expected they drove the muggle way - by car. For the whole journey Tonks didn't say a word to him. Once or twice Harry tried to start a conversation but she kept responding with short, fastanswers so he gave up eventually. What could possibly be wrong with her?
Soon they arrived and just as Harry was getting out of the car Mr and Mrs Weasley were leaving Grimmauld Place (it was almost as if they were waiting for him to come so that they could go). They left without so much as a goodbye and from the look on Tonks' face she couldn't wait to go either.
"Right Harry", she said nervously. "Remus is waiting for you inside. Gotta go now; Ministry business. You have a good mid term break ok?" She smiled feebly at Harry then to his surprise she shook his hand. "Good luck Harry." Before Harry could even ask what was going on she'd left and drove away in the car.
Reluctantly, Harry dragged his trunk inside Sirius' old house. He had no idea of what was wrong with everyone but something was definitely strange. The house was unusually quiet; even Mrs Black's portrait seemed to hold her breath. The door clicked shut behind him and a voice called from somewhere in the house.
"Harry could you come here for a minute please?" Remus Lupin was calling from the kitchen. Leaving his trunk in the hallway Harry went down to the kitchen. Lupin sat in one of the chairs around the table; his hands folded neatly on his lap and wearing an expression of severe forbidding. So this was what everyone had been so anxious to escape. Lupin was in a foul mood.
Harry thought that if he had a father and did something wrong like go out without a father's permission, got roaring drunk, come stumbling in in the early hours of the morning then his father would wear an expression like Lupin's. if his father knew he'd been doing this and had waited up for him he might look something like Lupin. Remus Lupin sat here like this now, as if he'd been waiting for him. And Harry could tell he was in trouble for something.
"Good afternoon Harry." Lupin had said this politely enough but his stony expression never changed. it wasn't the look of anger that was bothering Harry, it was the look of disappointment on his face that made him feel ashamed.
"What's wrong professor?" Harry asked.
Lupin sighed heavily, as if the weight of the world were on his shoulders. "I just had a visitor", Lupin began, still looking angrily at Harry.
"Oh. . ." Three guesses who, Harry thought. Why did Amelia Bones have to interfere with his relationship through Lupin?
"Oh!" Lupin said loudly. "Oh? Is that all you can say?"
"She came to see me too!" Harry said matching Lupin's tone.
"Well she was absolutely livid Harry! I would have thought that you would obey her the first time she saw you. But you had to be told again?" after everything you've been through? Harry you must do what you are told!"
"She can't tell me what to do-" Lupin cut him off.
"Stop right there Harry! I have a few things to say and you are going to listen to me and do as I say. Is that understood? Now sit." Harry sat while Lupin stood up. "I received a visit from Amelia Bones yesterday, said she'd been looking around for Harry's nearest guardian and eventually she found me.
"I know Amelia from years back but yesterday she wasn't the same Amelia I've always known. She was outraged at your behaviour Harry. I asked her what was wrong and she told me she'd been round to see you. She said she'd begged you to end a relationship with her niece and you absolutely refused, knowing the danger you could inflict on yourself and her niece Susan Bones.
"'Susan Bones?' I said. 'Harry is not seeing anyone at the minute. She insisted you were seeing her niece - that you'd been seeing her for months and you would not end the relationship when Ms. Bones requested you to do so.
"And from the look on your face I presume she was telling the truth?" Slowly Harry nodded, keeping his head down. Lupin looked more tired than angry now. "Harry for goodness sake! I thought you had more sense than that. Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because it's none of your business", Harry said in a small voice. "You don't have to play father figure to me now that Sirius is gone. So don't feel you have to. I've never had a father in my life so I don't miss him. I don't want you looking out for me like this."
"It's not about replacing Sirius Harry. This is about looking after you now that Voldemort is back. Don't you see? You can't go running around doing what you like anymore. Things have changed. I have nothing against you going out with anyone - but Susan Bones?" Lupin sat down beside Harry and sighed gently. "Harry, you don't know that trouble you'll both get into. You've already angered Amelia Bones by not doing what she said."
Harry fixed his eyes on the floor. . .he didn't know what to say. He had thought Lupin of all people would stick up for him. Instead he was agreeing with Amelia Bones.
"I expect you know all about the fear for her safety?" Harry nodded and Lupin's eyes widened. "And you're still seeing her?" Harry nodded more forcefully this time. "So you know it was her parents and brother who were murdered as well as her aunts, uncles and cousins?"
Harry remembered Susan telling him about her aunts, uncles and cousins being murdered but back then she hadn't mentioned her parents dying. It was only when she'd gotten to really know him that she told him that.
"Am I the only person to know that?" Harry asked in disbelief. How could anyone keep a secret like that bottled up without going insane?
"You must be. If Voldemort or some Death Eaters found out they hadn't killed all of Edgar Bones' family then they might come back for her. She's had to tell people it was her aunts, uncles and cousins who died rather than her parents and brother to protect herself. Her father, and I knew him well, was a particularly hated person among the Death Eaters. They might not like the idea of his daughter being still around.
"Oh and Harry I bet even Susan didn't tell you the half of what she and her aunt go through. Mind you, she probably doesn't know much of it herself. Her aunt has to keep her worries from her, so that Susan doesn't get upset or panic. I know what they go through because Amelia told me herself yesterday.
"Don't you see how worried she is? She has to resort to telling me her worries and secrets to protect her niece's identity. If you had done what she'd asked you might have spared her admitting all those things." Lupin began to pace round the room. Harry had never seen him so angry. "I remember the first year you went to Hogwarts", Lupin went on, "Amelia was going to send Susan to a private school because she was so concerned that someone would let the Death Eaters know she is still alive. Hogwarts is a big place and she reckoned a private school would be safer, Susan would have less chance of being talked about around the school. Dumbledore had to practically beg Amelia to send Susan to Hogwarts.
"I know it doesn't seem correct that your school is one of the safest places in the Wizarding world but it is. Susan is much safer there than at an y old private school. Eventually she agreed but now she's threatened to remove Susan from the school because of this." Lupin looked at Harry sadly. "I'm also saying this for your safety Harry. It can't be a good idea to have two people Voldemort wouldn't mind seeing dead running around together. Together you're an easy target. You must understand Harry that Amelia has nothing against you." Harry snorted. "I'm sure Amelia would be just as concerned if Susan was going out with any boy. At the end of the day Susan is still in danger and you still increase that danger. I want you to end this."
Harry was feeling so many feelings he didn't know where to begin. He wanted to tell Lupin how she'd come so close to him. Then again he wanted to shout at him, tell him to mind his own business. Part of him wanted to ask him more questions; he was frightened for Susan's safety too. Should he end their relationship in spite of his feelings just to keep Susan safe? A strong feeling of sadness overtook him. No matter what path he chose to take someone would end up being miserable.
Eventually Harry nodded and Lupin smiled in relief. This was going to be the hardest thing he's ever have to do.
That day Ron and Hermione had visited. It was painful but Harry kept Lupin's conversation with him to himself. They sat in their private room as Grimmauld Place filled and emptied with people. Even in the busy house Harry felt lonely. He'd lost one of his best friends who'd also been his godfather, now he might lose another. When Ron and Hermione left the house to go home Harry sat in his bedroom, doing some homework - anything to take his mind off Susan. His eyes grew sore from drowsiness and he was about to get under the covers and sleep when he heard a voice calling him from inside his trunk.
"Harry! Harry!" Susan was calling him through the other two-way mirror. Harry quickly took out his own mirror to see Susan's pretty face smiling up at him. He forced on a smile while inwardly he felt like running.
"Hey beautiful!" he said. Susan blushed and looked away. Why couldn't he do it? Why couldn't he tell her it was over?
"I just wanted to say goodnight", she explained.
"Goodnight", Harry said cheerfully. Susan blew him a kiss and Harry smiled, trying to capture how beautiful she was when she looked at him adoringly. "Sweet dreams." Harry placed the mirror on his bedside table. Maybe if he got to sleep he wouldn't have to think about the way her face would look when he broke her heart. . .