Jimmy Brooks is the kind of guy who could change your label. He turned Hazel into something other than Paige's shadow. No one called Toby a dork when Jimmy was around. He's electric. You either knew him, or you wish you did.
Jimmy and I were never friends. We didn't have a reason to be. He knew who I was, I knew who he was, and that was enough. Our paths never seemed to cross, and our crowds didn't collide. That was all until the "Whack Your Brain" competition.
He wasn't even supposed to be on the team. It's not that he wasn't smart enough. It's just that he was popular and popular kids didn't participate in academic competitions. Nerds did. Nerds like Rick, nerds like Toby, and nerds like me.
He hated it at first, I could tell. He'd just stare at Rick, like he was formulating with new ways to make his life hell. Even I couldn't blame him for that. Terri was practically his best friend. After time, he softened, because that's the Jimmy Brooks thing to do. Jimmy Brooks doesn't hold grudges. He's the first one to forgive you. He tells you everything you want to hear and he does it with a smile on his face. It doesn't matter how great of a person you are, you pale in comparison to Jimmy.
He started answering questions. I think Toby was the most surprised when he got them right. He laughed with us. He made us feel like a team. I guess twelve years of sports will do that to you. He made Rick feel wanted. Like he fit in. Like we needed him on the team. He was doing exactly what I so desperately wanted to.
My attempts were mediocre at best, especially compared to what Jimmy was doing. I guess you could say I was jealous. How could this one guy have such an impact? He made it look easy.
Even before the gun was pointed in my direction Rick had made me feel uncomfortable. I ignored the subtle comments, the long gazes in my direction, and even attempts to hold my hand, but when he kissed me, I lost it. I couldn't keep my cool. I called him pathetic. I told him that I felt bad for him. I made him think our friendship was based on pity. It doesn't matter if it was true or not, I shouldn't have said it. I play back that moment a lot, you know? I wonder if the outcome would have been the same if I let him down gently. Maybe Jimmy wouldn't be in the hospital, maybe Rick wouldn't be six feet under, and maybe I wouldn't be so messed up.
That's why I visited him everyday. After Hazel left, long past Craig had gone, and just behind his parents tucking him in for the night, I stopped by. We had some sort of a silent understanding. I knew the pain that I felt and what Jimmy was going through were incomparable, but there was something comforting about being by his side.
We knew there were some things that we could never talk about. Hazel? Off-limits. Basketball? Never mentioned. Rick? Avoided, but not on purpose. Neither one of us had anything to say about him. I didn't treat him as if he was about to break into a thousand pieces, and he did the same for me.
Jimmy was the last person I expected to save me, but he did. With every smile, conversation, and laugh a part of me was rebuilt. I wasn't afraid when I was with him. Sometimes I'd even fall asleep. It was the only place where the nightmares didn't stop me from closing my eyes. We'd kiss sometimes. It always started off innocent enough. Just a peck on the forehead, to let him know I'd always be there. He'd hold my arm and slowly pull me in until I could feel his breath against my lips…but that's not important.
I'm not trying to say everything was roses and balloons. He's Jimmy Brooks, after all. Jimmy Brooks with a girlfriend and more popularity than I'd ever know what to do with. We were just friends, and besides those seconds of closeness up in his hospital room, it's all we ever would be.
I wasn't the environmental crusader anymore. I wasn't the stuck-up princess. I wasn't that girl who fell to pieces when a gun was pointed at her. I was Emma Nelson, friend of Jimmy, the guy who could change your label.