Sweet Misery
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The next day at breakfast when the mail arrived, the Marauders (with the exception of Peter), Lily, Lauren, and Gwynn all received owls informing them of their detentions.
"Saturday?!" they all said at once.
"What a waste of a Saturday afternoon," James said, tearing up his letter and tossing the bits into the air.
" 'Report to Professor Turco's office at one o'clock sharp to serve out your detention,' " Lauren read.
"So you have to put up with that tosser too," said Sirius.
"Well, I have to go to McGonagall's," said Gwynn. "No doubt she's heard about what we were planning on doing to her from Turco."
"You were going after McGonagall?" Remus asked.
"Yeah, we thought we could get away with it and all the blame would be forced on you guys," Lily explained.
"Gee, thanks," James said sarcastically.
"Well it's true," Lauren said. "That was the whole genius of our plan! Get away scotch free."
"Where you going for your detention, Remie?" Lauren asked.
"Don't call me Remie!" Remus snapped.
"That's right Lauren," said Gwynn. "Everyone know it's Remo!"
"Don't call me either of those! It's Remus!"
Lily looked at her watch and said, "Well, we should get going if we don't want to be late for our first class"
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That Saturday, the lot reported to their assigned detentions; Gwynn and Remus to Professor McGonagall's classroom, Lauren and Sirius to Professor Turco's, and Lily and James to the Trophy Room to polish Trophies.
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Lauren and Sirius stepped into Professor Turco's dimly lit classroom. Professor Turco was sitting with her back to them.
"You're late," she said, getting up. "Take a seat there. You two are going to grind beetle wings, sort potions, wash tables, and whatever else I feel like making you do." She started walking to the supplies cabinet to get the beetle wings.
"Stupid slave-driving git…" Sirius muttered below his breath.
"What was that?" Professor Turco asked, turning towards them.
"Nothing Professor," Lauren replied pushing Sirius down into a chair and took a seat next to him.
Professor Turco reached into the supplies cabinet and pulled out a large jar of beetle wings and set it on the desk that Sirius and Lauren were sitting at. She then went to her office to grade papers.
"This is just fantastic," Sirius said, throwing some beetle wings into a mortar and began crushing them. "Who knows how long we'll be here."
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"Mr. Filch?" Lily called out opening the door to the Trophy room.
"Looks like he's not here," said James. "I guess we can't do our detention. And I was so looking forward to it." James turned to head out the door, and ran right into the caretaker.
"No so fast, Potter," sneered Filch, clutching his broom. His nasty cat, Alexis, sat at his feet glaring at James and Lily with her ghostly steel eyes as if daring them to try to escape. "You two are going to have lots of fun today," Filch said grinning maliciously. 'You will both polish trophies till they shine like new. By hand, no magic. If either of you smudge them with your grimy little fingers, you'll have to start all over again. Your polish and rags are over in the back. Get to wo—" Filch was interrupted by a loud crash from the floor above. "Peeves!" Filch looked down at his cat. "Alexis, my pet, keep an eye on these two little trouble makers while I catch Peeves." Filch ran out of the trophy room and disappeared through a tapestry. Alexis growled and meowed, ordering them to get started.
"Guess we should get to work," James said.
"Yeah," agreed Lily walking back to get the rags and polish.
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"She's going to be harsh with the punishment, I know it," Gwynn said as she and Remus walked to McGonagall's classroom.
"Maybe she didn't find out," suggested Remus.
"You know Turco hates us, why wouldn't she tell McGonagall?"
"To stress you out."
"Remus, you always know how to make a bad situation seem positively wonderful."
Remus rolled his eyes and opened the door to the Transfiguration classroom.
"Ah, Mr. Lupin, Miss Black," McGonagall said looking up from her desk.
"Hello professor," Gwynn and Remus said.
"You two can unpack some boxes in the back room," instructed McGonagall. "All the books go on the top two shelves and just organize everything else in an orderly fashion."
"Yes ma'am," Gwynn said and Remus nodded. They walked into the back room to leave the professor to planning that week's lessons.
"See, I told you," said Remus smugly.
"Uh huh," replied Gwynn. "And for that Mr. Lupin, you can take care of the books." Gwynn abandoned the box she was opening and moved on to another box. Remus looked up at the top shelf and groaned. It was a good four feet above him.
"Thanks much Gwynn," he said looking for something to stand on.
"Oh you are very welcome, my dear Remo," Gwynn replied pulling some pillows out of her box.
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An hour and a half later, Remus and Gwynn returned to the common room to find the others still hadn't returned.
"Looks like we got off easy," said Gwynn hopping down on a chair near the fireplace.
"I knew we would," Remus commented lying down on the couch next to Gwynn's chair.
"Shut up you," Gwynn said hitting Remus with a conveniently placed pillow. He took the pillow and tossed it back at her. Gwynn threw the pillow to an empty chair to keep the pillow fight from growing.
"Hey, I could've used that," Remus said looking over at the chair and reaching for the pillow.
"Aww," said Gwynn in a babyish tone, "is da arwm west to harwd for poor wittle Wemo?"
"Remus." He shot her a quick glare. She just smiled back.
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About an hour later, Lily and James returned, arms hanging limply at their sides. James sat down in a chair across from Gwynn and Lily dropped down on the couch before Remus had a chance to move his feet.
"Hey!" he whined. "Get up!"
"Too tired," Lily said hitting Remus's knee.
"We had to polish those trophies three times," explained James. "They didn't 'reflect Alexis's beautiful face at all!' "
"Great Filch impression," Gwynn said.
"What'd you guys have to do?" Lily asked.
"Unpack boxes and stack their contents on shelves," replied Remus.
"You're so lucky," Lily said.
"Not while you're sitting on my legs I'm not." Lily pushed her self up a little and allowed Remus to move his feet.
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Sirius and Lauren didn't return for another hour. Sirius made Remus sit up and sat between Lily and Remus, while Lauren took a seat on the floor in front of Gwynn's chair.
"Bad detention?" Gwynn asked.
"Yes!" Sirius and Lauren shouted at the same time.
"First, we had to crush two huge jars of beetle wings," Lauren said.
"Then," started Sirius, "we had to sort potions at least five times because she kept pointing out shelves we missed."
"After that, we had to wash the tables twelve times because we kept missing these invisible specks of dirt!"
"Then we had to go find potion ingredients along the edge of the Forbidden Forest."
"After we got every single thing on the da—ergh! list, she let us go."
"And I thought we had it bad," Lily said looking at James.
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Over the next few weeks, Lily and Gwynn avoided causing trouble or drawing attention to them selves in class to avoid being flagged as trouble making students (though it was too late for potions, and this behavior just make Professor Turco more suspicious). But on occasion, they helped Lauren pull some pranks, which they got away scotch free.
One day at breakfast, Gwynn, Lauren, and Lily were sitting, munching on some toast when the Marauders came to join them.
"Hello," Gwynn said, covering her mouth to keep any bits of toast from falling out.
"Real attractive," teased Sirius. "Every guy must want you now."
"To what do we owe the pleasure of your company?" Lauren asked.
"We're here to ask you to do us a little favor," Remus said.
"And what may that be?" Lily asked.
"Please start leaving a calling card for your pranks," replied James.
"Why would we do that?" Gwynn questioned.
"Quit talking with your mouth full," snapped Sirius. "I'm losing my appetite."
Gwynn opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue. Sirius glared at her with a mix of disdain and disgust. She closed her mouth and swallowed her food.
"Why would we do that?" Gwynn repeated.
"It's not that we don't mind you guys pulling pranks, it's just the fact that we're getting blamed," James explained.
"Aw, can't handle the detentions?" Lauren said mockingly.
"We just want to beat our previous record pulling pranks worthy of our status," Sirius said.
"So our pranks are not 'Marauder' material?" Gwynn asked, slightly offended.
"In a matter of speaking, yes," replied Sirius.
"Gee, thanks," said Lauren sarcastically.
"Don't take it so seriously," said James. "You just don't have our highly creative minds."
"Yes, and I'm quite glad," Lily said. "I don't think I could support the huge head that comes with it."
The boys opened their mouths to object but closed them.
"Okay, you win," Remus said.
"You owe me candy," Lily said taking a sip from her goblet. Lily spit what she had thought was pumpkin juice back into her goblet. "What did you four do?" She grabbed an empty glass and poured herself a glass of water to get rid of the horrible garlic taste in her mouth.
"Peter, did you take our concoction to the kitchens?" Sirius asked sounding slightly annoyed.
"Y-yes, b-but I p-put it-t aw-way fr-from the b-breakfas-st stuff," he stuttered.
"Peter, you weren't supposed to do that!" James said.
"It was a simple mistake, go easy on him," Remus said. Peter looked gratefully at Remus.
"What is that stuff?" Lauren said leaning over the table to look at the reddish liquid in Lily's goblet.
"Just a little prank that was supposed to be for tonight and as a soup, but somebody took it to the kitchen too early and put it near the pumpkin juice," explained James, glaring at Peter. Peter sank deep into his chair.
"Well what is it?" Gwynn asked.
"Gazpacho," replied Sirius.
"That is not gazpacho," Lily said.
"Well, it is," said Remus. "With added ingredients."
"Like what?" Lauren inquired.
"Well, a potion, and more garlic," answered James. Lily was about to shout at them when Sirius interrupted her, "Don't worry Lily dear. The potion won't affect you because you didn't swallow." They heard a shriek from the Hufflepuff table. A girl's hair had turned into snakes.
"Looks like she did though," said Remus.
Lauren, Gwynn and Lily watched aghast as the girl ran half screaming, half crying, out of the Great Hall.
"That was cruel!" Lily said.
"It wasn't intended to go to all the tables!" Sirius said in defense.
"Just the Slytherins," said James.
A few more screams rang out from the Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin tables. The Slytherin fifth year yelled as one of the snakes bit his nose. The other students eyed the food before them suspiciously, wondering what was causing hair to turn to snakes. The Gryffindors were swatting at the snakes to keep them away from their faces.
"Well, that went rather well," said James looking around. The Slytherin fifth year was shouting something about venom while the Ravenclaws were covering their faces to protect themselves. Some of the Gryffindors had managed to hold back the snakes.
"Time to leave?" Sirius asked.
"Yes, we should," replied Remus. "We don't want to be late for class."
"Y-yeah," agreed Peter.
"Goodbye ladies," said James. The Marauders rushed out of the Great Hall, unnoticed.
"We should get going too," said Gwynn.
"Yeah, and quick," agreed Lauren.
The girls got out of their seats and walked quickly to the door when Professor Turco stopped them.
"Leaving the scene of the crime are we?" she asked.
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Lily, Gwynn, and Lauren sped down the corridors to catch the guys before they left the common room. They reached the portrait just as the boys were leaving.
"We have to talk," Lauren said.
"About what, Ren?" James asked, acting clueless.
"You have to tell Turco you pulled the prank," Lily said.
"Why would we want to do that?" questioned Sirius.
"Sirius, we're facing two months detention," said Gwynn, "and possible expulsion if Turco convinces Dumbledore, thought I highly doubt she will."
"Sounds reasonable for that stunt you three pulled," teased James. "You horrible rule breaking students!"
"Cute," Lauren said sarcastically.
"Oh well, I guess we'll be giving you guys a run for the detention record," said Lily shrugging. The boys rolled their eyes and walked down the hall. Gwynn, Lily, and Lauren said the password to the fat lady and climbed into the common room to get their stuff for their first class.
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