Thanks to all who reviewed! Please read my other ff if you have the time – it is called "The Double Life of Irma Pince". It isn't a funny story, but I personally think it's more creative than this one. It is certainly much harder to write!

CHAPTER TWO – Meet the Marauders

An integral part of any L/J fan fiction is the group known as the Marauders. This group (James and friends) ensures that any L/J story will have a humourous vein. It is important to realize, however, that the characters as portrayed in fan fiction are often different, or rather, exaggerated versions of their canon selves. In this how-to guide, we will discuss the Marauders as they appear in fan fiction, not necessarily how they are described by noted historian J. K. Rowling.

James Potter: Also known as Prongs, James Potter is the future father of Harry James Potter, and husband to Lily Evans. He can be portrayed in many ways, but as all devout readers of the Harry Potter series and subsequent author interviews are aware, he is from a wealthy pureblood family, brilliant at Transfiguration, and secretly an animagus.

Lily turned slowly to look at James. All of the color was rapidly draining from his face and he had a very confused look in his eye. "James, are you an animagus?"

"Uhh...no?"

"No?"

"Oh, come on, Evans! You said yourself this was all ridiculous."

"Yes, Black, but up until now the two of you didn't seem to think so."

"Do you really think that James could manage magic like that?"

"I don't know. He does well in Transfiguration..."

"Why don't we just keep reading?" James felt a rush of relief. She was obviously suspicious, but Sirius seemed to have planted doubts in her mind, anyway. It was definitely a good thing that Lily didn't want to believe this book.

In fan fiction, James is most often described as one of the most handsome and popular boys in the school, along with Sirius Black. He is sometimes saddled with a gorgeous, quasi-evil girlfriend who has it in for Lily, more often a fan club of ditsy, nasty girls of whom he dates one or more per week. He is portrayed as having absolutely no insight into the female mind, and able to charm all teachers and students in the school (with the exception of Lily and a few Slytherins) to bend to his every whim. As he is supposed to have become less conceited in his Seventh year, he typically grows up overnight, becoming mature and responsible, forsaking his many shallow relationships, and leaving Lily in a whirlwind of astonishment and mixed feelings.

"So, Potter, when does that kick in? Or has it already? Does planting dung bombs in the Slytherin table's pudding count as mature and responsible? And how many girlfriends have you had since the beginning of the month?"

"Only two!" replied James, looking offended. "And I didn't even dump the last one! She left me for Thom-"realizing his mistake, James faked a horrendous bout of coughing, while Sirius smirked in the background, wondering how James planned to back out of this one.

"Thom-?"

"Uhh...that... tom-ato-faced Hufflepuff, Clancy Fletcher."

"That isn't fair. Clancy's very nice. He can't help his acne. Though I am surprised that one of your girlfriends would date him. They're usually pretty shallow."

"Ooh, catty, Evans!"

Lily glared at Sirius, but didn't reply. Maybe she was a little jealous of James' girls. But why should that be?

James could not believe the trouble that this book was getting him into! He decided that they should stop reading soon. Maybe after the Sirius Black section.

Sirius Black: Also known as Padfoot, because of his canine animagus, Sirius is the gorgeous renegade of the Marauders, outcast from his family and generally wild. The other boys have a job keeping him in check, and his exuberance and passion often get him into trouble. He is usually portrayed as a loyal friend, mastermind behind most of the pranks that make the group famous, and very promiscuous, unwilling to commit to any relationship. However, one of Lily's friends, a girl he normally wouldn't look twice at because:

1. She is shy

2. She has a 'quiet, hidden beauty' (remember, none of Lily's friends are ever ugly – if they aren't drop-dead gorgeous, they have a 'quiet, hidden beauty')

3. She is just as wild and promiscuous as he is, causing friction between them

suddenly catches his attention, and after numerous encounters, usually in the Great Hall at meals and on Hogsmeade weekends, they realize that they are in love. This is always Sirius' first relationship in which he actually cares about the girl, and he is able to give James pointers for winning Lily based on his newly acquired expertise. The rest of the time, he is occupied with tormenting Snape, pulling pranks, and making bad jokes. He and Lily are generally at one another's throats, but he helps James in his quest anyway. In some fictions, Lily is initially in love with Sirius, before falling for James.

"I knew it Evans! I knew it! Why else wouldn't you fall for James? Because you're already in love with me.... I don't make bad jokes though."

"Get over yourself, Black. I never thought I would say this, but I would fall in love with James a million times over before I would ever fall for you!"

THUNK.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Wake him up, would you Sirius? I want to finish this chapter before we make rounds tonight. And you do too make bad jokes. Like the one you just made."

"Oy! Prongs!" Sirius commenced slapping and prodding his friend, to no avail. James had fallen spread eagle on the floor next to Lily, a goofy grin on his face, his eyes rolled back in his head. Apparently Lily's declaration was too much for him. It took a full pitcher of water on his face to wake him.

"Ow! That really hurt!"

"Sirius! I meant for you to pour the water on his face, not to thump him with the pitcher itself!"

"Oh. Well. I kind of did both, anyway. So where were we, Lils?"

"Don't call me that. We were just getting to Remus."

Remus Lupin: Also known as Moony, Remus is the quiet, introspective member of the group. He is a prefect, but never prevents his friends from breaking school rules. In most scenes of L/J stories, he is quietly reading or studying in a corner. He generally tends to stay on the sidelines, but always falls in love with one of Lily's friends in the stories. Sometimes, he and Lily are in love or crushing on one another at the beginning of the story, but Remus recognizes James' feelings for her, and gives in. He always defers to his friends in everything, because he is so grateful to the three of them for becoming animagi to accompany him on his monthly outbreaks.

No matter whom he is dating, the main conflict is his lycanthropy. He never wants to tell the object of his affection that he is a werewolf, as he is sure of rejection. This of course never occurs. The girl always completely understands and never minds in the least. Surprising, this, considering that werewolves are one of the most feared creatures in the wizarding world - it would make most wizards a bit wary at least, but Remus is exceptionally lucky every time.

"Boy this is a silly book! The stuff they come up with! Remus a werewolf! Whoo!"

"No kidding. What next, Snape with a girlfriend?"

"Guys, really. People are studying. Besides," Lily lowered her voice and leaned in, "I already know about Remus. He had me curious as to where he went every month, and when we did that essay on werewolves in Third Year Dark Arts, I figured that must be it. I do think it's pretty cool that you guys have managed to keep quiet about it for so long. I didn't think you had it in you."

"Lily, didn't you read the part about us being extremely loyal? This book isn't all bosh."

"Then the parts about you becoming animagi?"

"BOSH!" "BOSH!"

"Yeah, that's what I thought." Lily looked askance at the two red-faced boys, and read on.

Peter Pettigrew: Also known as Wormtail, describing his rat animagus form, Peter is the least distinguished of the group, but essential to the story because of his future involvement with Voldemort. Little is known about this fourth Marauder – he appears only briefly in the OP flashback scene, and one can only hope that his open-mouthed admiration of James, and Sirius' disdainful reaction, is a rare moment in his character. He almost never has a girlfriend in the stories. He has been portrayed many different ways in fan fiction, and his character has few requirements to seem believable in the average story. That said, it is only necessary that Peter:

1. Say embarrassing things in front of his friends, and be humiliated on a regular basis. The better authors will show him quietly seething in the background while his friends are oblivious to his feelings.

2. Get no respect from teachers, classmates, or anyone else.

3. Almost get caught having secret meetings with Slytherins from time to time.

4. Inadvertently mess up the one major prank of the year, so that everyone can get angry with him.

"Now, why would Peter be meeting with Slytherins?"

"Or have anything to do with Voldemort?"

Sirius and James exchanged uneasy looks, and then shrugged. "Bosh?" said Sirius.

"I certainly hope so, Padfoot."

In the next chapter, "Part two – the plot is established", we will examine the lengths James is willing to go to win Lily's heart, dramatic plot twists involving secondary characters, and the quintessential part of nearly every L/J fan fiction – the Halloween ball.

"Now what does she mean by that? Hogwarts has never had a Halloween ball."

"I guess we're about to find out, Evans."

"Not quite, Potter. You and I have to make rounds for the next two hours. And I'm worried about Sirius – he hasn't snogged any – what was the phrase? – 'Random promiscuous students' - all evening."

"Whoa, Evans! Thanks for reminding me! Uhh...Ooh! Marlene! Wait up!" with that, Sirius pushed himself up from the floor and loped after a slight Seventh Year headed towards a study table in the far corner of the room. James also rose, and offered a hand to Lily, who took it, to the surprise of them both.

Recovering first, Lily gave James a tiny smile. "Ready?"

Unable to speak (yet again), James nodded, his hand tingling as he followed Lily through the portrait hole, the book safely tucked away in his robes.