The Day the Advisor Lost It
Disclaimer: I am not Professor Tolkien and am not an expert on Middle-Earth. I appreciate constructive criticism only, not mindless babbling about how bad my work is. Like I said, I am not Professor Tolkien and therefore do not write nearly as well as he did, nor as well as many other authors I have seen here on FF (check my favorite authors and stories for a good read). Now, on with the story!
Summary: Elladan tells a tale of a day in the Misty Mountains, when Erestor went mad. And a mad advisor, no matter which way you use the term, is never a pretty sight. Though it can make a hilarious story once in a while.
OOOO
Aragorn smiled at the compliment his father had just given him. "I have been taught well."
Erestor stopped in the doorway and smiled to himself. He had taught the boy most of what he knew, except the warring skills and earlier lessons that Elrond had originally taken upon himself. "Of course you have been taught well!" he said extravagantly. "Beneath this handsome exterior beats the heart of a true teacher."
Estel fought the smile that stole across his lips and failed miserably. Elrohir spoke up from the couch, where he and his twin had been dozing. "That's not what you said last week. Last week you said that beneath your 'handsome' exterior beats the heart of a true warrior." Elrohir could not help stressing the word handsome as his twin laughed at Erestor's unusual conceited nature.
Erestor looked nervous. "Teacher/Warrior," he said. "Tarrior if you prefer."
Elrond breathed in a deep breath and put his forehead in his hands, rubbing his eyes. "I know that my advisor did not just teach my children to use a word that does not even exist," he said and turned a smile on Erestor. "You worry me sometimes, mellon-nín."
Finally, Elladan could not contain his laughter and he let his mirth burst out fully. "You certainly weren't a tarrior," Elladan introduced the new word into his vocabulary, "that day up in the mountains when that raccoon attacked you and—"
"Elladan!" Erestor said loudly. "We do not need to be reminded of that incident any more!"
Elrond decided to interrupt before his eldest made his advisor murder him. "Erestor, I heard that Glorfindel needed your help. Tell him that I finally told you about his need and that you are there to help him with whatever he needs." 'Valar, just don't make Glorfindel order this poor elf to clean out the stables again,' he added silently, knowing perfectly well that Glorfindel did not actually need Erestor but could easily find a good use for him.
Erestor blanched. "Oh, yes, hir-nín, I shall go assist Lord Glorfindel right… now." With that, he turned. His steps visibly slowed as he reached the door and walked out of sight and hearing distance.
Elrond sighed. "It is well that Ada distracted Erestor, Elladan," Estel spoke from where he sat. "Have you no thought for your own well-being?"
Elrohir chuckled. "He challenged me to archery this morning, Estel! What do you think?"
Aragorn laughed as Elladan tried to profess his innocence and archery abilities. "Elladan?" Estel finally asked once the giggles receded and the elf in question had still gotten no where in his own argument. "I must know. What were you talking about with Erestor and the raccoon?"
Elladan snorted in a very un-elf-like manner. "You have never heard the story of Erestor in the Misty Mountains before!" he asked incredulously. Aragorn shook his head negatively.
"Valar, Estel, I thought you were raised in this house!" Elrohir exclaimed. This was one of the twins' favorite stories and Ilúvatar knew how many fires it had been repeated around. It never seemed to lose its hilarity.
"Elrohir, please allow me," Elladan pleaded with a twinkle of mirth in his eyes. "You told it last time to the contingents."
Elrohir conceded. "Very well, dear brother, but I shall not forget this!"
"We shall see. You have forgotten many a thing, baby brother." Before Elrohir could object, Elladan began the story.
"When Elrohir and I were young, about one-hundred-years-old, which is, as you know, barely the beginning of life for the Eldar, Ada, Glorfindel, and Erestor were required to attend a meeting in Mirkwood. It was our first long journey away from home—"
"And I do not know what on all of Middle-Earth possessed me to take them," Elrond interrupted, earning laughter from everyone in the room and a small, mock-glare from his oldest son for interrupting him.
"Oh, Ada, you know that you just wanted to allow Ammë some rest," Elrohir said in an innocent tone, deciding not to bring up the fact that they had begged their father for days on end until he acquiesced.
"Of course!" Elrond declared in a very sarcastic tone. "It must've been the fact that I wanted to give Imladris time to recover from your antics. It couldn't have been the fact that your every waking moment was spent at my heel, pleading, as if for your lives, to take this journey." Ah, so Ada did remember. Elrohir just smiled.
"Would you two stop bickering, please!" Estel cut in playfully. "You sound like a couple of hundred-year-olds!"
"Baby brother, you have not yet even reached one-third of that age," Elrohir said slyly.
"Perhaps not, but he is old enough to hear this story, may I continue!" Elladan retorted angrily in one breath. Normally, he would have joined his brother in the banter (in this case, he would have sided with Elrohir), but he was so excited to tell this story that he felt he might die inside if it were not said soon.
"Very well, very well," the older elf placated. "Start from the beginning, ion-nín, and we shan't interrupt."
Elladan seemed pleased with this pledge and he would see to it that his family kept it. The only interruptions allowed were laughter, as that would hardly be helped soon enough. "Agreed. As I was saying, there was a meeting in Mirkwood…."
OOOO
"Snowball fight, Erry!" Elrohir shouted the twins' nickname for Elrond's advisor, the one that Erestor loathed, to get his attention as Elladan threw a snowball aimed at said elf's head.
"MASTER ELLADAN!" the advisor roared as the icy wetness soaked his hair. It was not painfully cold, especially since the elf was wearing a cloak and the mere fact that elves are not as susceptible to the elements as humans were.
"Join in!" Elladan giggled and ran behind the snow-fortress that he and his twin had created not an hour ago.
"I will not join in," Erestor replied irritably. "I must help set up camp and secure the borders."
Glorfindel laughed at his good friend's turmoil. "Aye, Elladan, we must do just that. But perhaps," he continued devilishly, "Erestor would like to play your game after we return, hm?"
Erestor seemed to visibly swell with anger. "Mellon-nín, have you forgotten the fact that we do not know when we shall return? It may take hours for us to set up proper boundaries and secure them. We shall not make promises that we may not be able to keep."
"You exaggerate, Erestor!" Elrohir objected, easily catching the older elf lying and coming out from behind his stronghold, risking his safety. "We have been camping before. We are not babies!"
"Yes, we know perfectly well that you will be gone for an hour at most," Elladan continued his twin's thought, following the younger son of Elrond. It was slightly unnerving, being on the receiving end of their identical faces and hearing them construct a single thought together without conversing. "Even if you run into trouble, you will return before the sun sets."
Erestor sighed. "Very well, I shall participate in your game if I am no longer needed when I return. However, until then, leave me out of it!"
"Of course," Elladan replied innocently, returning to his spot behind the ice fortress. A little too innocently, in any sane elf's opinion.
Glorfindel grinned at Elladan's attitude. "Come, mellon-nín, the guard is ready to leave. You and I take the eastern borders. There are rumors of wargs about there. Perhaps we shall have a—" Before the Balrog Slayer could finish his sentence, a large, wet snowball flew through the air and landed with a moist THWACK! on the side of Erestor's head. It was all Glorfindel could do not to burst out laughing, but he couldn't quite fight the toothy grin that spread quickly across his lips.
Elrond's advisor slowly turned his and rested a deadly glare on the twins, who were giggling helplessly. "You find this funny?" he asked, his voice deadly quiet. The grin suddenly slipped from Glorfindel's face to be replaced with a look of extreme concern for the children. Erestor really didn't like being messy or participating in such games….
The twins wisely stopped laughing under the look of the older elf. Elrohir paled and stooped below the fortress while Elladan just froze under the power of the icy scowl. Satisfied that he had taught the twins the only lesson that was legal, Erestor turned away to direct his glare towards the Balrog Slayer, before opening his mouth, as if to consent to leaving. The elves in the guard nearby had all stopped and turned towards the disturbance. Everything was silent.
"We're sorry…" Elladan's voice traveled to Erestor's ears. Elrohir was still beneath the cover of the fortress.
"Just don't do it again, Master Elladan," Erestor replied as he turned towards the guilty elfling. He wished he hadn't. He really wished he hadn't. Another snowball whizzed through the air and found a home in his hair. Elladan stifled a giggle and smiled at his twin, before both ran back towards their father.
Erestor was not amused. Not at all. He couldn't do anything to the children while they were under Lord Elrond's care, but later, oh yes, later they would pay. Quickly spinning on his heel, Erestor silenced the laughter from the elves in the guard with two words. "Let's go."
Glorfindel sent an amused look towards the sons of Elrond and shook his head. They were in for it later.
OOOO
"Do you see anything?" Glorfindel called. Erestor mutely shook his head and looked around, his elven eyes looking for even the slightest indentation of a paw print, the slightest clue of danger.
"I don't…" the dark-haired elf's voice trailed off as a bush nearby rustled. Glorfindel quickly looked towards where his friend was, wondering why he had stopped talking. He seemed like he was about to talk when Erestor held up a silencing hand. When the blonde elf began to walk towards the advisor, he too was stopped by a disturbance in the bushes. Assuming that they had found the offending wargs, and frightened that they had somehow stepped into an ambush, the two elves drew their weapons and moved in separate directions.
The bush stilled as Erestor approached. The animal, if indeed an animal it was, must have sensed him, even though the elven footsteps were far too light to even leave a visible impression on the snow. Quickly, Erestor pulled back the branches of the bush and raised his weapon, but found that he was stupefied.
A raccoon, gentle and soft looking as ever, was staring at him with coal black eyes. This was the rustling that had disturbed the elven warrior of Imladris. Erestor sighed and held his hand out towards the creature after he had put his knife down, as if in a peace offering and to show that he meant no harm.
The raccoon did. With a snarl it raised it paws and jumped towards the surprised elf. Erestor screamed in pain, but more from shock and confusion. Glorfindel quickly looked up when he heard his friend's scream, and jumped out of the small trench that he had found himself in. He was bewildered as the lean body of Elrond's advisor ran past him with a fur hat. To further his perplexity, Glorfindel noted that the hat was moving. With a start, he realized that the clawing hat was a real live raccoon that was now attacking his friend's head.
Erestor ran blindly around, desperately trying to pry the crazed animal off of his head. He couldn't see where he was going, and Glorfindel winced as his friend ran straight onto a pair of stout sticks, right at the top of the hill. The slope, slippery from the recent snowfall, was large and had a nearly vertical drop. Elrond's advisor began to slide on the sticks with his raccoon hat, unknowingly nearly flying.
"Erestor!" Glorfindel's warning came too late and went unheeded. Gasps from behind him told the Balrog Slayer all he cared to know: some other warriors had seen his friend's rather unusual display.
On and on Erestor flew, down the hill, flipping over rocks and skidding across sticks, not once losing his makeshift skis and the raccoon still madly attacking the poor elf.
"Get off!" Erestor managed to growl in his most convincing death tone. Finally, the raccoon did let go and Elrond's advisor breathed deeply, slowly opening his eyes.
And coming face-to-face with a tree. Erestor yelped before he ran into the thick bark and knew no more.
"Mellon-nín!" Glorfindel called in alarm, nimbly gliding down the hill towards the unconscious elf. He checked the dark-haired elf's vitals and was relieved to find that the only damage (that he could detect) would be a nasty headache. Still, he would feel much better if Elrond confirmed that.
"Lord Glorfindel?" a young warrior questioned uneasily.
"Make a stretcher. He seems to have taken no lasting harm but I would that Elrond looked over him." The warriors quickly moved to do as he bid. Glorfindel shuddered to think of what Erestor would say when he realized that he had been rendered unconscious and defenseless by a raccoon.
OOOO
Elrond sighed and closed his eyes. Erestor had numerous scratches and one bite mark, but nothing serious. The only concerning thing was that he might have a slight concussion, but not even that was overly concerning.
"Mellon-nín?" Glorfindel asked as he watched his good friend and lord assess the advisor's injuries.
"How did this happen?" Elrond asked. They were only going to scout the perimeter! And Glorfindel didn't even have a scrape! So how did Erestor manage to nearly slice himself to death and then become the official Tree Bark Inspector?
"'Twas a… raccoon," the Balrog Slayer replied hesitantly. He couldn't lie to Elrond because the younger elf always seemed to know and he was too proud to allow something like that come between their friendship. They had never lied to each other and never would.
"A raccoon?" Elladan's incredulous voice sounded clearly through the silence that had fallen a few moments ago. "That isn't what Ëardal just told us."
"Yes, Ëardal said that after the raccoon attacked him he darted down the mountain and ran right into the tree!" Elrohir added, he and his twin dissolving into a fit of laughter.
Glorfindel glared at Ëardal and the young warrior had the decency to blush. "They merely asked what had happened," he defended himself half-heartedly. All the inhabitants of Imladris knew what twin terrors the sons of Elrond were and what destruction they could wreak with such information in their possession.
"It is not shameful, you two," Glorfindel reprimanded, being close with the twins and knowing that he was not out of place. "And it is not a laughing matter. The same would have happened to either one of you if you had been in his place. Perhaps you would have come back in even worse condition, so give thought to that."
The twins were not phased. Already they were giving life to new games, each taking turns on being raccoons or even smaller animals. Elrond only shook his head, idly wondering how much his wife truly loved him to allow him to bring their children on his trip.
"Ah! Please have mercy, oh great rat!" Elladan was now whimpering as the game progressed.
"Hush!" Elrond chided. "He is waking." The twins, being obedient and compassionate by nature, immediately terminated their game, not wishing to make Erestor upset in his already-injured form. They enjoyed vexing the older elves, but they always knew where to draw the line. Whether they put a toe or two across it occasionally….
Erestor moaned as consciousness came, fervently wishing to delve back into the sweet oblivion that he had just left. "Erestor?" a gentle voice coerced him. With a start, the advisor remembered everything that had happened to him and he immediately tried to squirm away from whatever was cautiously holding him down.
"Don't struggle, my friend, don't struggle," Elrond soothed quietly. "You are safe now. You have only minor injuries, but there is risk of a concussion, so I wouldn't have you move too soon."
The advisor moaned both inwardly and outwardly. Inwardly, he had made a fool of himself in front of the other warriors. Outwardly, well, he had a headache! "What happened?"
"The raccoon attacked," Glorfindel supplied simply.
"After the raccoon. I only remember having the creature on my head and then everything went black."
This answer took the blonde elf a moment longer, but when he did speal was swiftly and in one breath. "You accidentally skied down the mountain and into a tree, which knocked you unconscious and I brought you back to Lord Elrond for medical aide."
"Oh," was all Erestor managed, before he felt a stupor pulling enticingly at his consciousness and he allowed it to win.
"It is well, I do not think that he has a concussion," the elven lord assessed, his voice low enough so that only his golden-haired friend and his sons could hear him. "He should be fit to travel in the morning. We shall prepare to leave after we breakfast."
Glorfindel nodded. Night was beginning to fall. "Erelen," the Balrog Slayer addressed a warrior. "Start a fire and retrieve the bed rolls. We camp here tonight."
Erelen moved quickly to tend to his captain's needs. Glorfindel would not be going anywhere tonight. Tonight he would keep vigil over his friend's still form, just in case any raccoons decided to have an encore.
OOOO
"Let us move more quickly, so as to reach home faster," Erestor advised Elrond and the warriors. All day he had been urging them forward, faster, faster, like some mad usurper.
"Calm down, mellon-nín," Glorfindel admonished lightly. "There are no small mammals following us." The warrior couldn't help the slight barb.
The advisor scowled. "Very funny. I was merely thinking of the rest of the warriors. We have a few young ones here and I thought that they would like to return to their families as quickly as possible, but if you would like to travel in the wilds and not bathe or eat a proper meal, then by all means, my friend,stay here and partake of such a lifestyle. I, on the other hand, wish to return home, to my clean room and a warm bath."
Silence followed the elf's statement, broken only by a rustling nearby his feet when he stopped, noticing that he had shocked the rest of the contingent into an unmoving stupor. Witnesses would later swear that they had seen him jump a literal three feet into the air, not a very hard task for an elf, but humorous in the least. But none of them would fail to relay the fact that they had heard Erestor do something that he had never been recorded doing, and never would again. He squeaked.
"Assassin!" he screeched, as an acorn landed on Elrond's head. This alarmed the elven lord more than the offending acorn.
"Peace!" Elrond silenced. "No one is trying to kill me, Erestor, my good friend and advisor. Thank you for your concern, but this is an acorn. I don't think that squirrel is really attempting to take my life, or even scratch me, and he seems more upset by his loss then making mine. Perhaps you should lie down. We could camp here tonight."
"No!" the elf quickly shook his head. "Out here, out in the open, where you are in so much danger? My lord, with all due respect, you are surely not thinking! All it takes is one warg and "— he snapped his fingers—"it's all over!"
Elrohir graced the overly paranoid being with an even stare. "Are you serious?" he asked, clearly uncertain.
"My first thought is to your safety," came the reply.
Glorfindel decided to intervene. "Then let us travel. But one more discovery about an attempt on anyone's life and we are going to stop long enough for a meal and sleep. Do you understand?"
Erestor turned wide eyes on his old friend and nodded dumbly. With that being said, everyone turned and began walking again. Elladan caught his twin's eye and smiled mischievously. He quietly slipped from the formation and, as stealthily as only an elf could be, ran in front of the elves and hid in a bush.
Elrohir continued to walk, seemingly oblivious, but smiling inwardly. They just couldn't help this one prank. As he passed the bush Elladan was hiding in, pandemonium started.
With a small, unquenchable cry of excitement, Elladan leapt on his twin. Elrohir pretended to be surprised and cried out, as if in pain and fear. Erestor spun around on his heel and gasped when he saw Elrohir get tackled, not looking to see what had tackled him.
"I'LL HELP YOU!" Erestor called in a lordly voice, springing into action. He quickly jumped into the tussle, ignoring Glorfindel's attempts to stop him, as the blonde realized who had tackled the younger twin.
"You tried to get me once!" the advisor screamed with vengeance. "You shan't get me and neither will you get Elrohir!" In the spur of the moment, Erestor probably thought that Elladan was Elrohir and didn't know where the offender was, but he was fighting madly.
"ERESTOR!" Elrond silenced the brawl with one name. The elf in question looked in confusion up at his lord. "What are you doing?" the elven lord asked, slightly peeved.
"I was…" Erestor's voice trailed off as he looked back at the twins, "…saving your son," he finished lamely.
"Please get up," Elrond requested in a despondent voice, glaring at his sons. "As for you two, you're lucky that I don't tie you up! Although, I fear that if I did that, it would leave you too vulnerable to Erestor when he gets you alone."
"We're sorry, Ada," Elrohir said quietly. Of the two of them, he was the one who got away with the innocent act the most.
"I bet you are. Just get back in formation and we make with all haste to Imladris. Quickly now!" The last parts were spoken to all the elves listening, though they could clearly hear the rest of the conversation anyway.
Quietly and ashamedly the twins walked alongside the other amused elven warriors, their heads down, but small smiles that they could not retain ever gracing their lips. Elladan nudged his elbow into Elrohir's ribs and when his twin was about to cry out indignantly, he put one finger to his lips. Elrond was still sending them occasional glares, but he was further away and more towards the front. The boys pretended to make their way closer to their father's presence, though in reality, they were trying to get near Erestor, who was at Elrond's right.
When they were just behind them, Elladan took a deep, inaudible breath and make a small twittering sound. Immediately Erestor jumped and turned around wildly, screaming about personal vendettas.
Elrond put his hand on his forehead and closed his eyes, not even needing to see his sons behind them. "ELLADAN! ELROHIR!" Elven laughter could be heard for miles around as Erestor once again checked the perimeter and Elrond forced him to lie down, making him drink some special tea.
OOOO
Aragorn could not help but laugh at poor Erestor's abuse. Elladan and Elrohir joined him, while Elrond looked like it was painful to hold his amusement in place. Estel eyed his brothers and immediately ceased snickering.
Elrond glanced uneasily at his youngest son and Aragorn crawled slowly but exclusively towards him and his protection. "What is it?" Elladan finally demanded, a scowl crossing his features, while Elrohir was still wearing an amused smile.
"I never quite forgave you for your cruelty," a deceptively soft voice whispered in the twins' ears. They didn't look at each other, their eyes just widened before they leapt from the couch and ran down the hall.
Erestor ran after them, a deadly glint in his eyes. "Say hi to Rocky!" When they were safely a distance away, the elven lord looked wearily at the young man.
"Perhaps we should not have given him that dagger, Ada," Estel supplied simply. Elrond laughed a deep, hearty laugh that invited his son to join in. And so he did.
When a certain indignant voice reached their ears, the situation became all the more merry. "You can't have a snowball fight with rocks, Erry!"