Constellation
MysticShadowWanderer

Disclaimer: Imagine being completely alone, without another living being, for fifty years. Imagine not having anyone to talk to but yourself, and no hope of returning home unless someone finds you. Imagine that this place that you are stranded is an uncharted planet that's lightyears away. Doesn't that make you appreciate your life just a little bit more? (I probably should watch less Stargate SG-1, but oh well, cause it fricking rocks...)

Chapter Four: Reasons To Survive

It was so cold and lonely in the darkness that Kaoru woke in. She was used to opening her eyes to the bright sunshine of a new day filtering through the curtains in her cheery room. The walls in this room were a plain, dark blue, and there were no windows. It was little more than a glorified prison cell, and she abhorred it. A glance at the bedside alarm clock told her that it was only two in the morning, but she knew that once she was this far out of her sleep that she wouldn't be able to reclaim it. It was unlikely that Battousai was up this early, she mused.

Shivering, she sat up and wrapped a blanket around her shoulders as she wondered what she was going to do. It occurred to her that Battousai hadn't locked her in last night, and that she might go to the kitchen and forage for something to eat. Keeping her blanket for warmth in the chilly apartment, she cautiously made her way out into the kitchen.

Pushing the door open, she stopped in shock as she was met with the sight of Battousai sitting at the table, wearing just a pair of loose, black pajama pants, calmly reading a thick novel and occasionally taking a bite out of a half-forgotten bowl of ice cream. Kaoru blinked and stared for a second. She wasn't sure what was stranger, the fact that he always seemed to be wherever she went, or the fact that the hitokiri Battousai was eating ice cream at two in the morning. Never turning around once, he motioned that she take a seat in the other chair. With nothing else to do, she complied, adjusting her blanket to fully cover her for warmth. He raised an eyebrow at her.

"Would you like anything?" The question was almost offhanded, but not quite. He was trying desperately to hide his amusement. "Some ice cream, perhaps?" Even from behind his book she could see his grin.

"I'd like some tea, if you would be so kind," her answer was dripping with sarcasm.

To her surprise, Battousai immediately closed his book, which she peered at curiously only to find that she couldn't understand the language on the spine, and set about making her a cup of green tea. She watched him curiously as he prepared the drink for her; he seemed so at ease while doing such mundane tasks.

Battousai's lips curved into a smile as he felt her eyes upon his back; she was staring at him. He began to hum to himself softly, a strange little quirk of his, as he put a tea bag in the mug of steaming water to let it steep. There were many things about him that she didn't know yet, and he wished she would give him a chance so that she might learn them. It was only the way they had met that was hindering the relationship, he was sure. She would like him if she really and truly got to know him.

None of this was said to Kaoru as he set her tea down in front of her, he didn't feel she needed to know all of that at the current moment. She was skittish enough as it was. Raising the mug to her lips, she had no need to express her shy thanks, he could read it in her eyes. He almost groaned as he thought about how marvelously wonderful she would be if only she would open up and let down her securely built walls. Somewhere within the cold shell of a broken, used woman was an intelligent, loving, and wonderfully sarcastic person; he could see the person that lurked below the surface, but he just couldn't seem to get to it.

Kaoru sipped her tea slowly, closing her eyes to savor its warmth as it slid down her throat; she was amazed that while she was freezing in the chill air of his apartment, he was completely bare chested, eating ice cream, and seemed to be perfectly content. The situation, she suddenly realized, was quite awkward, taking in consideration the things that had gone on between them. Taking another drink from her tea cup, she hummed in satisfaction and pulled her blanket just a bit more firmly around her shoulders, tucking her legs beneath her. Battousai looked up from his book and peered at her for a moment, doing his best to ignore the leap his heart gave at her sound of contentment and focus on the fact that she was cold.

"I can turn the heater on if you'd like me to," he said. Kaoru just nodded. "Wait here." She nodded again.

Upon returning, Battousai put a hand on Kaoru's elbow, frowning when she jumped and quickly moved away from the light touch. She looked up at him with frightened eyes; he could have sighed, or flown into a rage, over the way she acted. He knew it was because of the way she'd been treated in the past, partially. But he was well aware that if he hadn't been who he was, she wouldn't be so scared of him. Even as a hitokiri, all he wanted from her was a chance.

"What are you so afraid of?" he finally said, quietly, almost inaudibly. "I'm not going to hurt you."

Kaoru gazed up at him. She hated the way she was trembling, as if she couldn't control it. It was a natural instinct, fear was, but she couldn't help but detest the quivering of her skin. Battousai met her eyes, a fist clenching behind his back as he fought with his self-control. How she couldn't know that she was so beautiful and innocently tempting, he would never know. Very slowly, in every attempt not to further scare her, he reached a hand out and, with his own fingers shaking just slightly, gently traced the curve of her cheek, then let his hand fall away. As if by its own will, Kaoru's own hand lifted to her cheek to unwittingly caress the skin where his fingers touched her.

"Hush, darling," Battousai soothed before she even voiced her concern. "I'm not going to hurt you," he said again. "Go back to bed. I'll see you in the morning."

Kaoru stood, completely forgetting her blanket, and, in a daze, walked back to her room. Battousai watched her retreating figure, unable to keep himself from staring at her. She really should have put at least something on underneath the shirt she was wearing; he groaned and slapped a hand to head. She was so oblivious to the fact that she was attractive even in her most disheveled state. This woman was special.

Kaoru flopped down onto her bed and pulled the sheets around her, thankful to Battousai for looking to her comfort and turning on the heating system. The man was so confusing to her; at one moment she was terrified of him, and the next moment she was drawn to him. He was both cruel and sweet; she didn't know quite what to think about him. If she gave him a chance to show her who he really was, she feared that she become nothing more than lost and hurt; the man was, after all, a notorious killer and philanderer.

As she allowed herself to fall into an uneasy sleep, she unconsciously kicked the sheets into a tangled mess that barely covered herself. The shirt she wore, which smelled of detergent and Battousai, did little to conceal her skin from Battousai's wandering eyes when he entered the room. For a moment, he stopped, frozen in place and forgotten blanket in hand, before he shook himself and reminded himself why he was in her room in the first place. Valiantly disregarding his own feelings, he only tucked her blanket around her now shivering body, and, with a heavy sigh breathed through his nose, left in silence.

Kaoru's eyes cracked open and she let the tension flow out of her body; for a moment she'd thought that Battousai was going to forget his promise that he wouldn't hurt her and simply take her right then and there, whether he thought she was sleeping or not. She'd woken when she heard the opening of the door, and she had almost been holding her breath in her fear, but she soon realized that she needn't have been worried. It was interesting, to say the least, that Battousai was so gently caring toward her. Perhaps he wasn't to be so feared after all.

Battousai sat in his room in front of his computer, idly typing while his mind focused on other things, namely Kaoru. He'd known she was awake, of course, but had feigned ignorance and taken the opportunity to let his eyes roam, though perhaps it hadn't been the best of ideas. In the end, he was a man, and imperfect.

Glancing over at his closet door where the dress he'd bought still hung, he took a few minutes to think about the dance that he was required to attend, and the beautiful woman that was going to be at his side. The very idea that he had to go to a dance for his company was extremely annoying to him, if just because he was an assassin whose identity was better off to remain unknown, though he could only assume that no one who knew him would point him out, as the results for them would be fatal.

It would be entertaining to see how the evening played out, Battousai decided. It really seemed that there were but two options of what could happen: They could have a pleasant time or the night could be absolutely disastrous. Either way, the entire event would most likely turn out to be thoroughly amusing for him.

The clock beside the bed informed Kaoru that the time was now eleven thirty-four in the afternoon. Not usually one to rise quite that late in the day, she was unsure of just what to do with herself. Stretching quickly, she stood and wrapped her blanket back around her shoulders, more to cover herself than for warmth this time. She realized that all of the clothes Battousai had bought for her were still in his room where she'd left them in her rush to escape him. Opening the door, she found that she was wrong, as Battousai had thoughtfully left the bags in the hall where she would be sure to see them. She picked them up and brought them inside, shutting the door behind her, and carefully pulled everything out, strewing clothing across the bed.

After some consideration, Kaoru slipped into a pair of black, flared pants that had pockets on the sides just above each knee and a tight fitting, dark red long sleeved shirt that didn't quite meet the top of her pants. She quickly pulled her hair up into a high ponytail and, with a deep breath for courage, pushed the door open and stepped out into the hall.

Battousai was sitting on the couch and lazily flipping through the channels when Kaoru entered the room. When he heard her come in, he let his gaze travel slowly from her bare feet up to her strikingly blue eyes. Her cheeks and the bridge of her nose took on a pink tint at the intensity of his stare, but she met his eyes steadily. The corners of his lips turned upward in a smile that Kaoru wasn't sure was sweet or sultry; he was, as ever, nearly impossible to discern. She got the distinct feeling that everything she read in him was only what he allowed her to see. There were more levels to this man than he let on, and suddenly she wanted to know more about who he really was.

"You look good," Battousai said quietly; she wasn't sure that she liked the way he said the word "good," although she couldn't help but shiver at the tone he used, a fact that didn't pass Battousai unnoticed. "Come sit down next to me."

Cautiously, Kaoru obeyed his cajoling command, sitting on the couch but being careful to leave about two feet of space between her and the hitokiri leaning against the other arm of the sofa. Battousai smiled quickly; her timidity was almost endearing. He stretched out an arm and extended his hand to her. Instead of taking it, Kaoru eyed it warily.

"I'm not going to hurt you," he said, promptly becoming serious. "I would never want to hurt you, in any way." A smirk graced his face. "Unless you ask me to."

This time, Kaoru's face reached a hue of red that Battousai had never seen before. It was pleasant to meet a woman that actually had enough dignity and decency to blush, which was something he didn't get a lot of in his life. Unable to help himself, he leaned forward to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and run his fingers over her cheek to rest at the corner of her lips. Her eyes widened, but she didn't pull away. A groan almost escaped his mouth, almost, because he wanted more than anything to drown in her kiss, but she was so frightened of him already that the last thing he wanted to do was give her more to worry about.

'In time,' he reminded himself. 'In time I know that she'll warm up to me. I can heal her.'

"Don't worry," he whispered. "You don't have to be afraid of me."

Kaoru just looked at him, unsure of exactly how to answer him. He shook his head slightly, indicating that she needn't give him a reply. Before she could respond, he reclined against the arm of the couch and stretched his legs out to rest them across Kaoru's legs. She stiffened momentarily, but relaxed after a moment and leaned back into the cushions.

"See? I'm not so bad."

Kaoru rolled her eyes and refused to dignify him with a response. As Battousai picked the television remote back up from where he'd dropped it on the couch-side coffee table, she stared down at his bare feet, wondering momentarily just where those feet had taken him during his life, what he'd done and why he'd done it. She'd always enjoyed things like that, watching people in the park or somewhere similar and just inquiring to herself. Before her whole life had been turned upside down in one night, she'd loved doing that. Back then, she could have spent an entire day's worth of time imagining all the fanciful things that each person may or may not have done, and all the exotic places they may or may not have traveled to. And Battousai was exotic as he was, without her having to make up anything about his supposed life, she couldn't even begin to guess what he'd seen and done thus far in his life.

Battousai's line of sight darted sideways; he could feel Kaoru staring at him. For the moment, there was no reason to ask her what she was thinking; if she wanted to look at him, scan his body with her eyes, he was in no way going to draw attention to the fact that he realized she was doing so. A small smile played at his lips at the thought. The instant he commented on the way she was observing him would be the instant she looked away. She was shy, although at a second thought shy might not have been the word he was searching for. Perhaps wary would be more appropriate, although at times she was almost open with him. Kaoru was a complete enigma to him, and one that he was quite eager to unravel. As he was deep in thought, a quiet voice pulled him out of his reverie.

"Why do you do it?"

The sudden words were startling, but he responded quickly. "Do what?"

"Assassinate other human beings."

Battousai sighed and wiggled his toes in thought; Kaoru couldn't help but giggle. Did he always do that? she wondered. He grinned solemnly at her, for though he enjoyed her sound of happiness, she'd posed a very serious question.

"I think... I think that now isn't the time to talk about it," he replied after some time of consideration.

Kaoru frowned, but accepted his answer. It may not have been fair to ask such a personal question when she'd only been with him for a few days, but it certainly wasn't fair that he'd kept her prisoner in his home for those days. Part of her told her that even though the circumstances were extenuating in reference to her asking a question of the nature that she had, perhaps she wasn't yet ready to hear the answer. Maybe it was right that she wasn't given a response that would satisfy her curiosity just yet, because she wouldn't be able to handle it. Somehow, she hoped that was the case. She decided to lighten the tension in the room by switching to a safer topic.

"When is this dance that I must accompany you to?"

"Tomorrow night. It begins at seven in the evening." His reply was somewhat vague, as his attention was once again focused on the television screen, which was showing some sort of movie that Kaoru had never seen.

"T-Tomorrow?" That was very little time for her to prepare herself, not only physically but mentally.

"Is there something wrong?" He turned to look at her. "If there's anything you need, I can get it for you."

"I'll... I'll need makeup," she said. "I... I don't know..."

Battousai reflected on the matter for a moment. He knew that he was no expert on makeup or hair or any of those sorts of things that females subjected themselves to in the name of beauty, he only knew how to appreciate the finished product. Clothing was one thing, he could guess on that, for that matter, he could even do research on her personality (the internet was entirely useful when the keyboard was under his skillful fingers) to buy what he thought she would like, but makeup? This wasn't something that he could do on his own.

"You're coming with me." The statement left no room for questions or complaints.

"What? Now?" Kaoru sounded startled.

"Yes, now. Get your jacket."

Battousai watched as Kaoru studied brands and colors; she seemed to be in her element while he felt completely out of place. Frequently, she would ask his opinion, and his answer was ever the same: "Get whatever makes you happy," or "Why don't you just buy both?" What he'd imagined would be a simple affair was turning into an hour long project.

'I will never understand women. As if she weren't pretty enough without all this paint and powder to cover her natural beauty.'

"Darling, this is crazy," he voiced as she pulled an eyeliner pencil out of the rack after much deliberation. When she handed it to him, he glanced at it. The color: black. So much time and thought to choose such a basic, simple color. "Do you need all of this?"

"Yes," she said firmly. "Don't complain. You're making me go to this damned thing, and now you're suffering the consequences."

At these words, Battousai chuckled. At last he'd found more of the clever, facetious woman that he knew could be uncovered in her. "Alright then, I'll take your word for it."

"Good," Kaoru murmured as she selected a tube of lipstick with a smile. "Just what I was looking for..." She looked up at him with a smile. "And that's it. We're finished!"

"Thank the gods," Battousai muttered under his breath as she took him by the elbow to lead him to the counter.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

Kaoru hadn't been this happy since the night her father was killed. Battousai had been kind to her, and she'd been able to banter with him in what she was almost positive was good nature. Even if it were only for a few hours, she'd been able to forget that he was her captor, and that she didn't want to be with him. In the back of her mind, a voice told her that she was becoming too trusting, but it was only too easy to ignore when she thought of the way he'd treated her. Maybe he had been right, that he wasn't so bad after all.

A/N: I have been sick for a WEEK! I'm still sick, but I've been doing nothing but lying on the couch for a week, so I decided it was time to whip out the trusty ole laptop. If not all of this makes sense... well... I wrote some of it while I was pretty close to passing out, so that will explain anything incongruent. Yeah, I should have edited it, but I'm sick, so I don't care. Bleh on anyone who cares that I probably made some typos. It was still decipherable. Mostly. I hope. Whatever.