A/N: Thanks for the reviews. I especially appreciated the ones about Jack's speech - sometimes he can be kind of hard to write, especially in situations like that. I think this is the funniest chapter of this story - the last two are less fun, more mushy-gushy. Hope you like it.

Ch 5: Two Evil Generals

Jack was sitting on the arm of his couch eating a large piece of cake. Sam, Cassie, Teal'c, and Jacob were all with him, eating their cake as well and chatting about some book or something. Jack looked around and realized he and Sam were both right there and Maggie was not. That was odd. Her two favorite people in one place, and eating food, and she wasn't anywhere in sight. That could only mean she was doing something she shouldn't. He scanned the room quickly and got up, handing his plate to Sam absently and hurrying into the kitchen.

The party, which wasn't as loud now as it had been earlier, since the music was only providing background noise to people eating cake and chatting in small groups, was interrupted by Jack's loud cry of, "MAGGIE! BAD DOG!" from the kitchen. Everyone froze for a moment and laughed as the puppy slunk into the room from the kitchen. She slunk all the way over to Carter and stood behind her legs, peering out around her at the door to the kitchen, waiting for 'dad' to emerge.

He poked his head out of the kitchen a few seconds later and called, "I hope nobody wanted any more of those little cheesy things!" Everyone laughed at the silly Colonel and his funny little dog.

Sam moved instinctively to go help him clean up whatever mess was in the kitchen but Teal'c squeezed her shoulder lightly and said, "I will assist O'Neill with whatever mess Magnet has made, Major Carter."

"Thanks," she called as he hurried towards the kitchen without waiting for an argument.

"Magnet?" Jacob asked with a chuckle as Sam leaned over slightly to scratch the dog's ears.

"Yeah, that's her real name," Cassie explained. "We usually call her Maggie, but Teal'c never does. At least he finally stopped calling her 'Magnet O'Neill,' though, that was just weird."

"That's a bizarre name for a dog," Jacob commented. "What's your cat's name again, Sam?"

"Quarks," Sam answered absently as she sat down on the arm of the couch her CO had been occupying earlier. It put her at a better angle to pet Maggie. Maggie jumped up on the couch and leaned over, trying to lick one of the two pieces of cake Sam was still holding in one hand. She held them away from Maggie, made her sit down, and kept petting her.

"You people are strange. Why can't you give your animals normal names?" Jacob asked, taking a big bite of cake.

Cassie laughed and said, "Well, Jack gets the blame for Quarks of course, although Sam did agree to it... then she named Magnet as sort of payback."

Clearly this was new information to Jacob, and clearly he thought the whole situation was a bit too familiar for a CO and his 2IC. Or more likely, for his daughter and... any man. Cassie shifted on her feet nervously, hoping she hadn't got Sam into trouble. They were all having such a fun night that she hadn't really thought about the implications of what she was saying. Sam squeezed the girl's arm lightly, letting her know it didn't matter. Her dad was going to think whatever he wanted to anyway.

"Maybe I should take Mags over to your place, Sam," Cassie suggested. "That way Jack won't have to worry about her all night."

"There's no need to do that, Cass, he can put her in his bedroom if she..." Sam trailed off, catching the hopeful look on the teenager's face. She remembered what Cassie had said earlier about having a date later. It was Friday night, and it wasn't like Cassie had anybody her own age to hang out with here... she'd obviously really appreciate the excuse to leave the party, and have Sam's house to herself for a few hours on top of that.

"Ohhh," Sam said loudly and suggestively. Hey, she might give Cassie what she wanted, but she was sure as hell going to tease her about it in the process. "I see what this is. A cleverly masked ploy to leave the boring old people and give good old Dominic a call."

"Sam!" Cassie objected, looking around to see if anyone had overheard.

Obviously, Jacob had, but he was watching the conversation with feigned detachment and had already been there for the start of it anyway, so there wasn't much either of them could do about that.

"All right, but you'll have to walk," Sam stipulated. "My car's not here and you don't have your license anyway."

"I have my permit! I can take Mom's car..." Cassie objected. Sam gave her a look. "Okay, I'll walk," she grumbled. It wasn't that far to Sam's house, but it was kind of cold out.

"Wow, Dominic must be a really good kisser," Sam teased. Cassie rolled her eyes. "Go get changed, take my house key off my key ring, and get Maggie's l-e-a-s-h," she spelled out, knowing the puppy already knew the word 'leash' and would be bouncing off the walls if she heard it.

"I love you, you're the best!" Cassie gushed, hurrying up to the guest room to go change into clothes she could walk home in.

"You're knowingly helping Cassandra get a house to herself with her boyfriend for the night?" Jacob demanded quietly as soon as the teenager was gone.

"Yes, dad," Sam said patiently as Jack and Teal'c headed back over to them. "Cassie's a good kid. I trust her. They'll watch a movie and make out on the couch a little, that's all," she said absently. Jack took his plate of cake back from her and glared down at Maggie, who was still partially hidden behind Sam.

"I can see you, Maggie," he said accusingly. The puppy looked at him innocently. He rolled his eyes and leaned over, ruffling her hair briefly and then standing back up, already smiling again.

"Cassie's going to take her over to my place for the rest of the night," Sam told him.

"What? Why?" Jack demanded. Hey, he might be scolding her but she was still his dog. This was her house, after all, she couldn't be held responsible for having a little fun while it was full of all these strangers.

"So she'll keep out of trouble. Besides, she'll have more fun over there anyway," Sam said absently around another bite of cake.

"And so will Cassie," Jacob put in.

Jack looked at him sharply and some strange overprotective male... thing... Sam didn't want to try to guess at passed between them and Jack said, "She's going to have that punk kid over, isn't she?"

"Dominic is not a punk, Colonel," Sam objected mildly. "He's perfectly nice."

"That many earrings is not normal!" Jack insisted. "I don't want my innocent little puppy exposed to the likes of that kid."

"Oh please," Sam muttered, rolling her eyes. "Colonel, what exactly are you afraid is going to happen?" she challenged, wondering if he'd have the guts to actually say it.

He didn't. He looked down at his plate and mumbled, "You know what I'm talking about, Carter. That kid is trouble..."

"O'Neill, did we not spend last Saturday instructing Cassandra in the art of self defense until you were satisfied this Dominic could pose no threat to her safety?" Teal'c asked in a too-casual voice that betrayed the fact that he was teasing his friend.

Jack glared at him while Sam and Jacob laughed.

Cassie joined them again, dressed in jeans, a sweatshirt, and trainers, holding Maggie's leash. The puppy perked up instantly as she saw it and started running back and forth between all three of them happily, wondering which one of them was taking her for a walk. Cassie looked around at the group and correctly interpreted everybody's expressions.

"God, Jack, nothing's going to happen," she muttered, trying hard not to blush.

"Your mom will be over there later," Sam told her as she clipped the leash to Maggie's collar. "Make sure you send that boy home around midnight."

"I will, thanks, Sam."

Jack was glaring at both of them. "Keep in mind we could show up at ANY time," Jack said pointedly.

Cassie rolled her eyes and said, "Men." She pecked Sam on the cheek and said, "Happy birthday, Sam."

"Thanks, Cassie. Say bye to Daniel."

"Of course. Bye everyone," she said to the rest of the group. Teal'c, Jacob, and Jack were all looking mighty unhappy about her leaving but they all mumbled goodbyes. "Come on, Mags," Cassie said quietly, leading the dog through the crowd to find Daniel before they left.

Sam watched her dad curiously for a few moments. He clearly wanted to say something about the whole effect the puppy had on her interactions with her CO. She bet he was just dying to know how often Maggie stayed over at her place, but knew he wasn't likely to ask as he was probably half afraid of the answer.

And Jack was still scowling at the world in general, clearly upset about Cassie leaving. Well, no problem there, that was easily solved, Sam thought, picking up her empty cup. "I'm going to go get another drink. Want another piece of cake?" she asked him.

"Okay," he said in a grumpy voice, handing her his plate. She held off rolling her eyes until she was out of his sight.

She met up with Daniel in the kitchen. "I heard one of Janet's nurses and one of the gate technicians placing a new bet on you and Jack because of the way he kissed your cheek earlier," he informed her loudly.

"Shh, you're so loud when you're drunk," Sam scolded mildly, pouring a cup of soda for him. "Did you hear any of the bets about you and the Colonel?" she added innocently.

His jaw dropped open and she couldn't help but laughing. "Just kidding, Daniel."

"Mean."

"You just make it so easy sometimes," she said affectionately, patting him on the cheek. "Come on. Besides, I already got back at the Colonel for that little stunt."

"What'd you do?"

"Nothing particularly original, just left him alone with my dad for the last ten minutes."

"Wicked," Daniel said, half-scolding, half-impressed.

"Look who I found," Sam said as she rejoined her dad and Jack. Jack shot her a glare that told her he had probably had a not-very-comfortable conversation with her father in her absence, but she gave him an innocent smile and handed him his cake, pretending not to notice.

Daniel was getting cuddly again, as he always did when he was drunk. He crowded her on the arm of the sofa, twined his arm around hers, and started playing with her fingers. Jack glared at him but did nothing. Sam wondered if that was because her father was still glaring at Jack. There was really too much glaring going on at the moment for a party. Sam wondered exactly what Jack and her dad had talked about while she was gone as she sipped her drink and watched the both of them. Her musings were interrupted by Grogan announcing the first karaoke performance of the night.

"Man, I have a feeling in a few minutes we'll all be wishing we could get out of here too," Jack muttered to her quietly as the gate technician, Walter Davis, started a terrible duet with Sergeant Siler.

"You might be right about that, sir," Sam agreed, unable to keep from giggling.

Jacob went off to find his buddy George and Teal'c stated that both he and Daniel needed fresh air, leaving Sam and Jack alone. Well, as alone as you could be in a big room full of people, that is. Most of the room's attention was on the singing duo, of course.

"That wasn't very nice, Carter, leaving me alone with your dad like that," Jack commented casually.

"You had it coming, sir," she answered mildly, stealing a bite of his cake.

"Think we can get your dad and Hammond to do one?" Jack asked with a grin, gesturing to Walter and Siler.

"I don't think you'll ever get them that drunk," Sam said seriously.

He laughed and nodded. "You're probably right. And it's probably a good thing Cassie got Maggie out of here, she ate a lot of those cheese things. I hope she doesn't throw up in your house."

"Well, Cassie will keep an eye on her. I'm sure she'll be fine," she said, squeezing his arm lightly. He joked around, but she knew he was deeply attached to Maggie and would feel terrible if she had made herself sick at his party.

"Yeah, I guess you're right," he agreed. "So, if I recall from last year, you know how to put on a show. Are you and the doc gonna get up there and do a little 'Grease' for us?" he asked lightly, nudging her shoulder as he leaned next to her against the couch.

"No way," she said firmly. "I am NOT going up there. Although since it is my birthday, does that mean I can get you to go up there and..."

"Wild horses, Carter," he interrupted. "No way. You've got more luck with your dad and General Hammond."

Sam looked over to where the General and her dad were talking quietly. "They look awfully conspiratorial," she commented with a slight frown.

"Hmm, you're right. Hey, let's go try and get Danny and the doc to sing something. Bet you twenty I can get Danny up there."

"You're on," she challenged, and they set their plates down and went off in search of Daniel and Janet.

After over an hour of mostly very bad karaoke, nearly everybody had taken a turn. The SG3 Marines had won the award for most heckling, as their version of "Macho Man" had truly been one of the most painful things ever witnessed, but it was all in good fun, of course.

Daniel, Sam, Teal'c, Jack, and Janet were all refusing to go up there, however, and nobody was giving them too much grief about it, as Daniel and Sam were the guests of honor and Jack was host of the party. Janet was exempted because she had all those handy needles at her disposal, and Teal'c, well, nobody really told Teal'c to do anything he didn't want to do.

As Lieutenant Hailey and the three men from her new team finished up a not-too-shabby rendition of some over-the-top country song Jack didn't know, Grogan took the microphone again and said, "All right, I'm going to get my ass kicked for this one... tonight's final performance, by special request of General Hammond..."

Everyone started cheering before Grogan had even announced what was going on. When everyone died down a bit, he said, in a fake announcer voice, "SG-1 and Dr. Fraiser, please report to the microphones."

The cheering could not have been louder. "Oh this sucks," Jack muttered as he and his team reluctantly made their way up to the little performing area.

"Hey, where'd Teal'c go?" Daniel, on his right, demanded.

Teal'c was standing next to General Hammond and Jacob with the video camera trained on them. The two Generals were waving happily. "That traitor," Jack muttered as somebody handed him a microphone.

"What song are we doing?" he growled into the microphone.

"Oh you'll recognize it, Jack!" Hammond called.

Grogan took that as his cue and the familiar opening notes of 'Ain't No Mountain High Enough' filled the room. They could barely hear the music over the cheering and whistling they were all getting as the song began. Jack and Daniel exchanged helpless looks, sharing one microphone between them. Janet and Sam had the other one.

They were all beyond embarrassed: Daniel had confessed last year that he had accidentally turned over to the General the tape from their party, which included, among other embarrassing things, all of them dancing around singing this exact song in their pajamas. But General Hammond had never brought it up, so they had all sort of forgotten about it. The song was a grim reminder, and they were all mortified.

However, as Daniel and Jack began awkwardly singing the first lines of the song, Jack decided as long as they were up there, he was going to try and keep it from ruining Sam and Daniel's fun, so he jumped right in. His attitude was contagious and soon the four of them were singing loudly and enthusiastically to each other, even dancing around a bit, all though the rest of them were much more enthusiastic about that than Jack.

Jack thought absently as the song finished that his neighbors might actually call the police; everyone was making so much noise cheering, whistling, and demanding encores. The four of them joined hands and took several dramatic bows, then promptly went to go get themselves drinks, Janet and Sam both insisting they were going to 'go find a corner, curl up, and die.'

Grogan announced he was taking a short break and that the dancing would continue shortly.

The Two Evil Generals, as Jack now decided to think of Jacob and George, joined the rest of them as they got their drinks, grinning evilly. "Well, I would say that the live show was much better than the recorded version, wouldn't you, Jacob?"

"Oh I don't know, I think they had a bit more room to move around on the tape, and were much less..."

"Sober?" Hammond supplied.

"I was going to say 'inhibited,' but 'sober' works too. So I kind of liked that one better..."

"You showed my father the tape, sir!" Sam squeaked at General Hammond.

"Oh yeah, he really enjoyed it, didn't you, Jacob?"

"I sure did, George."

"Ohfercryinoutloud," Jack, Sam, Daniel, and Janet all muttered at the same time.

They all looked at each other and burst out laughing. Oh hell, Jack thought as he popped the cap off a new beer. If you can't look like an absolute idiot with your best friends, then you need new friends.