It was the Decepticon equivalent of taking candy from a baby. Kim Jong Il announced to the United Nations that he had, indeed, been building and stockpiling nuclear missiles. After boldly informing this unproductive league of governments that they could not stop him from developing weapons, unless they were willing to give him money and food, Kim Jong Il walked out of the neutral building and into the United States where the hands of Megatron waited.
"Did you really think that after you gave them such a send-off that they would mobilize forces to render aid?" the giant silver mech sneered. The Korean leader did not look at him. Megatron decided to give him a little squeeze. "Are you willing to lead me to your missiles?"
"Yes!" the human wheezed, miniscule hands pounding ineffectively at the fist that enclosed him.
"Pity," murmured his captor. "I could use the challenge." Out of the corner of his optic Megatron saw the Seekers barrel-roll down towards their intended target. "I am waiting for your army to attack."
Kim Jong Il scowled. "They would not dare." No sooner had these words been uttered than a rocket screeched past Megatron's head. Megatron opened his arm communicator.
"Attention, humans! I have your leader!" He pointed the computer at Kim, giving them a chance to react. "If you continue this assault, there will be dire consequences!" Korean was not that difficult a language to speak, but it seemed Kim's forces were a little on the slow side. (Perhaps the ruler should not have executed his most brilliant nationals on a whim.) Another missile flew past, grazing Dirge this time. "Soundwave! Disrupt their radar!"
"As you command, Megatron." Soon missile fire ceased, thanks to a short in the Korean army's equipment. They were nearing their target when a returning Laserbeak reported that the humans guarding the silo had fled in terror. He intercepted no radio calls for help, nor any cellular signals from key phone numbers.
Megatron mentally sighed. This was too easy. Usually a conquerable planet was a good thing, but every now and then the savage gladiator from his Cybertron days would flare up in his core and cause him to look for a challenge. Sometimes being the bully was not fun. Where were the mighty warriors, the worthy adversaries whose defeats not only validated his status as all-powerful, but made him feel...alive?
When I was a young boy,
Said put away those young boy ways
Now that I'm gettin' older, so much older I long for those young boy days.
With a girl like you,
"What are we doing here?" His second-in-command had been silent until now. "There are NO nuclear weapons in this bunker!"
Upon inspection of this top-secret fortress the Decepticons discovered that there were no nuclear reactors, a key element in creating nuclear power. No nuclear power, no weapons; no weapons, no energon. No energon...well, Kim Jong Il had better identify the location of the nearest reactor before Megatron got his hands dirty.
"It's fifty miles north of here!" the leader squeaked, bones cracking under the pressure.
"We were lead to a decoy? Nice assessment, LEADER." Starscream never knew when to shut up. "I suppose the next site is teeming with Autobots, now that they had enough time to send for help. You actually took this germ at his word? Even I know better than that."
With a girl like you
"You seem quick to criticize but slow to recommend, as usual, Starscream. Why did you not mention this doubt before?" Megatron did not have the inclination to pound Starscream into space dust, at least not yet. His Decepticons needed energon first. Then he would pound this imbecile. Starscream smiled, as though he'd been waiting for this.
"You are just as quick to react without processing. Why should I trouble myself with the inevitable?"
"You merely prefer a chance to say you told me so!" They were flying to the next base, all of them starting to feel weak from the lack of energon. "Even when you have said nothing!" This bickering with his Air Commander was meager compensation for a real skirmish. Starscream bent like third-rate steel in his hands. At least Prime was a decent sparring partner, although barely. The intense hatred the two had for each other diminished the pleasure of sportsmanship.
"Impending bunker. Laserbeak, eject. Objective: reconnaissance." Starscream must be putting him on edge today; even Soundwave's speech patterns annoyed Megatron. They watched the condor swoop down to the tops of the roofs of the three-building compound and return with the assessment that the stench of neglect was thick. This too, was an empty building, except for the small power generator in the back, as pronounced by Rumble and a sniping Starscream. Megatron was sure he'd punctured a lung in the human this time.
"THEY'RE FORTY-FIVE MILES EAST! THEY ARE!" He was coughing blood.
"Are you willing to stake a slow and painful death on it?" Megatron's face was practically touching Kim's. "A VERY slow, VERY painful death. One you could not imagine, one you have yet to enforce onto your people." Here the human hesitated. "Believe me, I am creative. There used to be a LOT more Decepticons in my force, before I used a few techniques on them." Kim shook. Typical dictator; they could dish out all they wanted but could never take it.
"Actually, they are hidden in my country palace...three hundred miles from here." Megatron nodded to Soundwave, who sent both condors and Ravage. The rest of the Decepticons settled into the bunker to watch Starscream try to get the small electrical generator going for a short-term benefit.
Lord knows there are things we can do, baby,
Just me and you.
Come on and make it
Kim Jung Il lay on the ground, sun blazing down on him while his shallow breathing wheezed dust flurries around his head. His eyes squinted shut as he shifted uncomfortably. At first Megatron thought he might run away but apparently the injuries inflicted upon him were dire. Soundwave approached with good news.
"Laserbeak returns." The condor flew into the tape player and reported that the nuclear reactor was operational under human control. Ravage had already charged and Buzzsaw was charging right now. Megatron stood up to leave, declaring Kim could stay here, when he was interrupted.
"DINOBOTS ATTACK!"
Hurt so good.
Come on baby, make it hurt so good.
Sometimes love don't feel like it should.
You make it hurt so good.
Swoop came down upon them, screeching like bad feedback. Grimlock had a hold of Starscream and was spinning him over his head while Snarl and Sludge charged the rest of the Seekers. Megatron took to the air to avoid a rushing Slag. "Soundwave! Take anyone not fighting a Dinobot and go to the palace for a recharge. Oh no you don't, Starscream!" There was no rationale for that insurgent gaining power before he did.
Grimlock watched the Decepticons take off in frustration. He radioed Optimus. "We need more Autobots!" he hollered.
"Negative. The United Nations told us to stay out of this. The only reason you're there is because you weren't in the ark at the time we were told and you technically 'didn't get the message.' You're 'defying orders.'"
Grimlock snarled. "Me can't defy orders very well without help!" A Dinobot demanding support said a lot about the situation. Either that or Grimlock wanted to taunt Optimus. Megatron could relate.
"I'm sorry, Grimlock. We're being watched."
"You Optimus Prime a pus-pus-" Starscream hit him with his null ray, ending the conversation. "-pushover!" Grimlock transformed and attacked.
Megatron concentrated on the Triceratops flying up to him. "Me Slag fight!"
"You Slag need a vocabulary lesson!" Megatron aimed his ion cannon and fired. Slag met his shot with a fiery blast, eclipsing his attempt. No matter. The two clashed midair, grappling for power. Megatron turned off his antigravity, causing them to fall. As they plunged to the earth Slag remained in Dinobot mode and tried to pull them both up while flying. Megatron took advantage of his lapse in concentration to get on top of him. The Dinobot countered by rolling over. Megatron responded by moving to the top again. This odd dance continued until the last minute when Megatron flew away and Slag landed on the ground with a thud. He emerged from a dent in the ground unscathed.
"Impressive," mumbled Megatron.
Don't have to be so exciting.
Just tryin' to give myself a little bit of fun, yeah.
"That nothing." Slag's tricorn weapon blasted at him with a searing heat that melted part of the Decepticon's armor. Megatron launched himself at the smirking Autobot.
"It will take more than that to thwart me, Dino-dolt!"
Slag rolled onto his back and waited. When the ion cannon fired he rolled himself out of harm's way. Although Slag was slow-moving he was an expert at using his body to his benefit. Making his smooth tail strike his adversary like a whip was a strength of his as well. Megatron grunted and sailed far, rolling to a stop at Starscream's feet.
"Having fun?" the Seeker sneered from his position crouched behind a pile of rocks shielding him from Grimlock's firepower.
"Doing something worthwhile?" he returned. "It might help if you shot back." Starscream kicked Megatron back into the line of fire. "Starscream!" Megatron took off for a private corner of natural growth where that dimwitted Autobot would never find him, except-
You always look so invitin'
You ain't as green as you are young
Slag was waiting. Megatron shot at him again, only to be counterattacked with fire. Sidestepping the tricorn blast didn't help either when it finally occurred to the Dinobot to turn his head with his target's movements. Megatron aimed for his stomach region and received laughter as his reward.
"That tickle!" Slag guffawed. "Hahahahahahaha!"
He had to be lying. The Autobot's underbelly was scorched black. Megatron swooped down to shoot Slag in the face. Slag ducked. The shot nicked the Triceratops' neck, causing him to give a noise that indicated it didn't tickle.
"Foolish Dinobot! You are too large to merely move out of the way!" Slag ignored him and reared his head upward, knocking Megatron's ion cannon off of his arm. It skidded out of reach. Now the fire coming from his mouth licked the Decepticon's body enough to cause unexpected circuit reactions. Megatron lay on the ground, metal hissing from the heat, and tried to extend himself enough to recover his cherished weapon.
Hey baby, it's you.
Come on, girl, now, it's you.
Sink your teeth right through my bones, baby.
Let's see what we can do.
Come on and make it
Slag waddled over Megatron's protracted body to reach the cannon first. His jaws snapped the black barrel into pieces. "Yummy!" his high pitched voice squealed. "Me Slag LIKE fighting Megatron!"
The mech in question had managed to pull himself upright and curse his injuries. Now his radio didn't work, leaving him to wonder how he would get a hold of Soundwave and the others. Still low on energon, he collapsed on the ground, hoping the Dinobot wouldn't run over him again. The very thought sent a shiver through his core. Glancing at the mech transforming from Dinobot mode, Megatron was taken aback by how intensely...attractive he was. Aggressive red face that glowed like the Decepticon optics, a large but compact body that could take abuse as well as give it, a need to engage in combat...it was intoxicating. The Decepticon leader felt another shiver go through him, a deeper one. He rushed Slag, tackling him as hard as he could. The horns behind his head dug deeply into the ground, keeping his robot head in place.
"NEVER leave me unattended!" Megatron snarled. He moved his hands to close around the Dinobot's giant neck, if only he could locate a vulnerable spot. Slag grabbed them with great difficulty and pushed them a few inches away. He scowled darkly in the effort, his lips in a grimace.
"Such a face…" Megatron's voice was not dark enough, but he could not stop the impulse, "…should not be gracing the Autobot's presence." He maneuvered his right hand up to caress the spot where hard helmet and softer faceplate met. Those lines, those curves, it all took him in. He was truly a work of art. The Dinobot's expression changed from one of concentration to one of horror. Screaming, he curled his legs and kicked the Decepticon leader away.
"NO! YOU RUIN IT!"
Slag stood up and ran, his clunky lower appendages making speed impossible. After taking what seemed to be a moment to compose Megatron followed. Slag had not gone far. Seeing the Decepticon on his heels he panicked and transformed. This gave Megatron the time he needed to get in front of the Dinobot. Grabbing his opponent's dusty horns, the gray mech stared into the frightened blue eyes of his adversary and rumbled one question.
"What do you mean, I ruined it?"
Hurt so good.
Come on baby, make it hurt so good.
Sometimes love don't feel like it should.
You make it hurt so good.
Slag's feet dug at the earth desperately. The grip did not relinquish, nor did any of the Dinobots come to see what was taking him so long. They usually left him alone to his own devices, which was probably his own fault since he was so antagonistic. As he looked at Megatron, he felt for the first time in his short life the twinges of uneasiness. What would be the worst thing to happen to him, death? Slag could handle that. Pain? Pain goes away. The truth? That was it. Slag feared the mech's reaction to the truth. Megatron shook the horns in his hands violently. "Answer me!"
Slag tried again to free himself, to no avail. The red optics he was gazing into darkened to maroon. He decided to speak, if only to escape this captivity. "Rough stuff good. Nice stuff bad." This gave him the leeway to break loose. He turned away from Megatron in hopes of being left alone. "You do nice stuff, you no fun."
Megatron stood where he was, processing this. So the revolting Dinobot REALLY liked to fight. His earlier statement regarding his affinity for fighting the Decepticon suddenly seemed to take another context. There went that shiver again. Megatron raced after him, hitting the Dinobot's rump with a hard slap.
"Get out of that ridiculous alternate mode!" he growled.
Slag's head peaked past his enormous bulk. "Me no want to!"
He got another hit for his protest. "Fight me like the warrior you are, you imbecile!"
I ain't talkin' no big deals
I ain't made no plans myself.
I ain't talkin' no high heels
Maybe we could walk around all day long, walk around all day long.
Enraged, Slag turned to him in robot mode. "You Megatron DIE!" He fell back with his forearms supporting his weight and lifted his lower end into the air, using his giant feet to kick Megatron in the face. Staggering back, the Decepticon did not see his assailant land on his feet to give a punch to flatten him until the Dinobot had him face up on the ground, drawn gun pointed close enough to make him cross-eyed. Megatron mentally catalogued that move for another time Smiling at Slag, he tried to keep the shiver that was extending to all of his circuits from being too obvious.
"Excellent work, Dinobot."
"I shoot you."
The Decepticon doubted this. "If you do, you will have no one left to fight," he pointed out, smirk slightly skewed. Slag slowly lowered his blaster to point at Megatron's chin as he considered this. The Decepticon, still grinning, decided to project as much lust as possible for this worthy adversary. "You want to fight me again." Shrug. "I want to fight you again. Should I die, you have to go back to fighting that blowhard Grimlock."
"You...want to fight me Slag?" The blaster did not waver.
"As many times as possible," Megatron replied, voice husky and optics glowing.
"Huh!" The gun was no longer sensed and Slag's lips were fiercely pressed against Megatron's in a clumsy but unbelievably carnal kiss. Megatron couldn't move, at first from the shock, and then with the realization that he had no idea where the Dinobot's blaster was directed. It was at this moment that a dark and feral shiver shook his whole body and caused every circuit to fire at the same time. He could feel all of the pain of his injuries (Hook would have a field day with this) but it outweighed the pleasure of being so close to another wild being. It was so wonderful, yet terrible at the same time, and all he wanted to do was laugh but his mouth was pleasantly occupied. A simple touch from a simple creature gave him a complex array of gratifications.
Hurt so good.
Come on baby, make it hurt so good.
Sometimes love don't feel like it should.
You make it hurt so good
"I knew you were hard-up for friends, Megatron, but don't you think this is a little desperate?" Optimus Prime, of all mechs, was there to break up this pure moment with his hackneyed hero-isms! Slag jumped off of Megatron and transformed into Dinosaur mode as the Autobot leader, accompanied by glaring Dinobots, stood above the pair with a giant rifle and a hidden grin.
"Not that it's any of your business, Prime."
"ALL Autobots are my business. While you're wasting time with your Dinobot petting sessions your army has fled with a few energon cubes, Kim Jong Il is ready to negotiate with the UN, and there are Autobots with permission to scour the planet for you." ALWAYS with the comments! Prime was as bad as Starscream. "Don't you get enough love from Soundwave?"
This would be all over Autobot Headquarters by nightfall. Megatron glanced at the retreating Slag, who looked as miserable as a three-horned Dinosaur can. Memory of their embrace lingered on his lips. Prime cocked his head expectantly.
"We shall meet again!" he answered as he took off, not identifying to whom he spoke. "Mark my words!" The Decepticon leader soared into the clouds before the Aerialbots could detain him.
Optimus Prime turned to Slag, who was watching the sky intently. "What were you THINKING? Megatron is the ENEMY, not your best friend!"
"Me Slag fight Megatron! Me Slag win! You leave me Slag alone!" The Dinobot angrily stomped off, the others following him; except for Grimlock, who promised to "Make talk." The minute he was alone in the brush Optimus Prime sank down to the ground, shoulders shaking. He didn't stop laughing until Silverbolt radioed that there were no signs of the Decepticons, so they could all go home.
Megatron figuratively limped back to base and withstood Starscream's irritated inquiries as he sipped an energon cube and thought about the new move he'd learned from Slag and how he could maximize it to make this squawking Seeker beg for mercy.
Slag spent a lot more time huddling with the other Dinobots in their rumpus room and sourly thinking that this was no substitute.
Both cherished the idea of next time, whenever that came. Soon...
Hurt so good.
Come on baby, make it hurt so good
Sometimes love don't feel like it should.
You make it hurt so good
Hey, hey