Chapter Nine: Aeris and Tifa Cat-fight
Beth: Next up, I think that Tifa and Aeris should do a duet...
Cloud: I know just the one!
Beth: sighs Not that stupid "My real lady" Is it?
Cloud: YEP!
Reno: sits down, still laughing, starts the music
Tifa: May I have your attention please?
Aeris: May I have your attention please?
Tifa: Will Cloud's real lady please stand up?
Aeris: I repeat: Will Cloud's real lady please stand up?
Aeris & Tifa: We're gonna have a problem here...
Tifa: Y'all act like you've never seen a fine bar maid before,
Jaws all on the floor like me and Cloudy just burst through the door,
I started whoopin Aeris's ass worse than before,
We'll never get divorced about somethin' over furniture.
Cloud: AHHHH!
Aeris: It's the return of the
"Oh wait, no, wait, you're kidding...
She didn't just say what I think she did, did she?"
And my friend, Tifa said...
Nothing, lover-boy! She'll be dead soon and locked in my basement!
Tifa: Every other woman loves Cloudy-boy,
"Chigga, chigga, chigga, Cloud Strife,
I wanna hump with him, LOOK AT HIM
Walking around talking about you-know-what,
Staring at you-know-who!
Aeris: "Yeah, but he's so cute though..." sigh
Cloud: (sweatdrops
Tifa: Yeah, he's probably got a couple of screws up in his head loose,
But no worse that what's goin' on in everybody's bedroom
Everybody in the room: sweatdrops
Tifa: Sometimes I wanna just get in his bed and let loose,
But can't, but it's cool for Aeris to be hanging from a long noose!
Aeris: My staff is up her ass!
My staff is up her ass!
And if she's lucky, I'll probably pour her blood in a glass! FOR VINCENT!
Vincent: groans Not this shit again!...
Aeris: And that's the message that we give to my lover-boy
And if Cloud and I screw now, we'll both be screaming for joy!
Cloud: sweatdrops
Tifa: Of course, the whole world'll know about her work,
By the time the guys find out, Aeris will be givin' them free jerks!
We ain't nothin but mammals...
Of course, that's a different story when me and Cloud
screw in bed like animals...
Aeris: But if they can fuck like different kinds of animals,
Then there's no reason why Cloud and me can't elope.
Tifa: Grr...
Aeris: But if he feels I got, feels I got the antidote,
I'll take off my pantyhose, and sing my chorus,
AND IT GOES!
Tifa: I'm Cloud's lady
Yes, I'm his real lady
Every other fucking lady is just imitating,
So won't Cloud's real lady PLEASE STAND UP,
PLEASE STAND UP,
PLEASE STAND UP!
Aeris: I'm Cloud's lady
Yes, I'm his real lady
Every other fucking lady is just imitating,
So won't Cloud's real lady PLEASE STAND UP,
PLEASE STAND UP,
PLEASE STAND UP!
Tifa: Sephy doesn't gotta cuss in his speech to kill people,
Well, nobody cares, so fuck him, and fuck the world too!
Sephiroth: walks over to them, angry HEY!
Tifa: Ya think I give a damn about my friend, Aeris?
Half of the fans can't even stomach her,
Let alone love her.
Aeris: But Cloud, we won't be loud during our love making, right?
No, we'll do it the hard way tonight: with all of our might!
Cloud: sweatdrops
Aeris: Don't go with that fucking slut over there, dude!
We can screw under the covers in the nude... smiles seductively
Tifa: Why? So I can watch you guys have sex and curl up in fear?
I won't let that slut get you drunk with her beer!
Little bitch...trying to steal my only man...
I don't think so! I'm gonna foil your dirty plan!
Aeris: I used to hear rumors in the street that Tifa was a hooker.
People used to say that she was quite the good looker!
I'd never lie to you! You know it's true!
If you think it's a lie, then go talk to one of her clients named Lou!
Tifa: There's a million of woman that want to be with you,
cuss with you,
just don't give a fuck like you,
dress right for you,
walk, talk, and have sex with you.
It'll be tough, but in the end, you know I'll be with you!
Aeris: I'm Cloud's lady
Yes, I'm his real lady
Every other fucking lady is just imitating,
So won't Cloud's real lady PLEASE STAND UP,
PLEASE STAND UP,
PLEASE STAND UP!
Tifa: I'm Cloud's lady
Yes, I'm his real lady
Every other fucking lady is just imitating,
So won't Cloud's real lady PLEASE STAND UP,
PLEASE STAND UP,
PLEASE STAND UP!
Aeris: He's like a headtrip to listen to,
'cause he's only givin me things
Tifa jokes about with her friends inside her living room.
The only difference is that he has the balls to say in front of y'all,
He doesn't have to be false, or sugar-coat it at all!
Tifa: He just lies in the bed and spits it,
And whether you like to admit it,
He can stick it better than 90 percent of all of my fans out there!
Then you wonder how can kids eat up our video games like values!
Aeris: It's funny, 'cause at the rate we're goin when we're 30,
Cloud and me'll be the only ones in the Nursing Home fucking.
He'll be pinching my ass while he's jacking off and jerkin,
But with me around, he won't need a bag of viagra to stop workin'.
Cloud: sweatdrops
Tifa: Every other woman will be one of Cloud's ladies lurkin,
She could be workin' at Meteor King,
Super Sizing his Meteor Rings,
Or in the parking lot, circling, screaming,
"I don't give a fuck whether Cloud Strife's taken or not!
Yuffie: stands up, interferes So will his real lady please stand up,
And put either one or both hands up,
And be proud for taking a chance and be out of control,
ONE MORE TIME, AS LOUD AS YOU CAN, HOW DOES IT GO?
Aeris: very pissed I'm Cloud's lady
Yes, I'm his real lady
Every other fucking lady are just imitating,
So won't Cloud's real lady PLEASE STAND UP,
PLEASE STAND UP,
PLEASE STAND UP!
Tifa: very pissed I'm Cloud's lady
Yes, I'm his real lady
Every other fucking lady is just imitating,
So won't Cloud's real lady PLEASE STAND UP,
PLEASE STAND UP,
PLEASE STAND UP!
Yuffie: very proud I'm Cloud's lady
Yes, I'm his real lady
Every other fucking lady is just imitating,
So won't Cloud's real lady PLEASE STAND UP,
PLEASE STAND UP,
PLEASE STAND UP!
Cloud: very politely You're all my ladies,
Yes, You're all my real ladies,
Every other fucking lady is just imitating
So won't all of you real ladies PLEASE STAND UP,
PLEASE STAND UP,
PLEASE STAND UP!
Aeris: Boo hoo... I guess Cloud's ladies are everywhere...
Tifa: Fuck it!
Yuffie: Let's all stand up! smiles
Tifa and Aeris sit down and scowl at Cloud.
Cloud: WHAT? Okay, maybe that song was a bad idea...
Tifa: Who do you like better?
Cloud: let's not start this...
Zak: Hey! Aeris! I thought you liked me!
Aeris: Uh... yes...
Beth: That was too funny...
Aeris: I don't think it was a good idea