Chapter Four
~*~
A memory is something that should not be wasted.
It should be cherished and valued, used to the best of its ability and never taken for granted. A memory is something that is stored so deeply within someone – guarded so expertly by the extent of one's being that merely going to unlock the doors that protect a single memory is most difficult.
It is like a means to an end, a way to store the most valued moments of ones life – the wonderous moments, laughable moments, saddening, angering, and life threatening moments. And sometimes there were moments that should not be unlocked – should not be rediscovered.
The fear that lives in ones memories – a fear that no one should have to deal with, a fear that goes beyond life threatening – that fear was too real to be a dream.
Her dream, it was not a dream, merely a memory. A single memory where she was able to access the deepest contours of her thoughts, her feelings – she had unlocked a part of her mind, something that she thought she would not be able to do.
But she had.
And now she was wishing that she hadn't.
Her fear, her anxiety, her hurt and pain had been too real to be a dream. And even though she had not been out of the listless white for long she knew enough to know that dreams did not hurt, and that one did not wake up with a wound as severe as the one that she had now.
And overtly astonished dog demons did not stare, poke, and fondle said wounds.
Before Kagome had been fearful, afraid that Inuyasha would attempt to hurt her in anyway necessary, but now she was annoyed and in pain.
She felt as though all of her fear had dissipated as soon as he had revealed her injured shoulder and looked into her eyes. That simple look of bewilderment had been enough to make her want to smile at him and tell him that she was alright, but then – then he just had to poke it.
As though she had not been in enough pain, he had to poke her inflamed, puckered, bleeding wound – allowing his extremely sharp claws poke her tender flesh.
Kagome's eyebrow twitched dangerously as Inuyasha poked her reddened flesh once more before standing up and wiping his hands down the front of his haori.
"Get up." He said suddenly.
Kagome didn't move.
Inuyasha stood still for a moment, staring at the sliding shoji door in front of him – waiting for Kagome stand.
And yet, she still didn't move.
Glancing down at her Inuyasha narrowed his eyes, taking notice of the almost defiant glare that she was giving him, before kneeling down in front of her once again and giving her a level gaze.
"Get up." He gritted out through clenched teeth.
A moment of silence passed.
"Please."
"What?"
"Say please." Kagome insisted, crossing her arms over her chest slightly, doing her best to ignore that sharp pain that shot its way through her body.
Inuyasha glared.
Kagome glared back.
"Get up!" Inuyasha said while grabbing her uninjured arm and hauling her up to her feet.
Kagome's knees wobbled slightly, trying to get accustomed to her own weight before giving Inuyasha her most wicked glare that she could muster. Inuyasha merely scoffed before turning around – keeping his hand wrapped around her biceps – and dragging her towards the door.
"Wh-what are you doing? Let me go!"
"What does it look like? I'm taking you to my father."
"Why?" Kagome asked suddenly intrigued. Inuyasha stayed silent for a moment, marveling at how simple-minded she was before tightening his grip on her arm and turning a corner in the long corridor.
"You mentioned the Shikon no Tama – you know the damned jewel that you gave to Naraku – my father would want to know." Inuyasha stated gruffly, ignoring the surprised look that Kagome gave him through her puffy red eyes.
After a moment of prolonged silence passed Kagome sighed, slumping her shoulders only to get rewarded with a sharp jolt of pain. Hissing sharply, and ignoring the annoyed look that Inuyasha sent over his shoulder Kagome looked down at her slightly exposed shoulder and winced.
It was a lot worse than she had first anticipated.
She had just thought it to be a small wound, but it ended up being larger than she had originally thought – not large enough to send her into shock, but large enough that she would probably be able to see through it. Almost as though someone's fingers and sliced through her shoulder.
Then it came back to her.
In the dream – the guy – the Shikon – his fingers and –
She had to tell them what happened in the dream. Otherwise they would think that she was a liar and she had already worked hard to become Shippou's friend, she did not want to risk losing what she had worked hard to attain.
And she especially did not want to lose her privilege of living under the protection of the Inu-Clan.
Nodding somewhat despondently, Kagome looked back down at her injured shoulder, watching as blood quickly flowed from the wound.
Blood flowing from her wound…
"Hey!" Kagome yelled suddenly, yanking her arm away from a startled Inuyasha.
Inuyasha turned around, his amber eyes wide before crossing his arms over his chest defiantly.
"What now?" He asked his voice laced with annoyance.
"You," Kagome seethed, sending him a smoldering glare, "didn't even have the decency to wrap my wound! What if I were to drop dead right here and now from blood loss?" She shrieked, causing Inuyasha to flatten his ears against his head.
"It's not big enough for you to lose enough blood to die."
"But – but – I could still faint! Besides my wound isn't properly dressed and –"
"Shut the hell up. I don't really feel like listening to your whining at the moment." Inuyasha suddenly barked, causing Kagome to recoil slightly. Inuyasha merely rolled his eyes before turning around to cross his arms over his chest.
Whining?
Kagome bit her lip, chewing on it slightly before shrugging nonchalantly (which caused her arm to throb painfully) and then walked ahead of Inuyasha, deciding to ignore him.
Because it was not exactly the proper time to be worrying about what Inuyasha thought of her. He was going to be taking her to his father, which Kagome realized was a good idea. That way she would be able to tell him about the dream in which she had and most likely be able to get some information out of them about whom exactly Naraku was and why he wanted –
Kagome was abruptly jarred from her thoughts as Inuyasha poked her shoulder once more, smirking in satisfaction when she turned to face him, a strained look of pain on her face.
"You are really immature you know that?" Kagome asked bitterly. Inuyasha merely raised an eyebrow.
"I am not immature. I am very mature thank you very much." Inuyasha replied before folding his arms over his chest huffily. Kagome merely rolled her eyes before continuing to walk down the hall, matching Inuyasha's strides.
"You are too immature."
"Am not."
"Are too"
"Am not."
"Are too!"
"Am not!"
"Ok," Kagome yelped suddenly, rubbing her temples furiously, " if you aren't immature then why are we having such a childish discussion."
"Keh, don't blame this on me. You started it."
"I did not!"
"Did too"
"Did not."
"Did too."
"Did – argh – whatever just take me to your dad and let's get this over with." Kagome replied as they turned down another corridor. She kept her expression schooled, hoping that she was not giving off any outer signs of frustration because – she was truly frustrated. She just was not able to understand why Inuyasha was able to – Kagome scoffed coherently, earning a raised eyebrow from Inuyasha.
And Kagome knew.
She would never be able to understand him because – he had to have the strangest attitude. One minute he was enjoying watching her in pain, and then the next moment he was arguing with her over something as petty as being immature.
Then she argued with him about arguing.
But what had intrigued her the most was the fact that – he hadn't called her a traitor once, and by the look on his face he was doing everything for mild amusement.
Like a best friend – only he wasn't.
She had only known him for a few hours, so she would not be able to call him a friend, perhaps an acquaintance – Kagome found herself frowning at that thought. Because no matter what an insufferable jerk he was, she really wanted to know him.
But she knew that it would be hard because he just seemed so distant and so hateful towards her for making a simple mistake.
And she hated it.
If only her memory would allow her to – if it would warrant her to remember anything about her past, about what had happened then it wouldn't have been so bad. But it was, and she could not change that.
She was now in the care of demons, more or less ones that could kill her within an instant.
After allowing an impertinent sigh escape her lips, Kagome looked towards Inuyasha and noticed that he was regarding her with an odd expression, almost as though he could hear her thoughts, could feel what emotions that she was feeling but – Kagome slowly shook the notion off.
"Well," Inuyasha said awkwardly, " we're here."
Kagome merely glanced at him before nodding and pulling her sleeve back over her shoulder as to not seem improper.
"Don't bother, they can most likely smell your blood already." Inuyasha stated blandly, staring at the shoji door in front of him.
The mere thought of people being able to actually smell her blood was rather frightening, but enticing at the same time. She then inwardly wondered what blood could actually smell like and –
Inuyasha poked her shoulder and raised an eyebrow. Kagome merely shrugged one shoulder before looking at the door nervously, twisting her hands into her obi.
They stood in complete silence.
Not one sound came from the room in front of them, and Kagome vaguely wondered if it was due to the fact that they had smelled her blood, or because they had just smelled her. After all she would freeze up too if she smelled the scent of one who had inadvertently betrayed them.
"So," Inuyasha said, leaning against the wall.
"So," Kagome murmured, twisting her hand even further into her obi.
Another awkward silence lapsed between them, and it hit her, just as hard as she had been hit earlier.
Inuyasha was afraid.
He was afraid that he would get into trouble because – dinner.
They were supposed to be down to dinner by a certain time and they were late. And perhaps, just perhaps Inuyasha did not want to have to face the wrath of his father.
His father with the sharper claws, the sharper fangs, the more elegant movements, and the more piercing eyes – Inuyasha feared him, most likely more than he feared Naraku himself. And Kagome couldn't help it. The reaction was almost instantaneous.
She giggled.
Inuyasha glanced at her, his lips thinning to form a straight line before he huffed in aggravation and stared at the door. And Kagome knew that he knew that she knew – it only caused her to giggle harder.
"Shut – up." Inuyasha hissed, glaring at her over his shoulder as he looked at the sliding shoji door, wondering exactly when he should open it. Kagome merely giggled harder.
"SHUT – UP! I'm not scared – if that's what your thinking."
"Hey," Kagome muttered putting up her hands in defense, " you said it not me."
"Whatever." Inuyasha mumbled before receiving more giggles from Kagome. Inuyasha, however, merely growled before wrapping his hand around Kagome's arm (and stifling her giggles completely) and slid open the door, dragging her into the room with him.
Piercing cold glares were all that greeted them.
~*~
Inuyasha rolled his eyes, scoffing in annoyance as his father shot him another look of disapproval before rounding on Kagome and giving her an odd almost elated look.
Strange, Inuyasha mused, watching the silent exchange of words with interest.
"So," Inutaisho started, effectively breaking the gauche silence that had passed between them, "you had a dream about someone coming to you to take the Shikon no Tama away from you, which caused you to sustain that injury and be late to the dinner?"
"Yes," Kagome said meekly, ignoring the strange stare that she had gotten from Inutaisho.
"It was a rather strange dream at that – within it I mulled over thoughts that I never knew to exist within my head, thoughts about my mother and how she had died (she noticed that Inuyasha visibly stiffened) protecting the Shikon no Tama. And me – I was thinking that I would do whatever it took to protect it because – it was what my mother would have wanted."
Inutaisho looked thoughtful for a moment before nodding at Kagome to continue.
"Then there was a brief thought of getting the jewel through the passing of blood – I did not quite understand that, but I also remember thinking about a scar on my hip. Then he came – his poison was everywhere, suffocating me, drowning me in his wicked essence, and I found myself scared but attempting to attack him nonetheless. He said that the Shikon no Tama should not be in my protection and that it should be handed over to him, but I denied him the right and I got a hole in my arm."
"Afterwards he had asked me if I dared to defy him, and he reached towards my neck as though he were simply going to take the Shikon no Tama and – a pale pink light shot out of the jewel, burning and scarring his arms, causing his skin to bubble and blister – and then he had stabbed me through the stomach. That's all that I can remember before he left and I woke up from my dream." Kagome replied silently, allowing her eyes to fall on a stiff Inuyasha.
Inuyasha knew that her gaze had flickered to him once more, but it didn't allow it to be known. He simply couldn't. It was strange, hearing her talk about her mother. She had died protecting the Shikon no Tama – her mother had died most likely by Naraku's hand and – it was imperceptibly identical to the way that his mother had died. By Naraku's hand and –
He felt the deep aching need to pity her, but he immediately pushed it away as he leaned up against the wall, watching his father.
His father remained silent, watching Kagome with that odd, elated expression once more before shaking his head and sitting down on a rather comfortable plush red cushion.
"You know," Inutaisho started, folding his hands neatly in his lap, " my second wife was killed by Naraku as well. I would have to say that has to be the only reason why we are connected to this entire Naraku ordeal –"
"Vengeance?"
"Yes Kagome, vengeance is the perfect way to describe what we are currently doing, but not everyone was up for going through with this. Naraku is strong, he is able to easily manipulate people and wipe out an entire village without even moving. This poison that you spoke of in your dream – it is what we refer to as a miasma. It is basically made up of Naraku's demonic energies and it drowns his enemies or victims in it. Because of the fact that it is so completely strong – people relate it to being that of poison.
"But as to not stray off the topic at hand – the demons that you've seen earlier were not completely up to defying Naraku, but then they had their own personal losses and soon, they too were seeking revenge. Revenge itself is a hateful thing, Kagome, and I seriously hope that you must not experience it. However, I find myself being quite the hypocrite for the more I gaze into your innocent blue orbs I realize that – I tried to exact my revenge on you for giving him the power to take away people's lives."
Kagome stayed completely silent through out the entire discussion, mesmerized by the emotion that Inutaisho had shown although he remained expressionless. And by hearing the emotion in his voice – his own contempt, Kagome felt a deep sinking ache within her being – the need to find some sort of comfort for him but – she knew that it was utterly useless.
"Although he was strong before he had the Shikon no Tama given to him – he still did not have enough power to simply kill or cast his miasma around him foolishly. In fact, I am most positive that he was unable to control his miasma. But because the Shikon no Tama had been given to him –"
"It gave him abilities that he could not have before." Kagome murmured, feeling a foreign sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.
"Very astute of you."
"But then – how is it – if assuming he was already a demon to begin with, how would he not be able to control his demonic energies entirely?" Kagome asked, chewing on her bottom lip in a false sort of contemplation.
"That, my little miko, is something that we do not know. However, I feel it has something to do with the fact that Naraku is a hanyou and hanyou do not have as much self-control over their demonic blood and energies as that of full-blooded demons do."
Kagome merely blinked, attempting to process the information.
So, Naraku was a hanyou, who had most indefinitely wanted the Shikon no Tama to get stronger but then – Kagome wrinkled her nose in disagreement as an unbidden thought came to her mind.
Within her dream – Naraku had used the miasma within her dream and he did not have possession of the Shikon no Tama. According to her dream she did so – Inutaisho had to be wrong about something.
There was simply something missing from the puzzle, something that she would not be able to understand completely. Something that Kagome needed to understand if she were ever to come into contact with Naraku during her stay in the citadel.
"Inuyasha," Kagome started looking down at her pale ghost like hands positioned in her lap, " what do you think of this entire situation?"
Silence was her only answer.
Glancing around, Kagome raised an eyebrow only to find that she was in the room completely alone with Inutaisho.
And, Inutaisho was watching Kagome with an almost amused expression on his face.
"Inuyasha left the room towards the beginning of our conversation." He stated plainly before standing up and walking towards the shoji door only to slide it open.
"Now, if you will please excuse me, I hope that I have provided you with enough incentive not to mention I have a son to console. Good night Kagome." Inutaisho stated kindly.
Kagome merely regarded him with a strange expression before standing up and walking out of the room. She had a lot to think about anyways so, it wasn't exactly like it mattered that he no longer wished to talk to her.
~*~
It had been days and he hadn't trained her.
He knew that it had something to do with the fact that his father – his own flesh and blood – had told her about his own personal loss.
His own personal loss – it sounded bitter, even though they were completely his thoughts.
His mother had meant the world to him, he had loved her with all of his heart, and although she was human, unlike the demons around him – he was still able to love her unconditionally. He had sworn to getting revenge for her after what had happened –
He could still remember it all – her blood on his hands, her screams of pain and mercy – all of it. He could remember everything that had happened to her and – he didn't want anyone else to know.
The fact that his mother had died had been his own personal business and his father had told the only person whom Naraku possibly corrupted – and his father had told her his only weakness.
Inuyasha felt as though he were at a loss.
It wasn't as though he felt that Kagome would betray them right then and there – no – at the moment she just seemed so innocent.
Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that her eyes sparkled with that unknown naivety – that sparkle with made him wonder why exactly she was the one to protect the Shikon no Tama, but then – the passing of blood that she had mentioned earlier…
He knew only too well it had meant.
But he wouldn't tell her, but not simply because she knew his only weakness but because – she was Kagome.
Inuyasha growled loudly, rolling over on his futon to face the wall.
He was scared. He wasn't afraid to admit it to himself.
He did not want to have to deal with Kagome because he was scared – frightened of what she would possibly think of him for having this weakness. Why he cared so much exactly he didn't know – but he didn't like seeming weak, incapable. It was just something that he wasn't able to do.
He had a deep aching need within his heart, one that he could not banish no matter how hard he would try. It would simply always remain within the pit of his being – within his memory. He was weak then, and he would remain weak even now. It was considered pathetic by others – to not even be able to protect ones own mother especially when he was still half demon. They had said that his demon blood should have protected him – taken control of him and his instincts would have led him to protect his mother, but he couldn't. He was simply too weak.
"Inuyasha."
Inuyasha didn't turn around; he just continued to lie on the bed, ignoring whoever was in his chambers.
"Inuyasha, you know that you can not remain depressed."
"Leave me alone." Inuyasha mumbled irritably, closing his eyes tightly. The person in his room merely scoffed before sitting down on the end of his bed stiffly.
"Father sent me to come get you. It has been three days since you have talked to anyone, not to mention your female friend is becoming – concerned."
"I don't care." Inuyasha merely replied, burying his face into his pillow.
"Quite frankly brother, it matters not. You are simply wasting my valuable time at the moment."
"Then why the hell are you even here?" Inuyasha barked, sitting up hastily to give his brother a level glare. His brother however, ignored it as he stood up slowly and walked over towards the sliding shoji door.
"Your mother died years ago Inuyasha, it is time you got over that fact. She isn't coming back."
"I know that you stupid bastard! Just," Inuyasha voice dropped several octaves before he fell back down on his bed, turning away from his brother, " just leave me alone Sesshoumaru."
And he did.
Inuyasha waited until his brother was gone before getting up and walking over towards his window.
Sesshoumaru doesn't understand, Inuyasha mused to himself, gazing out of the window, his amber eyes unnaturally dark.
He didn't know how long it would take for him to get over the pain this time, and he didn't care. But that empty void in his heart would continue to remain no matter what he did. He felt – detached from the rest of society, from everything when this pain let itself be known.
At first he would mistake it for anger, but he could do that no longer. It was pain he was feeling, pain and doubt.
Doubt that he would not be able to do anything to avenge his mother's death – to be able to see Naraku's blood dripping from his hands.
Inuyasha's eyes were half-lidded as he continued to gaze out the window, his sadness leaving a humid, bitter feeling in the air. A butterfly fluttered lazily across the field below his window and then – they dashed about, laughing wildly – and as Inuyasha looked closely he could see the underlying sadness behind her happy exterior.
"Damn," Inuyasha muttered, watching as Kagome and Shippou both plopped down on the lush grass, chattering happily. Inuyasha leaned forward straining to hear what they were talking about, but he could barely make anything out.
Scoffing loudly Inuyasha allowed his thoughts to wander aimlessly, his amber eyes remaining glued to the happy couple below the window.
Happy – the feeling seemed so foreign to him as it reached across the expanses of his mind, but he found himself not caring. He was depressed and he would remain depressed. It would subside eventually but – sighing loudly he allowed his gaze to focus back on Kagome and Shippou.
He had to admit they were interesting, smiling and chattering happily as though there weren't a care in the world, and it made him wonder; would he ever be able to be like that – to act as though nothing mattered anymore, to see things through naïve eyes such as they did?
A growl came to him unbidden to him as he watched them be so carefree, he was disgusted.
Sitting so completely calm and serenely was a traitor and a child so oblivious to everything around them – he doubted that they would even notice if Naraku came that very instant to crush them all.
Naivety.
It would destroy them all someday and –
Inuyasha froze.
It was nothing more than a whisper fluttering in the wind, twisting around every being in existence to be heard by his ears, and his ears alone. It was like the chiming of a bell, sweet and melodic, comforting and calming, quiet and serene.
Inuyasha felt elated. And nothing, absolutely nothing would be able to change it. His depression had been smashed by that simple word, shattering into thousand of tiny pieces only to turn into dust and be whisked away by the wind.
He looked down at her, his eyes shining with an unwanted remorse, as though silently apologizing for everything he had done – all the pain that he had caused her within the couple of days. He was wrong and he knew that he was wrong – but her eyes simply shimmered with understanding as she gazed at him.
And the way that she looked – as though something important had fallen back into place – he knew exactly what she was thinking.
"Damn," Inuyasha muttered again before nodding his head solemnly at her, smirking as she turned her attention back to a curious Shippou.
Inuyasha plopped down on his bed, staring at his wall as his amber eyes hardened.
She was determined, and she would not be deterred.
Insufferable wench, Inuyasha thought bitterly.
But he would not be deterred either.
He would teach her, he would train her – but it wouldn't be hell as he had first intended it to be. No – he would be rough on her – of course, there was no way around it. But he had to train her, because if his assumption was correct, she had come in some sort of contact with it, and it would continue to manifest and possibly destroy her.
She was too determined – and she would not be deterred.
Damn it all to hell.