CHAPTER THREE:

"Mpht grarmh tfortpgh mumruphmy…."

Kagome sighed. "Inuyasha. For the last time, do not talk with your mouth full." She picked half- chewed ramen off her sweater. "It is beyond disgusting and it sprays food all over the place."

Inuyasha looked at her.

"Mrph ras bicjs", spraying Kagome again. Kagome looked down, aghast, at her filthy sweater. She developed a tic in her forehead as she turned to the smirking idiot sitting at her kitchen table.

"Inuyasha, this is dry clean only! BAKA! SIT! SIT! SIT!" she screamed on the top of her lungs. There are many things a girl can stay calm for, but getting a dry clean only sweater dirty? Some things just cannot be tolerated. Inuyasha yelled as his head was dunked into his ramen bowl. His muffled shouts slowly quieted down. Kagome sat down and drummed her fingers on the table. She waited for Inuyasha to get up and start throwing a fit. She waited.

And waited.

And waited some more.

What the heck is taking him so long to get up? she wondered uneasily. "Inuyasha?" She prodded him on the back. "Inuyasha? Get up, this isn't funny." No response. "Inuyasha! Get up, you stupid puppy!" Kagome shook Inuyasha roughly but to no avail. He remained silent and unmoving. Oh my god, I suffocated him with 'sits'!" Kagome ran to get the phone, intending to call an ambulance. Dialing frantically, Kagome jumped from foot to foot.

Suddenly, echoing throughout the silent kitchen was a wet sucking sound. Kagome slowly turned around, thinking absently why do I get the feeling that I don't want to see whatever is making that noise? but her caution was a few seconds too late.

Inuyasha blinked at Kagome. Kagome blinked back.

"Good lord................." she mumbled, slightly amused.

Inuyasha had pulled himself out of the bowl. There was ramen everywhere on him. It was on the front of his robe, in his hair, all over his face, decorated his pants, and he had somehow managed to get it all over his forehead and ears. With each twitch, his ears sprayed ramen throughout the kitchen. He was the typical baby food/overwhelmed dad commercial, only Inuyasha was around 82 years old instead of 6 months old.

He held up his now empty ramen bowl. "I finished it while I was sat." he explained seriously.  "Do you have more?"

Kagome just shook her head tiredly. "How about this? I'll cook and you take a show-"

"OH MY GAWD!!!!!!! BLECH!!!!! EEEEWWWW!!" came a horrified shriek.

"Ted! Don't look!" Carson shouted desperately. Kyan tried to hold him but Ted was too slippery. He slid through his four friends and looked upon a nightmare.

"AAAHH!!!!" Everywhere he looked, there was instant ramen- beef, chicken, pork, veggie; it was all there in its unholy glory.  Covering his eyes, Ted ran out of the kitchen.

"Quickly Thom! Go make sure Ted doesn't commit suicide or something!" Jai shouted. Thom rushed out and was soon heard reassuring Ted.

"Shhh...It's okay. That stuff isn't here anymore......"

"It was everywhere Thom. I mean, it was instant and covered an entire room....."
"I have to admit, as a decor, it lacks a certain pizzazz. See, while most people aim for tasteful –whoops! Poor choice of words! My bad!- attractive rooms, I guess not in Japanese temples."

"That wasn't their decor! THAT _WAS_THEIR_LUNCH!!!!!" Ted wailed in misery.

"I know, I know Ted. You just let it all out........" Thom said comfortingly.

While Ted recuperated, Carson was ripping Inuyasha apart.

"What the hell are you doing like that? I understand instant"  (this was said in a whisper so as not to set Ted into an epileptic fit) "is a 'tasty' food, but let me tell you something mister- the one and only time you may smear food over your body is for sex. And unless you're really kinky, or Kagome here is really into ra- what the hell is this stuff anyways? Raammeeennn. Ok, whatever. Not asking- Unless Kagome here is really into ramen, people usually use chocolate, whipped cream- y'know, something sweet and tasty. Hmm.. sort of how I imagine you taste by nature" he added with a flirtatious smile.

 Kagome and Inuyasha were bright red and stuttering. Jai, always one of the quickest on the subtle nuances of stutter, gasped. Tugging on Kyan's shirt, Jai whispered into his ear the extraordinary news. "Kyan, we have completely wrong! They're not sleeping together!!"

Kyan looked astonished. "NO!" he said, half horrified, half terribly amused. "Get out!"

"I'm already out. Otherwise I couldn't do the show silly." Jai replied with a grin.

"Jai, concentrate! This is big. Are you sure?" Kyan asked.

"When have I ever been wrong about people's sexual patterns? Trust me- look at the way they won't look at each other, see the way they're both bright red? Sex is a bit of a taboo subject with them. Hmm...she looks sort of pissed off. Hmm..What do you want to bet that someone has a history that they can't get ride of yet?"

"No!"

"I'm telling you. These eyes never miss."

"Ask. I dare you." taunted Kyan.

Inuyasha blanched. Hearing what they were saying, knowing that they knew he hadn't had sex yet, was humiliating and he was tempted to rip out their throats. But this? The last thing he needed was Kagome to be reminded of Kikyo.

"OI!!!! YOU TWO!!! SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!!!!" he shouted desperately.

Kyan and Jai looked at him, grabbed Carson and promptly walked to the living room.

*********living room*********

"Jai- tell them" ordered Kyan.

"One minute." The five listened intently as Kagome demanded to know what Inuyasha had flipped out about and Inuyasha scampered for an answer. Satisfied that Inuyasha could not hear them over Kaogme's voice, Jai began.

"Ok, guys, prepare yourselves." He paused to draw out the moment's drama.

"Oh my god, get on with it Jai. My clothes are going out of style while we're waiting for you to gossip." Carson said in exasperation. 

"Ok, Inuyasha and Kagome? They are not- how should I put this? Intimately involved." Jai said in a low secretive voice.

"WHAT?!?!" shouted three voices in delighted outrage.

"NO! With a guy who looked like that I would have given it up in the first five minutes!" Carson exclaimed.

Thom corrected him. "No, you would have attacked him on the street."

"True enough."

"Poor guy. Or is it poor girl? Do you know which one isn't putting out?" Ted asked.

"Hold on hold on." Kyan held up his hands in pacification. "To answer Ted's question, I would think it's the girl holding out. How old is this guy? 15? 17? If he gets horny enough, he'll bang a hole in the wall. Its definitely not him." The logic was deemed sound. Kagome was to blame for this disturbing lack in the relationship.

"I would like to suggest that the real point of this mission is to get Inuyasha laid. We'll pretend it's to groom the boy (and it sort of is because God knows, without that, he's never going to get any) but the real goal is that when the transformation is complete, Inuyasha has sex. Or at least to second base." Kyan said.

"We can do no less. This is a really serious situation." Ted agreed. He could put aside the Instant Incident if it helped a fellow man get some ass.

"And then maybe we can see him naked!" Jai whispered happily.

"But that's just a fringe benefit"

"Oh yeah, that's not why we're doing this"

"No, not at all."

The group stayed silent for a couple of minutes.

"So we're going to buy a bigger TV for when we get to see him naked?" was asked.

"Oh yeah." came the enthusiastic reply.

********back in the kitchen***********

"So, first things first. Before we came here, we exchanged your money for cash we can use. However, because a house is a huge investment, we're going to do that first and then work everything else out with what's left. We won't have a lot left but it'll have to do. Peachy?" Carson asked.

"Pe...achy" said Inuyasha. Where on earth did these guys come up with such stupid phrases? They were worse then when Miroku pretended to quote some Buddhist dogma to impress a pretty girl.

"Okay, where and in what do you see yourself living in?" asked Thom, taking out a pad of paper. As this was his department, Thom had taken over the interrogation.

"I don't care what I live in as long as it's near Kagome." Inuyasha shrugged.

"That is so sweet!" gushed Jai.

"Yeah, sweet AND impractical. I need a definite answer. If we find a place near Kagome, what type of place do you want?" Thom said, rolling his eyes.

"I already told you. I don't care." Inuyasha growled.

"And I get that but humor me. What type of place would yo-"

"I don't give a bloody damn! Pick out whatever you want!"

"But it's your house! You have to have an opinion!"

"No I don't!"

"Yes you do!"

"No_ I_ Don't!"

"Yes_ You_ Do!"

"Hold on. I have an idea." Kagome said, getting in between the two infuriated males. "How about the well house in my backyard?" Both looked at her questioningly.

"It's out here. Come look" Kagome led the way out to the well house. Flinging open the doors, she let the Fab Five explore and consider. Kaogme and Inuyasha stood by the doorway.

"But Kagome, it's your well house. You can't just give it away." Inuyasha protested weakly. He hated to admit it but he thought the idea was great. He would be near Kaogme, he wouldn't have to sleep in Souta's room anymore and whenever she ran away angry, she'd climb out of the well and be confronted with all his stuff. She'd never really get away from him! She'd always have him around. The thought made him smile.

Aw, look at how excited he is to have his own place...of course I want to give this to him. It's nice to see him smile like that, Kagome thought, a little embarrassed by how happy the thought of him happy made her.

The most wonderful of things are often unplanned. Kagome and Inuyasha were looking away from the other, blushing at their thoughts, sneaking looks at the object of their affections. But Inuyasha caught Kagome looking and was snared by her eyes. The two shared a look that said volumes and smiled shyly at the other. The world seemed to slow down as they moved closer and closer. Inuyasha leaned in and- 

"Awwww......." came the chorus. Jerking out of their own world, Kagome and Inuyasha looked down at five men clapping and cooing at them.

"Feh" mumbled Inuyasha beet red, crossing his arms. He stormed away to the other side of the well house.

"Um…..uh, so what do you guys think?" asked Kagome, trying to distract the men from the scene they had found so fascinating.

Noticing this blatant diversion, the men graciously allowed themselves to be distracted.  "The wood is sound, and the architecture is interesting. My favorite part is the well however. We could do so much with this space.  I think this would make a fantastic bachelor pad. We'll take it." Thom pronounced.

"That's great!" cheered Kagome, jumping up and down happily.

"Yay!!" shouted the Fab Five. Getting into the spirit, they grabbed Kagome's hands and jumped around in a circle, yelling excitedly. (Inuyasha tried to become one with the wall and prayed no one would try to make him join in the 'fun'.)

Eventually, reality set in when the dust started raining down from the ceiling. "Ewwww........" came the chorus of disgust.

"My cashmere sweater!" cried out Carson in horror.

"It's sticking to my hair....I think God's trying to tell me that I use too much product...Is that even possible?" mumbled Kyan. 

"This dust does nothing for my singing voice." said Jai, slightly annoyed as he coughed. Inuyasha was secretly relieved. He had been worried that Jai was as spineless as that human jellyfish, Hobo.

"Well, this tells us what we need to do now. We have to clean this place", announced Thom.

"I don't have anything to wear to an event like this. I won't have the right ensemble! " said Carson, a little astounded that he had come unprepared with an appropriate outfit. He always had The Right Look. "To not have the right look is like.....its going against everything I tried so hard to teach to the less fashionably inclined." Carson said in distress.

"Don't worry. I'm sure we have some old T-shirts for you all to wear." Kagome said cheerfully.

"We don't do old clothes", stated Ted flatly.

"Don't think of them as old. Think of them as vintage." said Inuyasha.

The world went silent.

The silence was total and the shock was enormous. 

"He knows lingo. How does he know lingo?" asked Carson, interrupting the silence and not caring in the least.

"Do you know what that even means Inuyasha?" asked Kagome timidly.

"YES I do, thank you very much! You once dragged me to that mall place and found some shirts that you called vintage shirts. They're old t-shirts that are really good when you can see through them." Inuyasha said, sounding like he was quoting a lecture he had heard.

"Oh my god! He even knows what to look for!" exclaimed Carson.

"You know what this means? We've only been here for what, an hour and a half and yet we still changed this pathetic specimen into someone who knows vintage T's!!!" Thom said, slightly in awe of the Fab Five's prowess.

"We improved someone's life in less then two hours. We changed him for the better! I am truly touched." Jai said, getting a little teary.

"YEAH, YOU'RE TOUCHED! IN THE HEAD!!! WHO THE HELL YOU CALLIN' PATHETIC ANYWAYS? BAKA, I'LL RIP YOUR HEAD OFF!!!" screamed Inuyasha in a rage. "AND-YOU DID NOT IMPROVE ME!! KAGOME'S THE ONE WHO TAUGHT ME THAT USELESS BULL SHIT!!" He was bright red in the face and Kagome could see his eyes were getting crazed.

"Inuyasha, why don't you come SIT-"

"ARGH!!"

"Silly puppy. All that yelling must have made you lose your balance- like I said, why don't you come into the house with me and we'll get the supplies to clean the well hut?"

Inuyasha followed her inside, grumbling about 'no killing for three days, three days! Stupid modern era!'

*************4 hours later****************

"Well, that just about does it", announced Ted with deserved pride. The well house was swept, polished, dusted, vacuumed, waxed, de-webbed and it shone from all the attention. Inuyasha breathed a sigh of relief. After the first couple of accidents (How was he suppose to know that you can't randomly smack people with a broom if they annoyed you? Really, this era had far too many rules.), Inuyasha had become the picking up and carrying guy. He also became the unofficial bug killer. After the fourth high-pitched scream from the guys, Inuyasha had hunted down all the bugs just to give his ears a rest. The only redeeming factor in this entire scenario in Inuyasha's mind was Kagome. She was wearing a pair of denim capri's and a light blue cap sleeved shirt. It had a V-neck that flashed some cleavage whenever she bent over. And, as she was helping the guys clean the house, she had bent over quite often.

But it was more then the awesome view that made Inuyasha wish this house cleaning wouldn't stop. It was the way she laughed at Carson's perverted innuendo (which he could do about everything and anything, much to Inuyasha's consternation) and giggled with Jai. It was the way she exchanged recipes with Ted, took advice from Kyan for her unruly hair and commiserated with Thom over the difficulties of keeping house. She was relaxed and happy- Inuyasha could have watched her interact with the Fab Five all day. She was always at her most beautiful when she laughed. 

His eyes soften as he stared at Kagome, halting in his picking up all the heavy buckets of dirty water. She looked up at him questioningly. "What, do I have dirt on my face or something?" She asked, beginning to feel self-conscious. Why is he staring at me like that?

Inuyasha did not answer but simply walked out of the well house. Words never came easy for him around Kagome. He always was worried that the words he had forbidden himself to speak would pop out.

He couldn't articulate what he felt for her; speech was useless, it couldn't encompass the width and depth of these strange feelings. He felt helpless as all his carefully maintained boundaries were put under siege. She was crumbling them as he looked on and there was nothing he could do about it. Nothing could help him get ride of these feelings. Not actions, nor silence or attitude or anything at all.

 He knew that he should say something. But he also knew that letting it out in the open held a high risk of rejection. He also knew that some things were just too precious to risk. Even if these feelings were one sided, it was better to have his illusions and his hope then the harsh truth. Reality was overrated.

Inuyasha was aware that he would break completely once she finally got annoyed enough at him and told him what she really felt about him. It was humiliating to be so in the power of someone who was inherently so powerless. 

He walked slowly back up to Souta's room, contemplating his situation. Inuyasha shook his head. Why was he even thinking of telling her? Loving her was a sweet, sweet dream and a dream it would stay. Announcing one's love required a huge leap of faith. You had to have true hope, belief that you would be rewarded for diving in with your eyes closed. Inuyasha had stopped having that sort of hope and that kind of belief in the happily- ever- after the day his father and mother had been murdered by Sesshomaru, the brother whom he had idolized. He had true hope for everything back then. And where had it gotten him? Pain and betrayal.

No, Inuyasha preferred to suffer in silence. His unrequited love would always be a few feet away and those unspoken words would burn a hole in his gut, his heart, his brain, and his essence. He didn't really mind. He had done enough in his life to deserve this pain. He would not tell Kagome. Suffering in silence was his path, his creed. He knew of no other road to choose.

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A/N: well, hope my angst and attempt at semi romance was ok. I'm a little uncomfortable even bringing angst into this fic. I meant for it to be light up until the very end. Oh well, my muse decided to be depressed today. I just want to thank everyone who reviewed, Proi-Pori, Rabid Psycho Kitty, Pinkraven, Evanescent, Snidget aka Snitch (who reviewed my other one but since that was a one shot I'm thanking snitch here) Hadely-chan, and my sister who reviewed me under my own name! (Come on people, you didn't think I was that pathetic did you? You did?!?! Humph.) This chapter is dedicated to R.P.K who put me on her favorites list. You are beyond awesome! And it is also dedicated to Mourning Fox! Feel better sweetie!

Advertisments-2004 Dorei Youkai Tokyo by evanescent. Amazing story with a complicated Inuyasha. Trust me when I tell you when read this is you will be blown away. The plot is complex, the characters are engrossing and the writing is wonderful. Possibly my favorite story on the site. Read this or miss out.

Also, for comedy, Inuyasha vs. the Hell Chair by Kiana. I think that's all you need to hear. Very amusing.

Bye and review! Warm fuzzies are desperately needed! I started college again……wah!!