Disclaimer: Don't own Inuyasha. Am much annoyed by this.

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to the new Queer Eye on Tuesday. So excited!! Enjoy the chapter. Don't worry, there's no angst.

*
*
*
*
*

CHAPTER FOUR:

"Well, kiddies we're off!" Thom shouted from the drivers seat.

"Kagome! Please!!!" begged Inuyasha desperately. His eyes were wide, scared, and pleading. Kagome shook her head and gave Inuyasha a shove towards the SUV.

"It's not a death trap, I promise you. You'll be fine."

There was one everlasting truism that existed in Inuyasha's life:

When all fails, get stubborn.

He put his nose up in the air and crossed his arms. "No. You can't make me get in there."

"Inuyasha, come on!"

"It's going to eat me. I don't know why you want to get ride of me bitch but I'm not gonna die by being swallowed."

"Oh my god Inuyasha! For the hundredth time, its a car. It is not a monster that's going to eat you."

"Feh."

The two glared at each other.

"Hello, I said that we're leaving! You know, that's when you speed off?" reminded Thom, idly tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.

I have to get him into that car, thought Kagome. But how? Speed off....I could always- no, that's too mean. I can't to that to him. He's scared, even if he's covering it up by acting like a jerk. Besides, I can't manipulate him like that.

Seeing Kagome wavering, Inuyasha smirked and stuck out his tongue.

On second thought, I think I can. Kagome thought, thoroughly pissed off .

"Inuyasha, if you don't get into that car, I'm going to tell everyone all about the time you told Kouga he had a nice tail..." she ended on a very suggestive sounding note.

"WHAT?" Inuyasha exclaimed, enraged. "I never told that wimp he had a nice tail!!"

"Tail...." muttered Ted. "It sounds a lot like a euphemism for something else..."

"Same ass, wrong side?" asked Kyan, with a leer.

"Could be." said Jai. The three joined Carson who, avante garde as always, was two steps ahead on them on putting the moves on the fresh meat. Thom would have joined them, only he was in the car waiting.

"Soooo..... Inuyasha. How do you like your tail?" asked Carson with a purr.

Inuyasha began to choke but he was a brave soul. He made no movements to the car.

"I bet you like it rough" growled Jai, with a look of lust shining in his eyes. He ran perfectly manicured fingernails down Inuyasha's chest.

Inuyasha's ears twitched madly but he did not move toward the car,.

"Don't worry. So do I." Jai licked his lips and leaned in.

"eep" squeaked Inuyasha in panic. Diving into the SUV, he climbed over the seats until reaching the seats in the very back. "DRIVE!!" he screamed at Thom. The oblivious man jerked and hit the gas. The door slammed shut and Inuyasha's eyes widened as he realized that he had been tricked into being eaten. As the car sped away, Inuyasha leaned out the window and shook his fist at Kagome.

"I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS! I'LL COME BACK FROM THE DEAD TO HAUNT YOU! DAMN YOU KAAAAGGGGOOOOOMMMMMMEEEEEE!!!!!" he howled.

Thom turned around, and was horrified to see Inuyasha almost fly out of the open window. "PYSCHO! SIT DOWN AND PUT YOUR BODY BACK IN THIS CAR!!" shouted Thom.

"BITE ME!!" snarled Inuyasha.

Thom did a sharp left turn and Inuyasha flew backward into the car. "Good boy." Thom smiled genially. "Now, let's go furniture shopping."

Kagome and the remaining four watched quietly as a still cursing Inuyasha (yes, they could still hear even though he was in the car with the windows closed) was driven away. As the SUV was down the block, snickers were heard. As the SUV turned the corner, there were chuckles and giggles. But when the car disappeared from sight, Kagome began to laugh so hard her stomach hurt. She laughed hard and long, until tears were running down her face. Concerned, the four males tried to calm her down.

"Kagome? You okay?" asked Carson. She reached up and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"You guys have made my day. When Inuyasha squeaked, he sounded like a broken toddler's toy, it was so high pitched! Priceless! 'eep'.....!!"

The four men shared a glance and picked Kagome off the floor. "Why don't we go inside and have a nice cup of tea, hmm?" Kyan suggested in a soothing voice.

Kagome followed them into the shrine, willing to be calmed down. After tea, Kagome and the boys had a discussion about what Kagome wanted to happen to her companion.

"He's just so stubborn. Really, at times its like talking to a rock. I don't think you guys are really going to do anything. He likes himself just the way he is. Besides, he despises change."

"Are you happy with him the way he is?"

"I'm happy with it because that's who he is. Plain and simple, he wouldn't be the Inuyasha I know if he became a gentleman over night. Could he stand for some refinement? Sure, almost everyone could. But, on the inside, Inuyasha's a really nice guy. You can't fake that inner goodness." She shrugged her shoulders. "Most of my friends say I should never see him again but....some advice just can't be taken."

Silence dominated the room as the group thought about Kagome's words. Jai looked up.

"Kagome, what would you love Inuyasha to do, even if its just once?"

"Gee, I don't know. Not beat up Kouga? Stop hitting Shippo? Smile or laugh? Actually express his feelings? Stop saying 'feh' and 'wench' would be lovely. Dance maybe? I'd love to show him off...." She blushed and nervously tucked a piece of hair behind one ear. "Well, there's a ton of stuff I'd like him to do but most of it's impossible to expect."

"Hmm, well you've given me some ideas." Jai got up to make some phone calls. Carson Kyan and Ted got up and ushered Kagome out to the local mall to pick up the basic house necessities as well as get Kagome some new outfits. (Carson called the whole sweater with a jumper thing a "major fashion no-no".)

********************With Thom and Inuyasha***********************

"So" began Thom looking at Inuyasha through the rear view mirror, "What style are you looking to express?"

Inuyasha looked terribly confused. Thom was used to this expression coming from his hetero's. After hearing the explanation of what a style was, Inuyasha gave him a disgusted look.

"Feh. I don't care what the place looks like, as long as its clear that everything in the well house is mine." He said, being completely truthful.

"So if we just put huge name-tags on everything with "Inuyasha's Crap- Don't touch or I'll kill you" on them, you'd be fine with that?" Thm asked sarcastically.

"That's a good idea." said Inuyasha, impressed. This guy actually has a brain, Inuyasha thought.

Thom sighed.. It was going to be a long day. He looked at the boy in the back seat. Inuyasha was barking at a dog in a car next to them. A really long day, thought Thom.

*****************Half hour later***********

"Okay, we're here!" Thom flung open the doors to Pottery Barn and smiled happily. Inuyasha glanced around and snorted in disgust.

"Fuck this. You smell this air? They burned about 100 sticks of incense at once. If I wanted to choke on weird smells, I'd go to Kaede's."

Inuyasha turned and left the store. Thom just blinked and looked at the spot where Inuyasha had been a moment ago.

"Did he just walk out?" Thom asked the camera man in a shocked tone. The man nodded wordlessly. Taking a deep breath, Thom strode after his missing project.

*****

Inuyasha wandered around the store. It smelled too but, unlike the potpourri of Pottery Barn. This corner store smelled vaguely like leather and old sweat. It was the stench of warriors after battle; of true men, not the pansies that characterized this weak generation. Inuyasha felt comfortable here. He knew that his kind, men he could be comrades with, had walked on these floors.

"Inuyasha! Why did you leave and how did you find this store?" came the exasperated voice.

Inuyasha turned to Thom and said in a loud voice, "We will buy all my things from here. Real men have been here."

Thom took a look around and sighed. "Inuyasha..." Not knowing where to begin, he took a breath. "This is Sharper Image. We are not- and I repeat not- buying everything for your house here.

"Yes we are"

"Not a snowball's chance in hell." Thom answered flatly.

"Then a snowball's chances must be pretty damn high because I'm buying my stuff from here." Inuyasha folded in arms and gracefully descended into his 'I'm-going-to-be-a-stubborn-ass' pose. Legs crossed and his nose up in the air, Inuyasha prepared to do battle.

"No!" said Thom in exasperation. "I'm the designer and I will not allow you to do this to your place!"

"You said it yourself- its mine. And I'll do with my things what I want." Inuyasha said stubbornly.

"Okay, you said that you don't care about the look. Fine- I can work with that. Then you storm out of Pottery Barn. That's all right. Some people don't do pottery barn. But buying everything from Sharper Image! I don't think so! Are you even listening to me?!" Thom asked, annoyed and tired. Inuyasha said nothing.

He was too busy staring at a remote control. Solemnly, he held it up to Thom.

"It blinks."

On high alert, Thom answered very cautiously. "I can see that."

"I need this." Inuyasha said, still entranced by the blinking red and green lights.

Oh for the love of...... "Do you even know what it does?" Thom asked, hands on his hips. Inuyasha snorted. That was completely besides the point.

"Who needs to know what it does? Look at how incredible it is! It blinks!" The hanyou was confused. How could anyone not find this, this thing fascinating? He held it out to Thom. Maybe he needed a closer look to see how amazing this thing was?

A beep sounded and the previous item lost importance as a weird box began to hum and honk.

"Oooooohhhhhh" whispered Inuyasha, placing the now forgotten remote on a random counter. Picking up the box, a smile grew on Inuyasha's face. There were knobs and buttons, screens and antenna's all over the small box. It was complicated, unwieldy, and half the features were redundant.

It by far the most entrancing thing Inuyasha had ever beheld.

Turning to Thom, he held up his prize in hubris. "Look!" he exclaimed like a kid in a candy store. "It honks and blinks!" Inuasha snorted happily to himself and began pressing buttons and flipping switches.

"Well, now we can all die happy!" said Thom, rolling his eyes. "I mean, it blinks AND makes noise. What else could you ask for in house furnishings?"

Inuyasha ignored him. There was one thing you pressed (A/N: a button) and part of the box would light up (A/N: the screen)! Noticing this strange correlation, Inuyasha kept pressing. Finally, the box would not light up anymore. Annoyed, Inuyasha shook the box. Nothing happened. What about the arrow shape? Maybe that would make the box light up some more.... Inuyasha pressed the play button and Metallica on 100 decibels came roaring out of the wall of speakers behind him.

Inuyasha saw Thom waving his arms and stamping his foot, opening and closing his mouth. Inuyasha started laughing. Thom looked very funny. Not at all amused, Thom stormed over and yanked the toy out of Inuyasha's hands. The silence that came when he found the stop button was absolute and total.

"I'm. Going. To. Kill. You." Thom said slowly, pointing a finger at Inuyasha.

Inuyasha's eyes were shining and his smile was real and powerful. "I want this." Inuyasha told Thom.

"And I want you to go buy normal furnishings."

"I want this.....and that thing. And that thing with the sticks. And...wow, what's that thing? Is that a chair with a food storage place? AND a toilet in the seat?" He glanced at Thom, almost delighted beyond words. "You never have to get out of the chair!! I want that!!!!"

"I want out of this store." Thom almost screamed, tearing at his hair.

"I want that als- Look!" shouted Inuyasha, thrilled. "It's lighting up again."

Thom stared in horror as he saw Inuyasha's finger on the 'replay' button.

"FINE! Anything to get out of here!" Thom snapped, conceding defeat. Sighing, he proposed a compromise. "How about this?" Thom said slowly. "You can pick 5 things from sharper image but only after you buy the truly important stuff."

"Feh." said Inuyasha agreeably, turning back to the store that had so captured his imagination.

"Later. We'll come back later." promised Thom as he dragged Inuyasha out of Sharper Image.

*****************12 furniture stores later*************

"Inuyasha! Please, please, please have an opinion." begged Thom.

"I do. I don't like it." Inuyasha answered.

"A different opinion."

"No."

"But why? Why don't you like it? There has to be a reason" Thom asked.

"Nope. No reason. I just don't like it." Inuyasha walked out of the store, a despondent interior decorator trailing him.

Thom felt like crying. He settled for groveling. "Just try to keep an open mind. Your furniture reflect your personality, but nothing matches you. So, we're going to have to try for as close as we can get. Okay? This is the last store. Our last stop. Please try."

"All right. I'll try." Inuyasha mumbled.

Stepping into the store, Inuyasha sensed a difference immediately. The stuff here was real. Not like all the other furniture in those stories that stunk of machinery. They all had smelled the same. But in this store- the furniture was scented with emotions. This furniture had lived.

"I like this place" he told Thom, already absently browsing through the antiques. With tears of joy streaming down his face, Thom leapt to help Inuyasha pick out furnishings.

At the end, Inuyasha had chosen several items. Among them was a small oak table, shiny with years of cleanings and an armchair of deep burgundy soft leather. There was a hammock made of thick, hand-woven navy cotton that would fit perfectly between the rafters and a large fluffy white rug to put on the floor. (It reminded Inuyasha of a certain half brother of his but he didn't tell Thom that.) But, by far, Inuyasha's favorite item was a bronze sculpture of a tree about half a foot high. Each leaf on the full crown and each crevice on the bark was captured in detail. The lines of the sculpture were graceful and strong, leaving one with the impression of branches swaying in the wind and enduring strength. Neither man had any idea where to place the sculpture but to leave it in the store was unthinkable.

After leaving directions of where the items were to be delivered (and, much to Thom's consternation, going back to Sharper Image) Thom and Inuyasha headed back to the shrine. They got to Kagome's house and Thom collapsed onto the couch, waiting for Carson, Kyan, Ted and Jai to gather their stuff. Inuyasha ran off to pester Kagome about the wondrous beeping box. After six straight minutes of "it beeped and then blew things up!!" ,she pushed him out of her room, down the stairs, and into the entry hall to say good night to the boys.

"We'll see you tomorrow!" chirped Carson, waggling his fingers.

"What do you mean?" asked Inuyasha, a suspicious look on his face.

"We're going shopping for clothing tomorrow silly!" Carson exclaimed. He put his hands on his hips and smiled at Thom (who had told them of the difficulties of shopping with Inuyasha) who smiled back. "Have your walking shoes on!" he cheered evilly.

"I don't own shoes..." said Inuyasha slowly.

Carson laughed. "Ooooh, I am going to have so much fun!!!" And with that ominous statement, the Fab Five walked out, looking very much forward to tomorrow.

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to my brother in law who I had to go through Sharper Image with. Horrors upon horror. By the way, I don not own Sharper Image either. No advertisements. Not in the mood. Please review! I need help in improving my writing! Constructive criticism is very much welcomed!