Disclaimer: shut up all of you.
A/N: Hey everyone! So sorry about this update taking so long! Let's just say my life's taken an interesting turn and, as I have NO idea how to handle it, my minds been preoccupied. Full apology after chapter! But i make up for it slightly with giving you a 22 page chapter nine! BTB, this fic should have about 4 chapters left, including epilouge if anyone wanted to know.
This chapter is dedicated to NoName for her most awesome review! You have officially rocked my socks, O' Knight of the Sock Drawer! (read larger explanation on bottom).
This chapter is also dedicated to Maiden of the Moon! She reviewed two of my stories and I love it when that happens! (What did you think of my Shippo story? I'm just curious because its my favorite and I got no criticism for it and I want some!)
Now, with no further ado, I present the next chapter in the unfolding saga of 'All Things Just Keep Getting Better':
CHAPTER NINE: Sexy Ass goes Shopping:
Mrs. Higurashi cleared her throat and tried to make sense of what was going on. "So what you're saying," she began slowly, "is that five gay American men are in my home, giving you a pedicure, making my well house into an apartment, stealing your clothes and are trying to change how you act?"
"Um, yeah," Inuyasha said, nodding his head slowly.
"And Kagome knows about it?" This obviously made no sense to the gentle Japanese housewife and she got up to fix some tea. (Mrs. Higurashi was of the persuasion that when faced with an uncomfortable scenario, forcing someone to consume something would fix all ills.)
"Um, yeah," Inuyasha answered after a moment, uncomfortable with looking at Kagome's mother even though a good hour had passed since The Discovery of The Dancing Hanyou.
"What did that strange little man in the vest have to do with anything?" Mrs. Higurashi asked, still confused on that point.
"No idea," Inuyasha answered honestly.
He shuddered, remembering the farewell kiss Jack had tried to steal when he had left. The flamboyant gay man had protested leaving at all but, after the 'lets-be-really-good-friends!' scare, Inuyasha himself had thrown the protesting nurse/Broadway actor into the taxi.
"So the whole point of doing all this was to make you into....a, a better man?" Mrs. Higurashi asked in confusion.
Inuyasha thought for a moment, his hands tucked comfortingly into his jeans pockets (his hakama sleeves being unavailable as they were still languishing on the barbecue grill) and nodded cautiously. "Yeah, that's the idea."
Jii-chan snorted from his spot at the table. "Strange. If they want you to be a better man, shouldn't you be a man first?"
Inuyasha had his fists wrapped around Jii-chan's collar before the last syllable from the question was out. "What the hell is that suppose to mean?" the enraged hanyou snarled. He tightened his grip and added another wordless threat for emphasis.
"Oh, okay, then, Mr. Snippy Pants. Let's let go of your girlfriends grandfather before you choke him to death," Carson said, waving his hands around. Uselessly pulling at Inuyasha's sleeve, the blonde attempted to convince Inuyasha that killing Jii-Chan was not the way to get into Kagome's affections.
"You know, Kagome will get really pissed if you kill grandpa over here," Carson said earnestly. "I'm serious, if you murder him, Kagome will never spread her legs for you and then all of our efforts will go to waste!"
Mrs. Higurashi, Grandpa and Souta began to choke at the same time. Inuyasha turned a light shade of vermilion.
"Its not like that-!" the very embarrassed hanyou protested weakly as Carson shook his head. Pinching the bridge between his eyes, Carson let out a gusty sigh.
"Exactly then, what are we working toward if not to help you get laid, my good man?"
"GET LAID?!?!!?" Souta shouted in horror, the words flinging him out of his stupor. "With Kagome??" He looked at the blonde fashionista in stunted shock while Jii-chan began flinging ofuda wards everywhere and Mrs. Higurashi sank to the floor in a heap.
It was at this moment Jai, Thom, Kyan and Ted walked into the kitchen. The group had been dismissed from sight until Mrs. Higurashi and Co. got used to the idea of five gay men playing around with Manly Man Inuyasha. However, once Thom had noticed a missing Carson, a rather frantic search had resulted. All involved knew that a missing Carson was a problem waiting to happen. Sure enough, they strolled 'nonchalantly' into a kitchen of now absolute chaos. Where before there had been quiet and serenity, now Inuyasha was trying to pry a seventy odd year old man's fingers off his throat while dodging flying ofuda wards. Souta was in a corner sticking a finger down his throat in order to vomit ("Hello, not near me! Do the words purple velvet blazer and vomit have anything in common to you? I am hoping not!" screeched Carson from the sidelines) and poor Mrs. Higurashi was settled on the floor, mumbling something about lost virtue.
Jai took one long look and took charge.
"Kyan, you go restrain Carson and help the kid. Ted and Thom, you help the mother. Get her off the floor. I'll take on the paper throwing grandpa." The commands flew out and the men went promptly to their duties.
Kyan grabbed Carson's arm and forced him to sit quietly. Ted distracted Mrs. Higurashi with recipe questions while Thom poured her a cup of tea and Jai pinched the Vulcan nerve on Jii-Chan and Inuyasha's necks simultaneously and forced the two to separate. (A/N: i know, theres no such thing but you all get the idea)
"You knew your sister wasn't going to be a virgin forever, didn't you?" Kyan asked Souta, mystified by this naiveté. Souta moaned in misery.
"Not helping," said Thom in an annoyed voice, flashing Kyan an irritated look. "Really not helping."
"Mrs. Higurashi, I didn't, I don't, I- damn it all!" cursed Inuyasha, completely flustered and unable to protest his innocence.
Mrs. Higurashi stared at the boy she had trusted with a hurt expression on her face. Her doe brown eyes shot questions and gently worded accusations into the air: How could he betray her trust like this? Was this why he was Kagome's friend? How long had this plan to steal her baby's virtue been going on? Did he not respect Kagome?
Inuyashas head sunk onto his chest. How was he suppose to respond to all that? Answer yes and he was a jerk, answer no and look like a lying animal- there was no way out of this!
Mrs. Higurashi sighed and looked down at her patient hands folded on her lap. Inuyasha felt like the lowest cretin, the scum of the earth and he hadn't even done anything! Wallowing in his self pity, he barely felt the wet slap of the rice paper hitting his body. He did, however, hear very clearly Jii-chan's gloating.
"Those will stop you!" howled Jii-chan in triumph. "Nothing can get through those!" The old Japanese man happily threw a few more spirit wards onto this despoiler of his granddaughter.
Almost carelessly, Inuyasha knocked Jii-chan away, peeling useless wards off his face, back and arms. "I'm not in the mood old man. I'll play later, okay?" Inuyasha mumbled despondently. Jii-chan shrieked in shock at the ease Inuyasha had taking off the 'holy barriers.'
Carson, intrigued by what he considered a new fashion accessory, delicately rolled a piece of rice paper off Inuyasha's lower leg (he tried for one that was higher up but was convinced by Inuyasha's snarl that going near the half demons upper thigh would be a bad idea).
"Is it a dirty word?" he asked in excitement, pointing to the now smudged kanji.
Jii-chan stared at his strongest ofuda for a moment before glancing at Souta.
"My wards really are useless, aren't they?" the old man asked listlessly. Souta nodded affirmation.
"Never were any good," confirmed the boy. Grandpa sighed heavily.
"Now he's going to commit suicide," whispered Jai anxiously. "Oh man, Carson, why do you open up your mouth?" he asked desperately.
"Uh, I recall a certain hairdresser we know also messing things up," Carson snapped.
"Oh, blame me for this mess. Sure, why the hell not?" Kyan exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air.
"You both killed the entire situation, happy?" asked Thom with a peeved look. "Now, can we all go about fixing it?"
Shuffling their feet, the bickering pair subsided and helped get the shaken Higurashi family back onto their emotional feet.
"What Iuyasha meant," Jai began softly, leading the broken Jii-chan over to a chair, "is that he has no designs on your granddaughters person."
"Yeah, you know him," reassured Kyan, lifting Mrs. Higurashi's head so that the two looked eye to eye. "Does he seems capable to even thinking that type of stuff without blushing? He's way too immature."
"Hey!" Inuyasha protested. "I am not immature and I can so do...." he trailed off as Kagome's family looked at him with horror. Panicking slightly, he cleared his throat. "...So do lots of things without blushing but none of them have anything to do with Kagome. No," he fidgeted and looked at the roof. "Never, never do anything at all, not me....no way...."
The silence in the little kitchen went on for a good minute and a half. Inuyasha sweated and silently prayed to whatever was listening that he got out of this with some measure of pride.
Carson poked Souta. "Does he shove his foot down his throat all the time or was that just a special performance for us guests?"
Souta smiled and Mrs. Higurashi let out a little chuckle. Carson put his hands on his hips and smile confidently.
"Now, that's what I want to see! Smiles! Be happy! We are fixing him!" He affectionately patted Inuyasha on the head. Snarling, Inuyasha snapped his fangs a fraction of an inch from Carson's hand. "Bad doggie!" Carson said in annoyance. He snapped his fingers and pointed to the floor. "Bad puppies do not get to stay by the table! Down!"
Inuyasha looked incredulously at the snapping fingers. He stood up to his full height and glared down at Carson. Raising one eyebrow, Inuyasha asked dryly, "Do I look neutered?"
Carson shook his head, the tiniest bit intimidated (and a little turned on but he wisely decided not to inform Inuyasha of that). Inuyasha went on to inform Carson that on the day the fashion plate ever called him 'doggie', 'puppy', or hinted in any way that he, Inuyasha, should obey Carson's commands again, was the day Inuyasha was going to get a new rug made of gay man skin.
Carson cocked his head and thought for a bit. "Well," he said turning to the sitting Higurashi family, "He's not very subtle is he?"
Mrs. Higurashi giggled. Inuyasha decided, that if it put a smile on Mrs. Higurashi's face, he'd let Carson get away with teasing him. This time.
"But you're here to...fix him?" Souta asked slowly, bringing the conversation back to the topic of why exactly the Americans were in the Shrine.
"Yep!" Thom answered perkily.
"I don't think he needs fixing," Souta said stoutly. "He's Inu-nii-san. He's great like he is."
The
five gay men all 'aww'ed at the same time.
"He is so cute!" exclaimed Jai in delight.
"He's a loyal little thing, isn't he?" Ted asked Inuyasha while Souta scrambled to escape the hands that now wanted to pinch his cheeks.
Inuyasha looked down at the boy now hiding his 'nii-san's legs.
"Yep. He is," answered Inuyasha. "Leave him alone guys. Your acting like a bunch of women."
"Oh, there he goes again with that chauvinistic attitude," sighed Kyan. "I swear, we will never be able to take him to Manhattan. Those business women in their suits and sneakers will crush him on their way to the subway."
All the other Americans nodded at this wise realization. Inuyasha rolled his eyes and snorted.
Mrs. Higurashi cleared her throat. "I agree with Souta. Inuyasha may be a bit rough around the edges but he is a very nice boy. Well raised," she concluded earnestly.
Inuyasha beamed a smile at the kindest woman he knew.
The Fab Five stared at the gentle woman who was bustling around her kitchen, making fresh sushi and wasabi for dinner.
"But, he curses like a sailor!" protested Jai.
"He snorts and doesn't seeing anything wrong with fixing himself in public," added Thom.
"He refuses to cook or clean because its 'womens' work," reminded Ted.
"He destroys other people's property on a regular basis and won't even apologize for it," said Kyan.
"AND he has no fashion sense," concluded Carson. "How, exactly, is he nice and raised right?"
Mrs. Higurashi shook her head at the confused Americans. "Because," she said with a smile, "He treats Kagome like gold. He always helps me out when I need and even when I don't. He plays with Souta and even gives Boyou some exercise." By chasing Boyou up a tree and then barking at the obese lump for fifteen minutes, she mentally acknowledged, but its still exercise.
Jii-chan came pounding up the stairs and threw a new handful of ofudas onto Inuyasha. With a scowl, Inuyasha ripped them off and threw the remains at the sobbing Jii-chan.
"And he doesn't kill Jii-chan!" Mrs. Higurashi added with a small grin. "All in all, he's shown great restraint, tact and care with our little family." She sent a motherly smile Inuyasha's way and the boy sat there proud as a pup could be.
The Fab Five stared at her in disbelieve.
"She is a M.I.L.F.," Thom thought out loud. "Maybe she's defending him because they're lov-"
"Ew!" shrieked Jai. "No! No! No! That is so gross!"
"No, Kyan may be right," Carson said with a shake of his head. "I mean, if Ashton and Demi can get it on, why not those two?"
Ted rolled his eyes. Kyan whispered to Mrs. Higurashi that all that velvet Carson was wearing must have cut off the circulation to his brain.
Unfortunately for everyone, Carson overheard.
"Are you insulting the blazer? My dusky mulberry Armani three button blazer with 2.4 inch lapels, 4.3 triangular pockets with the reversible lining of aquamarine?" Carson asked in a disbelieving tone.
"No," Kyan sighed. "I am not insulting your jacket."
"A jacket?!?" Carson asked incredulously. "This is not a mere jacket! This," he plucked at his covering, "is not a mere anything. This is art given materialistic form! This," his words tried to convey his sincerity and his eyes blazed with fervor, "is not some common place Donatella creation, oh no, it is not. This is one of the last things that Georgio himself made!" He clutched his coat in passionate remembrance and exclaimed, "From the master of fashion's saintly, martyred hands to me, Carson Kresly, from when I was still a drudge in Calvin Klein!" He turned to Kyan and he shook his head in shock. "A jacket? A blazer? This piece of, of, of a muse, of genius! Genius incarnate cannot be simplified into such a base term! This is a Georgio Era Armani piece of perfection!!" Carson turned to huff out of the room. "And you call yourself gay!" He shouted over his shoulder.
His audience in the kitchen watched him go, slightly in shock.
"I have no idea what he was talking about but he seemed serious," Inuyasha noted, taking a bit out of his apple.
"It must be nice to be so...passionate about something," Mrs. Higurashi smiled, trying to put a complementary spin on what had just happened.
"He's crazy," corrected Kyan. "I'll go apologize otherwise there is no way we'll get to go shopping later today." He sighed. "The things I do for you," he mumbled to Inuyasha as he went to the living room to grovel before the overly sensitive Carson.
Inuyasha hadn't heard Kyan's grousing. His mind was frozen in fear.
"Sh, shopping? Why are we going shopping?" He turned frightened eyes onto Thom. "Why are they making me go shopping again? I haven't done anything really wrong!"
Thom sighed in understanding but merely shrugged. "You need clothes," the decorator answered sympathetically.
"No, I have this!" Inuyasha protested, fingering his black tee shirt. "I don't need any more!" He looked at Mrs. Higurashi pleadingly. She sighed and patted his hand comfortingly.
"Perhaps you should listen to them. They are experts and, well, a person needs more then one set of clothes," she consoled.
"No.......! I don't wanna go!" wailed Inuyasha, burying his head in his hands, visions of the unscrupulous Carson copping a feel.
"Stop whining," chastised Ted. "A lot of people would die for a chance to go shopping with Carson."
"That's because they've never gone shopping with him!!" Inuyasha cried.
Ted thought for a moment and nodded grudgingly. "True."
"Too bad," Jai interrupted. "You gotta go get finished and we have to finish that house of yours."
"Mrs. Higurashi? Do you want to come with me?" Inuyasha asked, desperate hope flaring in his eyes. But his hopes were crushed as Mrs. Higurashi simply shook her head.
"Actually, I'm sort of curious as to what they'll do to you on their own," she said cheerfully. "We'll be waiting here for you!"
Souta nodded his head in excited agreement. "Yeah! Seeing you in normal clothes will be wild!" The eight year old's eyes shone with excitement. He led Inuyasha to the living room, following Thom.
"Normal, huh..." Inuyasha said in a flat voice. "What if I don't feel like being normal?"
Souta rolled his eyes. "You don't have to be normal, Inu-nii-san! Just take off the skirt pants!"
"They are not skirt pants!" shouted Inuyasha. "All warriors wear pants like these!"
Souta snorted. "Yeah, well if everyone jumped off a skyscraper would you do that also?" Inuyasha looked at Souta. He had no idea what this skyscraper thing was but....
"I would if it was the honorable thing to do," he answered stoutly. Souta looked up at his idol and smiled happily.
"I guess its a good thing your not our type of normal, huh?" he asked. "If you were, you wouldn't be Inuyasha." He nudged Inuyasha in the side, earning himself a small smile from the grumpy hanyou.
"You say it like not being himself would be a bad thing," Jii-chan mumbled as he trudged past the two.
Inuyash informed Jii-chan where he could stuff his opinion, much to Souta's wide eyed delight. Seeing Souta's enraptured expression, Inuyasha cleared his throat.
"You never heard that," he mumbled to Souta. Mutely, Souta nodded his head but his eyes shone with mirth and a giggle or two escaped.
"So we're okay now?" Kyan was asking Carson patiently in the living room.
Carson was obviously wavering on the subject. Grudgingly, he agreed to be pacified. "Fine. I am willing to accept that you didn't know what you were talking about."
"That's so decent of you, Carson" Kyan said dryly. Looking over his colleague's shoulder, Kyan gratefully waved to Inuyasha.
"Ready to go shopping?" he asked with a smile. Carson whirled around at the S word, all grievances forgotten.
"We're going shopping!" Carson exclaimed in happiness. He hurried to leave but, when he looked at the slow moving Inuyaha, frowned.
"Sexy Ass," Carson called out from the doorway, "Move that pretty butt of yours! We have so many clothes to buy, my head is spinning!"
"And here I was thinking that his head was on straight," Inuyasha mumbled to Souta in a sarcastic undertone.
"Sexy Ass, move!"
"Stop calling me that!" Inuyasha said to Carson in annoyance.
"Come on!" whined Carson and he dragged Inuyasha out to the SUV. Kyan waved cheerfully and closed the door behind him.
"Sexy ....Ass?" Mrs. Higurashi asked slowly from the kitchen.
"It's his nickname!" Jai said cheerfully. "We gave it to him! Doesn't it fit?"
For the first time, Mrs. Higurashi began to feel bad for Inuyasha.
---------------In The SUV--------------
"Okay," said Kyan from the drivers seat. "What are we going to do first?"
"I thought we were going shopping," Inuyasha asked, suspicion lacing his every word. I knew I shouldn't have gone with them without support, he thought darkly.
"Well, remember when we told you last time that Kyan had a surprise for you?" Carson said delicately.
Inuyasha's ears went flat back against his head. Sneaking a look out the widow, he calculated the possible bodily injury he would endure if he leapt out the window.
Seeing Inuyasha brace himself, Kyan wisely put the child lock on all the windows and doors.
"Don't even think about it," he advised his charge. "Besides, this surprise isn't as frightening as the other one."
Carson, eyes wide with sarcasm, added, "Yes, because as everyone knows, pedicures are among the nation's top five fears."
"Shut up Carson," Kyan said with a tight smile.
Inuyasha sulked in the back seat. "I don't think I want any more surprises."
"Well, you don't have to make any hasty decisions," Kyan said as he merged into downtown Tokyo traffic. "We'll see what your in the mood for after a couple of hours of shopping with Carson."
Inuyasha stared at the deliberately innocent Kyan. "Hours?" the thunder struck hanyou asked. Was it even possible to shop with Carson for hours?
Kyan smiled an evil smile. "I think you begin to see my point about changing your mind."
"Bastard," mumbled Inuyasha. Kyan grinned and winked into his rear view mirror as he pulled over.
"Enough!" Carson commanded. "We're here!" He scrambled out of the door, credit card at the ready. Inuyasha went much slower, dragging out every motion for as long as possible.
"HELLO? Am I shopping by myself here?" came the hiss from Carson, impatiently tapping his foot. Inuyasha slid out of the car and walked behind Carson into Harajyuku shopping mall with a sinking feeling in his stomach.
Inside Harajyuku
"Okay, this is La Foret, a very fashionable store where they have lots and lots of everything we need." Carson said, striding through the aisles like a model on the runway.
Perusing like the shopping maven he was, Carson picked up a few items, held them against his bored subject and either rejected them or flung them into a growing pile in Kyan's arms. Inuyasha tuned him out, preferring to pretend that no one was staring at him or the odd men he was with.
"Okay, so how about we go to the dressing room?" Carson said cheerfully. Inuyahsa shrugged. He really didn't care. Seeing Kyan staggering under the pile of clothes, Inuyasha graciously took the load from the overburdened hairdresser. Kyan stared as Inuyasha hefted the huge pile with no trouble.
"Does he have any idea how impossible that is?" Kyan asked in an undertone to the still browsing Carson.
"Hmm, what? Oh, that inhuman strength thing? No, I doubt he has any idea. Besides, if we're talking impossible thing, how about how his ass looks in those jeans?"
"Mm-hmm..damn right," Kyan agreed with a smirk as the two watched Inuyasha's butt invitingly wiggle its way into the dressing room.
"Well, times wastin'. Gotta go. See ya later, kiddies!" Waving goodbye, Kyan went to make arrangements for his surprise.
Carson followed the hanyou to try clothes on and handed Inuyasha a shirt. "Try this one on," he called over the door.
There was a moment of silence.
"Like fuck," Inuyasha said, tossing the shirt back over.
"Why not?" complained Carson. Inuyasha stormed out of the dressing room and held the shirt out for Carson's eyes to see.
"It has flowers on it," Inuyasha said, biting off every word. "Why the hell would you give me a woman's shirt?"
"It's a mans shirt," Carson corrected.
"It has flowers. Warriors do not wear clothes with flowers on them," Inuyasha said empathetically. What about Sesshomaru? He wears a sash with flowers on it, part of his mind wondered. It's his heraldic symbol, Inuyasha mentally retorted. Totally different.
"It's paisley. It's perfectly normal for men to wear this pattern. Besides, its so subtle!" Carson exclaimed.
Inuyasha rolled his eyes. "Its covered in thousands of bright purple and bright yellow flowers. How exactly is this subtle?"
Carson licked his lips. Damn, he caught me! "Well, the flowers are so small that its almost abstract looking."
Inuyasha snorted. "I don't know what that means and I don't care. I'm not wearing it."
Carson sighed and put the shirt onto the store rack. "Fine," Carson said. He shrugged. "I mean, its obvious that you don't care about style..."
"Not when it involves flowered shirts." Inuyasha mumbled as he picked out something else to try on. He picked up a pair of pants and shrugged. Whatever, he thought. At least its a normal color.
The doors sung open and Inuyasha stepped out in a pair of beige khaki's.
"Perfect fit!" Carson cried. "Okay, now the reason I found this such a great find for you was that these pants don't wrinkle! Its made form micro fibers and I figure if anyone needs that, you do. I mean, you look like you just rolled out of a washing machine all day." He tugged and adjusted. "Your butt looks nice, your legs look slim....."
Carson stepped back and admired his choice. But there was just one thing.
"Do we have to get beige? It's so blah." Carson said frowning. He examined Inuyasha before snapping his fingers. "Oh, I know! Here, try these on in khaki green," Carson handed Inuyasha the dark green fatigues. The hanyou tried them on and both agreed the color choice was much better.
"Wait, try on that pea coat with those pants and....," Carson rummaged through the pile of clothes and pulled out a red tee. "With this!" Inuyash put on the coat and shirt and modeled for Carson's examination. "Hmm...., you know, I really like the way this looks on you! We are so buying this coat!! I didn't think a double breasted look was going to work with you because you're so skinny-"
"HEY! It's all muscle!" Inuyasha said, offended.
"I know, I know. Believe me, I've looked," Carson said with a greedy smile. Inuyasha groaned but Carson spoke right over him. "I didn't think it would look good but you look fabulous in black and the coat just works! Ah, god, I am good even when I don't realize it!" Carson shook his head at his own genius.
Inuyasha decided to not point out that Kyan had picked out this coat.
"Now, try on the T-shirts with these pants," Carson commanded.
Shrugging, Inuyasha changed into shirt after shirt. The dark blue polo was accepted, the white one was rejected, the dark red plain tee was accepted at once and the electric green plain tee was refused at once.
"Carson!" Inuyasha complained holding up a T-shirt with a half naked woman on it. "I can't wear this!"
"Why not? You're straight!" Carson protested.
"Because its disgusting!" protested Inuyasha.
"Oh, and I suppose this," Carson held up the one shirt Inuyasha had pointed out, "is a fashion do?"
"I like it," defended Inuyasha. He fingered the cotton. It was a plain white short sleeved tee with a grinning crimson skull on it. Looking at it made Inuyasha smile but Carson did not look like he was going to relent.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. Inuyasha turned his puppy eyes on Carson. "Please? Pllleeaaaassseee??" he asked. "I like this one!"
"No."
Inuyasha added a little sniff and blinked slowly.
Carson pursed his lips. Ah, why is he doing that???? I....can't...resist!! Carson sighed. "Fine! All right! You can get it!"
Inuyasha smirked. To reward Carson for listening to him, Inuyasha pulled on the T-shirt. It was a bit too tight and stretched across his chest and abs, showing the delineated lines.
"Look," Inuyasha said with faked delight, and moved his pectoral muscles underneath the shirt.
Defined....chest....area.....Carson's mind droned and his eyes glazed over.
Inuyasha grinned. Maybe learning how to use this thing called 'sex appeal' to his benefit wasn't such a bad idea after all....
Moving quickly, Inuyasha looked through the pile of clothes Carson had chosen. He threw out something that sparkled, a shirt that reflected three colors, a pair of pants that he knew were a size too small and something...
"Furry?!?!" Inuyasha gasped in horror. About to chuck the offending garment out the door, Carson came to.
"NO!" Carson wailed and grabbed onto the furry vest. "You must buy this!"
"Not a chance! I hate fur and I hate people who wear fur!" Inuyasha snarled, thinking of a certain rival of his.
"But, but men who wear fur are so sexy!" Carson pleaded.
"No, they're not!" protested Inuyasha .
"But I love men who wear fur!!" Carson begged.
Sometimes, the most evil of plots are hatched from the most innocent of words......
"Say Carson," Inuyasha said slowly, "what would you do if I introduced you to a guy I know who wears fur?"
Carson smiled in delight but slowly, his eyes narrowed. "Yeah, but is he gay?"
"Well," Inuyasha dissembled, "he does live with about six or seven other guys. They all sleep on one big fur rug so I never bothered to ask, y'know?" Would he buy it? Come on...Inuyasha tried to remain calm. The hunter sets the lure.....
"Hmm....," Carson thought suspiciously. "I'm listening...."
"Well, he always wears fur. He has this little fur shirt that shows off his six pack and a little pair of fur short shorts. Its either that or its a mini skirt. It's about the same size as the one Kagome wore the other day...He has the thighs for it too..." Inuyasha grimaced inside. It nauseated him to be talking about his rival like that but Carson was practically drooling. Time to bring down the prey....
"But you know, he may over-accessorize. He has these matching fur headbands to keep his long silky black hair out of his eyes-"
"What color are they?" Carson said. He sounded very short of breath and Inuyasha let a small smile escape.
"Oh, blue. A really deep blue. Anyways, he also has these armbands-"
"He wears jewelry?!?" Carson gasped.
What the hell is jewelry? "Sure, yeah," Inuyasha answered indifferently. "I could get you some pictures but if he's not your type...." Inuyasha trailed off.
"No! He is! Get me those pics!" Carson squealed.
"Well, I would but, if I'm doing that for you, I think a little kickback is in order..." Inuyasha said, looking away 'innocently'.
"Yes, fine, whatever." Carson agreed absently. "What do you want? Seduction techniques? First you lean over and blow on her neck. When she's hot and-"
"What!? No!" Inuyasha said frantic disgust. "Just leave off bringing me all the freaky clothing. No gold, no mesh, nothing see through, nothing really tight or with weird colors. I want normal clothes." Inuyasha finished.
Carson sighed. "But how will you look fashionably wonderful? I mean boring clothes leads to boring fashion and that's just not acceptable."
"I don't need to look fashionably wonderful. Just decent and normal. I want Kagome to be able to walk outside with me and not have everyone wonder if we're together or if I'm her gay friend," Inuyasha said with a stubborn tilt of his head.
"But its so boring!" protested Carson.
"Interesting clothes equals no pictures of my friend. And here I was planning on getting him to take off his shirt....." Inuyasha said with a mean grin.
"Bastard!" gasped Carson. "You sly, manipulative, conniving-"
"I learned from the best," Inuyasha interrupted. Carson stopped ranting and a slow smile spread across his face.
"You did, didn't you?" he asked with a pleased expression on his face. He put out his hand. "Okay, no more freaky clothing and I get pictures of this accessory wearing fashion god. Deal?"
"Deal." The two shook hands firmly.
"Well," Carson said, feeling satisfied, "I think we're done here. Let's go on to the next shop." Carson led the way to the register.
"More?" Inuyasha said. "Aww, but Carson I don't wanna.....!" he whined.
"No one cares, Sexy Ass. Now move."
"Stop calling me that!"
Togo Shrine Flea Market
"So, here we're going to look for a bunch of cool clothing for really cheap!" Carson said, pushing his way through the hordes of people.
"I don't want to wear a bunch of stuff other people have worn! That's gross!" Inuyasha protested.
Carson turned around. "This from a man who wore one hand-me -own for years..." He rolled his eyes. "Next time you take a stand, Sexy Ass, make sure its one that's plausible."
"That was from my dad so that's totally acceptable. And stop calling me that!" Inuyasha said.
"Excuses, blah blah blah, boring!" Carson made a quick left and dove for something.
"Ooooh!" he said reverently. "Look at this! It's fabulous!"
"It's a brown jacket," Inuyasha said in confusion.
"It's an old bomber jacket! When was this made? Hmm," Carson stared at the jacket and turned it inside out. "Well, judging from the stitching pattern, the feel of the leather as well as the seam health, I'd say this is definitely from 1950's to about the 1970's. For how much? Oh my god, what a catch!!" Carson exclaimed when he saw the price.
Inuyasha looked at the jacket. It was old, faded by the elbows and collar with straps of leather sewn onto the shoulders. A discrete bronze zipper ran down the front with deep pockets on either side and it was lined in thick wool.
"Try it on!" urged Carson and Inuyasha slid the jacket on his shoulders. It fit perfectly, ending right before his waist in a small bunch and stopping at his shoulders at exactly the right spot. He slid the zipper up, tugged down the jacket and fidgeted a bit with the sleeves. Examining himself in the mirror from all angles, he had a sudden epiphany.
I look...okay, Inuyasha thought in surprise. A girl giggled as she walked by and wiggled her fingers in invitation.
Inuyasha was floored.
As Carson haggled with the owner, Inuyasha smiled at himself in the mirror.
The two wandered around Togo. Carson made Inuyasha try on a couple of things but none of it looked good. Passing one booth, he snapped his fingers.
"That reminds me, Kagome told me you wear hats a lot, specifically baseball caps."
He held up two baseball hats. Both were new but one was orange and blue and the other was blue and white.
"Okay, which do you prefer? Winners or losers?" he asked.
"Uh, winners," Inuyasha answered, puzzled that Carson had to even ask.
"Well, I know it sounds obvious but you'd be amazed how many Mets fans don't get the right answer to that little question," Carson answered, putting back the Mets cap back onto the shelf and plopping the Yankee cap onto Inuyasha's head.
"But my ears are all crammed under it. Do I have to buy hats?"
"Yes, not buying hats is not even an option," Carson said firmly. "Listen, you have to wear a hat anyway so why not a good looking one?" He examined how Inuyasha looked in the Yankees cap.
"Perfect!" Carson said with a smile and promptly bought the cap.
Looking around, Carson found a black ski cap. Made of cashmere, it was plain and unadorned, simple elegance. Pulling it down until it fit snugly around Inuyasha's head and ended just above where his ears would be if he were human, Carson declared the look 'scrumptious' and added the hat to the purchases of the day.
"But my ears are all squished!" Inuyasha complained. Carson heaved a sigh.
"Fashion is all about sacrifice, my friend. Learn the fashion, love the fashion, suffer the fashion. End of topic."
"But-"
"I'm going to start flirting with you if you mention this one more time."
"........I hate you...."
Carson smiled and patted Inuyasha's hand. "As long as you look good."
Glancing around, Carson admitted he didn't see much point in staying any longer in the flea market. "I thought we'd find more here but since we didn't, we'll go to Shibuya, a different mall in Tokyo."
"Another mall???"
Inside Shibuya
Carson clapped his hands. "Okay, so here we'll buy a couple more essentials."
"More essentials?" Inuyasha looked back at the small avalanche of shopping bags behind him. "If we need more essentials, then what the hell is all that?!"
Carson looked at him and raised his eyebrows. "Different essentials..." he said as if it were obvious.
"That's not possible!" Inuyasha shouted but Carson had already gone into the store and was ignoring his protests.
"Here, try on these jeans, these shoes, that vest, oh! That sweater with the stripes....."
On and on the shopping continued until Inuyasha thought he would scream. ey traveled the mall, going from store to store.
Inuyasha's fingers felt sore from pulling zippers up and down, his feet ached from standing too long, his muscles were exhausted. It was as if he had fought Naraku, Sesshomaru and been sat by Kagome all at once, all day long. Groaning, Inuyasha fell onto a chair into yet another clothing store. Carson was already off and shopping.
Automatically, Carson spotted something he knew Inuyasha had to have.
"Oh Inuyasha!" he sang out. Holding up his find in delight, he yanked the reluctant hanyou over to the mirror. "Perfect, no?" he gushed.
"No," Inuyasha answered firmly.
"Why not?" Carson asked, stupefied by Inuyasha's refusal. "It would go fabulously with your color!"
Inuyasha threw the dress shirt into Carson's face. "What the hell is wrong with you, baka?" Inuyasha shouted. "Why are you giving me a pink shirt??"
"Pink is the new black!" Carson defended.
Inuyasha stared blankly at the fashion obsessed American before throwing his hands up into the air. "Oh! How stupid of me! Pink is the new black! How could I forget that??"
"Don't be so melodramatic," sniffed Carson.
"Pink," shouted Inuyasha, "is not a color for warriors!"
"Yeah and warriors don't do deodorant either!" Carson shot back. "That should tell you about how high a priority warriors should be on our list of people to copy! Pink is a lovely color!"
"Pink is not a color, its a species of flower!!" shouted Inuyasha. He grabbed the offensive button down shirt and ripped it in half. "That," he declared with a satisfied smirk, "is what I think of pink!"
"Oh for gods sake!" Carson shouted. "Now, we're going to have to pay for that!"
Inuyasha shrugged. "So? It's my money. As long as I don't have to wear it, you can keep the damn thing." Carson glared at him before shaking his head and heading off to the suit section.
"Come on, Sexy Ass," Carson called out wearily. "Let's go by some fancy duds"
"Stop calling me that! And I don't want to shop anymore!!"
"But, this is the last store, I swear!" Carson said.
"NO! We've been shopping for so long, I'm on the verge of killing someone! Someone blonde and annoying!"
"Well, then its a good thing I found you two," came the voice of an angel.
Inuyasha turned, almost crying with happiness. "KYAN! I'm so happy to see you!"
"That's a nice way to say hello," Kyan said with a smile.
Carson rolled his eyes. "He has no stamina or patience," he complained to Kyan. "I swear, if he's like this in bed then Kagome's going to have problems."
Inuyasha gaped Carson before clenching his fists. "I shopped with you for hours, you asshole. I listened to you talk for hours, I put on weird smelling clothing for hours-all without even breaking any pieces of your body! Don't you tell me I have no stamina OR that I have no patience, you shit hole! I oughta walk over to you, snap your backbone and leave you freakin' paralyzed so that you have to wear backless green plastic robes for the rest of your life!!!" Inuyasha heaved for breath.
"Easy access for my boyfriend!" Carson shot back, thoroughly pissed off.
"Who cares when no one wants to fu-!!" Inuyasha shouted back before Kyan's hand covered his mouth.
"I think we should use those methods from the other day that you learned from that nice lady, hmm? Carson, go shop and buy the rest of the stuff without Inuyasha. He and I are leaving. But! Before we do, both of you are going to apologize."
"Keh."
"How about, hmmm, no?"
Kyan sighed. "Guuuyyysss...not a mature attitude."
Inuyasha folded his arms and settled gracefully into his stubborn pose. Carson began browsing through a rack of clothes, humming to himself.
"How about this? You two will not shop together again, as long as you both apologize right now. If you don't..." Kyan racked his brain for a suitable punishment. "Well, then you will have to shop together again." This drew frowns from both men.
Inuyasha sighed gustily. "Fine. I won't snap your neck and someone somewhere probably does want to...y'know , with you."
"Duh," muttered Carson. "And...I'm sure you do have patience and stamina. Just not with shopping."
The two glared at each other and turned away.
Well, I suppose that's the best I'm going to get, Kyan thought with a mental shake of his head. "Inuyasha, you and I are leaving. Carson, will you be okay finishing the shopping on your own?"
"Of course," Carson sniffed.
With a jaunty bounce to his step, Inuyasha waved goodbye to Carson andled the way out of the mall to the SUV.
Anything's gonna be better then the hell from the past couple of hours, he thought gleefully to himself.
Ah, foolish trusting hanyou......One must wonder, if he had known what was coming, would he have stayed with Carson?
-
-
-
-
-
A/N: okay, hoped you weren't disappointed! Anyway, sorry for the long lag between updates. I have the aforementioned problem (want to offer advice? email adn be prepared for a weird problem) Plus, I have a new story that's kidnapped my muse. Between that one and the Sess counterpoint to 'Hero', this chapter languished in its file. But then, a light of inspiration struck: NoName sent me the most beautiful review I have ever gotten (and I quote): "Whats takin' so long?"
AH! Never have I felt so loved! NoName spurred me into new heights of writing frenzy and essentially caused this chapter to be posted. So, if you think this chapter sucks, blame it on NoName. No, just kidding, haha! (not really). So, thank you NoName!
Here's my acknowledgment section:
NoName- god, you kick ass!!! I love being nudged!!!
Lady Netiri
Lady Carolyn
aeris6988
silversaiyan88's sister- expect you-know-who in the epilogue. He's going to make a few choice comments and they are BAD! (I have them planned out already)
Varan-Wolf-Hanyou- such a sweet review!
Ryuukai's GF- ::sigh:: don't we all wish we saw Inu-chan (hehe!) shirtless? I think so.
Numisma- glad you liked it! I always appreciate it when people point out what they liked in a chapter.
devil-62
Thorngoddess
Fiery Ferret of Doom- please explain to me how the hell you got that name. I'm perishing with curiosity.
pattycake
WickerB
Aurora sciliitaigo- weirdest compliment I've ever gotten. I bow before you.
ghettotrampoline- yeah, your reaction was basically the Higurashi's. If you liked the musical selection for this chapter, wait until the epilogue. You will have much to enjoy.
Miroku Minded
So, there you are! Thanks for all the reviews! Remember, if there is some way you see a chapter can be improved, tell me! I am here to grow under the sun of your critique!
Also, I'm almost at 100 reviews! Could we try for 105??? PLEASE??? if you're reviewing and you see I'm at 99, just review twice. Just write something like: "You sick freak. HERE! Here's your beep review! Satisfied?!?!?!!" and I'll be, "yeah, I am!!"
Oh, by the way, the names of the Japanese shopping places are real places. If interested, i got my info from GoJapan.about.com
Advertisments: VERY GOOD STORIES! You will be missing out if you don't read these! All IxK!
Divine by SilverShine- very very funny. its about how girls make assumptions, even when they know better and how guys can be rather single minded about certain things. Absolutely hysterical with some great lines, excellent descriptions and great chemistry between kag and inu.
LaraWinner- it is very seldom that I will give an authoress as a recommendation. But let me tell you, this girl has 51 (!!!!) stories posted and every one that I've read has blown my mind. My personal favorites were 'In the Blood', 'People Involved' and 'Imitation'. In the Blood is a deep story with a great new type of AU that I absolutely loved. I have never seen or read an AU quite like the stance that she takes on miok's, hanyou's ect. This will make you really upset when you realize that its only seven chapter so far. Hopefully, this will be a really really really long fic.
People Involved is one of the most interesting examinations of how sex can ruin a friendship. Its an AU, simply written with no superfluous words or grandiose vocabulary- stark realism that's not the borderline crazy on purpose. Its a really fascinating glimpse into the human psyche and what possibly motivates people to do certain things.
Read and Review time people! click the little blue button