Loss

I think I'm going blind.

Colours are fading. I don't like to tell you, nii-san, you'll only worry. You have enough to worry about. I think it might be going a little rusty…hehe…

'Al?'

'H-Hai!'

'Come on in here, you'd better take a look at this.'

I lever myself up out of my corner. Gosh, I must have been sitting there for a while. The scream of the iron scraping over iron makes my brain hurt. I'm sure I'd feel it in my teeth, if I had any.

I can vaguely make out the shape of my brother as he opens the door for me. The red of his coat has faded to a dull brown in my eyes, and his vibrant blonde hair only appears a vague grey. I mustn't say anything 'though, I can't draw any attention to any possible flaws in my brother's alchemy. I owe all the life I have to you, nii-san, you're everything to me.

A strange raspy noise filters through to my senses. My brother is coughing.

'What's wrong nii-san? Are you ill?'

I see him move to edge of the room, and hear him laugh dryly.

'No, no, I'm all right, Al, just tired.'

'Aa… I understand.'

'But it's worth it, Al, you'll see.'

'Nii-san?'

He gets up, but slowly.

'I've been out Al, and I collected a few things… I think… I think I can finally give you your body back…'

'You went out? When? What?'

My speech is about as coherent as my thoughts at the moment.

'You've been sleeping a lot lately, Al, I didn't think you would mind me going out for a while.'

Nii-san… You left me…? No, he did this for me… Everything he does is for me… I can't bear this much longer…

'You didn't… have to…'

I'm a nuisance. I've been a nuisance all my life. I'm sorry, so sorry, nii-san…

I wish I could see your face better. I remember that you had beautiful eyes, as gold as the sunrise of Rizenbul. I'm going odd, thinking thoughts like that. But I do love you, nii-san. I was scared when I first realised that, but I've had time to think it through, and I've accepted it. And I've decided I'm going to tell you. I feel like I've been in this body for a hundred years, and that was enough time to run through what I'm going to say. I guess this is my chance…

'Nii-san, there's something I want to tell you.'

To my astonishment, I see my brother turn towards me, and I can just make out the chalk in his hand. I'm standing in the middle of a huge transmutation circle.

'Yeah, Al, I want to tell you something too. Let me do this first. I'm kinda… running out of time…'

'Running out of time?'

'Ha… Give me a moment, Al. You'll see.'

He sounds very tired. His voice is croaky. But it's still his voice, my brother's.

'Here goes…'

He kneels down, but slowly. I hear his grunt of exertion as he half-falls to his knees and places both his hands on the ground.

'Nii-san…'

He laughs.

'Don't worry, Al. It's perfect. This time I'm sure.'

The light dazzles me; it's a violent shade of purple. No, the word that comes to my mind is "violet", because it's a mix of those things.

It doesn't hurt. It doesn't hurt… no… it does….

Against my will, I'm crying inside my head.

'Nii…san…'

'It's ok…'

The light has faded enough for me to open my eyes again. The room is suddenly sharper and… good god… the smells! It smells… like mud…

I'm… back?

I swallow. My throat is dry… but… I'm here!

'Nii-san!' It's my voice, from me. Not an empty metal shell, but me. A human person. Nii-san, you did it. You're a genius. I can tell you now… I've waited so long.

'I… I did it…?'

I turn, and to my horror, you haven't moved from the ground. You've just slumped forward.

'Nii-san!' I run forward and grab your shoulder, not caring that you were unable to transmute me any clothing.

'Al… I'm glad I could do this for you…'

'Nii-san, you're tired, you should rest.' I hug his smaller form tightly.

'Aa… I do need to rest, and I will. Very soon. But Al, what was it you wanted to tell me?'

'Ha…' It's a gasp of relief and happiness, now I can tell him, now I can! 'I wanted to tell you that I love you, nii-san. I… really do.'

I hear a sigh escape my brother in my arms.

'A…Arigato, Al… I love you too.'

Does he understand?

'You do?'

'Hai… I love you too, Al… Only you…'

His words make me sob. I can cry. Now I can cry. But I don't want to, it'll just waste the time we're sharing.

I lean down and kiss him on the cheek, then drop a hand to clutch his living one. I squeeze it.

My brother hand feels odd, but I ignore it. He squeezes back, but it takes a while.

'We'll be together now, won't we?'

'Al… I'll always be with you… I'm so sorry I took so long…'

'Nii-san?'

Something's wrong, very wrong. I feel fear clench my heart. What is it, what's wrong?

I run my hand over his coat, and then I freeze. His coat… is brown. That's not right. It was red before. But the symbol is there, but faded too. What…?

'Nii-san! Nii-san!' I pull him up from the ground. Then stare.

He smiles.

'I'm sorry… I took so long, Al…'

His hair is no longer blonde. My sight may have been fuzzy but the colours I saw weren't wrong. My brother is old. Old and tired.

'Nii…san… How long?'

I let him lean forward again, and take his meagre weight.

'Would you believe seventy years? You spent so long asleep… you wouldn't respond for weeks and weeks… that's when I knew I had to start working harder…'

'No…' I'm not disagreeing. It's a vocal admission of the pain.

'Hey, Al… It's OK… This is what I wanted to do. Now I can rest, like you said. Heh… takes it out of you…'

'I didn't want this! I would never wished this!'

'This was the only way, Al… Equivalent trade…'

I look down at myself. I'm me, as I remember myself. I'd guess my age at around sixteen. My brother's breathing seems to be slowing. I hug him, my tears make his hair all wet.

'Don't leave me… please…'

'We're together now, Al. Please don't hate me for this…'

'I know.'

I kiss my brother's face lightly, and his features relax into a smile.

'I love you, Al.'

He sighs.

And then I'm alone.