A/N: ::cough:: so I do have a good excuse for this obscenely long break between updates. My mom had surgery and so updating was sorta low on the list of priorities for a while. But! I'm back and dirtier then ever! Read, Review but most importantly, Enjoy!!!
CHAPTER 11: Sexy Ass Frankenstien
Jai, Ted, Thom and Kyan all trooped to the bedroom stairs to wait for Inuyasha's fashion show. Carson was heard muttering, "This goes with this and that only goes with that, okay? Try on these three outfits okay?"
Carson walked out and sat next to Jai. Inuyasha drew down a curtain from the rafters that hid his sleeping area from view, much to the disappointment of the fab five. Minutes passed.
Finally, Inuyasha reluctantly stepped out.
"Oh wow!!"
"You look great!!"
"Love it!"
"Almost as good as your birthday suit!"
"Let's not go overboard, Kyan..."
"Isn't it wonderful? I saw it and I knew he had to have it!"
Inuyasha blushed miserably. He was in a dark gray charcoal three piece suit, a white dress shirt under his vest, dress shoes on his feet and a crimson tie in his hand. The pants were just tight enough and his muscles bunched underneath the white cotton sleeves. He looked effortlessly elegant and the boys couldn't have been more excited.
"Oh, if only Kagome could see you now! You are made for suits!"
"I feel like an damn idiot," mumbled Inuyasha. "I have no idea what this is." He held up his tie and Carson scurried over to help him out. Quickly tying the necessary knot, Carson adjusted the suit jacket and fixed the vest.
"You look amazing. If you ever need to go to a formal function, this will perfect," Carson said to Inuyasha happily.
"I'm choking!" Inuyasha gasped and tugged at the tie desperately.
"No! Leave it alone!" admonished Carson with a sigh. Inuyasha ignored him and managed to undo the knot. Relenting to Carson's horrified squawks, he left the tie on but still undone.
Tired of the constricting feeling of the suit jacket as well, Inuyasha took it off and slung it over one shoulder. The sun was shining brightly through the round window in the loft area and he squinted in order to see the men on the stairs.
To said men on the stairs, Inuyasha had just evolved from a grungy sex symbol to a polished sex symbol. His eyes were half lidded and his hair gleamed in the sunlight. With his hair was carelessly mussed, tie undone and jacket slung over one shoulder, Inuyasha was the embodiment of a man returning from a late night assignation. Five gay men released a sigh as one.
"It's like Colin Farrel turned into Pierce Brosnan..." Ted said with wonder.
"Or Hugh Grant into Jude Law...."
"Or Ben Affleck during his Bennifer period," added Kyan.
"Oh, god no!" gagged Thom with a grimace. "Ben looked like he was part of the mob."
"This ensemble is for really dressy occasions. A wedding, fancy date, bar mitzvah-"
"Bris milah?!?!" Inuyasha shouted, cringing at the thought.
Carson gave him a confused look. "No, bar mitzvah. Totally different from a bris. I imagine if they were so closely connected, neither one would get done," Carson joked. (A/N: Sorry. Jewish joke)
Inuyasha glared. Stupid confusing American words, he grumbled mentally.
"Can I get out this now?" snapped Inuyasha, his nerves shot.
"Yes, go try on that other outfit," Carson said.
Shoving one hand into a pocket, Inuyasha turned to go change and stalked to his new bedroom.
"Look at him do that model strut!" applauded Kyan.
"Work it baby, work it!!" whistled Jai.
Inuyasha looked at them in confusion but decided not to ask. Ducking behind the curtain, he shrugged out of his new suit with a relieved sigh. Picking another outfit at random, he quickly got dressed and walked back out.
The men yelled their approval.
"Isn't it almost too much?" gushed Carson with pride. Inuyasha shifted from foot to foot.
At least this is comfortable, he thought to himself with resignation.
"You forgot the cap!" chastised Carson.
"I hate hats!" Inuyasha complained.
"Silence and listen to the guru." Carson rummaged through the bags of clothing until, with a cry of victory, he held up the black cashmere ski cap. Tugging it down over the hanyou's head, he stood back and admired the picture.
"Mm-mm. Good enough to eat," he pronounced.
Inuyasha sulked and resembled a manly Abercrombie and Fitch model. The casual black trousers fit snugly and hugged his butt wonderfully. The black pea coat was stylishly understated and fit Inuyasha like a glove. A long sleeved hunter green sweater highlighted Inuyasha's light tan and made his hair shine all the brighter. To finish off the look, Inuyasha had a black cashmere ski cap over his ears. Little white curls and silver wisps of hair escaped and framed Inuyasha's face, giving him a disconcertingly angelic appearance.
"You look so good!" gushed Jai.
"This outfit is really for those semi-dressy occasions, like a museum date or something," explained Carson.
"Oh yes, because Inuyasha is a museum type of guy," Ted said in a brightly sarcastic tone.
Carson glared at Ted silently. Turning his back on his co-worker, Carson reached behind him and pulled out a new bag. "I got you a little something," he singsonged to Inuyasha.
The hanyou's ears perked up and swiveled toward the blonde.
Kyan's eyebrows rose. "Ears that turn. That was....interesting."
"They made a 360 degree rotation," observed Jai.
"A present??" Inuyasha said, oblivious to the reaction his ears caused. He leaped forward to grab the bag from Carson's hand. "Is it Ramen? Chow? More buttons? I love buttons..." he muttered excitedly to himself.
Carson blinked. "Uh, no, definitely not," he warned.
Ripping through a box and tissue paper with ease and gusto, Inuyasha ignored the blonde and, with a distinct sense of triumph, held up his present.
A moment of silence descended onto the little space.
"What the hell is this?" Inuyasha asked in horrified confusion.
"Oooooooooooo........" Jai, Kyan, and Ted whispered in awe.
"Carson, you are brilliant!!" Thom said admiringly.
Carson nodded an acknowledgment as the rest of the men agreed with Thom, blithely ignoring the fact that Inuyasha's face was slowly turning a delicate shade of purple.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS !?!??!" the enraged hanyou bellowed, waving a pair of pants around wildly in the air.
"Chocolate colored pants!" Carson said defensively. The pants quickly flew and smacked Carson in the face, propelling the blonde backward down the stairs.
The fab five ducked for cover quickly as the full extent of Inuyasha's ire became apparent.
"Chocolate colored LEATHER pants!!!" Inuyasha roared, dragging Carson back up the stairs with a clawed hand at the blonde's collar. Inuyasha began to shake Carson back and forth, screaming obscenities and threats to Carson's person.
"But they'll look so great on you!" protested Carson, desperately trying to pry Inuyasha's fist off his couture dress shirt.
"If I was a size smaller!!" snarled Inuyasha, renewing his assault by throwing Carson into his cringing friends on the stairway.
Carson nodded reluctantly as he recovered from his introduction to flying. "True, they'll be a bit snug. But that's what they're suppose to look like!" Carson said, defending his decision.
Inuyasha knelt down next to Carson, making himself eye level and enunciated very slowly and carefully, "I don't give a mother fucking shit about that. I am not wearing tiny leather pants."
"But they'll look great! Besides, all women are attracted to men in leather!" Thom piped up.
Inuyasha glared furiously and held up a fist in warning.
"Lord, he's totally regressed," lamented Jai, throwing up his hands in frustration.
"At least we talked Carson out of the tiny leather short shorts that he wanted to buy as a joke," Ted muttered, hiding behind Thom.
"Short shorts?!?!?" Inuyasha gasped. "Why, you bastard...," growled Inuyasha, turning to Carson with intent to kill.
"Y'know, Kagome told us that she loves a man in leather," Kyan said casually and effectively stopping Inuyasha mid-movement.
The boy's hands fisted by his sides. Turning to the hairdresser, he stalked over and invaded Kyan's personal space, standing far too close for comfort. (Usually, Kyan wouldn't have minded almost touching a beautiful man but one that was slavering with fangs and reddish eyes? It was a bit uncomfortable for the gay American.)
"Kagome likes men in fire rat fur. Not cow hide. Rat fur." Inuyasha said snarling viciously as he leaned closer into Kyan's face. "Got that?"
Kyan wisely stayed silent.
"Excuse me? You think someone would rather wear rat then leather?" Carson asked incredulously and snorted. "I think not."
Kyan flicked Carson a well-known finger in annoyance, thinking to himself that Carson was the stupidest gay man he knew.
"Kagome would rather wear rat fur!" Inuyasha yelled as he whirled around to try to pummel Carson again.
"Well, she'll also like you in leather," Carson said adamantly, ducking Inuyasha's fist. Pulling a picture out of his pocket, Carson waved the proof in front of Inuyasha's eyes. "See? She cut out a picture and had it in her notebook!"
Inuyasha halted in disbelieve. Caught by the photograph, he snatched the picture out of Carson's hands and stared enraged at the magazine cutout. "Who is this??" he asked in astonishment. "Another guy?!?" That stupid girl! Turn my back and she has some pansy assed weirdo's picture in her schoolbook! How many boyfriends does she have, goddamn it! Inuyasha thought angrily.
"He's a movie star, Orlando Bloom," Carson explained. "As you can see, he's wearing leather pants just like those. Kagome cut out his picture which means that she thinks he's good looking which means that she thinks leather pants are sexy," Carson argued.
Inuyasha's mouth twisted unhappily as this convoluted thought process played itself out in his mind. The results that he came to made him cringe.
"I am not wearing anything leather," Inuyasha said sulkily.
"But these pants would look so wonderful on you!!" Carson said, truly not understanding how anyone wouldn't jump at the chance to wear leather. He held up the butter soft, dark brown leather pants for Inuyasha to see more clearly.
Inuyasha sighed and was about to reject the pants again but that damn picture kept popping up in his mind......"I'll think about it, okay?" he said reluctantly.
Carson smiled. A maybe is half the battle! "I know you'll love them as much I would love you in them."
Inuyasha glared. "Go to hell."
"Look, we can argue about this for hours but we don't have that sort of time," Ted interrupted. "In case none of you have remembered, we're on a strict time budget."
Carson sighed but reluctantly admitted Ted was right. "We'll discuss the pants later but for now, we've got to move on. We only have a few hours before Inuyasha has to go meet Kagome."
"What?" Inuyasha's ears stood at attention as his heart leaped up in his chest, pants forgotten. "I'm gonna see Kagome again?" A small smile broke his angry expression and his eyes softened at the thought of his brave shard hunter. "Kagome....." he mumbled softly.
"Oh, he's so cute when he's not pissed," said Thom with a pleased expression.
"Look how excited he is! Young love is so sweet!" Jai sighed with a hand over his heart.
"L'amoure," said Ted in a terrible French accent but none of the others minded.
"Okay, time is wasting!" Carson said with a clap of his hands. "I'll stay here and think of what outfit he should wear. Jai, you're with me. Ted, Thom and Kyan are going to the house with our love struck Romeo over here and give him those few last minute comments and hints."
------------------------
In the Higurashi kitchen, Ted was hammering in the last details of the supper he was going to cook into Inuyasha's brain.
"Then you turn on the stove-" Ted stopped and turned on the flame. "Put the pot on wit the oil in it and-"
"How'd you do that?" Inuyasha interrupted curiously.
"Do what?"
"Made the flame go on. How'd you do that?" Inuyasha was fascinated. "Magic?"
"Magic?" Ted echoed in confusion. "No, I...turned the knob."
"Knob? What's a knob?"
Oh shit no...! Ted's mind wheeled with the implications of that statement. "Inuyasha?" the cook asked in trepidation. "Do you know how to turn on a stove?"
"Stove?" Inuyasha cocked his head to one side. "I meant to ask you this- what's a stove?"
Ted began to reevaluate his plan of a romantic dinner between Kagome and Inuyasha; there were some technical difficulties he hadn't anticipated.
Turning to Thom to ask for a local take out place, Kyan slapped a piece of paper in his hand and ordered him to just write the instructions down. "We don't have time for that. We still have to help the little idiot with you-know-what."
Nodding, Ted quickly scribbled out the directions of how to turn on the stove. Deciding to forget about the issue, he concentrated on other matters.
Ted placed Thom on one side of the kitchen table and Kyan on the other. Settling himself down next to Inuyasha, he expertly picked up a pair of chopsticks. The table was set with several easy dishes like chilled tofu, rice balls, miso soup and a tea set. A bit nervous about what he was about to do, Ted bit the bullet and broached a sensitive subject.
"Okay, we noticed that you have a very....enthusiastic way of eating," he began cautiously. "So we're going to try something. We thought that maybe you'd like to play a game with us called table manners?" Ted asked hopefully.
"Table manners?" Inuyasha snorted. "I don't need any help there."
A stunned and uncomfortable silence met this boast as Ted tried to think of a diplomatic way to state the obvious.
"Um, but you do need help. Quite a lot to be honest," Kyan said bluntly but not without kindness.
Inuyasha snorted again. "When was the last time you people ever attended a formal Japanese banquet?" he asked abruptly.
The three gay men exchanged looks. "Never," Thom answered for all, wondering what that had to do with anything.
"Yeah, well I've been to plenty of those and I was perfect. When you're perfect by a Japanese formal dinner party, you're perfect wherever." Inuyasha nodded in emphasis but the other three by the table looked doubtful. The younger man glared. "I've got more information on table manners in one finger then you've got in that tiny head of yours," he snapped.
"What?" Thom laughed. "You forget we've seen you eat. Or inhale. Whatever you want to call it."
"All right, I'll prove it to you," Inuyasha challenged. "This is none of our homes, so who wants to be host?"
"Host?" Ted chuckled. "We're not playing tea party." Inuyasha glared silently. "Who cares which is host?" Ted laughed.
Rolling his eyes rudely, Inuyasha muttered, "I guess that makes me host." He proceeded to pick up the teapot and poured tea into Ted, Thom and Kyan's cups. The three stared in confusion.
"Uh, what are you doing?" Kyan asked as Inuyasha gently placed the teapot back down.
"In Japan, it is polite when eating with others to pour the tea for each other." He settled onto his seat but after looking around the table, made Ted, Thom and Kyan re-seat themselves properly, legs folded neatly underneath.
Inuyasha nodded at the men, said "Itadakimasu" and offered each man a plate of food. Slowly taking the edibles, the three ate slowly. As the minutes passed, Inuyasha delicately maneuvered his chopsticks, eating neatly and with just the polite amount of slurping. Three astonished Americans put down their own utensils and just watched in awe and shock. He even said "Kanpai" before drinking his tea in delicate but audible gulps.
Inuyasha looked up and asked in a soft voice they were finished already.
"Um, yeah," Ted said cautiously.
"Gochisosama deshita," Inuyasha said with a small bow of his head.
"He's making this up," protested Kyan desperately. Ted shrugged helplessly but motioned for them all to bow back. He had no idea if this was the right thing to do but better safe then sorry.
An evil chuckle was heard from above their heads. Glancing up, all three jerked in shock. Inuyasha was lazing on the floor, his feet on the table and was picking his fangs with a toothpick.
"What the hell?!?" shouted Thom. "You were Mr. Perfection a minute ago!"
Inuyasha smirked up at him. "Told ya I knew what I was doing," he said with a arrogant tilt to his head.
"We saw nothing! I knew you were making all that up!" Kyan said, pleased that he had been right.
"I wasn't. That's proper Japanese table etiquette," Inuyasha said simply.
"If you know all that, then why eat like a pig?!" Ted said, almost shaking with frustration.
"Because its faster."
Blank stares asked a silent question.
Inuyasha sighed, sung his feet down and said slowly, "I eat that way because the food gets in faster that way."
"Gee," said Ted in a flat voice. "Why didn't I think of that?"
Thom looked at the lounging boy and said dryly, "You are aware that the food isn't going anywhere. It's dead already."
Kyan shook his head. "I have no words for that."
Inuyasha smiled a cocky smile. "Aren't I the best mannered little idiot in the world, huh Ted?"
Kyan glared and yanked the teenager upward with a hand on an ear.
"Let go! Ow!!" screeched Inuyasha as he was dragged up the stairs to the Higurashi bathroom.
"Shut up. You may know all about eating but what about moisturizer?"
Inuyasha rubbed a sore ear and sulkily muttered, "Never heard of it. Can you eat it?"
"Not usually but with you, all bets are off..." sighed Kyan. "Really quickly, I'm gonna show you proper skin and hair management." Looking at Inuyasha, he asked pointlessly if Inuyasha did anything right now to take care of his skin.
"Dodge," Inuyasha said simply.
Kyan placed a hand over his eyes and took a breath for patience. "Why do I ask?" he rhetorically spoke into the air.
"No idea."
"You. Shut. Up."
"Okay okay, don't get so touchy," mumbled Inuyasha, slightly unnerved by Kyan's death glare. Kyan pulled a bag out of the counter and started what was probably the most futile thing in history: giving Inuyasha a lesson in skincare.
"These are products," he explained as he pulled bottle after bottle from the bag, dumping them all on the counter until the white tiles could barely be seen. Inuyasha looked askance at Kyan and tried to unobtrusively make a dash for the door. Kyan snagged him by his back jeans pocket and forced the unhappy hanyou to sit on the toilet seat cover.
"I've color coordinated the bottles so you can separate between the hair stuff and the skin ones. White for hair-obvious, no?- and pink for the skin care."
Inuyasha growled. "What is it with you guys and making me wear stuff that's pink?"
Kyan smiled brightly. "We just love seeing you get all flustered."
"Sadists, every one of you," Inuyasha grumbled.
"You should see us in the bedroom."
"Argh!!" Inuyasha put his hands to the top his head. "Stop saying perverted things like that!"
Kyan chuckled and patted Inuyasha's hands. "There there, Sexy Ass, we're leaving soon."
Inuyasha sat up, taken totally by surprise. "Wha-? Since when? And stop calling me that."
Kyan shot the hanyou an exasperated look. "You're cute but brains aren't your department, are they?"
"You never mentioned leaving!" Inuyasha defended.
Kyan thought back and realized that nothing had been said about the next step in his transformation. "Good lord, you're quite right. Well, we'll be leaving in about a half an hour. You'll change, do all the last minute stuff and then go pick up Kagome from school, show her all the changes and she'll be overwhelmed by it all. That's when you'll make your move, get onto that hammock and you and Kagome will finally....." Kyan trailed off suggestively, waggling his eyebrows.
Inuyasha waited for Kyan to finish his sentence but after a few moments couldn't contain himself. "We'll what?" Inuyasha asked curiously.
Oh, for crying out loud! Is he really seventeen?!?! Kyan growled at Inuyasha's density. "What do you think?" he ground out in irritation.
Inuyahsa's brows furrowed as he racked his brain. "...Hmmm....we would- no no, we wouldn't do that. She's only been here for two days, its not time to go back yet.. ..we'll.....do......damn it! Uh...hmm....," Inuyahsa thought deeply before the answer finally dawned on him. "We'd eat Ramen!" he shouted happily.
"Wha-NO!! No, you idiot!" yelled Kyan. Leaning down to Inuyasha, he said in a serious voice, "What is the one thing you really want to do with Kagome that you'll never tell her, that one thing that you don't even tell yourself you want?"
Inuyasha shook his head slowly. What the hell is he babbling about?
"It starts with an 'S'..."
"She's gonna sit me?" Inuyasha said now pissed off. "Damn her, I didn't do anything! Well, besides almost killing a couple of people...but that's normal for me!" Inuyasha scowled, ignoring Kyan's disturbed look from that last statement, too busy getting himself worked up into a frenzy. "What is wrong with her? I try and I try but she just never takes my side! I swear I-"
Kyan let out a sigh and interrupted Inuyasha's tirade and decided to be blunt. "Not sitting you, whatever that is. I'm talking about the thing you think about whenever the wind blows and her panties flash."
Inuyasha's eyes widened and his mouth gaped open. "THAT?!!?" he shouted, face flushed completely red.
"Oh, gee, now you reach the answer pretty quick," Kyan said in amusement. "Been thinking of doing nasty things with Kagome's panties?" the hairstylist teased.
"NANI!?!?! NO! I would never do that!!!" Inuyasha denied vehemently, shaking his head furiously.
"Liar," snorted Kyan. He enjoyed Inuyasha's stammering and flustered behavior before he remembered that he had only a few more minutes before returning Inuyasha to the wellhouse. "Okay, I get it, you're thrilled to stay a virgin."
"What did you just say?? You hentai bastard! " Inuyasha shouted, wishing for death at this point.
Over Inuyasha's shouts of rage, Kyan began to explain how to keep up his appearance. "When you come out of the shower, you run your fingers through your hair like this, rubbing the product in gently but vigorously. This is called jujshing." Kyan fussed with his hair for a bit, making sure his coif was perfect.
Inuyasha propped his head on his hands. "You look stupid."
"Thank you for that brilliant observation. Now, this is the skin care. Facial soap, moisturizer and toner. You happen to have almost flawless skin and honestly, from the amount of time Kagome told me you spend outdoors, that's a miracle." Kyan began to smear liquid across Inuyasha's face.
"What are you doing? Get that stuff off me!" Inuyasha sputtered. Kyan ignored him and washed the soap off Inuyasha's face, much to the hanyou's annoyance.
"It's not a big deal." Kyan stood with his hands on his hips and glared.
"Yeah, like getting waxed was no big deal!"
"All right, I admit, I lied then but I'm not lying now."
"Feh."
"Don't you know any other words?"
"Not for you."
"Whatever just put the lotion on."
"Got to hell!"
"After you!" snapped Kyan, losing his temper.
Inuyasha blinked. "Well, yeah. I'm going to hell with Kikyo." The hanyou snorted, missing the confused look on Kyan's face.
"You're looking forward to going to hell?"
"Well, not looking forward but its the right thing to do. It's the honorable thing- I promised her after all."
Kyan thought about this for a moment. "You've completely lost your mind, you know that?"
"Huh?"
"Never mind." Kyan sighed and took out a pad, soaked it with toner and dabbed Inuyasha's face.
"OW!" Inuyasha scrambled away from Kyan, grabbing at his face. "What the hell was that??"
"Oh for gods sake!! It doesn't sting that badly!" Kyan said in exasperation, trying to grab Inuyasha's face.
Inuyasha deftly avoided him and shook his head. "I don't like that! My face is freezing up. I can't move it!" He illustrated his point by trying to shift his face into a scowl but only got a half smirk before his skin tightened too much. "See?" Inuyasha hissed, pointing to his unmoving face. "I can't move it!"
"I know that, it's just the toner working. It takes away all the icky stuff lying on your face but makes it tighten a bit. The feeling will go away in a few minutes."
"Don't care. I'm not putting any more of that stuff on." Inuyasha stuck out his tongue for emphasis and Kyan felt the reins of his temper slipping again.
"Fine. Just let me finish up."
Inuyasha grudgingly let Kyan finish applying the moisturizer and escaped as soon as possible back to the outdoors, ignoring Kyan's shouts to come back.
--------------------------------------
Inuyasha ran into the wellhouse, slamming the door behind him. Gasping for breath, the hanyou leapt into the rafters and stealthily pulled out Tetsuiga.
"What are you doing with that?" Jai asked in justifiable alarm. "Put that thing away!"
"Shh..." Inuyasha whispered. "He has a weapon."
"No, he doesn't. I repeat, whoever is coming does not have a weapon. Put that metallic phallus down and talk," demanded Jai.
"Phallus?" Another word I don't get! Inuyasha thought in frustration. Why do I not get half the things that come out of their mouths?
"Nothing," Jai sighed. "He doesn't have a weapon."
"It's not sword but it's still a weapon." Inuyasha insisted. he thought back, trying to remember the name. "Ah! He calls it 'tooner'. It almost ripped all the skin of my face off and that qualifies as a weapon." Inuyasha nodded decisively.
Carson raised his eyebrows at Jai who shrugged back. "Pedicures, waxings, toner- is this guy not scared of anything?"
"I'm very brave!" shouted Inuyasha, extremely offended that these unmanly foreigners were daring to call him a coward. "I'm the bravest man I know!!"
"Well, if we didn't know he was straight beforehand, the whole unnecessary chest-beating, ego trip thing would have tipped us off," muttered Carson.
Kyan burst into the well house, followed by Ted and Thom.
"Inuyasha, you baby! Get back here and finish up! All that's left is some moisturizer! Inu- IEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!" Kyan screeched on the top of his lungs as Inuyasha jumped down from the ceiling.
Roaring a blood curdling battle cry, Inuyasha raised Tetsuiga against the demonic Kyan with his evil 'tooner' and 'waxings'. Kyan, terrified, threw the moisturizer bottle at Inuyasha but missed and the bottle shattered on the floor. Landing gracefully in a crouch, Inuyasha prepared to deliver the killing blow and took a step forward. Unfortunately, he stepped into the lotion coating the wooden floors and slipped. Landing on his ass, Inuyasha stared up at the ceiling and wondered how this had happened. Kyan, spotting his chance, threw his body across Inuyasha's.
"The chair! Use the chair!!" cheered Ted from the sidelines. Inuyasha looked down and wondered just what the hell Kyan was doing. Carson meanwhile screamed out a count of three and declared Kyan the winner.
"What?" Inuyasha shouted, shoving Kyan off him easily. "I lost??"
Thom snorted. "Sorry, Sexy Ass, but Kyan won by a huge margin. Sorta like Bush vs. Kerry." (A/N: WHOO-HOOO!!!! GO BUSH!!!! Thank god Kerry didn't win!!! At least now we're with the idiot we all know instead of the flip flopper!)
"But I never lose!!"
"You fell on your ass when I attacked! You were pissing in your pants!" screamed Kyan deliriously, dancing a victory dance.
"I was not!!" shouted Inuyasha, aghast.
"Oh but you were!" Kyan yelled joyously and began an impromptu version of 'We are the Champions.'
"Shut up!"
"Weeeee arrre thhhee champioonss, mahhhh friiiieeeeenddddsss," sang Kyan.
The rest of the fab five stared at their friend dancing wildly and skipping around a lotion covered, growling Inuyasha and inched slowly away.
"I think the jet lag just caught up with Kyan," whispered Thom.
"That or Inuyasha's caused him to just plain lose it," snapped Jai nervously.
"I definitely think its time to get back to good ol' USA," said Carson with a nod. "Our plane leaves soon so lets wrap this party up." Walking over to the giggling Kyan, Carson made him sit down and drink from a convenient flask from his jacket pocket.
Kyan calmed down as the liquid burned its way down his throat. Clearing his throat, Kyan apologized to Inuyasha. "I was an ungracious winner."
Inuyasha raised his eyebrows but muttered, "Well, your weapon was formidable...."
"You showed him your weapon?? Dirty Kyan!!" Carson said, impressed.
Inuyasha's nostrils flared in annoyance. "Does he have a muzzle or something?" he asked Ted.
"No but that idea's not half bad...." Ted said thoughtfully as the group sat down next to Kyan on the couch.
Jai walked out with a tray of traditional Japanese bowl cups filled with sake. Setting them down on the coffee table, he cleared his throat.
"On behalf of all of us, we'd like to thank you Inuyasha for proving to us just what we can do."
"You were our greatest challenge," chimed in Thom.
"An absolute trip," agreed Kyan.
"We hope you like the way you and everything turned out," Carson said. The five waited for the usual profuse thanks, ecstatic applause and sometimes tears.
And waited.
And waited.
"For gods sake, say something!!" snapped Ted.
"You guys are royal pains in my ass."
"Why do we bother?" groaned Kyan.
"Because its our job," answered Jai.
Inuyasha laughed. "I was just kidding." Sort of ......
"No, you weren't," muttered Thom.
Inuyasha ignored him, took a breath and prepared to do one of most distasteful things he had ever done. "I'd like to say something," he started. "You guys have shown a lot of patience. I know you don't understand me and, to tell you the truth, I don't really understand you." Inuyasha nodded thoughtfully. "You're all pretty much freaks, in my opinion-"
"And that makes you what exactly?" interrupted Carson.
"I'm a freak too. No shocker there." Inuyasha shrugged. The fab five glared half-heartedly at this unconscious dig against himself. "I guess what I mean to say is that this whole thing sort of attacked me and I didn't know how to deal with it really. But I think I enjoyed it in some way...I mean, I learned a lot." He pointed at each man in turn. "I learned how to cook from Ted...kind of. Kyan taught me about weird things like skin care or, well, he tried to. Carson took me shopping too much but I got a lot of stuff and now I can go out with Kagome. Jai introduced me to some interesting people and how to control my temper. I needed that. And Thom....Thom made me a home, someplace where I can be near Kagome and not have to sit outside her windowsill to make sure she's not attacked-"
"Sit outside her window?" Jai asked, disturbed.
"Oh my god, he's not her boyfriend, he's her stalker!!" hissed Thom.
"She doesn't mind," Inuyasha said calmly. "I mean, she doesn't know but I'm sure she doesn't mind."
"Uh-huh and I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you," Carson said.
"Would you just shut up? I wanted to say, I guess....I sorta just wanted to say, uh how to do this? It's kinda like than-...um," Inuyasha shifted from foot to foot, clearly unhappy with having to say this.
"You're welcome," Jai said softly.
The hanyou shot the smaller man a grateful look.
"A few last minute things- the outfit I want you to wear is on your bed," said Carson, breaking the moment.
"And remember to turn on the stove before you start cooking!" added Ted.
"Try to clean this place every once in a while," Thom said, knowing a cleaning was never going to happen.
"Jujj after the shower and put on the moisterizer at least," begged Kyan.
"Keep your temper! Talk! Do not kill people!" Jai said sternly.
Inuyasha looked like he was going to balk at the last command but decided to keep silent.
"Okay, now we drink to your success later this evening!" announced Carson.
"Success?"
"Getting lai-"
"Carson!!"
"Oh right." Carson picked up a cup of sake. Everyone picked up the odd bowl shaped saucers and held them high, Inuyasha a little slower then everyone else.
"What are we doing?" he whispered to Jai.
"It's called a toast. Just do what I do."
"We combined you, made you better," pronounced Carson. "Took all the good parts of you and added a bit of civility and gay behavior and created you: a veritable Frankenstein!!"
"Who?" Inuyasha asked blankly.
"Frankenstein!" Carson said. "Don't you know who he was? He was a mon-"
"Why don't we save that for later??" jumped in Jai nervously. "Just take it as a compliment....sort of..." he told Inuyasha in a whisper. Inuyasha shrugged agreeably. At this point, he just couldn't care what they said about him.
"So," Carson continued, clearing his throat, "you're now a Frankenstein-"
"No! He's a Sexy Ass Frankenstein!" corrected Kyan.
"Good point!"
"To Sexy Ass Frankenstein!!!" cheered all the men as they clinked cups and drank. "Don't call me that!" begged Inuyasha.
The men set down their cups. "It's time for us to go," said Thom with a smile. "How about a hug for the way?"
"A.....hug?" asked Inuyasha blankly.
"Yeah! A group hug!" enthused Jai.
Without another word, the men surrounded Inuyasha in a large group hug. Inuyasha sighed in the middle of the mass of bodies.
I don't know why they wanted to do this but it isn't so bad. I mean, at least none of them are- HEY!!!
Inuyasha leapt out of the hug and stood on the top of couch growling menacingly.
"OKAY, WHICH ONE OF YOU PINCHED MY ASS?!??!"
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A/N: hey! Hope it was worth the late delivery! Have to say, I enjoyed writing the pseudo-wrestling scene between Kyan and Inuyasha. I have a lot to say and a lot of people to thank so here goes:
If you want to know the websites for the furniture and what not in the previous chapter or the stuff about Japanese manners can be found by asking me. Fafic wouldn't upload it.
Japanese Translation: Gochisosama deshita- its my pleasure/ Itadakimasu- a saying said before meals. Sort of like 'dig in' but really polite/ kanpai- cheers
Review To Reviews:
Inuyoukai-Blade Master glad you liked chapter one! How'd you find the rest of it?
Squeak-toy you nudged me! THANK YOU! Hope this chapter was worth it!
Sesshomaru13 thanks for the review! I love them (and thus, you!!) to bits!!
Jigoku Hikari sorry about taking so long...it's a real problem I have. I've been trying to get better but life gets in the way....hope it was worth it! And Kag's gonna see a lot more then just his clothes (::wink wink::)
The-Wind-Dragon-Caller cool name BTB. Thanks for the review! It's great to see someone so enthusiastic!
Sugarsprite I adore you!! (and your stories!) And I love getting serenaded!! If you weren't a Knight of the Sock Drawer beforehand, you sure as hell are now!!!
Lady Netiri short, sweet, to the point. Thanks!!
WickerB do you know why your reviews kick ass? Because they're long! I love that in a review! Adored it! Thank you so much!
Sakura8907 yeah, I love inu and his buttons too....its just such a guy reaction, y'know? My brothers in laws actually act that way in real life. My sisters have the patience of saints inside BestBuy
LynneC114 a long review! Praise you!! A cat weighing 50 lbs? His or her majesty is a big kittay.....hope you got further then chapter one by now!
TheAristocraticAssasin thanks for the review! And no, there was not quick update but I'm glad you liked the story. Hopefully, you're still reading...
Binah you know, your name actually means wisdom or specifically female wisdom in Hebrew. Cool huh? Kagome will see his new look in next chapter. And thanks for putting me in the fav bin! Honored, I am! Two reviews! I'm on a high!
Unknown Fool sorry about the hair... ::wince:: I know, a couple of people were upset but its growing back! (not as long as it was though. I personally think inuyasha would look illegally hot in short-ish hair )
LadyCarolyn and where have you been, hmmm?? I was so sure one of my fav reviewers had dropped me! And then you gave me two reviews! You are truly a knight of the sock drawer.
Ria a nudger! You are a special category of Knight of the sock drawer!! The Nudgers!!!
Pookie-Dookienot the sporks! Anything but the sporks!! And you too are a special knight of the sock drawer for nudging me to update!!
Most especially to Karenebl who is my ONLY reviewer for my tribute fic to BathoryM's saga! (that's why SHE gets to be bolded and the rest of you are just underlined)You are blessed for that oh-so-needed ego boost! I happen to love that one shot so thank you!! (and when I get the time, I'm going to rewrite it with your suggestion)
To everyone who reviewed for any of my other fics- THANK YOU!!! And, if anyone's interested, I am doing a chapter two of sorts to Waldrobe Malfunction.