A/N: Hey!!!! Last chapter, o' readers of mine!! I just wanted to let you know that without you people being as kick ass as you were, this wouldn't have been nearly as much fun to write as it has been! I'm already working on a new project but this time I'm writing it all out first so I'll update quicker! BUT I will be posting a plethora of one shots so if you see my name in your mailboxes or on the fanfic listing, read me!! Oh, and Inuyasha is OOC a little bit but I'll explain after the chapter why! Hope you enjoy it!
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Chapter 13: The Luckiest:
Inuyasha placed his hands over Kagome's eyes and gently led her up the stairs.
"Don't trip bitch," he commanded as Kagome lurched unsteadily. "You know how clumsy you are."
"Oh my Inuyasha, such sweet words…" muttered Kagome sarcastically, shoving an elbow into his gut.
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"Would someone just shut him up!?!??" demanded Kyan. "He's killing his own chance!!"
"He is definitely not the brains in this relationship," sighed Thom.
"Who needs brains?" Carson shrugged. "All you need in a good boyfriend is a big d-"
"Carson," Ted interrupted with an upraised hand.
"Not now?" the blonde sighed.
"Not now."
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Kagome looked around in amazement, her eyes wide and delighted. "It's wonderful! How on Earth did they manage to do all this?? It doesn't even look like the same place!!"
Rushing around, she gushed over the elegant dining room and applauded the meditation area even though it had a "snowball's chance in hell of working." Seeing her suggestion for the bookcase had been used made her smile and Kagome cooed over the coffee table as well as the bronze replica of the Goshinboku.
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"She likes it!!" shouted Thom in joy.
"We knew she would," said Kyan. "Anything is better then what she had before."
Thom grimaced. "Dusty and horrible…Remember the spiders?"
The others cringed and shuddered in the remembrance of the horror.
Jai perked up and giggled. "But Carson was funny when he squealed really loudly and pissed off Inuyasha!" Jai laughed merrily. "He threw him onto top of the spider, remember?"
"That was not funny!!" snapped Carson.
"I think it was hilarious!" chortled Kyan.
"You're all just jealous," Carson said with a sniff. The other four shared a glance at Carson's apparent insanity.
"Of what?" snorted Thom on behalf of everyone.
"Inuyasha felt up my ass and not yours."
There was silence as this was processed and absorbed.
"Ohhh," the others chorused, understanding Carson's devious plan.
"There is a point to my madness," Carson said with a smile.
"Crafty," Ted said with a rueful nod.
"Thank you. I thought it rather brilliant myself."
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Excited to see more, Kagome started up the stairs to see what was on the sole upper level.
"Oi, bitch!" Inuyasha called out, completely confused. "Get back here!"
Kagome turned, not sure of why Inuyasha had called her down. Obligingly trotting down the stairs, she looked at Inuyasha in puzzlement. "What?" she questioned.
Inuyasha wordlessly waved his hands toward his entertainment system.
Kagome blinked. "It's a stereo and a television. What's the big deal?"
Inuyasha's mouth gaped open. "What's the big deal?" he echoed, aghast at Kagome's density. "It's a plasma screen TV!"
Kagome looked confused. "So?"
"It has an X-Box and a Playstation Two," Inuyasha emphasized.
"Okay…that's….great…" Kagome said, clearly not getting the importance.
":No, Kagome, you don't understand. It had Surround Sound Speakers!!" Inuyasha said slowly.
"One speaker, ten speakers- it's all the same," Kagome said carelessly. Inuyasha gasped and hugged his entertainment equipment.
"She didn't mean it," he consoled the plastic. "She's a female…they don't get the important things…"
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"Okay, he's hugging the speakers again," Thom sighed. "What the hell is up with this guy and his inanimate object fetish? It's kind of freaking me out."
"I don't know. I am totally out of suggestions to explain this," Jai announced, sipping his drink.
"She is completely uninterested in his speakers and buttons, isn't she?" Carson asked as Kagome rolled her eyes and turned to the upstairs level.
"That's because she's intelligent," piped in Ted.
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"They are lovely speakers but I want to see the upstairs," Kagome placated her upset hanyou.
"But, but…I have buttons!!" Inuyasha cried, holding up his plethora of remote control devices.
"Oh, god help us all…" mumbled Kagome as Inuyasha held up the remotes like a supplicant offering up a virgin sacrifice to some pagan deity.
"Aren't they beautiful??" he asked, eyes shining.
Kagome shook her head but finally said, "Yes, the remotes are lovely. Can we continue now?"
Inuyasha glared. "You know what, bitch? For that, you can't hold them! You don't love them!"
"Oh, we are so not getting into the remote control argument! If I want to hold the remotes, I'm going to hold them," Kagome threatened.
Inuyasha sniffed. "You think so, huh?"
Kagome held up a ball of violet miko flame and smiled an evil smirk. "Yeah, dogboy. I do think so. You have anything to say about that?"
Inuyasha glared. "Try anything on my remotes, bitch and I will lose my temper. Do not threaten them!"
"You are more protective of the stupid remote controls then you are of Shippou!"
"Does Shippou have," Inuyasha turned and used one of his channel changers to turn on the TV, "the ability to give me access to 467 different channels, including ESPN, the Food Network, the Anime channel and Playboy?? I think not." He snorted. "Maybe if he did, I'd be more protective of him."
Kagome's mouth gaped. "You have Playboy!??!?" I'm going to kill those stupid Americans… I really will!
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"Playboy??" Jai gasped. "Whose the moron who gave a teenage boy the Playboy channel??"
Thom shifted uncomfortably under the glares he received. "It's not my fault! It's one of the standard channels that came with the package!"
'This is just what this relationship needed: Porn. This is just fabulous!" Jai said sarcastically.
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"I don't really know what it is. This is what this manual thing says," Inuyasha admitted, much to Kagome's relief. "What is it?"
"Oh, a bunch of women, doing stuff, showing off clothing…" Kagome hedged, waving a hand to dismiss the whole matter. Women showing off tiny itty-bitty pieces of clothing that they'll be taking off to do stuff that includes sex with usually more then one man at once. But he doesn't need to know that…
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"There is something wrong here," stated Carson uneasily. "Who doesn't know about Playboy??"
"No guy I know of…" answered Thom.
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"Keh," Inuyasha snorted, reverently placing his darling gadgets next to the now off television. "What do I care about women and clothes?"
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"So, let me get this straight: he doesn't know about Playboy but still thinks about sex. He doesn't care about women changing clothes but he's not gay…" Ted trailed off. "That adds up to zero sense."
Kyan shook his head, completely giving up all hope. "He has more mental issues then a psychology textbook."
"Jai, are you sure he isn't gay?" asked Carson.
"You know what? The guy flings lightening out of a huge sword, has puppy ears and can jump buildings but all you people want to know about is whether or not he's a closet gay!!" Jai shouted in irritation.
"Well, we have to concentrate on what applies to us. If I've got a chance, god damn it all, I'm going for it," Carson said with a serious look. The others nodded, just as gravely.
"Inuyasha is totally not gay so give up the hope," Jai sighed.
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"Let's go." Kagome said and wordlessly tapped her foot and waited as Inuyasha sighed dramatically, loathe to be parted from his babies. He eventually followed but mumbled the whole time about her 'messed up' priorities. Kagome decided to not lose her temper and stay quiet.
Stopping short, Kagome look behind her at the grumbling Inuyasha.
"A rug and a hammock? That's it?" Kagome looked askance at the room, not sure if she liked this at all.
"What's wrong with that?" Inuyasha asked, hopping up into the hammock. "I like it. "
"Well, the rug I'm sure you love. It's like stepping on Sesshomaru's boa…"
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The Queer Eye boys gasped.
"Did she say 'boa'???" Thom asked, trying to breath normally. "Boas are worn by transvestite and usually transvestites are…."
"He has a gay brother!!!!!!!!!!" Carson half gasped, half shrieked. He was almost unable to speak from the joy flooding his system and settled for fluttering his hands in front of his face.
Ted fell off the couch, mouth agape from amazement that a guy like Inuyasha could have a gay family member.
"There is a God!!" cheered Jai, jumping up and down with Ted and Thom.
The boys celebrated the fact that their sexiest project had a brother of the same homosexual persuasion as they themselves were with whoops of delight and hollers of various dirty descriptions of what they wished to do with Sesshomaru.
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"It's not a boa," Inuyasha said lazily. "It's his tail that he's constantly showing off…"
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The celebration died rather abruptly.
"Not a boa?" Kyan asked, disappointed.
"His…tail…" Thom repeated warily, rather sure that whatever 'tail' stood for, it was against several federal laws to have it exposed. Then again, we aren't in the United States, who knows what's illegal here?
"He's a dirty boy….!" Carson said with a perverted grin on his face. "His tail is hanging out for all the world to see!" He turned to the others. "I like this man!!"
"Carson," Jai said gently, "I think that means that Inuyasha's brother isn't gay."
Carson blinked. "Life is not that cruel. To give us hope and then snatch it away…" The blonde shook his head. "I refuse to believe it."
"Why does this not surprise me?" muttered Ted.
"Because it's reality and Carson doesn't do reality," answered Jai in a whisper as he shot a pained smile at the distraught clothes diva.
"Leave it alone," advised Kyan.
"Is it me or does Kagome not look too happy with this room?" Thom asked with a start as he re-concentrated on the television screen.
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"Hmm…I always wondered what that furry thing was," Kagome murmured. A bit hesitant, she said slowly, "Are you sure you like the room? They didn't even give you a normal bed…"
"I like this," Inuyasha reiterated strongly. "It suits me."
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"Ha!" Thom crowed to the frowning girl on the screen. "He likes it!!"
"He didn't tell you that," Ted commented.
"That's because he's an idiot. But he's become an idiot with a sense of interior design under my tutelage," Thom answered loftily.
Jai smirked. "Sure," he said sarcastically. "You go on thinking that."
Ted, Kyan and Carson laughed.
Thom sniffed and ignored them.
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"Come on, you've seen the house. Let's eat!" Inuyasha said, jumping off the hammock. Taking Kagome's hand, he pulled her out of the well house
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"Oh shit!" cursed Ted in a panic. "I forgot about that mess in the kitchen!"
"Maybe she won't notice," Kyan said hopefully.
"What, she becomes blind between now and the stove??" Ted snapped.
"She's a nice, understanding girlfriend. She might just take it in stride," Carson said.
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Kagome and Inuyasha entered Mrs. Higurashi's previously pristine kitchen and Kagome's mouth slowly dropped open. Dirt was over every possible surface and only one thought entered her mind.
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO MY MOTHER'S KITCHEN!??!?!?!" Kagome shrieked, falling back in horror.
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"Or not," Carson grimaced.
"This could not get any worse," groaned Ted.
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"What?" Inuyasha asked helplessly as Kagome ranted. "It looks the same, just a little…dirtier."
"A little?!??!!" Kagome shouted, waving around at the muddy, dirt encrusted kitchen and filthy stovetop.
"You always make a big deal over nothing," Inuyasha snorted.
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"Or it can get worse because a certain moron can't keep his mouth shut…" groaned Ted, flopping against the couch in complete despair.
"She's gonna rake his fine butt over red hot coals for that comment," smiled Kyan, looking forward to the show.
"He deserves it!!" said Ted. "Someone make me something strong to drink!!"
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"Osuwari!!!!" screamed Kagome.
WHAP!! Inuyasha body hit the floor with all possible speed and the dust that was raised recoated the counter, table, Inuyasha and Kagome in a new layer of dust.
"I'm all dirty!!" wailed Kagome.
"Take a bath…That's what you do whenever something happens that you don't like," Inuyasha mumbled from the floor he was still magically attached to.
"Why you…!!!" Kagome glared furiously. "Baths happen to relax me!!"
"Relax you from what!??!" Inuyasha snapped, jumping up as the spell released him. "I'm the one who does all the fighting!!!"
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"Oh, big surprise there," mumbled Jai.
"Yeah, you'd think he'd be the pacifist of whatever group he was part of," added in Carson with an acerbic smile.
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"I'm trying!!" yelled Kagome, tears in her eyes. "I try to help, to find the shards and to do everything well but you don't appreciate anything I do!!"
Inuyasha smelled her tears and backed away in panic. "Don't do that crying thing!!" he snapped. "Don't do it or I'll get mad!!" he threatened uselessly.
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"Oh, that's gonna cheer her right up!" Jai yelled at the television. "Be understanding! Empathetic!! Anything other then a complete asshole!!"
"I don't think he can," sighed Kyan.
"Poor girl," winced Thom.
"Argh!!" screamed Jai in frustration, throwing pillow after pillow at the hapless hotel TV screen.
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"Why do you always yell at me??" Kagome said, bottom lip quivering. "I can't keep doing this! Putting in all this effort and getting nothing back!!" she said, tears coming down her cheeks.
"What about what I put in?!?" Inuyasha shouted, picking up a familiar pan, shoving it under Kagome's nose.
"What the hell is that?" Kagome sniffed pathetically, a little distracted.
"Supper!!" Inuyasha yelled and he dropped into his sulking position, facing away from Kagome.
Kagome leaned and her eyes widened as she looked into the ruined pan. "Is that…Ramen?"
"Keh! Of course it's Ramen!! Would I cook anything else??" Inuyasha asked, in a huff.
"Why did you cook?" Kagome asked slowly.
"For you!" Inuyasha snapped. "Who else would I ever cook for? Those jackasses told me you'd like it and so I cooked! But it didn't work, happy?? I couldn't do it!!" Inuyasha hissed, arms crossed defensively.
Kagome looked at the dirt covered, burnt vegetables and soggy noodles and felt herself smile.
"You cooked…just for me?" Kagome was touched, even though she knew she should still be annoyed. Tears rose in her eyes from the gesture.
I really should blame this on my period…she thought in self disgust but honesty made her acknowledge that she was melting for another reason entirely. A happy tear fell despite her efforts to remain angry as she settled on the floor next to the irritable boy she adored.
"Oi bitch, I said not to do that," Inuyasha said, wiping away her tear gently. "Don't cry…"
"Oh, I can't believe you cooked for me!" Kagome snuffled happily.
Inuyasha looked at the thrilled look on Kagome's face, completely befuddled. "Weren't you mad at me three minutes ago?"
"That was before I knew you went through all this trouble for me!!" Kagome cried blissfully. "I'm so shocked but…I…..oh Inuyasha! It was so sweet!! I'll clean all this up, don't worry about it," Kagome smiled and adoringly looked at the confused boy next to her.
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"Whatever happened to feminism!??!" Kyan shouted, appalled. "She should be royally pissed at him!"
"She's in love.." sighed Jai. "It changes everything!" He clasped his hands together and sighed deeply.
"Screw that!" said Ted. "Look at that food! That pan is ruined!!"
"She doesn't care because it's the thought that counts!" Jai smiled rapturously.
"I still think it's ridiculous," Ted said with a frown.
"Love!!!" Jai sang out. "I love love!!!"
"He's still a jerk," Carson exhaled noisily.
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"I'll help you clean," Inuyasha mumbled. "I was just trying to put out the stove…" he said bashfully, ducking his head and looking up through his bangs, blushing lightly.
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"Awww…" the fab five sighed.
"You really can't stay mad at him," Jai said, shaking his head.
"He's too cute!" Thom said with a smile.
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"We'll clean later. First I want to see everything else…" Kagome smiled.
Inuyasha watched Kagome happily hum to herself. I have no idea what the hell just happened, he thought wholly confused, but I'm not going to complain.
Kagome looked with an affection at the socially challenged hanyou. "I'll just make us plain old Ramen, like we usually eat. I don't need anything special."
"I tried to be nice and do the fancy Ramen!" Inuyasha emphasized. "Manly men just don't cook well."
Kagome gave him an skeptical look. "Please. You just can't cook. Spare me from the excuses."
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"Atta girl!!" cheered the boys, thrilled someone finally called Inuyasha out on his bluster.
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"It's not an excuse!" Inuyasha protested as Kagome filled his arms with the portable water heater, Ramen cups and chopsticks.
"Sure sure…" Kagome drawled. Leaning over, she laid a gentle kiss on his cheek, shocking them both.
"Uh…" Inuyasha stuttered.
"Um….." Kagome sputtered.
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"This is it! They're gonna have sex!!" Carson shouted in excitement, jumping up and down.
"It was a kiss on the cheek, Carson! Not foreplay!" Thom said with a disgusted shake of his head.
"Besides, it's dirty in there!" Kyan protested.
"Sex in the dirt or getting rid of virginity??" Carson snapped. Really, where has his priorities gone?
"Dirt does wash off," added in Jai thoughtfully.
"And the point of all this was to get him laid…" Thom sighed, thinking out loud. "All right, fine, I agree. They should have sex."
"Finally, everyone catches up to me," Carson mumbled. "Being avant-garde is so difficult…"
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"Why'd you do that?" Inuyasha asked carefully.
Kagome looked away and whispered softly, "I just felt like I had to."
"Oh…."
The two embarrassed teenagers spent a few minutes carefully not looking at each other but eventually, Inuyasha remembered Kagome's promise.
"Um, Kagome? What about supper?"
Kagome giggled. One track mind… "Sure. Let's go to the well house."
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"Oh, come on!!" groaned Jai.
"She was practically begging for it!" Thom shouted to Inuyasha.
"Those two are just too inhibited for their own good," huffed Carson.
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Inuyasha and Kagome walked across the courtyard, admiring the setting sun. Moving into the wellhouse living room, Kagome set up the water heater as Inuyasha grabbed cushions off the couch and settled them on the ground. Getting comfortable, Inuyasha shrugged off his coat and took Kagome's and threw them into a corner.
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Carson gagged. "That's not how one treats clothing!! "
Thom glared at the screen. "He took off my couch cushions. Unless you're cleaning them, cushions stay on the couch." He looked at the other men. "Is this rocket science?" he asked in defeat. "I just want the cushions to stay where they belong! Why can't he just be normal for this damn once?!?"
"Well, it is Japan and traditionally, they don't really have couches. Maybe he's a traditional type of guy," suggested Jai.
"Traditionally, he's a clothes destroyer! The Gengis Khan of clothing," pronounced Carson morosely.
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Kagome made the Ramen quickly and she ate quietly as Inuyasha practically shoved his entire face into the Ramen cup, shoving the most noodles he could at once into his mouth.
"You know, I really love what Thom did…he's so talented…" Kagome commented, looking around.
"Fef a fafhin myko," Inuyasha replied caustically, some food flying out.
Kagome glared. "Be nice."
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"Ewwwwwwwwww!!" the boys grimaced, noses scrunched up in disgust.
"He eats like a pig," gagged Carson..
"He has beautiful table manners but apparently has decided to not exercise them," Ted said, looking away until Inuyasha had finished his meal.
"You know what scares me?" Kyan asked. "She can understand every word he's saying. How long do you have to be around someone who consistently eats like that in order to understand them?"
There was a collective shudder. "I don't even want to think about it," Ted said, feeling a little sick.
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"You can take off your hat now," Kagome said suddenly, as if just noticing the accessory.
Inuyasha suddenly stopped eating, eyes wide.
Kagome glanced at him. What the hell made him stop eating? He almost never stops mid-feed…
"Don't wanna," Inuyasha mumbled.
"Too bad!" said Kagome. "It's rude to be indoors with a hat on."
"No!"
"I want it off!" snapped Kagome. "Now!"
Inuyasha bit his lip. "Will you laugh?" he asked softly, looking away.
Kagome started. "At what?"
Inuyasha wordlessly pulled off the ski cap and let his new haircut show.
Kagome jerked as if she'd been slapped. "Oh my god!!" she shouted in horror. "Where are your ears?!?!"
'Where are your ears'?? Inuyasha thought in shock. That's all she cares about?
"Did they cut them off?!?" Kagome grabbed Inuyasha's shoulder and shook it hard. "I'll kill them if they hurt you!" she threatened angrily. "Those bastards!!!"
"Kagome, I'm almost bald," Inuyasha said bluntly. He pointed to his head. "Bald like Miyouga."
Kagome swatted her hand at him. "Oh please! The haircut is great! It's your ears I'm worried about!"
Inuyasha rolled his eyes. "The ears are still here," and he twitched them to prove it.
Kagome's eyes widened. "Wow…you can't see them at all," she whispered softly. Getting onto her knees, she ran her fingers through Inuyasha's hair, not noticing how close it made the two of them or how hard Inuyasha was blushing.
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"She has no idea that his nose is practically in her chest, does she?" asked Jai with a giggle at the girl's naiveté.
"Inuyasha noticed!" snickered Ted as they watched Inuyasha's eyes get stuck on a natural downward glance to see what was touching him. The chef laughed harder as Inuyasha's eyes got wider and wider.
"I cannot believe she thinks that we would chop off his cute little ears!!" Kyan said offended. "What was she thinking??"
"Well, I can't say for then but right now she's thinking of how sexy Inuyasha looks with shorter hair," smiled Carson.
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"Uh, Kagome…?" Inuyasha asked after he finally managed to drag his gaze north.
"So soft," Kagome mumbled, running her hands through Inuyasha's silk like hair. She felt a little naughty for doing this and that was doing curious things to her head, making it all light and funny feeling…
"Kagome?"
"Oh!" the schoolgirl gasped and she roughly settled away from Inuyasha in surprise. "I'm sorry! It was just that the haircut was, um, I saw how you looked-! I mean, no, that is.." Kagome caught her breath and composure. "It looks really nice," she said finally. "Really really nice…"
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"Oh, yeah. She likes the hair," Kyan said, terribly pleased with the effect his handiwork was having.
"That she does," agreed Thom with a grin. The boys watched Kagome fumble for words and blush scarlet. "I'd say she loves the new hair style, Kyan my boy...loves it…"
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Just what did she mean by 'really really nice'? Inuyasha wondered. Looking at Kagome's averted gaze and red cheeks helped knowledge dawn in Inuyasha's mind and his more puckish side came out to play.
"So you think I look nice…" he drawled with a playful smirk. "How nice?"
Kagome said nothing, feeling like a deer caught in the headlights.
"Come on…You tell me how nice I look and I'll tell you how nice you look," Inuyasha continued teasingly.
Kagome felt herself flush painfully. When the hell did he learn to flirt? She thought frantically. He's never flirted before!
"Eh? No words?" Inuyasha leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes as he grinned in a very self-satisfied, very male way. "That's okay. You talk too much," he added.
Kagome's eyes narrowed. "Why you arrogant…!" she ground out.
Inuyasha opened his eyes and mischievously gave Kagome a wink.
Kagome wondered to herself if the fact that her stomach had just dropped was a good thing or a bad thing?
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"Is it just me or is our project flirting?" asked Kyan in amazement.
"He's sort of doing it right too!" Carson said in bemusement. "Jai, did you teach him this?"
Jai shook his head, dumbfounded. "I have no idea where he learned how to do that… I mean, is it the smoothest I've ever seen? Hell no. However, this is Inuyasha. When did he become so confident around women?"
"When he got a fashion clue."
"Having a home would sort of bring anyone up in the confidence sector."
"When she stuck by him even though he almost destroyed her kitchen…"
"I think it's the fact that she was rubbing her hands all over his new haircut!"
Jai sniffed proudly. "Sexy Ass is spreading his wings…" he whispered happily, tilting his head back in order to not cry.
"Oh, for gods sake Jai!!" Carson said impatiently, tossing a cushion into Jai's face. "It's not like he's doing anything special! He is flirting! Not creating the cure for cancer or something…"
"Carson, cool it…" Ted said sternly. "Let Jai express himself."
"Yeah! I'm so proud he's taking this step!" Jai trembled with emotion. "He's come so far!"
"Spare me from the melodrama," Carson shrugged.
"Say what?!?" Jai demanded. "Listen you-!"
"Quiet!" interceded Kyan roughly. "He might make a move and we'll all miss it!"
Thom grumbled from his seat, "By the time that kid makes a move, hell would freeze over." He sighed irritably as Inuyasha and Kagome carefully avoided the others gaze. "How long can two people silently flirt?" he complained to himself. "Shit or get off the pot, people!!" he snapped impatiently.
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Inuyasha looked out the window. Dusk had passed without him noticing. Time is passing quickly, he reflected to himself. He sneaked a look at Kagome but the Japanese girl was occupied with cleaning up the food paraphernalia. His stare must have been a little too obvious because the young girl gave him an amused look.
"What?" she asked, a little self conscious. "You look like you're examining me."
"Just thinking."
"Don't strain yourself," joked Kagome.
Inuyasha quirked an eyebrow. "Kagome, if I know that that line is lame, it must be really passé."
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"Oh my god!" gulped Carson. "Semi-witty repartee!!"
"We are miracle workers!" exclaimed Kyan, throwing up his hands. "Someone get us to the Pope and fill out our applications for sainthood! We have performed the modern miracle: Inuyasha can articulate!"
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Kagome flung a pillow into Inuyasha's face. He easily batted it aside and merely smiled as Kagome spewed some vehement statements about his intelligence.
"Sure, you wish," he snorted after a few minutes. Kagome grumbled but finally sat down.
"Getting dark in here," she commented idly. Inuyasha nodded and got up to turn on the lights. About to simply flip the switch as he had been shown, Inuyasha glanced at Kagome and suddenly felt kicked in the stomach.
It was like seeing her for the first time. She wasn't perfect, she wasn't extraordinary in any outward way but what he saw made him ache. Her sitting there, doing nothing more then that, was perfection incarnate, soft, sweet and the embodiment of endless selfless caring... She didn't have to do anything and she stole his breath away.
Not sure he liked the feeling, Inuyasha looked away but found himself unable to stop himself from stealing another look at his human angel. The moonlight flowed over her features gently and Inuyasha knew, in one of those moments where it was impossible to not see past one's self doubt, that he should tell her everything. Everything he had been feeling, everything he had been thinking and damn the consequences.
Inuyasha swallowed. Rejection was a possibility, it was one of the premier sureties in his life but… The question is a matter of value: what's worth more, the stability of what we have now or future happiness that I might not get, Inuyasha thought and with a sick feeling in his stomach, realized he truly had no idea if it was worth it.
Where would he go if she left? What would he become without Kagome to soothe him? Inuyasha let out a shuddering breath. She had changed him for the better, she did it with everyone around her but him most of all. I like what I've become because of her, he accepted that. Could he become anything more then he was now if she left? I don't, I don't think I can…he thought with a tinge of self loathing. Dependant on a stupid fragile human girl! he snarled at himself. How brave, hiding behind her skirt so…Inuyasha straightened as a thought occurred to him.
That's what he was doing. This whole time, he had been hiding behind Kagome and her obvious feelings so he didn't have to face his own emotions and deal with whatever garbage he had to throw at himself. Brave? I'm only brave when I can get hurt physically, he admitted silently and furiously. Emotionally, I've been running from battle my entire life. Can I truly call myself brave if I don't confront this fear?
Mentally, he imagined Kagome with anyone other then himself and it just didn't look right. That's that then, he decided with no small amount of trepidation. One part of his mind was screaming about the excruciating pain he would feel if she denied feelings for him but a quieter part was maturing in these moments. If she turns away, I'll still have told her. I'll have at least not let her slip though my fingers because I was scared.
Inuyasha let out a shuddered breath, not sure how to proceed but knowing that now was the moment. Too bad I have no fuckin' idea what I'm gonna say!, he thought a tad hysterically.
The lights were capable of being set to whatever level of brightness was desired and Inuyasha slowly created a quiet atmosphere of a dimmed glow.
---------------------------------
"That was some internal battle our boy is fighting," Kyan commented as Inuyasha's face contort as thoughts previously ignored came to the forefront of his mind.
There was only silence as the Queer Eye boys watched Inuyasha struggle to make one of the most courageous decision of his life. Inuyasha literally shook where he stood but resolutely turned down the lights.
"I think something serious is about to happen," Jai said softly.
"I hope he knows what he's doing…" Ted said just as quietly.
"Does he ever?" asked Thom. The others glared wordlessly.
"Ruin this somber mood and I'll make you an eunuch instead of just gay, got it?" threatened Jai. Nothing was going to ruin romance for him, not even a sarcastic interior designer.
"I'm so nervous!" whispered Carson. "I don't even know what he's going to do and I'm all nervous."
"Just cross your fingers. Nothing more we can do, it's all up to him."
"Do you think he's gonna…?"
"He might."
"Good luck," Jai whispered softly.
---------------------------------
Inuyasha sat back against the couch and Kagome settled next to him.
What's with the lighting? Kagome wondered silently. Moments passed as Inuyasha summoned his nerve back from where it had hidden.
"I've been thinking," he started slowly, "about time. About how fast it goes by."
Kagome blinked. This was not what she had expected. "They say that youth is wasted on the young because they don't understand how fast it'll go by…"
"It's true. I've seen it. People are born, age and die before they ever really live. They go thought the motions of living but they don't understand just how quick it is," Inuyasha said softly. "I was thinking about this stupid quest we're on, fighting for our lives for no real reason other then that we have no choice. I keep on telling myself that after everything is over, I'll do what I really want, I'll say what I really want to say but, for some reason, tonight it just hit me that there might not be an after."
"Don't say that!" Kagome looked at Inuyasha furiously. "There will be an after! An after Naraku, an after the jewel is completed, an after high school, an after the Kazaana is gone. There will be after," she finished quietly. "To think any other way will just, it'll just cripple us. How would we be able to go on without thinking about the future, the after?" She smiled at Inuyasha. "Thinking of the after is called hope."
---------------------------------
"What the hell are they talking about?" asked Kyan. "Naraku, Kazanna, jewelry? Why am I confused yet again?"
"Probably some Japanese custom we don't get," answered Thom.
"Shut up!" Jai hissed ominously.
---------------------------------
"After is the future," Inuyasha repeated.
"Yeah…"
"Well, what about the now?" Inuyasha noticed Kagome's startled expression and forged on. There's no stopping now… "I mean, the future is great and all but what about right now?"
"I, I don't know," Kagome stammered. What is he getting at? Oh my god, what is he getting at?
"The way I see it is this…we know that right now, we have this moment, these brief bits of time where we get to be together. The fact is that waiting for 'after' when we have now is just plain stupid. Like I said, time is passing fast and so many possible bits of time could be made sweeter or better or last longer if we just, just… If we just finally cut the crap between us and said a few things! So you better keep your mouth shut bitch and let me talk!!!" Inuyasha burst out vehemently.
Kagome felt a peculiar sensation, as if all the blood cells and nerve endings in her body were slowly shutting down but simultaneously speeding up. This sounded a lot like a…Kagome shook her head minutely. He's not! He never would…After all this time …? The mere thought was stopping her breath.
Inuyasha looked at Kagome. She looked rather dazed but Inuyasha knew he preferred dazed to anger, embarrassment or, the worst, pity. Letting the words spit out as they would, Inuyasha swallowed and continued softly.
"I know I always complain about how slow or useless you are but it's not true. You've saved everyone at one point or another, me more then the others. It's more then whenever my demon half emerged," Inuyasha said, putting up a hand to stall the comment Kagome had been about to make. "It's much more then that. I guess you could say that you saved me from myself. I think I realized this for the first time when you saved me from that spider youkai and you cried for me…no one had ever cried for before except for my mother," he said, looking at her. "Do you remember that night?"
---------------------------------
"Does he have some sort of Oedipus complex? That would be completely wrong and really gross," Thom said.
"Ew," agreed Kyan.
Jai pulled a pocket knife out of his pants and waved it suggestively. Kyan and Thom shut up.
---------------------------------
Kagome smiled a bit shakily. "Of course I remember," she said, adding on softly, "especially the part where you said I smelled nice…"
Inuyasha snorted. "You smell better then nice."
Kagome bit her lip, she had always wanted to know but had been too scared to ask…
"Inuyasha?" she asked. "What do I smell like?"
---------------------------------
"These Japanese have some weird fetishes," said Thom with raised eyebrows.
"Smell? She should know whatever perfume she has on!" Carson protested.
"I don't get kids these days," complained Kyan.
"Hello!?!? You are killing the romantic atmosphere!!" shouted Jai.
---------------------------------
Inuyasha smiled and looked at Kagome for a moment before replying honestly, "I have no idea."
"What?!?"
---------------------------------
"I do believe that he's the one ruining the romantic atmosphere."
"That's it! I am buying him a muzzle!" Jai said, throwing up his hands in defeat.
---------------------------------
Inuyasha shrugged. "I can't really identify it. I can't pinpoint a flower and say, oh that's Kagome's scent. Your scent is…complex. The closest I can come up with is purity. Not just physical," he hastened to add as Kagome's eyebrows shot up. "Even though it's there, I know you're a virgin and all…" he trailed off as Kagome glowered.
---------------------------------
Jai sunk his head into his hands in despair. "Can I just pretend that I never even tried to fix him socially?"
Kyan patted him on the back. "There there…"
---------------------------------
Kagome got up to stomp off but stopped as Inuyasha jerked her back down. "Shut up and listen before you go into a snit!" he snapped. Kagome glared but waited.
Inuyasha gathered his thoughts. "It's not just a physical purity but it's also not just a spiritual purity." Inuyasha tilted his head and gently let his nose rest against the soft skin of Kagome's neck and took a whiff. "You smell of everything that's good and everything that makes sense. In you…with you I can smell peace, an almost overwhelming happiness and a calm that I get only when I'm near you…" Inuyasha shrugged. "Your scent is what I imagine heaven to be like."
He shot the obviously startled Kagome a firm nod. "I imagine heaven looks a lot like you, feels a lot like you, is as peaceful and wonderful as you are and has your scent…if it doesn't…it might not be heaven at all…"
"You've thought about this," Kagome said softly after a moment, in slight shock.
"A guy ends up thinking of these sort of things when he doesn't sleep a lot," Inuyasha explained with a shrug. "I've thought about dying and afterwards. Everyone has at some point. I was thinking about the likelihood of me going to heaven and what it would be like, what I would like heaven to be like." He looked Kagome in the eyes and said quietly, "It was a lot like my time with you…I know that's not most people's version of heaven but, for me, heaven's not enough if you're not there." Inuyasha looked down.
---------------------------------
"Can I claim him again?" asked Jai tearfully.
"Shut up, Jai! You're ruining the moment!!" shushed Thom and Kyan, leaning forward to catch every nuance of the conversation on the screen.
---------------------------------
Kagome let out a shaky breath. She was about to cry, she knew it and the words she wanted to say were getting caught in her throat. Here they come, she thought with a mental sigh as tears began to slide down her cheeks.
"Why are you crying?" Inuyasha asked, panicked.
"I hate this!" Kagome huffed as she reluctantly cried. "Every time anything happens, I get weepy. About anything, I just cry…I do nothing but cry!" She angrily pushed away the tears with the back of her hand.
Inuyasha leaned over and took her hands in his. "That's not a bad thing. I…think…" he said slowly, "I think it's sort of one of the ways I can tell how well matched we are."
Kagome again felt that lurch in her stomach. "Inuyasha, what are you saying?" she whispered.
Inuyasha made sure he could see Kagome's eyes. "Just what I said, that we match up. You cry too much and I don't cry at all. You're the sweetest person in the world and I might be its biggest asshole. You're innocent and I'm…well, I'm not. You're emotionally strong and I'm physically strong. Don't you see?" he asked anxiously. "We're sort of what the other is missing…"
"Oh Inuyasha…" Kagome said softly, no longer caring that she was getting her shirt all wet.
"You know sometimes, when I was depressed or something had gone wrong, I would ask myself what I had done in a previous existence to deserve what I've gotten," Inuyasha said quietly. "Getting betrayed by Kikyo, the shard splitting, getting mocked when I was young, my mom getting killed, having a brother who wants to kill me, getting stuck to a tree for fifty years, being so dense at times..." Inuyasha shook his head. "God, can I be stupid…" He smiled at the girl next to him suddenly.
"I know, I don't get a lot of things right…I do a lot of stupid stuff, say a lot of stupid things. But I know now, looking at you, that all these stumbles and falls and the wrong things I've said have helped me toward realizing something…." Inuyasha carefully intertwined his clawed fingers with Kagome's delicate ones. "Sometimes I wonder 'what if what happened fifty years ago had never happened?' Would I see you riding through the village on that ridiculous bicycle and know what you could have become to me? Would I have been happy without you?" Inuyasha shook his head gently. "I don't think so. I can barely remember before the day I first saw your face…the fact that I can see you everyday is probably more then I deserve. I can always pick you out of a crowd, I can always tell where you are because without you there, I'm not all there." He hesitated and took the plunge. "I know that's a lame thing to say but Kagome, I am the luckiest person because you are near me and I don't think…I don't think I'll ever be able to say to you just how much you mean to me…"
Kagome gasped and swallowed heavily. "Inuyasha, I-"
"You know, when I was younger, there was this old couple who lived near the castle," Inuyasha interrupted quickly, desperately. "One day, the old man passed away in his sleep. His wife, she stayed around a couple of days but passed away a couple of days later." He shrugged nervously. "I know that's a strange way of telling you….of telling you…that I know we belong but…" He smiled sadly as he trialed off. "I can't help it…With you or rather because of you, I know with a real certainty that I am the luckiest... More then a prince, the wealthiest or most beautiful person who ever lived, more then the smartest or anyone else who has ever imagined that they had it all…I know that even though I lived through some tough times, I am still the luckiest of them all. All because of you…"
Inuyasha suddenly had his arms filled with crying girl.
"Oh Inuyasha!" she sobbed happily. "Why would you say all that? You didn't have to, you couldn't have been comfortable with it…"
Inuyasha shrugged. "As someone smart once said after doing something brave, 'I just felt like I had to'…" he said, smoothing a hand over her hair. "It was sort of like that…"
"Oh…" Kagome said, weeping harder into his haori.
Looking down, Inuyasha whispered, "Please don't turn me away, don't reject me, don't leave ever…"
"Never…" Kagome whispered. Overcome with a feeling of absolute elation mixed with disbelieve, Kagome wrapped her arms around Inuyasha and squeezed him tightly.
Inuyasha hugged her just as firmly. "Does this mean that you…do you…?" he whispered nervously.
Kagome nodded her head against his chest and just held on, whispering words of love and dedication. Inuyasha let his head sink down on top of hers and knew himself for being truly blessed.
---------------------------------
"Oh, I just can't! Oh lord!!" wailed Jai as he helplessly burst into tears.
Carson sniffed. "I'm so proud of him…"
Ted, Thom and Kyan just stared happily at the screen, wiping away the tears that fell.
"That was just so beautiful!!" bawled Jai into his hanky.
"He was so great! It came out of nowhere and it was so sweet!" added in the choked up Thom.
"I'm a miracle worker!!" sobbed Jai in ecstasy. "An honest-to-god miracle worker!!"
"I want a boyfriend like that!!" Ted, eyes shiny, said with a smile. "I mean, sure he'd be annoying and violent and rude and completely uncouth but, after a speech like that, it would be worth it!"
"I mean, half his bad traits are good ones for the bedroom!" Carson sighed, holding back tears.
"He was so nervous but he just did it…I can't believe he had the balls to do that, to just admit his love…" Kyan said with an admiring shake of his head.
"Well, we all knew he had the balls to just about anything," Carson piped up with a teary leer.
The dirty innuendo helped get the boys back under control. Dirty jokes tended to do that…
---------------------------------
"By the way," Inuyasha said suddenly, jerking upright. "I'm never saying all that again. Not if you tortured me. Never," he said tightly.
---------------------------------
Jai sat up slowly. Several sputtered and furious reprimands tried to get out of his mouth but none could be articulated, so strong was his anger. Grabbing a bottle of Jack Daniels, he slugged down a third of the liquor before slamming it down on the table.
Carson opened his mouth to ask Jai something but the smaller man shot the blonde a glare so potent that the words shriveled on his tongue.
"If anyone suggests that I have an explanation for what just happened, I will not hesitate to slap you. Got it?" Jai hissed.
Thom, Ted, Kyan and Carson leaned away from the fuming self-designated Life Instructor and unanimously decided to just let Jai have a bit of quiet time.
---------------------------------
Kagome shot Inuyasha a look. "I'm shocked you got any of that out. Whenever I daydreamed about this moment, I tried to put some reality into the moment and, well, you usually just yelled it out really quickly and would run off to sulk in the Goshinboku…"
Inuyasha frowned. "I'm not that bad…"
Kagome raised one eyebrow. "And I quote," the girl said dryly, "Keh."
---------------------------------
"Does she know him or does she know him?" chortled Thom.
Jai smirked. "The jerk deserved it."
---------------------------------
Inuyasha shook his head but pulled Kagome back into his arms.
Eventually, the numbness that came from sitting too long set in and Inuyasha suggested they go up to the hammock.
Kagome started. "What?" she asked blankly. Is this a come on? she wondered uneasily.
"You're tired, I'm tired." Inuyasha shrugged practically. "Let's go to bed."
---------------------------------
The fab five stopped abruptly.
"WHAT!!???!?!" the chorus screech came.
"What did he just say??" Kyan gasped.
"Hello, that is not keeping with the sweet lover boy image he just presented!" shouted Ted in indignation.
"He lied to us!!" cried Jai, outraged. "LIED!!"
"That was a terrible delivery!" Carson said in annoyance. "Where's the finesse, the suave line needed to lure her in??"
The other four shot Carson Death Glares. "What?" Carson asked obliviously. "That was the whole point of this! Getting Inuyasha laid!"
"Carson!" Kyan huffed. "Show some sensitivity to how poor Kagome must be feeling! He tell her he loves her but then demands that she have sex with him!!"
"No, I admit, it was a good plan to have all the love words before," Carson said. "It's was just his delivery that sucked. I mean, if he had been just the least bit more smooth, she would have gone up the stairs no problem but now…!"
"Carson, he meant those things! Not as a ploy for sex!!!" protested Ted.
"Fine, you believe what you want," shrugged Carson.
"I normally would agree with you except for the fact that you aren't taking into account something," said Thom to Carson.
"What?"
Thom merely pointed to the screen.
---------------------------------
Kagome dubiously stared at Inuyasha. Professions of love aside, Inuyasha was the same impatient hanyou he had always been. As Kagome deliberated, Inuyasha exploded a sigh, picked her up bridal style and carried her up the stairs to his bedroom.
"Inuyasha!" Kagome shouted. "Wait! No!"
"Bitch, calm down. It won't hurt," snorted Inuyasha with a disdainful look. He dumped Kagome onto the hammock.
"Actually, it will, you jerk!" Kagome shouted. Inuyasha snorted again and settled in next to her. Kagome shoved him away and struggled to get out. Inuyasha's eyes narrowed.
"I've wanted to do this for a long time and now we are going to do this!" he shouted, forcing an arm over Kagome.
About to shriek for help, Kagome stopped the scream in her throat short when a blanket fell over her body.
"Just go to sleep," Inuyasha ordered and tucked the edges in snugly. He resettled next to her and closed his eyes.
Wha…? Kagome's mind spun.
"Wait a minute! Wait one god damn minute!!" Kagome said, freeing her arms and poking Inuyasha in the chest. "This is it?!?! You just…want to sleep??"
Inuyasha opened his eyes and looked at her. "Yes," he said as if it were obvious. "I want to go to sleep in my bed." He snorted at Kagome's idiocy. "What else would you do in a bed?"
Kagome strived to not blush. "Um, nothing…nothing at all…" she mumbled, diving back under her cover
---------------------------------
Carson's mouth was gaping wide as Jai smirked.
"See? Not everyone is a perverted bastard!" Jai smiled happily.
"I, I…It's just…Isn't he a, a , I," the blonde stuttered.
"Is anyone else uncomfortable with how innocent he is?" Thom questioned. "I mean 'what else would you do in a bed'?? That's not normal."
"I think it's sweet!" Jai said, protecting his charge.
Kyan shook his head firmly. "Odd. Definitely odd."
"Well, the rest of the time, he's been the picture of normalcy," Ted said sarcastically.
Carson flung his glass back and drained his apple sour. "If I hadn't seen him with my own eyes naked, I wouldn't think he's a man!"
"Oh Carson, for gods sake…"
---------------------------------
Kagome winced. I am total pervert! What has Miroku done to me?? She thought miserably. Burrowing further under the cover, the hammock rocked back and forth.
Inuyasha sat up as best he could in the now vigorously shaking hammock.
"Stop fidgeting, you're making it move," he grumbled. After the movement stopped, he lied back down. Unfortunately, this too caused the hammock to shift wildly.
"God damn it!" cursed Inuyasha. Fumbling wildly at the sides of what was essentially a sheet, Inuyasha shouted in irritation, "Stupid bed thing! Stop moving!!"
Kagome giggled. She really couldn't help it. "Inuyasha, it's a hammock. It's not moving on purpose."
Inuyasha grumbled unhappily and folded his arms with all his usual enthusiasm. The hammock swayed again and Inuyasha's glower increased, much to Kagome's amusement.
The hammock continued to pitch and Inuyasha cursed violently as Kagome laughed.
---------------------------------
"They're very cute," Carson admitted.
"Adorable," drawled Thom. "But if they're not careful, they'll-"
---------------------------------
THWUP!!
---------------------------------
"-tip over," Thom finished with a wry shake of his head.
---------------------------------
Inuyasha groaned and rubbed his head. The hammock had decided to discharge its users somewhat abruptly and Inuyasha had (rather gallantly, in his opinion) toppled so that Kagome hadn't landed on the floor. Regrettably, that meant she and all her weight had landed right on top of his chest, momentarily stunning him.
"You okay?" Kagome asked, bashfully.
"If you hadn't laughed so hard, this never would have happened," he grumbled with a small pout. Kagome giggled.
"You're pouting."
Inuyasha's eyes widened in indignation. "I do not pout!" and poked her in the arm.
Kagome smiled, lacing his fingers with hers and whispered, "Yes, you do" and leaned down spontaneously to kiss Inuyasha on his definitely pouting mouth.
It shocked both of the participants but, after a moment of indecision, Inuyasha leaned upward, gently kissing her back.
---------------------------------
"OH MY GOD!!!!" screeched Jai, jumping up and down in his excitement. "It's happened!!!"
"They kissed!!" smiled Thom. "They're doing all right too..."
"About damn time too! How long can two people be in love and not kiss?" Ted said, relieved all that tension was gone.
"Come on…" Carson urged Inuyasha after a few minutes. "Move your hands up from her waist…"
"I agree, this is taking too long. Let's move onto second base," Ted said, refilling his cup.
"The guy couldn't figure out what else you do in a bed and you think he's going to move to second base now??" Kyan asked derisively.
"Like the girl said, what do we have but hope?" Carson said dramatically.
"Our self respect," said Jai with annoyance. "We should not be encouraging them. Those two are minors or have you forgotten?" Carson blinked in surprise; he had forgotten just how young Kagome and Inuyasha were…
Thom chimed in, "Yeah and do you know who would get in trouble if they get caught? Not them! We would for convincing them to do it. How do you feel about jail rape?"
"That's nothing! Have you ever seen those horrid one piece jumpsuits you have to wear in prison?" Carson shuddered. "Not even I can pull off Technicolor orange."
Thom heaved a sigh. "Prioritize. For the sake of my sanity, prioritize..."
Carson ignored him and sunk into the couch. "You keep those hands where we can see them," he muttered to the kissing couple on screen, orange jumpsuits in the forefront of his mind.
---------------------------------
Kagome smiled down at Inuyasha, still comfortable where she was on top of him.
"I'm not a blanket," he complained jokingly. Kagome rolled her eyes but rolled over and onto the floor, still holding his hand.
This is perfect, us just like this…me and him finally, she thought drowsily. It was late and Kagome stretched, taking out the kinks in her neck by moving her head from side to side-
Kagome sat up suddenly, here eyes wide and horrified. "Inuyasha?" she hissed in a strangled voice, feeling all the hairs on her neck rising slowly.
"What?" Inuyasha was instantly in a crouch, hand by his side where his Tetsuiga was supposed to be, ready to protect Kagome.
"What, what…" Kaogme swallowed and attempted to calm down. "Do you see a, a blinking light over there?"
---------------------------------
"Oh…shit…." Thom cursed, eyes growing wide.
---------------------------------
Inuyasha looked to where Kagome pointed, directly across from his bedroom alcove where the door entering into the shrine was. Inuyasha's eyes squinted. There is a red light...what the hell is that? "There's a red light. I didn't notice it before…do you know what it could be?"
"I think, I think that may be a, um…a video camera," she finished weakly.
"Those things that tape people as they move and you can watch it?" Inuyasha shook his head. "Why would one of those be in here?"
Kagome looked at him and said, "Well, the Queer Eye boys do have a television show and the way you make a TV show is by taping things…"
Inuyasha's face lost all its color. "Are you saying that those freaks are listening and watching us!??!?!?!" he shouted.
"They heard everything we said to each other!!" Kagome gasped.
To hell with that! I was naked in here!! Inuyasha thought enraged, cheeks bright red. Those perverts watched me naked!!
Suddenly, Inuyasha stood up and leaped to the camera. Ripping it off, he glared into the lens. "Listen, you bastards, " he hissed furiously, "I'm going to find you and when I do, I'm going to make you very very sorry…" he promised darkly. Inuyasha placed the camera on the floor and cracked his knuckles. "I'm going to break every bone in your body for this…" he finished in a sinister and gruff tone.
---------------------------------
"Oooooh! Sexy!!" Jai gasped in delight at the menacing picture Inuyasha presented. "Naked mean men! I love that type!" he squealed to himself happily.
"Hello??!? He's not a flavor of doughnut!!" Thom shouted, leaping over the couch. "He's talking about killing us!!"
"If he comes naked, I will offer up my body as a sacrifice so that the rest of you may get away," Carson announced 'bravely'.
"Carson, start repacking now!!"
---------------------------------
Inuyasha disappeared for a few moments and reappeared in his usual fire rat kimono and hakama. Motioning for Kagome to not say anything, Inuyasha stepped in front of the camera with a smirk on his face.
---------------------------------
"NOOOO!!!!!" screeched Carson on the top of his considerable lungs. "NOT THE ZOMBIE PANTS!!!! Anything but the zombie pants of doom!!!!!"
---------------------------------
"Keh," Inuyasha said, pleased with the success of his plan. "Hey Carson?" he said, leaning toward the camera. "You scream like a girl…"
---------------------------------
"He heard?!?!" Kyan said a tad hysterically, waving his arms in the air. "That's just not possible!"
"They were supposed to be dead!!" sniffed Carson, inconsolable. "We're leaving and yet he is still wearing the red fuzzy bathrobe…"
"Oh, Carson, it's not so bad," Ted said soothingly.
"I failed!" he mumbled unhappily. "Failed to instill the one of the creeds of modern fashion: no MC Hammer pants…" he sniffed miserably.
"This is terrible and all," Kyan interrupted, throwing a jacket onto Carson, "but we have an enraged, semi-homophobic guy with serious violent tendencies coming our way so I'm suggesting we go hide out in the airport right now!!"
---------------------------------
Inuyasha chuckled and slipped Tetsuiga into it's rightful place on his side. Turning, he was surprised to see a determined Kagome rebuttoning her coat.
"Bitch, what are you doing?" he asked in what was for him a polite tone.
"I'm coming!" Kagome snapped. "I am so annoyed right now, I could hurt them all! How dare they spy on us like that? It's a complete invasion of privacy and I intend to make them pay!"
Inuyasha couldn't help it. He chuckled and pushed a piece of hair behind her ear. "You really want to come?"
"Yes!" snapped Kagome. "You're stuck with me!"
Inuyasha smiled and tugged her closer, his hands at her waist again. "I'm glad…"
Kagome smiled happily and put her arms at his neck, beaming up at him, ire momentarily forgotten. "So we go kill them together?"
"I like the sound of that," Inuyasha whispered. "Together…"
---------------------------------
"Oh my god! How sweet!" gushed Jai, fumbling for his hanky again.
"Aw, aren't they the best couple we've ever had?" sighed Carson.
"Excuse me?!?! They're bonding over killing us!! Killing. Us." enunciated Thom, completely exasperated.
"Oh, just grab them!" Ted shouted as he dragged suitcases out the door.
"I'm sure it's just an exaggeration," said Jai, a bit annoyed the others had not appreciated the moment.
"The guy can destroy brick by punching it, throw a grown man thirty feet as if it were nothing and has several super senses, all of which he has dedicated to destroying us with!!" shouted Kyan in desperation. "Why are we debating the need to run?!?"
"Oh, now you all decide to concentrate on the fact that he's so definitely not human!" Jai snorted. "Now when your asses are on the line..."
"Well, yeah!" Kyan said in annoyance.
"We're an hour and a half away from the Higurashi Shrine. It'll take him a bit to get here and I want to do something first," Carson said firmly. "Sort of a going away present…."
---------------------------------
Inuyasha and Kagome burst into the presidential suite about a half an hour after having left the shrine. Having no scent of the five Queer Eye members and Kagome only knowing the vaguest of directions to the hotel, the pair had gotten lost and valuable time had been used up. There was no sign of the fab five and Inuyasha lost his temper.
"Damn it all!" he shouted, kicking a dresser over.
"I still don't understand why you refused to just pull over and ask for directions!!" Kagome said angrily.
"Keh," Inuyasha huffed. "I don't need to ask!"
Kagome glared. "Oh, is that why it took us so long to get here? Silly me, I assumed you got lost! You were just taking the scenic route!!"
"Whatever. See if they left a clue or something.." Inuyasha muttered.
Kagome stormed off into the adjoining bedroom to search and Inuyasha examined the living room. Taped up against the television (Not as nice as mine, Inuyasha thought with satisfaction) was a note.
"Press Play," Inuyasha read out loud.
"What?" Kagome asked as she came out of the other room. Inuyasha held out the note and Kagome read it for herself.
"Hmmm, must be a message from the boys." Looking at the other, each shrugged. Settling down onto the couch, Kagome and Inuyasha pressed play on the VCR and watched in astonishment as the Queer Eye boys appeared in the screen.
"Hi guys!" Ted, Kyan, Carson, Jai and Thom waved. "We're making a goodbye video for you!"
"Don't kill us!" piped in Kyan, sweating slightly.
"We just wanted to let you know how proud we are of you two!" exclaimed Ted.
"You are an adorable couple!" Carson said sweetly.
"And the way you got together?" Jai's eyes got misty. "It was beautiful!"
Kagome and Inuyasha winced.
"Shut up Jai!" hissed Kyan. "We weren't going to remind them about that!"
"Oh whoops!! Uh…what to say?" Jai searched for something.
"I have something to say!" Carson shot out. "What the hell is up with the pants, Inuyasha!!?!?"
On the couch, Inuyasha snorted, terribly pleased with his devious idea and how badly it was affecting Carson. Kagome shot him a look that clearly stated she didn't find it as amusing.
On the video, Carson was continuing. "I'd just like to remind in which set of clothes you got the girl in!!" the blonde yelled. "Not the horrible, hand me down bathrobe with zombie pants, that's for damn sure!!"
Both Kagome and Inuyasha flared red.
"You got Kagome under you in clothing that I picked out! Me! You have me to thank for all the sex you are about to receive!!" Carson hissed.
"Why you…!" Inuyasha growled while Kagome buried her face in her hanyou's shoulder.
On the screen, Jai clamped his hand over Carson's mouth and smiled cheerfully at the recording device. "He doesn't mean any of that! Ha ha, what a funny gay man Carson is! Ha…ha…um, please don't come after us…"
Thom leaned forward. "By the way Kagome, we all just thought you should know that your new boyfriend is a closet nudist."
"WHAT?!?!?" Kagome gasped, turning to Inuyasha in complete shock.
"Oh, yes he is!" Carson said with a leer. "And, if I may say so, no finer way to be a nudist then a nudist with that type of body!"
"Kamis above, why??" whispered Inuyasha, sure that his face was literally on fire.
"You are going to want to hold onto him because let me tell you sweetie, men of his kind are very rare!" whistled Ted.
Jai, with a giggle, held up his hands in an approximation of a certain length.
Kagome felt her eyes widen. "Is he trying to say what I think he is?" she asked blankly while Inuyasha let out a wordless sound of humiliation.
"No no Jai," Thom scolded. "He's bigger then that!" and pulled Jai's top hand up a bit.
"Are you sure?"
"Hello? I'm an interior designer. I deal with inches all day long. Trust the expert," Thom said.
"Okay then. Wouldn't want to underestimate something like this!" Jai snickered.
"By the time you've finished watching this, we'll already be in the airport. No maiming us tonight!" added Kyan quickly. "Sorry!"
"We loved working with you!" Jai said enthusiastically.
"We loved your semi-pornographic nude video even better!" Carson inserted.
"True true.." the other four agreed.
Inuyasha began to choke.
"Remember the jeans scene?"
"Oooh, that was great!!"
"My favorite was the bathroom, hands down."
"That was good too!"
Thom cleared his throat, significantly motioning toward the still recording camera.
"Let's just say our goodbyes to them now, shall we?"
"Bye guys!"
"We'll call you by the holidays! Maybe invite you to the States!"
"Hey Inuyasha! If you ever want to come to the Dark Side and get some man loving…?You know who to come to, big boy!"
Kagome glanced wide eyed at Inuyasha. "Were you planning on-?"
"NO!" Inuyasha shouted, trembling from embarrassment.
The Queer Eye Guys waved farewell cheerfully. Carson jogged up to the camera to shut it off. Before he did, he grinned into the lens.
"Well, I told you in the beginning that this process might be a bit painful but, all in all, I think it was worth it,, don't you?" He winked into the screen. "I certainly had a good time! Jae na, Sexy Ass!"
The television went blank. Licking her lips, Kagome slowly turned to the flabbergasted Inuyasha.
"So…Inuyasha," Kagome said with a deep breath. "Do you want to talk about this closet nudity problem you have?"
Inuyasha groaned in misery as Kagome grinned wickedly.
"No? Too painful to come out?" Kagome teased, her eyes filled with amusement.
"Why me?" griped Inuyasha.
"Maybe because you're Sexy Ass?" Kagome suggested snidely.
Inuyasha sighed deeply. "Why do I have the feeling that I'm going to be hearing about this for a while?"
"I think that's a safe bet," Kagome grinned and happily flopped her head onto Inuyasha's lap.
Inuyasha looked down at her in surprise before reluctantly smiling along with her.
"I still can't believe how things have changed," Inuyasha admitted.
"Me too," Kagome agreed. She snorted. "Only you would need five gay Americans to shanghi you into a new set of clothes and a haircut…"
A thought occurred to Inuyasha and he asked cautiously, "Kagome? Who do you like better, Cher or Metallica?"
Kagome snorted. "Metallica all the way. Who the hell would like Cher?"
Inuyasha grinned and tugged Kagome closer. "You are perfect!" he chortled to the surprised girl right before he stole another kiss. And another and another and another…
---------------------------------
Next door, the five Queer Eye boys grinned at each other as the meaningless words people in love will speak to each other reached their ears through the thin hotel walls. Motioning with a finger, Carson led the other four out the Tokyo Hilton and into a cab.
Once safely secured within the vehicle, Ted asked curiously, "Why didn't he smell us in the other room with his super nose?"
Thom snorted. "Why would he smell anything other then his heavenly Kagome?"
"So, uh, do you think they're," Carson cleared his throat and made an obscene gesture with his fingers. "…in the room?"
"Carson!" Jai interrupted dryly.
"What?"
Jai rolled his eyes. "They totally are!"
"Really?" Carson said with a delighted smile.
"Like rabbits," reassured Jai. "Trust me. These ears heard all the signs…"
"First time in a presidential suite in one of the most prestigious hotels in the world," Kyan whistled with a pleased smile. "Do we come through for our projects or what?"
The boys smirked smugly at each other, self satisfied with themselves. The cab eventually dislodged them at the airport where the five settled onto their plane back to the United States in the first class compartment (Carson complained that the economy clothed seats gave him a rash).
"Hey Thom, you didn't forget the tape, did you?" asked Kyan anxiously after take off was complete.
Thom snorted. "Of course not." He held up a DVD and popped it into a portable player.
"Damn, you are good!" complimented Jai as he and the others rewatched the delectable scene of Inuyasha striding nude through the courtyard.
"Voyeurism is not a hobby with me, it's a calling," Thom said with a smile and a shrug.
The boys settled back and prepared to leave Japan a superior place then it had been before their invasion. After all, that was their job- they made things better.
THE END
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A/N: Well, there you go! Hope it was worth all the waiting and annoyance! Inuyasha is so talkative about his feelings simply because he wants to get it all out at once and then never EVER say it again. He's just being efficient. Not the best reason for the over the top mushiness but hey, I'm the author and I love love!! I can't do a Kudos to the Reviewers b/c Sabbath is in, oh, 3 minutes? So heres to everyone:
YOU WERE WONDERFUL!!!!!!
So, to all readers present and future, I hope you enjoyed the ride and agree with me (and the Queer Guys) that Inuyasha is indeed a Sexy Ass. Review please! One last hurrah!!