Chapter Seven

The ice had broken in Jordan's heart…she began to feel that the warm under currants of love she had for Woody were justifiably hers…that maybe, just maybe, despite her past, she could have a normal life with a man she loved.

And hoped he loved her. Woody had never stated it, even during their lovemaking that afternoon in his apartment. The words had never left his mouth. But Jordan grew more sure of her feelings everyday. By his actions she knew Woody cared…but wasn't sure how much. She didn't want him staying with her out of obligation only to the baby. That would kill off any of the tenuous bonds that had begun to form around them, and their child.

Their child…who was growing inside her a little more each week. At four months, you still couldn't tell she was pregnant. Her tummy was flat, despite the sonogram the doctor had performed to show her and Woody their baby. She had felt no movement yet, despite the doctors' and nurses' reassuring comments that she would. The baby was developing normally…the heart beat was strong. Things were right on schedule. Her life went on at a fairly normal clip. Garret was now aware of her condition and had removed her from performing x-rays.

But whether it was woman's intuition or a mother's instinct, Jordan felt something wasn't quite right. She never voiced it to the doctors or to Woody. She just felt a brooding darkness in the pit of her soul. But with everything reassuring … the sonograms, the medical reports…she began to dismiss the thoughts from her mind as over reactions to her roller coaster hormone changes, and soon paid them no attention.

Until one day when she answered a typical homicide call for Woody. It was a regular traffic fatality. Nothing unusual. She had opened the door to her SUV and Woody was coming around to help her out when the bottom of her abdomen contracted, doubling her over with pain. "Jordan!" Woody said softly, but urgently, not wanting to attract the other officers' attention. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing…just a little indigestion, I'm sure," she replied. But then another cramp bent her double. And feeling a wet stickiness run against her leg, she looked down. Blood.

Something was very wrong.

"She miscarried," Dr. Jenkins told Woody, who had been pacing the waiting room floor of the hospital until he got an answer.

"Why? I thought everything was progressing normally…that everything was fine."

"It was…but sometimes these things happen, and usually they happen for a reason, Detective Hoyt."

"Could something have caused it?"

"No…it was nothing that you did or Jordan did. Sometimes these things, as horrible and tragic as they are….they just happen. You can't put a reason or a why behind it. They just do. I hate to sound cliché, but you're young and so is Dr. Cavanaugh. There's no reason you can't try to have a baby again in a few months…and there's absolutely no reason to think that this time she wouldn't carry to term. Lots of mothers miscarry their first child and then go on to have a house full of them. Jordan will be no different. I promise."

Woody didn't have the heart to tell Dr. Jenkins that they weren't really trying when Jordan got pregnant with this baby. It just sort of happened and they were dealing with it.

"Jordan," he said suddenly. "How is she?"

"We had to do a D&C. She's resting in recovery now. I'd like to keep her over night, to keep a check on her temperature and make sure there's no infection. She's aware what happened…she was awake for the procedure."

Procedure…that had removed their child from her womb. Their baby. The child they had both wanted. The tiny person that had somehow knitted their two souls together so they could begin a life as a couple…and then later as a family. "I know it's kind of early…just the fifth month or so…but could you tell….?" Woody stammered.

The doctor nodded.

Woody was sitting by her side, holding her hand when she came to. Throughout the whole D&C she had wondered and worried about him…what he was thinking about the baby, how was he coping…

What and if he was thinking about her. Did he think she had done something to deliberately bring on her miscarriage? She had wracked her brain over it. She hadn't lifted anything heavier than a scalpel. She had performed no x-rays. She was eating right. No alcohol. No drugs. No smoky environments. Lots of milk and water. Fresh vegetables. Prenatal vitamins. She had kept all her appointments to the doctor.

And Dr. Jenkins had assured her that there was nothing she could have done to prevent it. "It's just one of those things, Dr. Cavanaugh. I'm sure with your medical background, you understand."

She did. Cognitively, she did.

But her heart was broken over the matter, because she felt she had not only lost the baby, but she had also lost Woody.

"Hey," he said softly when he saw her eyes flicker open.

Immediately her eyes filled with tears…and they began to roll down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry, Woody…" she began, her voice breaking on every word.

"Shhh….it's okay. You're going to be okay, Jordan."

"Yeah, but the baby…."

Woody sighed and took her hand in both of his. Raising it to his lips, he kissed each finger. "I know…I'm so sorry, too, Jordan. But it just wasn't meant to be. Not this time."

Jordan wasn't sure if he meant the baby or them. Her tears fell faster. "But I wanted it so badly, Woody. We both did."

He nodded. "It just … it was just one of those things. But the most important issue here is for you to get better. Dr. Jenkins is keeping you overnight and I'll bring you home tomorrow."

"No…please….I want to go home." She had never desired the solitude of her apartment more than she did right now. To be able to go back to Pearle Street and lick her wounds…see where to go from here….and pray to a God she wasn't sure heard her any longer that Woody still wanted her.

"Shh….it's okay. You'll go home tomorrow morning." Woody rang for the nurse. He was afraid Jordan was borderline hysterical and needed something to calm her down. He talked to the nurse for a moment before she injected Jordan with medication through her IV. "This will make you rest, Jordan," he said, gently stroking her hair back from her face. "You need your rest."

But before the meds began to work their magic and before Woody withdrew his hand from her hair, she turned to him and asked the one question that was still burning in her mind. "Woody…what was it? What were we having?"

Woody swallowed hard. "A girl, Jo. We were going to have a daughter."