Legendary Bloopers Goes Cell-Shaded
Chapter 1: Legendary Critique
(catchy legend music)
This is but one of the legends of which the people speak…
Link: …
Long ago, there existed a kingdom where a golden power lay hidden.
Link: Ooohhh golden power, eh? I want one!
It was a prosperous land blessed with green forests, tall mountains, and peace.
Link: Ummm, if this is Hyrule you're talking about, you've got the WRONG place, dude. Hyrule has ONE green forest to speak of, and it's a 'wood' anyway, not a 'forest'. Hyrule has ONE mountain, and if you ask me it's more of a volcano anyway. And Hyrule has NO peace, cause look who's out saving your butts?!
But one day, a man of great evil found the golden power and took it for himself…
Link: Now we get to the good part.
With its strength at his command; he spread darkness across the kingdom.
Link: No he didn't, not yet. He doesn't spread darkness until… 7 years later.
But then, when all hope had died and the hour of doom seemed at hand…
Link: They've got it all wrong. Anyway, here I come! (rubs hands together in anticipation)
…a young boy clothed in green appeared as if from nowhere!
Link: Ahem… I didn't come from nowhere, and why is the green so important? I look better in red.
Wielding the blade of evils bane, he sealed the dark one away and gave the land light.
Link: It wasn't that simple!!!
This boy, who traveled through time to save the land, was known as the Hero of Time.
Link: No... really?
The boy's tale was passed down through generations until it became legend…
Link: Not in Hyrule, it wasn't. I haven't heard that legend anywhere!
But then… a day came when a fell wind began to blow across the kingdom.
Link: Gasp!
The great evil that all had though been forever sealed away by the hero…
Link: What an incomplete sentence.
…Once again crept forth from the depths of the earth, eager to resume its dark designs.
Link: Aha. Thanks for clarifying what I already knew!
The people believed that the Hero of Time would again come to save them.
Link: Heroes don't live any longer than ordinary people, morons. I was dead!
…but the hero did not appear.
Link: (sarcastically) Oh dear.
Faced by an onslaught of evil, the people could do nothing but appeal to the gods.
Link: Help us gods, help us! We can't save our own skins, ho no!
In their last hour, as doom drew nigh, they left their future in the hands of fate.
Link: Typical.
What became of the kingdom…? None remain who know.
Link: You just told the story! Friggin idiot!! You should know!
The memory of that kingdom vanished, but its legend survived on the winds breath.
Link: What a great seg-way to 'The Wind Waker'. Not.
On a certain island, it became customary to garb boys in green when they came of age.
Link: and…?
Clothed in the green of fields, they aspired to find heroic blades and cast down evil.
Link: Good luck with that. They are on an ISLAND.
The elders wished only for the youths to know courage like the hero of legend…
Link: (strikes a heroic pose)
(screen fades out)
(theme plays)
(words appear:)
Game: The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker
Link: Eww! It's the BOAT!!!!
Game: Press Start
Link: (presses start) Sigh.
Game: Do do do do de doo!
(fairy fountain music)
File 1: Link
File 2: Someone
File 3: Someone Else
Link: (selects file 1)
Game: Start? Copy? Erase?
Link: Heh heh heh… (copies his file onto all the other files) Now I have no chance of messing up which one I choose!!
Link: Well, here goes nothing… (presses start)
Game: Do do do do de doo!