Disclaimer: As if I own Zelda, Tamora Pierce, Ghostbusters, or anything! C'mon, really!
Acknowledgements: Erm, thanks to for the translations. Thanks to Holz for the original idea for this chap. Thanks to all me reviewers! And thanks to you, dear reader, for putting up with me.
Brief Just in Case: Okay, sorry if anyone gets offended by this chapter because I make fun of proper English/British/Any other language. I know that in Britain it really isn't THAT proper, but I thought it would be funny to write part of a chapter as though it were a HP movie like with 'bloody brilliant!' and 'extraordinary!' I'm just such an American. I've never said the word 'brilliant' for any actual conversation. Lol. I'm so improper. Anyways, don't flame me! And I know that the German, French, and Portuguese translations aren't exactly perfect, but, being a total American, I do not speak those languages and am relying completely on Thank you. I am done.
Empress: So, Link, how's it going?
Link: (death glares)
Empress: Well, dear readers, it looks as though Link is not having much luck at the moment. Chapter 4 will have to be-
The Boat: (running around Empress's office where she writes her fics) MWHAHAHAHAH! MY PLAN IS WORKING! MWHAHAHAHA!
Link and Empress: WOULD YOU SHUT UP!
The Boat: (ponders) No.
Link: (shoving the Boat into a supply closet) Empress, we gotta do something!
Empress: Noooo…. really?
Link: Well, we can't sit around here and take up an entire other chapter with our endless ramblings.
Empress: Of course we can!
Link: Can you imagine the lack of reviews we would receive?
Empress: The horror! Link, we have no choice-
Link and Empress, simultaneously: WE MUST PUT UP THE BRITISH VERSION! (dun dun duuunnnnnnnnn da da da duuunnnnnn lol jk)
Legendary Humourous Mistakes Become Specially Animated
Chapter the Fourth: How Unfortunate.
Link: (gets projected out of an unusual, powerful war device and as he approaches the inappropriate landing spot, his blade soars through the air to fall on the opposite side of the fortress.)
Link: Bloody cannon! How unfortunate that my blade has been projected to the opposite side of the fortress over yonder. What ever shall I do?
Stone-Thing: (unusual sound effect) Master Link, are you able to comprehend what I am saying?
Link: I beg your pardon?
Tetra (on the stone thing): Master Link, I communicating with you via this brilliant device made of stone.
Link: Bloody hell!
Tetra: I do believe that it is necessary to disable the watchtowers so you may proceed to that window over yonder.
Link: Well, alright then.
Tetra: You must ensure that the guardsmen are not aware of your presence. This will result in some unfortunate events involving you and a prison compartment.
Link: Extraordinary!
Tetra: I must depart from this location for I will soon be otherwise occupied with events of similar importance. Farewell, Master Link!
Link: I do wonder what I am supposed to be utilizing that barrel for. It does seem to be of significant location and importance.
(many moments have passed since the previous entry)
Link: (lurking discreetly in the darkness, located underneath the barrel mentioned earlier.)
Guardsmen: (based on his lack of intelligence, the guardsmen does not realise Link's approaching footsteps or other obvious clues that Link is currently invading the fortress.)
Link: (stealthily creeps up the stairwell to proceed to the opposite side of the fortress using his barrel contraption) This is bloody brilliant! I shan't get caught by those dreadful guardsmen!
Empress: Crap.
Link: (leaning forcefully against the door to the supply closet where they've imprisoned the boat) What now? (sighs)
Empress: I only have one page of the Proper English/British version. I never finished translating.
Link: That sucks. Now what do we do?
The Boat: (pounding on door) LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT!
Empress: Hmm… Well, I've got the next part in German.
Link: Fine, put that up until you can find something better.
IN GERMAN
Schutz: (sieht Verbindung und wirft Feuer an ihm, während die Warnung ausgeht), EINDRINGLING! EINDRINGLING!
Verbindung: Eek! (Versuche zu entgehen aber können nicht nichts durch das Faß und Abbrüche sehen in die Wand)
Schutz: (Throw Verbindung im Gefängnis)
IM GEFÄNGNIS
Verbindung: Mist, jetzt was tue ich? (Atemzug) jetzt. Ich werde in hier... für immer... gehaftet (fängt an zu schreien)
IN ENGLISH
Guard: (sees Link and throws fire at him while the alarm goes off) INTRUDER! INTRUDER!
Link: Eek! (attempts to escape but can't see anything through the barrel and crashes into the wall)
Guards: (throw Link in jail)
IN THE JAIL
Link: Crap, now what do I do? (sniffle) Now.. I'm stuck in here… forever…. (begins to cry)
Empress: Umm…. That's all I got… what about French?
IN FRENCH
Lien : Peut-être je juste... Je juste... Je sais ! Je jette un pot à ces gardes pour leur montrer ce que je pense à elles ! Oui ! (rires mal)
IN ENGLISH
Link: Maybe I'll just… I'll just… I know! I'll throw a pot at those guards to show them what I think of them! Yeah! (laughs evilly)
Empress: Uh… Portuguese?
IN PORTUGUESE
Ligação: (escolhe acima o potenciômetro e o joga nas barras da gaiola, que, obviamente, não o trabalha e não pulveriza preferivelmente com as partes do potenciômetro) nada! Espera... um furo na parede...
IN ENGLISH
Link: (picks up the pot and throws it at the bars of the cage, which, obviously, does not work and instead sprays him with pieces of the pot) Damn! Wait… a hole in the wall…
Link: Empress, this is pointless. The chapter isn't any good if it's in like 5 different languages.
Empress: 4, actually.
Link: (rolls eyes) Whatever. Look, don't you have a copy that IS ACTUALLY IN ONE COMMONLY UNDERSTOOD LANGUAGE!
Empress: Well… there is one… it's the first draft of the chapter that I wrote when I was in second grade. (blushes)
Link: (raises eyebrows) We've got no choice. I'll keep searching. Put it up.
link; cralls in The hol an in The tunle He is son lost and. i m stok! hellp mee. then link triyz 2
Link: Okay. No.
Empress: (looks amused) Ditto. I can't believe I used to be that bad.
Link: You haven't improved much.
Empress: (insulted) HEY!
The Boat: (breaks down the door to the supply closet while they are distracted, sifts through the pile, and quickly finds the correct, complete, chapter 4!) Mwahaha! This what you're looking for? (holds it up with his grappling hook)
Empress: THE CHAPTER! (dives towards the boat)
Link: Empress, don't-
The Boat: (swings his grappling hook the other way and Empress lands flat on her face on the floor) Ha!
Empress: (gets to her feet, rubbing her head) Give that back, menace!
The Boat: Never! (stuffs the first page of the chapter into his mouth, chews, and swallows with a Gulp!)
Empress and Link: (watch in horror)
Empress: (stunned)
The Boat: (laughing evilly, preparing to eat another page)
Link: (recovers quickly, draws his sword, and stabs The Boat straight through)
The Boat: I feel… stupid. (dies) -Blatant POTC Rip-off-
Empress: (cheers) DING DONG THE BOAT IS DEAD!
Link: (dances in a circle) DING DONG THE BOAT IS DEAD!
Empress: (stops) Wait… what are we gonna do now? We're missing a page of the script,
Link: (interrupts, dragging the boat's corpse into a plastic bag) The readers already read the first page in multiple languages.
Empress: Oh, right. Well, now we have no one to play the Boat when we get to that chapter of the story.
Link: (throwing the plastic bag in the trash) Actu-
Empress: Wait! He's recyclable!
Link: (stuffs the bag in the recycling bin instead) Actually, I know who to call-
Empress: GHOSTBUSTERS! (da da da dun!)
Link: (looks amused) Uh… not exactly. See, I was thinking we could call in the Queen of Red Lions, The Boat's wife. (remember that The Boat is actually named the King of Red Lions). She never liked him either, haha. Maybe she'll be his replacement.
Empress: Worth a try!
(20 minutes later)
Queen of Red Lions: Oh, thank you EVER SO MUCH for murdering my husband! Never could stand the guy. He was always so… stupid.
Empress: Yes, we know. Now about our replacement problem…
Queen of Red Lions: Ah, yes of course. I have the perfect replacement-
Link: The Prince of Red Lions? Hahaha!
Queen of Red Lions: No, no, my son would never agree. I was thinking maybe… our nephew, the Duke of Red Lions.
Empress: Uh… you mean… the king's nephew, otherwise known as the prince's cousin…?
Link: Yup, that would be it.
Empress: I have a bad feeling about this… my Tamora Pierce senses are tingling… Duke Roger was-
Queen of Red Lions: Oh, no, the Duke of Red Lions, my nephew, he is very kind. No worries.
Link: We'll take him.
Empress: Fiiinnneee. Thank you kindly, Queen of Red Lions. Tell your friend the Empress of Red Lions that I say hi!
Queen: Will do!
Link: And that's that. Toodles!
Empress: Way to steal my line.