When Your World Ends

By MorpheusDreams

Summary: Voldemort has been defeated, but at what price?

AU now that I've blatantly disregarded HBP.

Disclaimer: Characters are not mine; they belong to a certain Ms. Rowling. I'm just playing with them. I promise to dust them off and put them back where I found them when I'm done.

"I grieve for you

you leave me…

….and I can't handle this…"

Peter Gabriel

Albus Dumbledore pushed at the doors of the infirmary and was surprised to find them locked and warded against entry. Unaccustomed to denial, he blinked slowly at the doors a few times before turning to the delegates from Ministry of Magic accompanying him, and offering a small smile and shrug in apology. "Gentlemen, I apologize," he said. "It seems we are unable to gain access to Mr. Potter at this time. If you'd be so kind as to wait in my office, I shall try to persuade his guardian into opening the doors for us."

The larger of the two men accompanying the Headmaster spoke. "We need to see them both as soon as possible, sir. Statements must be taken; reports need to be filed."

"I understand, Henry," Albus said, laying a gnarled hand on the larger man's shoulder. "Just give them a little more time, please."

"Very well, but let us know the moment you gain access to him."

"Certainly, my boy, certainly," said Albus.

The Headmaster waited until the two men were out of sight before closing his eyes and laying his forehead against the a door, sighing heavily as the grief that he had held so carefully in check once again threatened to overwhelm him. He took a deep breath and fought to master his emotions. When he was sure his voice would not betray his feelings, he cleared his throat and spoke to the man who'd barricaded himself in the infirmary. "Severus," Albus called softly. "Severus, my child, it's time. The officials from the Ministry are here. They need to see Harry."

Albus winced slightly as Severus' anguished cry of "NO!" reverberated through the doors. He gasped as the air before him pulsed blue, then red and he was physically pushed away from the doors by the expanding wards.

"Severus!" Albus' voice rose reproachfully. "Severus. Don't do this, please. If you do not let them in they will tear down your wards and take him by force." He held his breath for a moment, and softened his voice as he called again. "Severus. Please let me in." His voice shook with bottled emotion. "Dearest child, let me help you."

"Are you alone, Albus?"

The Headmaster frowned upon hearing Severus' usual silky baritone reduced to a nasal drone heavily laden with grief and defeat. He closed his eyes and tried desperately to exude calm as he answered. "Indeed, my boy, I am alone. I sent Henry and Rudolf to my office."

"Come then, quickly."

Albus felt the wards reach out and draw him towards the heavy doors, he pushed them open and walked forward; as soon as he passed the threshold the doors slammed behind him and he felt the wards snap shut again. He paused briefly, surveying the scene before him.

Severus had shed his outer robes and frock coat: leaving shirtsleeves that were quickly stiffening as the blood that had soaked through his outerwear dried. Seated in a chair next to the hospital bed upon which Harry lay, Severus did not look up to acknowledge the Headmaster's presence, he simply sat and stared at the boy, his left hand gently stroking the fine black hair that fanned out on the pillow, while his right lay upon Harry's still chest.

The boy did not look as Albus knew he should.

"Severus," the Headmaster sucked in his breath. "What have you done?"

Severus continued to stare at the boy in front of him as he answered. "I removed the Concealing Charm. He is now as he should always have been." Severus stroked Harry's cheek with the back of his left hand. "Remarkable, is it not? The change is subtle; not too severe, though noticeable. He's got Lily's nose, thank Merlin. The damnable scar remains, but he's got my cheekbones…chin… hair …" His fingers caress each feature as he speaks. "He's beautiful, Albus. He would have been so beautiful." Severus stops speaking and continues to map Harry's features with shaking fingertips.

Neither spoke for a long while, until Albus tried to approach the bed.

"Please, Albus," pleaded Severus. "You had seven years with him. Let me have these few moments."

"Severus," Albus started. "I…"

"This is not how things were to end, Albus," Severus interrupted. "This" His voice a tight, pain filled whisper as he nodded toward the still body of the boy, "is not what you promised me. Severus turned and looked up accusingly at the Headmaster. Albus was shocked by the vast emptiness reflected in the black eyes that sought his own.

Severus began to speak again, his voice rising with passion. "He was to fulfill the prophecy; I was to be released from servitude: both from you and the Dark Lord. I was to reveal everything and Harry and I were to make amends." Severus broke eye contact and settled an angry glare on the boy that lay beside him. "You were not supposed to do this, Harry!" He snarled. "You were stolen from me once; I will not have it happen again!"

Severus closed his eyes and took a breath, willing himself calm. He toyed with a lock of Harry's hair absently before continuing. "The torment of it, Albus, is that he looks no different. He is still solid; whole of flesh and bone." Severus heard the Headmasters swift intake of breath and his hand left Harry's head for a moment to wave off his impending interruption. "I know. I know it is ridiculous of me. I have participated in enough death to know what to expect. I know the killing curse leaves no mark, but look at him. Look at him, Albus!" He demanded. "Does he not look peacefully asleep?" His hand moved to cradle Harry's cold cheek. Severus choked back a sob and continued to speak. "Does he not look like he will rise at any moment; call me 'greasy git' and tell me that there is no way in the Seven Hells that I could have any claim to him?" He paused to wipe angrily at the tears clouding his vision.

Bothered by the tendrils of madness that wound through Severus' words Albus stepped forward , worried that the man before him, who was usually so tightly controlled, was beginning to unravel, but he stopped moving as Severus seemed to regain his composure and went on.

"It was a dream of mine, Albus," Severus whispered. "One day that bloody prophecy would be fulfilled; Voldemort would be gone, and I would be allowed to reclaim my own."

He took a deep breath and continued. "I built my life around that dream, Albus. It was my reason for being; my motivation, my rationale for allowing myself to play along with your machinations; I used it to justify all the unspeakable things I have had to do - and have had done to me - these many, many years. I had hoped that Harry would understand; that in the end he would forgive me; that I would have a lifetime to make up for his past seventeen years. I dreamt that when all was said and done, he would just be Harry as I know he had always wished." He took a ragged breath and looked at the Headmaster once again. "Just Harry, Albus… just my son."

Severus' whole body shook as he gave voice to the fact that Harry was his for the first time in sixteen years. "I so believed in that dream, Albus, and now it's all come to ruin. I'll never get the chance to love him as I should have. He never knew how much I loved him, Albus. I will be forever haunted by the knowledge that he died believing I truly hated him." His shoulders slumped in defeat, and he bent forward to study the boy again. "So what do I do now?" He seemed to be asking the still form. "I'm too old to build another life, I lack the strength…I lack the will."

Mesmerized by his Potions Master's words, Albus stared sadly at the still form upon the bed and for a few brief moments, forgetting his growing sense unease as he reflected upon the wreckage of his own broken dreams.

Severus took a trembling breath and ran his hand over his face and up through his hair; the infirmary suddenly filled with the harsh sound of his bitter laugh. "Fortune has played Hazard with me, Albus," he said, shaking his head and sending dark dirty hair flying. "I have lost. I did this once with Lily. It is cruel of you to ask me to do it again." He cupped his large hand against Harry's cold cheek. "I buried my wife under another man's name; I cannot to do the same with my child. I'm sorry Albus, but without him there is nothing left for me. Everything that I have worked for, everything that could have been…" his voice broke and he coughed. Then he whispered hoarsely, "Everything died when he did."

Severus straightened and looked intently at the Headmaster. "Tell Ms. Granger who Harry was, she has the wits to understand, I think. Tell her the whole story; tell her…tell her everything. Tell her I am sorry I failed in my endeavors to protect him; tell her how much…," his voice, laden with grief, dropped an octave as he pushed out his last words. "…how very much I loved him. Though I am quite certain she will not believe you, tell her everything I did was for him."

At that moment Albus suddenly realized exactly what was happening. His head snapped up and when he locked eyes with Severus his heart nearly stopped as he understood the man's intentions. Time seemed to slow as Albus tried desperately to reach the grief stricken man in time. Magic forgotten, he rushed towards Severus all the while silently cursing Voldemort, Fate, prophecies, and as many Gods as he could think of, watching helplessly as Severus swallowed the poison he'd had concealed in hollow between his right hand and Harry's chest.

FIN

Author's Notes: Hazard is an Elizabethan game of chance. "Fortune has played Hazard with me." is an indirect quote from Shakespeare's Henry V.

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