Disclaimer: Yeah, no ground has been covered in my 'attempted' bid to buy the rights from Disney. (They stupidly refused my generous offer of 5 big ones…) I'm KIDDING! I still don't own it! (OH JACK! COME AND FIND ME!)

A/N: This chapter was a fun one to write! I hope you find it as amusing to read, as it was to write! THANK YOU FOR YOUR REVIEWS!

Bobo lover: We'll see about that! Next time pretend you don't know I've got more! OK?

Jess: Thanks I'm definitely continuing writing, will you continue reading?

EmailyGirl: Oh yes! Much random wickedness is to follow!

Tink: AH well! JOSH MEN ROCK! Please do NOT remind me about my vicious sister again! Tah!

Chapter 2: A Caribbean "Cruise"

She was finally coming to. She was really looking forward to her all-day spa treatment. So she didn't have any money. BIG WHOOP! You can get anything you want when you're a Duff, baby! You just have to say the word!

Her surroundings were still a bit blurry. She could just make out a group of people all peering down at her and one of them looked vaguely familiar…

"OhmigodyourOrlandoBloom!" she screeched. Then the girl jumped up (with great difficulty due to her feral gown!) and continued screeching and pointing at Will.

"Ohmigodyouarelikesooototalywayhotterinreallife! IlovedyouinTroyandLotR!" The girl spoke so fast that her words seemed to run together, her ascent and squeaky voice just made it worse.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, young missy. Who are ye exactly?" Jack was clearly not amused. "I don't appreciate stowaways on the Black Pearl. Savvy?" he said in a menacing tone. "Oooh I am on a cruise ship!" she replied. The girl was clearly lacking something upstairs.

The girl stopped. You could almost see her tiny mind working away. "So you guys don't know who I am?" Her eyes travelled from bemused face to bemused face. "Oh come on! It's not like we're in the 18th century or something!" Liz was now giggling like a crazed schoolgirl because it in fact, was the 18th century. The girl continued unabashed. "I'm Hilary Duff! Singer, dancer and actress extraordinaire!" Jack, who had been examining his compass as though it was a watch, snapped it shut and stepped forward.

"I am Captain Jack Sparrow, lord and master of all you see before you. And that is my scurvy crew." He gestured to the crew, who was going about their daily chores. "Hey! Watch who you're calling scurvy Jack." Annamaria's voice floated down from the rigging. Jack looked up; a slight pink tinge appeared on Jack's handsome, weather beaten face. "Sorry Annamaria love!" he called back to her.

"Ahem!" Liz managed to suppress another fit of giggles. "Yeah, sorry Elizabeth love. Well, this is Governor Swann and his daughter, Miss Elizabeth." He pointed to them. Then Jack swaggered over to Will, clapped a hand on his shoulder and continued. "And this is our so-called child prodigy, The son of Bootstrap Bill Turner, I present to you…William Turner the Second!" With a flourishing gesture he pointed to Will and waited for applause. Not a sound was heard except the muffled chirping of a cricket. "God! It's so hard to find a good exterminator these days!" Jack muttered.

Norrington, who had been sniffling away in his corner for the last ten minutes, suddenly began sobbing uncontrollably. "He always forgets meeeeeeee!" He wailed. "I admire him sooooo much and all he does is take me for granted!" The Red Coat continued patting his shoulder, but now an arm's length away from him. Jack sighed and rolled his dark eyes. "And that swotty, namby-pamby excuse of a man is Commodore Norrington."

The girl said nothing. She simply stood there, mouth hanging open. Jack had taken out his compass again.

Silence descended upon the group like a blanket of fog.

"What did you say your name was again, dear?" The Governor had stoped gaping at the Commodore and decided to say something before anyone could cut him off…again. "Hilary." She replied in a robotic monotone. "Hilary. Hmmm, how indeed…" Governor Swann was cut off again, but by Hilary this time. He stamped his foot in frustration.

"So, I'm not on a cruise ship? There's no spa? No Manicure? No Pedicure?" Hilary felt her eyes well up. Now they were laughing at her! This was sooo unfair! She had the looks, the style, and not to mention the money! They would pay! As soon as she got home, she would get her lawyer to sue them for all their worth! Then we'll see who's laughing!

Jack and Liz were both doubled up with laughter. "Oh darling! You must have hit your head harder than you thought! This ain't no pleasure cruise love! This is a Pirate ship!" Jack was wiping tears of mirth from his eyes as he spoke. "The fastest one in the Caribbean." He added. Elizabeth was unable to speak, as she was preoccupied with the hiccough attack she was experiencing. " Are you like, Pirates of the Caribbean then?" Hilary asked. Jack grinned and said "Yeah, I suppose we are, aren't we?"

A/N: Please review! It would make it all worthwhile!