Summary: Spike struggles with the knowledge of something that will affect the rest of his life. In the end, he must make the ultimate choice between love and life. Old faces appear and disappear.

Chapter 1 – You Can't Have An End Without A Beginning

(10 years after Not Fade Away)

Spike sauntered down the streets of London, not making eye contact with anyone, not even looking up from the ground. He turned a corner quickly, stuffing his cold hands in the pockets of his coat. He had wanted to get away from this damn city for so long, but there had always been something keeping him around. That something was no longer there. He stopped, suddenly, and listened. There was someone or something following him. Even though he was not a vampire any more, he still used all the knowledge he had gained throughout the years to his advantage.

Hearing the follower's footsteps stop yards behind him, Spike started walking again, pretending to shove his watch back into his pocket. He did have somewhere to be soon, but he had time to spare. Spike had an idea who was following him, but he needed to be sure.

Turning into an alley, he walked a little quicker now, wanting to get nearer to the other end before making his move. There was a dumpster there, if memory served, that he could duck behind, giving the impression that he had vanished into thin air. He balled his fists up in his pockets, gaining a last bit of warmth before taking them out to feel the cold London air. The air would likely numb his knuckles a bit before the big fight began, which was good because he didn't relish pain anymore.

Steeling himself behind the dumpster, Spike crouched as low to the ground and as close to the dumpster as possible so he would not be seen. The footsteps of Spike's follower drew nearer and nearer and grew louder by the second. Counting to three, Spike dove out from his hiding spot and crashed into his pursuer. He pushed the man up against the opposite wall, and landed a punch in his face. "Thought you had me fooled did ya mate?" Spike asked.

"No. I knew you knew I was there all along. I'm surprised it took you as long as it did to make your move. Now let me go," came a familiar voice. Spike backed up a few steps and released the man from his grip. The man reached up and lifted his hood, letting just enough light illuminate his face.

"Giles. I should have know."

Rupert Giles reached up and dabbed the blood on his lip with a handkerchief he had retrieved from his pocket. "You've lost a bit of force in your punch."

"Well, being all human now means that I don't have super-strength anymore. What do you want?"

"Information."

"About?"

"You," Giles stated, folding up the stained white cloth. "I heard you were leaving the city. Where are you going?"

"That's for me to know, and for you to never find out," Spike said, leading against the dumpster and flipped the collar of his coat up to protect his neck from the cold. "You know, the cold didn't use to bother me as much. It's irritating."

"That's life." Giles stepped a bit closer and looked deep into Spike's eyes. "Spike, I know what you're going through. I feel the loss to. But running away is not the way to deal with it. You're a young man. You have a long life ahead of you. At least attempt to end your grieving so you can move on and experience love again."

"That's easy for you to say, chap. How can you dismiss her so easily? You loved her longer than I did! You probably think that if I had to make the same choice all over again that I wouldn't choose this. And you're right."

"I don't think that and you know it. You know that you would have chosen this. She would have wanted this for you."

"Damn you and your logic."

"Look Spike, I can here to say one thing, not to hold a bitter conversation. I've persuaded the other Council Elders to offer you a job. If you stay, we'll arrange for your living arrangements. And you wont' have you nose in a book all day, if that's what you're thinking."

"Offer me a job to watch over me, is that it? What to cage me up so you can keep up with the continuing saga of William the Bloody? Too bad. I decline your offer. That saga is over. It was over ten years ago. You're lucky I didn't run off before now."

"Spike. William, since that's what you're going by now, we only want to be sure that you don't do something drastic. You've been given a second chance. Take advantage of it. Don't throw it away just because something bad happened...again. Your grief will pass. Just give it a chance to run its course."

"Look you ponce, if you think that I'm going to haul myself off the roof of a building, that's the last thing on my mind. I intend on taking my second chance in full, just not here. Now if you'll excuse me, I have an appointment to get to. I can go out in the middle of the day you know. Still getting' used to that bit." William rubbed his hands together and started off down the alley. He didn't look back at Giles once.

"My offer will still stand if you want to take it up!!" Giles yelled after him. "If you're still alive," he said the last part to himself.

'Yea, right,' William thought to himself about Giles' yell. He turned out onto the sidewalk. It was cold, and for once in London the sun was shining, but it wouldn't last long. He had about a block to go before he reached his destination, but he covered it quickly. Stopping, he pulled open the glass door and entered. He walked over to the circulation desk, and picked up a pen to write his name on the sign-in sheet. Looking up when he was finished, he was met by an inviting smile of the nurse, and he gave her an empty but convincing one in return.

Taking a seat, William pulled off his gloves and stuffed one into each side pocket of his coat and rubbed his hands together to keep them warm. Looking around, he briefly examined the others in the doctors office. A woman cradling a young baby, and next to her sat a child of no more than 4 years. William reflected on how many families just like that he had killed, brutally, in the one-hundred plus years of his vampirism. He remembered a particular time when he and Drusilla, a former flame, were in Prague, and he had entered a hospital with her upon her request, so she could look at the babies. He remembered how she would cradle a doll, like it was her child, and his affection for young humans was baffling to him.

He had killed the nurse, and Drusilla had killed the doctor, that attempted to stop them from entering the nursery. Dru walked over to one of the babies and gently picked it up, being sure to support it's head. As soon as she touched it, the baby a screamed out as if it were in pain, clearly recognizing a being of evil. She cradled and rocked it, shushing it to make it stop. And when all that did not work, she replaced the shushing with singing. William had always thought she had a beautiful voice.

William even remembered urging Drusilla to hurry up with whatever she wanted to do, before the Watchers Council's cronies caught up to them. He really did not want to fight with them because in Drusilla's fragile mental state, she surely would have been lost. But she would not hear his protests, and the councilmen did catch up to them. So he had to do something that he now regretted tremendously, something that hurt him even half a century later.

Spike picked up one of the newborns and threatened to kill it if the councilmen did not back off. The quickly obeyed, and backed down the hallway, allowing Spike and Drusilla to escape, but before Spike ran away, he sunk his teeth into the baby's soft flesh, and drank in the blood. Babies blood had always tasted the best, next to a Slayers. Spike tossed the baby to the councilmen, and they failed to catch it, so the baby landed on the floor, and became lifeless. The thing that William had to realize was that it wasn't he who had done those horrible deeds, it was Spike. The Spike that hadn't been reformed. But keeping that realization on hand to keep the regret away was something he had not mastered.

"William?" came a friendly female voice. William looked up and spotted the nurse's gaze. "You can follow me," she instructed.