Disclaimer: The Obernewtyn Chronicles belong wholly and completely to Isabelle Carmody. I'm merely borrowing them for a short time.
Goodbye
He sat there in his room, silent and numb. He sat there on that cold and empty night with nothing but his memories and a gold armband in his hand.
He remembered the first time he ever saw her. A group of Misfits had been taken for a tour of the farms. He had been speaking with Ariel about a piglet he had just delivered when he felt an immense something coming from his left side. Even now he couldn't put a name to what he felt. But he felt it and when he looked up his eyes immediately met hers'. He had recognised her immediately from Enoch's description: Elspeth Gordie, medium height, pale skin, long dark hair and green eyes. He knew from that moment that something big would happen at Obernewtyn with her there.
He remembered the irrational dislike she had originally felt for him. He had been able to see it in every look, glance and glare she sent his way. She may have been able to school her features into boredom or indifference but she had never been able to hide her eyes or quench the fire that flared in them. He knew he deserved it. He had sneered at her, made snide comments and had generally acted coldly towards her. But that dislike had hurt him nonetheless, though he was loath to admit it. What hurt more though was the indifference he now saw from her. Two years he had been Master of Obernewtyn and a good six moons previous to that he had known her and still all he received was indifference. True there were the times of concern and worry or friendly conversation but it was never enough to be what he longed and hoped for.
He remembered the day he had realised that he was possibly in love with her. He had found her crying in the hay and had the sudden want to make her feel better, to end her tears. She had yelled at him, calling him an informer before saying that her brother had been killed and beginning to cry once more. He had comforted her, telling her about his half-brother and the death of his mother. She had looked at him with her tear-filled eyes and he had felt the need to kiss her pain away. He had begun to lean closer before he managed to get a hold on his emotions and instead asked why she plagued him. She hadn't answered but she hadn't needed to. He had figured it out for himself.
He remembered the night the two of them had been captured by Vega and Alexi. It was also the night that his suspicions about her abilities had been confirmed. He had risked his life, and possibly the lives of his friends if his secret had been exposed, by attempting to help her escape. By then he had been positive that he was in love with her. When he had thought that Ariel's beasts had killed her he had gone slightly maniacal which resulted in his capture. She had chosen to play hero and came after him. But he had almost lost her. The machine Alexi had been using to force her to reveal the map Marisa Seraphim had created had overheated and sparks had fallen on her shoes. Her legs were on fire before they were able to put it out leaving them scarred and her needing a walking stick. And now they were infected.
He remembered the two years since that night. She had stayed at Obernewtyn though originally she had wished to leave to see the world. Over the years they had come to know each other better but indeed they had never been friends. There were times when he stilled believed her to be cautious, suspicious orphan that she had been when she first arrived at Obernewtyn. She was now Guildmistress of the Farseekers though he knew from firsthand knowledge that she could've easily led both the Coercers and the Beastspeakers. But she often, perhaps unconsciously, held herself aloof and always kept her emotions hidden. He knew that her only real friends were Matthew, Dameon and Maruman. He had always thought she told more to that cat than anyone else.
He remembered the night before she left. He had gone up to her turret room, the room that had once belonged to him when he had been a mere farm overseer. He had delivered the fake Normalcy Certificates before once more trying to persuade her not to go. Twice in that conversation he had almost confessed his feelings to her. But she had not been dissuaded and had even said she wanted to go. Then Dameon and Maryon had informed them of Maryon's prediction. He had hoped this would mean he could postpone the expedition. He didn't want to lose her. But it wasn't to be. The expedition had to go on if Obernewtyn was to survive. He understood why now. But he wished that he had told her how he felt at least once now that he knew she wouldn't return.
He remembered having to tell Dameon and Matthew. He had called a full guildmerge the previous day the minute Daffyd had finished relating to him all he knew. While he was waiting for all the guildmasters and mistresses, guildens and wards to assemble he had spoken to Matthew and Dameon. He thought about her friendship with them. She had made friends with them the first day she worked on the farms and the three had been close friends from that day on. They had deserved to hear it from him rather than have it sprung on them in guildmerge. They had been devastated. Matthew had almost broken down. He had blamed himself or not staying with her, for listening when she had ordered him back to Obernewtyn. Dameon had been quieter about it. He had seen tears in the blind man's eyes before he had walked past them into the room leaving them to grieve together.
He remembered Daffyd's words to him. Alad and Miryum had seen Daffyd and Dragon as they arrived at Obernewtyn and brought them to him saying that Daffyd had insisted that he wouldn't say anything without seeing the Master of Obernewtyn. He had dismissed Alad and Miryum but before he even had a chance to offer him food or drink Daffyd had begun talking. The first words out of his mouth had grabbed his attention: "Elspeth sent me." Daffyd had gone on to tell him everything he knew from Ariel to Dragon's abilities to the soldierguards. Finally he returned to her. He listened as Daffyd described her injuries and the infection her legs had. He added that she hadn't been able to walk or even stand. He told him softly that he didn't believe she would last much longer than a few hours and that he hadn't wanted to leave her there. But she had forced him to come warn Obernewtyn. He was stunned. Daffyd had taken his silence as disbelief and had presented him with her gold armband saying that she had said this would make people believe him.
He remembered that Daffyd had told him her last words. They hadn't been "I love you" or "I'll miss you". Her last words had been "Tell them, goodbye." There had been no mention of him in a friendly or loving manner for her final words. But then why should there? In her mind he had never been anything more than the Master of Obernewtyn. He sighed in pain, anger, sadness and regret.
He once more clenched his fist around the gold armband.
"Tell them, goodbye…"