Mended and Broken
Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with ASP and Co. or the Gilmore Girls in any way, except for being a huge fan.
Spoiler Warning: Story is speculative… Based on tidbits of information for episode 5.17.
Synopsis: Takes place a week after Luke and Lorelai have made up. Emily comes to see them… and emotions run high.
I sat at the counter watching his every move, and silently smiling into the hot cup of coffee he had lovingly poured for me just moments ago.
I stared at the curls gathering under the rim of his baseball cap – the same baseball cap he had worn for five years. It's really time I bought him a new one, I thought. God knows, he's far too unmaterialistic to go out and get one for himself.
I watched as the muscles in his arms contracted with every long, graceful swipe of the counter. Leave it to Luke to make cleaning look sexy, … but he did. He always had.
His attention was on me now – a coy smile teasing those luscious lip of his, and I winked at him in return. Lord, how I had missed those lips this past month.
We continued this silent foreplay between us for the next few minutes as Luke finished cleaning up, and I finished drinking my magic potion. It was as though neither one of use wanted to say anything – to break this moment of peaceful perfection.
It had been a week since that fateful evening - when Luke came back to me, engulfing me in a passionate embrace. Later, as we lay entangled in each other's limbs, he claimed that he had really just come to talk – to apologize – to make things right again. But the passion – the passion just couldn't be held back.
Not that I'm complaining! Luke always was a man of action. That was just one of the things I loved about him.
Then again, I loved everything about him.
We talked about many things that night. Our insecurities, our hopes… we lay everything on the table. Most of all, we finally told each other "I love you". And, the funny this was, while something that monumental would have me shaking in my booties… I wasn't scared at all.
This time, I wouldn't be running anywhere.
Of course, Luke had also revealed that my Mother had come to see him at the diner. At first, I was hurt that THAT was the reason he had come back. But, he assured me that it wasn't. It only made him more certain that he had made a mistake by walking away.
And, he promised he would never make that mistake again.
This time, we were both "all in". And, dammit, it felt good.
"Earth to Lorelai!" Luke snapped me out of daze.
I giggled. "Oops! Sorry babe… I must have gone into one of my caffeine-induced comas again…What did you say?"
He rolled his eyes mockingly, and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the counter between us. "I said…crazy lady… I'm done now. So, why don't we head upstairs?"
I loved how his eyes sparkled with expectancy. "Upstairs huh? Whhhhy? What can we do up there, that we can't do down here?"
"Looorrrelllaai", he growled.
"Ooooh! I know! How about we play a board game? A game of Clue maybe? Ooor, how about Monopoly! It's been ages since I've played Monopoly." Truth be told, I got a rise out of teasing him like this.
He silenced me then with a soft kiss on my mouth. I reciprocated immediately, transforming the kiss from G-rated to at least PG-13. He always did kiss very well. From the very first time on the Dragonfly porch to this kiss right now… it always feels right.
We parted slightly, and he smiled against me. "How about we play another kind of game? In this game, I promise… we both get to be winners…"
"Dirty," I whispered seductively.
Luke walked from behind the counter, took my hand, and helped me off the stool I had been perched on for the last hour. Pausing, he caressed my face gently.
"I missed this… I missed you," he said intensely.
I nodded. "Me too." These were words we had said a million times that fateful night. But, that didn't make them any less true 168 hours later.
He kissed me again, this time with more urgency than before. I followed suit, grabbing him by the waist, and pulling him as close to me as humanly possible. Our tongues were mesmerized by one another, our bodies pulsated in the same rhythm. Slowly, we inched our way behind the curtain and toward the stairs… pure need, pure desire burning through our veins.
As we were about to ascend the staircase, we were suddenly distracted by a very loud knock on the diner door. Damn it, I cursed. Who the hell would come here now?
We pulled apart reluctantly, in bated breath, as the knocking persisted.
"Just leave it hon," I said, unwilling to let go of his shirt.
Luke shook his head, obviously just as annoyed as I was about the interruption. "Let's just see who it is."
We walked out from behind the counter, hand in hand, and literally stopped dead in our tracks.
It was the last person either one of us wanted to see.
It was my Mother.
My muscles tensed at the sight of her behind the door, and all I could do was urge Luke, "Don't open it."
"I can't just not open it Lorelai… She sees us. I have to."
He let go of my hand, and cautiously walked to the door, unlocked it, and opened it wide, allowing her to enter before walking back to me, supporting me with his hand at my back.
I felt sick to my stomach.
The three of us stood there – an eerie stillness hanging in the air.
"I need to speak to you Lorelai." Her voice rattled with superiority – as always.
I stepped away from Luke now – this was my battle to fight – and stood defiantly before her, arms crossed on my chest. "I have absolutely nothing to say to you."
"On the contrary Lorelai, I believe that you must have a lot to say to me. So, why don't you just let it all out? It would be better than the silent treatment I've been getting. You won't answer my calls. You won't come to Friday night dinner – even now that you and Luke are back together. Tell me, Lorelai, what is it that you want from me?"
I couldn't believe her audacity. "You don't deserve to know what I want… because that would make it too easy."
"So, what Lorelai? You're just going to shut me out of your life forever? Is that it? Is that what you intend to do?"
As she asked those questions, I could see fear rising in her eyes – she was desperately afraid of my answer. Afraid that I would be totally willing to let her go for good.
"You know what? Yes! If that's what I have to do then that's what I will do. I have Rory. I have Luke. I have people around me who actually care about me and my happiness. That's all I need."
She bristled. "Is that what you think? That I don't care about your happiness? Dammit Lorelai! I did what I did because I care about your happiness, about Rory's happiness. I thought I was doing what was best for you."
I couldn't believe my ears. "That's crap! You knew… KNEW… that I was happy with Luke. You knew that my relationship with him was serious… that I was content with my lifefor the first time in God knows how long, and yet you completely ignored that! You deliberately sabotaged my life… and yet you say that you were looking out for my happiness? You say that you want what's best for me?"
I walked over to Luke then and entwined my fingers with his, feeling him squeeze my hand in support. "This man IS what's best for me. Not Christopher. HIM. I love this man… I love him…"
She cut me off. "For heaven's sake Lorelai.. I KNOW you do! Which is why I told him to go back to you! I'm the reason you two are back together!"
"My God! You CAUSE our break-up, and now you want credit for getting us back together! Classic… Emily Gilmore… Classic."
Releasing Luke's hand, I walked over and stood just inches from my Mother's face.
"I told you that night that we were done. And, I meant it."
She stared back and I could swear I could see a tear welling in her eye. "I am your Mother Lorelai. I will not allow you to cut me out of your life."
"You won't allow me? Are you even sorry for what you did? Huh? Do you even realize that BECAUSE of you, I almost lost Luke? That I spent days in bed crying? " I looked her straight in the eye. "You are my Mother… I can't change that… And, I wish that I could believe you when you say that you care… But, I don't."
She looked beat… as though I had slapped her across the face. I had wore her down.
"I am sorry Lorelai," she said quietly. "I am." She walked to the door. "Maybe one day you will believe me."
And, with that she left.
She was gone. I had won.
So, why wasn't I happy?
Luke came up behind me and wrapped me in his arms.
"I'm sorry," he said.
I was trembling now, as I watched my mother's figure fade into the distance. "For what?"
It's not as though I needed her anyways. I had lived so long without her... without her love, or approval,... her sheer presence. I sure as Hell didn't need her now.
Right?
Without a word, he turned me around and pressed me into his chest, as the tears began to cascade down my face.
"Shhhh… It'll be okay… It'll be okay."
Only, I wasn't convinced that it ever would be.
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