Jacen
I've been reflecting on my life goals, and finding them trivial. For so long it seemed the greatest accomplishment I could think of was to make Tenel Ka laugh. Certainly it was not something easily done, but to consider that such an important goal does seem rather juvenile. Then again, most everything I do seems to be juvenile at some level.
The last few years I have lived the stereotype that, in any other situation, would be called the class clown. I don't know why that role fell upon me. But somehow it did and somehow it stuck. But part of me now wonders whether that is who I really am. Once again, everything just seems so trivial. The only non-trivial part of my life is being a Jedi, and that was just fulfilling an expectation, as both my sister and brother have also done. When you are born into the Skywalker family, you are destined to belong to the Force.
What is all comes down to is the fact that no one really knows me. Not my parents, not Uncle Luke, not even Jaina. I don't even know myself. I don't know who I really am, or where I'm headed.
The future is filled with possibilities, but how can I possibly choose a path without an understanding of myself? How can I plan the future of someone I don't really know? It is impossible.
The biggest problem is I don't know how to go about figuring this out. Do I continue playing my given part, making others laugh will keeping my uncertainty locked away? Do I go off on some quest, searching for true identity? Or do I just take small steps towards enlightenment.
I don't know. And there's no one I can turn to. Father would never understand, neither would Mother I think. Even Jaina wouldn't, she has always been so certain of herself. No, in this I am alone. But perhaps it is for the best, because how could another person help you learn of your true self?
I am now in a sort of limbo, Jaina as well, a part of life in-between other parts. The Academy is in the past, the rest of our lives are in the future. What shall be done now, in the present? There is no way of telling. But I hope that the answers to my questions will be soon become clear.
Who am I? Who is Jacen Solo? A Jedi? A clown? Twin of Jaina, older brother of Anakin? Son of Han Solo and Leia Organa-Solo? Nephew of Luke Skywalker? Grandson of Darth Vadar?
All this, yet so more.
I've been reflecting on my life goals, and finding them trivial. For so long it seemed the greatest accomplishment I could think of was to make Tenel Ka laugh. Certainly it was not something easily done, but to consider that such an important goal does seem rather juvenile. Then again, most everything I do seems to be juvenile at some level.
The last few years I have lived the stereotype that, in any other situation, would be called the class clown. I don't know why that role fell upon me. But somehow it did and somehow it stuck. But part of me now wonders whether that is who I really am. Once again, everything just seems so trivial. The only non-trivial part of my life is being a Jedi, and that was just fulfilling an expectation, as both my sister and brother have also done. When you are born into the Skywalker family, you are destined to belong to the Force.
What is all comes down to is the fact that no one really knows me. Not my parents, not Uncle Luke, not even Jaina. I don't even know myself. I don't know who I really am, or where I'm headed.
The future is filled with possibilities, but how can I possibly choose a path without an understanding of myself? How can I plan the future of someone I don't really know? It is impossible.
The biggest problem is I don't know how to go about figuring this out. Do I continue playing my given part, making others laugh will keeping my uncertainty locked away? Do I go off on some quest, searching for true identity? Or do I just take small steps towards enlightenment.
I don't know. And there's no one I can turn to. Father would never understand, neither would Mother I think. Even Jaina wouldn't, she has always been so certain of herself. No, in this I am alone. But perhaps it is for the best, because how could another person help you learn of your true self?
I am now in a sort of limbo, Jaina as well, a part of life in-between other parts. The Academy is in the past, the rest of our lives are in the future. What shall be done now, in the present? There is no way of telling. But I hope that the answers to my questions will be soon become clear.
Who am I? Who is Jacen Solo? A Jedi? A clown? Twin of Jaina, older brother of Anakin? Son of Han Solo and Leia Organa-Solo? Nephew of Luke Skywalker? Grandson of Darth Vadar?
All this, yet so more.