Chapter 12
The Past
Rory stood there completely in shock, staring at her past love. She wanted to run away and be alone to think. She had not seen him since he had asked her to go away to New York with him, and here she was in New York in a random bookstore staring face-to-face with the boy she rejected.
"So I see you wanted to go to New York, just not with me." Jess was the first to speak. He looked more hurt than angry. He had not changed at all since Rory had last seen him. He was still the same scrappy looking kid who looked like the world was out to get him.
"I don't want to do this." Rory said. "I see you have not changed. I am not about to start justifying my life to you because I randomly bump into you here." Rory said looking furious. At that time Logan had rounded the corner looking for Rory.
"Hey Rory, I thought I would find you bury in a sea of books." Logan said smiling at her. His smile quickly dimmed as he saw a pale Rory looking infuriated by the person she was talking to. "What is going on here?" Logan asked.
"Nothing, I was just leaving." Jess said to Rory.
Logan watched as the mysterious guy made his way out of the bookstore. He turned to Rory, "What was that all about?" he asked.
"Let's get out of here. I think we need to talk." Rory said.
Logan did not know what to do or say, so all he could do was nod his head and he gently took Rory's hand and led her out of the store and back to the apartment.
Jess watched from a distance as Rory and the blonde walked away from the store. He did not know what else to do but follow them. He watched as they entered an expensive looking apartment building and disappear into its elevators. Jess was furious, hurt, and shocked all at once. He was so stunned to see Rory that he did not know how to react. He never thought that he would run into her in New York, and he was not ready to see her with a new boyfriend. He had thought about this moment a million times. He did not know how he would react when he saw Rory again, if he ever would, but he never assumed that their encounter would go so poorly. He had never loved anybody the way he loved Rory. He had not seen her for over a year and she still managed to make his heart hurt after seeing her. He knew that by leaving things the way they were he was never going to be able to be with Rory again, but he never truly believed that. Sighing, he turned away from the building and headed back to his apartment to think about these interesting new developments.
"So I take it he was an ex." Logan said as he took off his coat.
"Yeah, I dated him after Dean and I broke up the second time." Rory said.
"Are you expecting to run into any other old boyfriends in the near future? Because this is getting really awkward for me." Logan said, half jokingly.
"No, you have really just met all of the significant ones." Rory said. "Things between me and them were…complicated. I don't know if you want to hear about it all."
"Rory, they are a part of your past, and I know that you are with me now, but I don't want you to feel like you can't tell me things. I want you to be honest with me, I want to know why that guy looked so mad, but I can understand if you don't want me to know. We have just started dating, and hearing about one's exes is a risky move." Logan said, sliding up to Rory on the sofa.
"I want you to know about them, especially now that you have met them both. I just don't know where to begin with it all. I don't have any feelings for either of them, but they were extremely important to me at one point in my life…I don't know. This is all so weird. I have never had to do this before." Rory said, not knowing if she should tell Logan about her complicated love history.
"If you want to talk about it, I want to hear about it. Don't think that I will get jealous and resent you. I just want to know all about you, and they were an important part of you." Logan said.
"I will only tell you about them if you tell me about your history." Rory said, not sure if she wanted to know about Logan's past.
Logan quickly agreed. He had actually planned on telling Rory about his history during their trip, he just did not know it would be on their first night.
"So this is going to get serious hu?" Rory said, trying to lighten things up.
"Well, not too serious, I mean it is you and me." Logan said with a little smile.
"Okay, well here it goes" Rory said, turning to face Logan. "I guess it all began when I was 16. I just found out that I had been accepted into Chilton, when I met Dean. He had just moved to Stars Hallow from Chicago and I guess from the first time he saw me he knew that I was different. He made me question whether or not I wanted to even go to the new school, but I knew that school was more important than a silly crush. We saw each other occasionally, and I helped him get a job at Dosse's. Then one day, I went into the store to see him, but under the guise of needing some baking soda and he kissed me."
"In the grocery store?" Logan said laughing.
"Yes, right there by the refrigerated goods." Rory said smiling at the memory.
"I got freaked out and ran. I had never kissed a boy before and I did not know what to do. Anyway, to make a long story short, we started dating after that. We got to the three month mark and he built me a car." Rory said.
"A CAR? Damn, how am I going to top that?" Logan said.
"Anyway, we were sitting in it and he told me that he loved me. I did not know what to say. Did I love him? Could I love him? Was what I felt love? I was so confused. I did not say anything. He took that as me not loving him in return and he broke up with me. He broke up with me on our anniversary. It was awful. The entire town was mad at him, not realizing that it was my fault. We stayed separated for a while, but I was miserable without him. I took this feeling as love and I finally told him about my feelings. So we got back together. This time I figured for good. Then Jess came to town."
"Jess. Is this the guy I just met?" Logan asked.
"Yeah, Jess is Luke's nephew. His mother could not handle him, he was out of control and she thought that Luke may be able to set him straight. I was attracted to him right away. He was mysterious, smart, dangerous, and he seemed to like me. I could not help but like him. He was so different from Dean. Dean had been an amazing boyfriend, but life with him was so predictable. Jess was spontaneous and I liked that. Anyway, Dean got jealous and broke up with me again, this time in front of the entire town. I was upset, but I knew that it was bound to happen."
"So then you started dating Jess?" Logan asked.
"Yeah, and things were going great. He reads more than I do, and we always had awesome conversations about books and music, but I could never count on him. He never called me, my mom hated him, the entire town hated him, he treated me poorly and he always took advantage of me. But he could also be one of the sweetest guys ever. While I was dating Jess, Dean started dating a new girl named Lindsay. By the time Jess and my relationship had fallen to pieces, Dean decided that he wanted to marry Lindsay. So there I was, in a horrible relationship with Jess and watching the guy I once loved getting married to another girl."
"Dean is MARRIED?" Logan looked completely shocked. "Is he still married?"
"Wait! I have not gotten there yet." Rory said.
"Sorry, I am just shocked." Logan said.
"You are shocked, how do you think I felt! Anyway, so Jess found out that he was not going to be able to graduate high school because he had skipped too many classes and Luke said that he would have to repeat his senior year or move out. Jess decided he liked the latter option better and moved to California with his dad. He never said goodbye. I saw him on the bus one day, and that was it. We were still supposed to be dating. He called me a few times, but never said anything. We just sat there, not saying anything to each other, until on my graduation day I told him that I thought I had loved him but he left, and now things were over and basically told him how he screwed up and how I could not do this to myself anymore." Rory said, now on the verge of tears.
Logan held Rory tighter and told her it was okay and she did not have to continue.
"It's okay, I want to finish. Anyway, I spent that summer in Europe with my mom. I tried not to get Jess out of my head, but it was a difficult summer. I started Yale that year and I saw Jess once when he came back to town to get his car. He avoided me the entire time he was in town and then when he was leaving, he told me that he loved me. He left me standing on the street corner like a fool as he rode off. He said he loved me and that was it. I did not see him for a few months until his mom's wedding. This time he came to see me at Yale. Dean and I managed to create some sort of friendship, and when Jess found me Dean was with me. Dean got mad and left, and Jess asked me to go to New York with him. He wanted me to live with him because we were supposed to be together."
"He wanted you to leave Yale?!?!" Logan could not believe this guy. First he treated her like shit and then he had the nerve to come back to her and asking her to leave Yale to live with him. "What did you say?"
"I said no obviously! I knew that would never work. Sure I had loved him, but look at what he did to me. He left me once, how was I to know he would not do it again, this time with more to lose. I was happy at Yale and I did not want to give it up. So that was the last time I have seen him since today."
"I take it that's why he looked so pissed." Logan said, it all coming together now.
"Yeah, I had not seen him since then and when I do I am in New York with a new guy. I am sure he was hurt." Rory said.
"What are you feeling?" Logan asked, not sure what to expect.
"I don't feel anything towards him. I thought I would. I thought about how things would go between us if I were to see him again, but then I met you. He was never right for me. I thought he was, I thought I loved him, but I was never happy with him. I am happy now, and I don't want to ever go back to what I went through with him." Rory said, squeezing Logan's hand.
"Good, I am relieved." Logan said, smiling at her and giving her a quick kiss before she continued.
"Anyway, I got closer to Dean after that." Rory said, not knowing if she wanted to continue. After a long pause Logan spoke.
"You don't have to finish." He said, guessing what came next.
"I want to. I have not really told this story out loud, except to my mom. I want to get it out." Rory said. "Anyway, Dean and I slept together. I lost my virginity to a married man." Rory said, allowing a tear to trickle down her cheek.
Logan wiped away the tear and kissed her where it had once been. Rory smiled at him and continued. "I was so confused. I wanted to be with him, or so I thought. I thought I loved him, but he was married! My grandma invited me to Europe with her, so I went, wanting to get away from Dean and my mom. I told her what had happened and she was disappointed to say the least. It was a rough summer. I hated being in Europe and I hated being mad at my mom. To make a long story short, Lindsay found out about me and Dean. She got mad at him and he moved back home. Dean and I stayed together, thinking that we owed it to each other to work it out. And we did, until the day of my party."
"When he broke up with you in front of us." Logan finished.
"Yeah, when he broke up with me again, for the third and last time." Rory said.
"Wow." Was all Logan could think to say.
"Wow? Is that all you have to say to me? I just poured my heart out." Rory said.
"Well, I just never knew. How could I know? I am sorry that you had to go through all of that. You don't deserve it. I don't want to hurt you like Dean or Jess did…they are both idiots. I guess they both know that now though. I have a feeling that both of them are more than a little hung up on you, and I can't blame them." Logan said.
"You are not jealous are you?" Rory said poking him.
"Me? Jealous? Are you kidding? Okay, maybe a little." Logan said. "Your past with them is more than I can compete with."
"Don't worry about my past. I wanted you to know for our future. That is if you will still have me now that you know I was the other woman." Rory said, only half kidding.
"We all make mistakes. I can't say that I am perfect." Logan said with his trademark grin.
"Speaking of you, it is your turn to tell me about your past." Rory said, grinning at the opportunity to get back at him.
"Okay, well here it goes: Jessica, Alyssa, Emily and Tiffany." Logan said simply.
"What about them?" Rory said rolling her eyes.
That's it. I don't have a long list of women. My reputation is entirely that, a reputation. It is has been exaggerated and complicated beyond my actual life." Logan said simply.
"Well you can't get away that easy. I just spent an hour telling you about Dean and Jess. You can't just list off a few names and call it a day." Rory complained.
"Okay, well I will fill in the important details then." Logan said with a grin, obviously enjoying toying with her. "Jessica was my first serious girlfriend. I met her in high school and we dated for three years. I lost my virginity to her and I thought that we were soul mates. I worshiped her." Logan began.
"Then what?" Rory said, intrigued.
"Then I found out that she apparently did not feel the same way. I found out that she had been cheating on me with some other guy from my high school. So we obviously broke up after that and I entered college as a single guy. I had a few flings my first semester, and I think that is when I picked up the reputation. That was where Alyssa and Emily come in. They were more like complicated one night stands. I never felt anything for them. I don't even know why I did it, I was still hung up on Jessica and I wanted to get over it, but it was a three year relationship, I knew it would not be that simple." Logan said.
"So what about Tiffany?" Rory asked.
"Tiffany was different. I met her my sophomore year. She was smart, funny, cute and challenging. We dated for almost the entire year. I thought I may have loved her. I thought she loved me. Then I found out that she only put up with me because of my money and looks. She came from a wealthy family and she wanted to marry a guy with money. After we broke up I took the year off to think about what I was doing with my life."
"So Fiji?" Rory ventured.
"Yeah, that is when the infamous Fiji incident occurred. During the time off I told myself that I would not put myself in a situation where I could get hurt. I figured that I would just drift from girl to girl, never getting too serious, thus never getting hurt. Then I met you. I knew right away that you were different from other girls. Instead of throwing yourself at me because of my money or looks or reputation, you seemed to despise me. That made me want to figure you out more. I never thought I would fall for you. It actually took me a while to realize that I did have feelings for you, and that freaked me out. I was afraid to get too close because I think you may have the ability to destroy me." Logan said, looking down at his hands.
Logan gathered his thoughts and continued. "That is why I asked you to come here with me. I wanted us to have time together so we could see if this is something that we want to continue and if we are in it for the right reasons." Logan said.
"I want your money." Rory said deadpan.
"What?" Logan looked shocked.
"I want your money fool. Why else do you think I would be with you?" Rory said busting out laughing.
Logan playfully punched her in the arm. "That is not funny! You had me going." Logan said.
"Do you seriously think that little of me? Logan, I think we need to discuss what we have going on here." Rory said. "I really like you. I think you are one of the most intriguing people I have ever met. You are the perfect mix of sweet and daring. You are smart and I feel like I can talk to you forever. You make me feel comfortable and you make me laugh. I am not in this for your money or for your looks. I have tried for months to deny that I felt anything for you, and I think that is by far harder than being with you, this just feels right. So please don't question my feelings for you, and trust me when I say that I am here for the right reasons."
Logan stared into Rory's bright blue eyes, lost in their sincerity. "Right," he paused. "Rory, I guess all I can say is…" he leaned down towards her and gently kissed her. She laced her fingers through his hair and deepened the kiss. Minutes passed like seconds as they sat on the couch kissing. She had never felt so close with anyone. And he finally knew what love could feel like. He wanted every aspect of Rory. He pulled her closer as they kissed, wanting their bodies to meld together. He explored her body with his hands, never letting his lips leave hers. Things were moving quickly; too quickly he thought. He wanted to be with Rory, but he wanted to take his time. This was one relationship he did not want to mess up. He pulled away.
"Rory, I think we should slow down." He said looking at her.
"Are you not ready?" She asked confused.
"Are you?" Logan asked in shock.
"I…uh…yeah, I think so." Rory said.
"Really? I don't want to pressure you into anything. I am totally okay with waiting. In fact, I had planned on waiting. I did not bring you here to get in your pants." Logan said.
"Logan, I am old enough to make my own decisions, I am ready to be with you. Tonight was special for me in many ways, and I know I can trust you." Rory said.
"As long as you are sure…" Logan said, hardly able to believe that she was ready.
Rory stood up and leaned towards him and whispered, "I have never been surer." She let her fingers trail over his neck as she made her way to his room. Logan was quickly at her side as they entered and closed the door…