Sometimes I wonder where I came from. I'm not ignorant; I know the biology involved. But that doesn't explain it, not really. Where do I fit in as part of the genetic recipe known as Solo, with a dash of Skywalker for good measure?
I am a Jedi, so one side of the family is accounted for. But that is only an ability, albeit one that most of my identity has been centred around so far. But even with this familial skill, I still feel like an outsider.
Perhaps I am like my mother. We are similar in a few ways, yet at the same time not. I have no interest in politics. I have seen how Mom has been torn apart by politicians, have seen her and the Jedi suffer attack after attack. I understand her wish to create a better galaxy, but I could never endure these methods. Then again, I don't see how it could be done any other way.
But right now thoughts of Mom are complicated, because of Jaina. My sister, my twin, who I am unbreakably bound to, yet also so separated from. We are just so different. Especially now. She's holding back something, some emotion just waiting to explode. I don't know what it is but I can feel it looming in the horizon, and I already fear its release from the depths of her heart. The only thing I do know is that this emotion, this darkness within Jaina, is closest to surface when Mom is around. And I can do nothing to help either of them.
And then there are the males in the family.
I will admit (only to myself) that I can be jealous of Anakin. It's childish, but it's how I feel. He just seems to be such a golden child: powerful, likeable and able to solve any and all problems. Maybe it's just middle-child syndrome, but I feel totally eclipsed by my siblings sometimes. Anakin is always so perfect, and Jaina has always been the apple of my father's eye.
And that leads us to the member of my family I am least like. Dad. Sometimes I swear I'm not even related to him. He's everything I'm not. Maybe this difference was the motivation for my old mask, that of the joker. Maybe I was trying to be like him, reckless and carefree, serious in only the most serious of situations. But I can't be my father, any more than he can be me. I don't think we'll ever really understand each other.
Despite all the differences among family members, we all care for each other deeply. It may not always be evident, but the love runs deep. And no matter how outside I feel, I will always be grateful for this.