Jaina
I never asked for the Force. I didn't choose to be a Jedi. People always talk about destiny, but is it really such a great thing?
Sometimes, I wonder what life would be like if I was someone else, someonecompletely different. Someone who didn't have to worry about saving the universe from certain doom at least once a month. But I can't, because this is all I have ever known.
Some say the Force is a gift, something I should be grateful for. Yet at the same time it can be a curse. While it lets me do things others can't, it also dictates my future. I don't have the freedom to choose my own path. I will always been seen, first and foremost, as a Jedi.
I am also a pilot though. I love the feeling of traveling through space, guiding a ship through the vastness. My Jedi abilities do help with this, but I don't need them. Just look at Dad…he's one of the best pilots in the galaxy (if not the best, as he likes to believe) and has absolutely no Force-sensitivity. I'm rather envious, really. No matter how hard I try, or how talented I become, people will always attribute it to being a Jedi. Everything I do will be seen as just a side-effect of the Force.
I want people to see me as being skilled, as being more than just a well-trained Jedi, but I don't think that will ever happen. Especially given who I am, the only niece of the Jedi's saviour. That view will always prevail, obscuring the chance of any other. No one will ever see beyond that, to the true me.
Except for the other Jedi. The Force has many aspects, and one of them is to bond Force-users to each other. Despite all I have to go through, some things are worth it. The bond I have to others, especially to Jacen, is incredibly precious. I revel in the feeling the lives around me, the heartbeat of the galaxy surrounding me wherever I go.
It's all so complicated. This jumble of thoughts and feelings doesn't always make sense, even to me, but little in life does. If I was given the option to be an average person, I'm not sure if I would take it. The Force is a part of me, and I am a part of it.
This is just one of many things I am honestly not sure of. I don't know what I want, yet I do at the same time.
Life is just so confusing.