Note: I have now officially posted everything I have written thus far. I've been toying around with some new ideas, including the flashback idea, Wendy (. Ideas are still welcome. Hopefully I'll get another chapter written soon, so bring on the inspiration.

I rode home with Keith after burying Mom. The house seemed so different. I had lived here my whole life, but I was seeing it from a different point of view. I couldn't even decipher what was different. Keith didn't seem to notice.

"You hungry?" He asked me when we entered the front door.

I shook my head.

"You promised me you'd eat today, Luke," he reminded me.

"Yeah, just not right now."

"Ice cream?"

I shook my head.

"Will you at least drink something?"

"Yeah, a beer would be terrific."

Keith's face fell.

"It was a joke, Keith. Breathe."

He didn't seem to think it was funny.

It wasn't really a joke, a beer did sound terrific. Now I wanted one. I had to get out of the house. I stood up.

"I think I'm gonna go see Peyton. Is that okay?"

He shook his head, "Eat something first."

"I'll eat with Peyton."

"No, Luke, I want to see you eating. How's that going to look if you're starving in my care?"

"I'm not starving, I'm just not hungry. I don't want to eat pity food."

"Pity food?"

"Yeah, this," I motioned toward the fridge where all the casseroles were, "is pity food. They're bringing us pity food."

"Fine, Luke. Go eat with Peyton. Come home though, don't stay out all night."

I stood up to leave and then stopped, "Can I ask you something, Keith?"

"Sure."

"I slept with Peyton."

"You what?!"

"Do I tell Brooke?"

"Jesus, Luke," he shook his head in disbelief. "You grow up too fast, kid."

"So what do I do?"

He still hadn't processed what I told him. "When did that happen?"

"Ummm....let's just say it happened."

Keith shook his head again. "Why? You have a girlfriend."

"I don't know. It was right after Mom died and I was hurting...and drunk."

"Jesus, Luke," he repeated, "How do you get yourself into these situations?"

"Keith, can we skip the lecture? I need help." I looked at him sadly.

He sighed. "You have to tell her. There's a chance she could find out, and you want it to be from you."

"Do you think she'll forgive me?"

"Honestly?"

I nodded.

"No. You cheated on her, Luke. That's hard to recover from."

"You sound like you're speaking from experience."

He coughed and looked around awkwardly.

"You cheated on a girlfriend?!" It was weird to see Keith as a person with a love life.

"Yeah, I did. And it was the biggest mistake I ever made."

"Who?"

"I don't think I should tell you this. Are you getting hungry yet?"

"No, I'm not, and stop trying to change the subject. You made me want to know. That's not fair."

"Tough."

"I'm not eating till you tell me."

"That's harsh."

"It's a hunger strike."

"But you said you weren't hungry."

"Keith! Stop changing the subject."

"If I tell you will you tell Brooke the truth? Trust me, you want to tell her."

"Fine, I'll tell her."

"This is not something I'm proud of, Luke. Like I said, it was the biggest mistake of my life."

"What? What happened?"

"While your mom was pregnant with you, we got really close. She was still sort of dating my brother, so nothing really happened, but then when you were born and Dan disappeared, I helped her take care of you."

I nodded. I knew all this.

"So we started dating. We were pretty serious actually. I lived here for the first three years of your life. We were practically married, except we didn't have time to actually go through with the ceremony.

"I had a ring. I was going to propose, but the thought of actually proposing made me nervous, so I hit a bar one night. Well, as you now know, I can't hold my alcohol at all, and I woke up the next morning in bed with another woman."

"You cheated on my mom?"

"She kicked me out and I don't blame her. She wouldn't let me see you for months. That killed me. I hit the bar one last time, before your mom told me that if I kept drinking she wasn't going to let me see you ever again. So I stopped. But it took me forever to win her trust back."

"But I don't remember you and Mom ever fighting. She must have forgiven you."

He shook his head. "You never wondered why we didn't get married? She couldn't trust me anymore. I didn't have the guts to ever start it up again with her."

"So how did you get her to be friends with you again?"

"You. She knew she couldn't keep me from seeing you, so she had to put up with me. She wasn't going to fight with me all the time with you there, so we got along. But still, I almost had her forever, and I had to blow it. Don't do it, Luke."

"Too late," I frowned.

I looked away and he kept staring at me for a little bit.

"Thanks, Luke," Keith said.

"For what?"

"For being here. If you weren't here, I'd be back in the bars right now. You make me stronger." He smiled at me. He stood up and kissed the top of my head.

"So why are you going to see Peyton if you're still going out with Brooke?"

I shrugged. "They're both mad at me."

Keith raised an eyebrow.

"I'm gonna go sort it out."

He nodded. "How late are you staying out?"

I shrugged.

"Come back by midnight."

I nodded.

"Sober would be terrific," he added.

"Yeah, you too."

"Get out of here, kid."

I started walking toward the door.

"Do you have your phone?" Keith called after me. I patted my back pocket where my phone was. "Take a jacket." I grabbed my jacket off the couch. "And eat something, please."

"Yes captain," I saluted him.

"Don't get arrested."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Ok, go."

I did.

Peyton was less than thrilled to see me. She opened the door with no expression on her face. She said nothing, but held the door open for me to enter.

"I'm so sorry about your mom, Luke."

"Let's not talk about that," I said, sitting down on her couch.

She sat on the couch across, instead of next to me.

"What do you want to talk about then?"

"How are you?" I asked.

"How am I?" She repeated.

"Yeah, how do you feel?"

"I feel used, Luke. God, I never though I would do something like that." She put her hands over her face and shook her head. "What did I do?" She was crying. I really didn't want to deal with this. Tears were not my friend. Especially not when they were mine, and I was going to start crying any minute.

"Peyton-"

She looked up at me with red eyes, "You know what I've been thinking about the last few days?"

"What?"

"That I slept with my best friend's boyfriend. That's gotta be like one of the most heinous crimes of mankind. And you know what's worse? I sat next to her today. I held her hand and comforted her when she wanted to know why you won't talk to her. And I lied to her face. I told her that nothing was wrong with you." She started crying again.

I said nothing. I wasn't really in a comforting mood.

"I never said yes," she whispered.

"What?" She wasn't making sense.

"I never said yes. I didn't want to have sex with you."

"Are you saying I raped you?"

"You could call it that."

"It's not like you put up much of a fight."

"I was drunk!"

"So was I!"

She kept crying.

"So what now? Are you going to report it?"

She shook her head. "God, Lucas, I don't want anyone to know."

She looked so vulnerable sitting there with her face in her hands, shaking from her crying. I wanted to cry. She was always so tough. What did I do to her? Suddenly, the comforting mood came to me.

I got up and sat next to her. "Peyton," I whispered. She didn't answer. "I'm so sorry. You're right, I'm an ass."

She looked up, wiping her eyes, "Why did we have to do that? I really liked you."

I looked down, "I still like you."

She shook her head. She didn't believe me.

"I'll tell Brooke." I said, "If that's what you want, I'll do it. I'll make this up to you. We don't have to do anything until you're ready."

"You can't just come in here and use your lines and make it all better, Luke."

"I know. I'm really sorry."

She didn't respond.

"Do you want me to go?"

She grabbed the back of my head and pulled me toward her, planting a kiss on my lips.

The hell? I thought she was mad at me.

I kissed her back. I certainly wasn't going to push her away. I wasn't lying to her. I really did still like her. A lot.

He hand felt so good running through my hair. My hand was starting to go up her shirt. She didn't stop me. I started leaning on her, but she stood up, letting me go right away.

She was breathing heavily.

"Sorry." I said.

"I'm not ready for this."

"Then why did you kiss me?"

"I like you, too, Luke. But I don't want to be someone who cheats."

"So why did you kiss me?" I repeated.

"I needed to find out how I really feel."

That was cruel, "So you accuse me of raping you, then you kiss me and then you get mad at me again. What the hell? You can't keep leading me on like this!"

"I can't do this behind Brooke's back."

"You know that you're going to lose her whether or not you start dating me."

She looked confused. She obviously hadn't thought of this.

"You think she's going to be fine with the fact that you cheated with me and still be your friend? Come on, Peyton, we both know Brooke better than that."

"Get out," she said, void of emotion.

"Now why are you mad at me? Because I told you the truth, or because you know I'm right?"

She looked like I just slapped her.

"Forget it," I said. I stood up and left, slamming the door behind me.

I walked around the block blowing off some steam. I didn't want to go back home yet. It still felt weird. As little time I could spend at home, the better. The December air was biting my cheeks, turning them red. The cold quickly made me seek refuge inside. I wasn't ready to talk to Brooke. I was done with girls for the week, or forever if that was possible. Haley. I could go see Haley. She wasn't a girl. She was, well, Haley. She was my Hermione. I shook my head. I had to stop making references from my life to Harry Potter's. For one thing, he was a famous wizard. I would kill to switch places with him. At least he could fly away. He could put on his invisibility cloak and disappear, far far away. I was jealous of a fictional children's book character? I decided to forgive myself. At least he was the coolest fictional children's book character ever written. Mom and Haley would back me up on this.

I walked in without knocking. Haley and Mrs. James, or Julia as everyone called her, were sitting at the table playing cards. They were playing gin, Haley's favorite game, but neither of them looked very awake. They both looked like they were just going through the actions, but neither was really playing the game. The both stood up and put their cards face down when I walked in. Mrs. James came to me first, wrapping her arms around me. "Lucas," she cried.

I always pictured Mrs. Weasley from Harry Potter to look just like Mrs. James. Haley's mom had graying hair, but she was pudgy, just like Mrs. Weasley. There I go again with the Harry Potter references. I need help. Julia's children were her life. Every spare inch of the house was wallpapered in kid's artwork. When we were little, the five kids were always bringing stray animals home. They were up to nine pets. Haley could tell you each of their names, ages, birthdays, favorite spot to sleep in, last time they visited the vet, and canned food of choice, but I was fine with called them each by their species. There were three named Dog, four named Cat, one Bunny, and one Tweety. I couldn't be too consistent. Bird was boring. Julia James always complained about the mess they made, but she could always be found with a cat in her lap.

She squeezed me tightly. She just held me and rocked me back and forth until Haley pried her off me. "You're going to suffocate him, Mom."

"I'm sorry, sweetie, It's just that- oh, honey, I'm so sorry." She wrapped her arms around me again. Five minutes before, I would have welcomed the gesture. Now I felt smothered. I was thankful when Haley extended her hand out to me. I was able to escape her mother.

I took Haley's hand and she led me to the couch that the James' had had for as long as I knew them. Haley sat on the couch and I laid down with my head in her lap. She combed through my hair with her hand. I almost fell asleep when Haley jumped suddenly, "I have something for you!"

"Jesus!" I shouted, jumping.

She giggled, "Did I scare you, Lukey?" She asked me in a baby voice.

"Shut up," I grinned. Leave it to Haley to be the one person to treat me normally. Like she did before. I was thankful.

She tried to push me off of her, but I laid across her lap.

"Hey! Now I can't get up." She struggled against my weight.

I crushed her with my entire body.

"Luke! You're drowning me," She laughed. "Just don't-"

But I already knew what she was going to say. I grabbed her bare foot and tickled it. She shrieked and tried to fight it from my grip, but I was stronger than her.

"Luke! That's...not...fair!" She exclaimed between fits of laughter.

She caught me off guard and knocked me onto the floor where she started tickling me. I was the only person on the planet more ticklish than Haley. We continued wrestling until Haley's mom was standing over us.

She skipped her trademark, "knock it off" and "you're too big to be playing like this" and said, "Dinner, kids?"

Haley stood up and then rested her hands on her knees. "Whoo, head rush." I took the opportunity to push her, she jumped on my back in retaliation.

"Ooh, you're gonna regret that," I told her.

"Why?"

I answered her question before she finished asking it, by spinning around in circles with her still on my back.

"Luuuuuuuucas!!" She yelled at me, trying to sound serious, but she was laughing too hard.

I spun her until she covered my eyes and we crashed into an end table next to the couch. The lamp that was formerly sitting on the end table balanced for a moment and then crashed to the floor. The lamp teetered on the edge of the table and then shattered into pieces on the carpet. The bulb broke, too, which was actually probably the bigger tragedy, because the lamp was most likely from one of the Mart stores.

Haley and I looked at each other. She was wearing her "uh oh" expression. The same one she had when we were seven and Mom discovered us trying to dye the neighbor's formerly white poodle pink. "It'll be prettier," Haley told me, "they'll thank us."

Julia advanced on us quickly, leaning over our shoulders to survey the damage. Haley and I turned slowly around to face her mom, trying to suppress our giggles.

She didn't see as much humor in it as we did. She rolled up a magazine and whacked us each across the butt and pointed to the table, attempting to look stern.

Haley and I walked to the table, pretending like she hurt us. Our experience told us that it was better to pretend that you were already hurt. That way, she wouldn't see the need to continue with the punishment.

"You two are too big for playing around like that," she lectured us. Haley and I exchanged smirks. So she hadn't given up her classic lines after all. I found strange comfort in that.

Haley let out a laugh and covered her mouth with her hand, but it didn't help. She kept laughing. It spread. I couldn't stop laughing either. Eventually, Julia's mock parental look cracked into a smile and she hugged us both. "Don't grow up, okay? I love you guys too much."

We promised. "Okay then, clean up the mess you made and sit down for dinner."

Haley and I looked at each other and started cracking up again.

Julia handed me the portable phone while Haley got out the broom. "Here, honey, call Keith and let him know you're staying for dinner."

"Actually, I'm not really hungry. I'd better be going home now anyway. Sorry about the lamp."

"Hey! I'm not cleaning this by myself!" Haley objected.

"Yes you are," Julia said firmly, swatting Haley again with the magazine.

"Ha ha!" Getting in one solid laugh before Julia whacked me with the magazine, "Go back to Keith, Luke, he needs you."

I rubbed my bottom, pretending like it hurt.

She smacked me again, just to spite me. "Tell Keith I said hi, and to call if he needs anything."

I walked home feeling a whole ten pounds lightly than I had leaving it. I decided fixing what I did to Peyton could wait another day...or year. Two years?