I shot up so quickly white spots flashed in my eyes. I looked around. I was in my bed. I looked at the clock. 5:37. AM or PM? I couldn't decide. The dot was lit up next to the time. What did that mean? It was dark outside, but with daylight savings it was dark by 4:30 anyway. My hopes were set on AM, that way I would have missed dinner.

How long had it been since Haley dropped me off? I don't remember her leaving. She came inside with me and we were talking on my bed. I must have fallen asleep.

I stood up slowly, carefully avoiding any white spots. I heard quiet voices coming from the kitchen. I leaned as close as I could get to the hallway without being seen.

It was Keith and May. I decided to risk it and take a quick glimpse. Neither of them could see me. I kept watching. Eavesdropping? Maybe. Essential? Definitely.

"How was your day, Mom?" Keith asked in his best attempt to sound interested.

"It was terrific. Very liberating," there was a definite bounciness in her tone, "And yours, Keith?"

"Definitely not liberating."

"You sound like you need some tea. I'll make you a cup."

"But we're having dinner in an hour."

"Nonsense, Keith. I know when my baby needs some loving from mama."

"I haven't called you mama since I was like 5."

"Maybe that's the problem," she said while smiling and ruffling his hair.

"No, I think my problem is 16 and goes by the name Lucas."

"Where is my grandson?"

"In his room sleeping."

"Should I be worried?"

"Relieved is more like it. He hasn't slept in a while. He started having these weird, like, flashbacks and they've been keeping him up."

"Poor baby. He's really got it rough now. At least he's sleeping, though."

"I guess. He's still not eating."

"He ate breakfast."

"He threw it up later."

"Oh no. What happened? You didn't work him too hard, did you?"

"We didn't get that far."

"What did you do to him?"

"Why do you always automatically assume I did something wrong?" Keith snapped.

"Honey, it was a joke. Calm down."

"I am calm." He snapped again in the most un-calm voice I had ever heard.

"No, Keith, this is not calm."

"Maybe I don't need to calm down!"

May sat down next to her son. "What happened, honey?"

"He won't talk to me, and when he does talk to me I always end up lecturing him or something. It always turns into a fight."

"You seemed to be doing pretty well to me. He seemed happy considering…"

"He doesn't eat. He stopped sleeping since he started having dreams about her. I hear him crying every night and I sit in my room powerless to help the poor kid."

May put her hand on her son's. "You're doing everything you can. He'll appreciate that when he's ready."

"I dragged him to the counselor's office today. He uh, well," I held my breath, thinking for a second that he was going to tell her about Peyton. "He just needed to talk to someone other than me."

"How did that go?"

He shrugged, "He really didn't want to go. Mrs. Russell says it's confidential and I can't even get Luke to tell me what he had for breakfast anymore, so I'm not getting anything out of him." He sighed heavily. I felt really guilty now. I leaned my back against the doorpost and allowed myself to slide to the ground, hugging my knees to my chest.

"Maybe I do want that cup of tea."

May patted his hand reassuringly and got up to make tea.

"How can I make him stop hurting if I can't even make myself stop hurting?" Keith asked quietly.

May abandoned the tea and hugged her son.

"I miss her so much, Mom." Keith said, starting to shake in the pre-sobbing stage. I found it a little disturbing how well I knew the stages of crying.

A few silent tears slid down my face. I couldn't watch anymore. My stomach rose up to my throat and settled there. I swallowed, trying to send my stomach back to its place, but it wasn't working. I crawled back into my bed and tried to think about anything that wasn't related to Mom or Keith. That didn't work either. I closed my eyes, but I couldn't sleep. I didn't know that Keith was aware that I didn't sleep. What was he doing if could hear me crying in the next room?

My thoughts were interrupted by the front door opening and closing. Footsteps were coming my way. I closed my eyes quickly, pretending to be asleep. Pressure was applied to the foot of my bed. Keith was sitting on it. I could feel him watching me. I was suddenly very aware of my breathing. Slow and deep…slow and deep.

He finally placed one of his big, rough hands on my back and shook me slightly. I "woke up" groggily. It was a quality performance. One of my better fake waking up acts. Although if I was actually sleeping, I would have bitten Keith's head off for waking me up. He would lose a limb at the very least. I hoped that he appreciated all of his appendages and didn't question the fact that I was asleep.

"Did you have a good nap?"

I nodded.

We stared in opposite directions for awhile, neither one of us wanting to bring up the day's events.

"Lucas-" Keith said at the same that I said, "Listen, I-"

"You first," I told him. I was in no hurry to talk.

"Luke, I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier. I was just angry. What you did…all that stuff with Peyton brought up something from my past that I would rather not remember. I'm sorry I let it out on you."

"What happened in your past?"

He shook his head, "I don't want to talk about it."

I looked away.

"What were you going to say?"

"Nevermind."

"How was your talk with Mrs. Russell?"

I shrugged.

"She has a special talent for making you confide everything in her. If she hasn't done that to you yet, she will."

"Must be the kittens," I mumbled, referring to the kitten poster on her wall.

"What?" He didn't get the reference.

"Nothing," I shook my head.

He watched me, obviously waiting for me to say something. I didn't.

He eyed my scruffiness. I hadn't shaved since the funeral.

"How about you shave before dinner?"

"Fine."

"Thank you."

Another awkward silence. He patted my leg, "If you want to talk, I'm here, kid."

I nodded silently.

An hour later I was dragged kicking and screaming to the truck to have dinner with Satan and his family. Ok, so I didn't really kick and scream physically, but in my head there sure was screaming. Keith washed my clothes that I wore. I was planning on using lack of clothes as an excuse to get out of dinner, but he beat me to it. I had no idea that Keith even knew how to do laundry. He always brought his clothes over to our house when he came for dinner because he didn't have a washing machine. How long would it take Keith to figure out that I don't know to do laundry?

I shifted in my seat uncomfortably. I was wearing khakis with no back pockets. What's the point of pants with no pockets? Where do you put your wallet? Plus they didn't fit me anymore. I had to wear Keith's belt to keep them from falling right off me. I had lost 15 pounds since Mom died. Keith pretended not to notice. He wasn't fooling me.

"You came easily," Keith commented lightly in the truck, "I had a whole speech prepared. I even got some muscle men from the circus on standby to carry you into the car. You should have seen their disappointed faces when I told them you were going to come willingly."

"I came. I didn't say anything about it being willingly."

Keith smiled, "Thanks, Luke." I nodded instead of answering. "If it makes you feel any better I'm not too excited about seeing my brother either."

"Nathan's not my brother."

"Are you going to throw something at me if I remind you that you have the same father?"

"If I had something to throw then I would."

"Nothing to throw? In that case, I don't want you fighting with Nathan tonight. Can you make it one night without bloodshed?"

"Can you? The last time I saw you and Dan together, you had him up against the wall with your fist in his face."

"I didn't actually punch him."

I raised my eyebrows as if to say, "Yeah right."

"Okay fine. I'll try my very hardest not to fight with Dan if you don't fight with Nathan."

"I don't care if you fight with Dan. I bet MamaScott would take care of the two of you really quickly if you started fighting."

"Yeah that's true, but she'd take care of you and Nathan, too."

I didn't believe him. I couldn't imagine her standing up to anyone, not even me.

"What happened between you and Dan? I mean, you used to get along, right?

Keith nodded, "We had a common enemy: Dad."

"So you stopped getting along because of me?"

Keith looked at me, obviously at a loss for words. "I kinda hoped when you started talking, it would be something easier to talk about."

"Sorry. You don't have to answer."

"No it's okay. Um, we used to be friends." Keith laughed sarcastically, "We were actually really good friends until high school. That's when he turned into an ass. He was always sort of an ass in public, but at home we were really close. He was a spitting image of my father. But when Dan joined the basketball team, I quit. Dad made me quit, actually, so precious Danny could have the whole team."

"I thought it had something to do with Mom."

"Well, I had to do community service for…umm…well that's another story. Anyway, your mom was the president of some community service club at school, so we met building a house over there. Your mom and I became pretty close friends and then Danny decided that he wanted her." He pointed to a distant neighborhood.

I resisted the temptation to tell him that his rambling was hardly coherent.

"But then Dan claimed her and by the time he was finished with her, she was pregnant and he was gone."

I pretended not to notice that his knuckles were white from gripping the steering wheel so hard. He pretended not to notice the tears welling up in my eyes, threatening to spill down my face. Why could I not contain my own tears? It was pissing me off. There was no way I was going to cry in front of Nathan.

He composed himself and said in a completely different tone, "But, listen, that's all in the past. Let's leave it there."

"There's more to the story," I said.

"Why?" he said too quickly, "Why do you think that?" He asked, a little too scared. I was right, there was more to the story.

"You told Dan that you would tell everyone the rest of the story…" I said, hoping to jog his memory.

"I was just trying to scare him. There's no more."

"Yes there is! I know there is. I've saw a video of them on prom night their senior year. They looked happy…she never would have let him leave if they were still that happy…Mom could be very convincing."

He looked away, "Leave it alone, Luke. There's no reason to stir up what's already settled."

"It's not settled! I want to know what happened. What did Dan do to make you so mad, and why doesn't he want the story getting out?"

"I don't want to talk about it, Lucas," he said angrily. I hadn't expected him to get this angry when I asked the question.

"Sorry."

"I just…" He paused, "I just don't want to hate my brother anymore."

I don't have a problem hating mine.

"There aren't any restaurants this way," I told Keith when he pulled into a neighborhood that looked familiar.

"We're not going to a restaurant."

I placed the neighborhood. Brooke lived here. Although to visit her I always took the back entrance. We were going the other way. The way towards…

"No way! I am not going into their house."

"Lucas…"

"When were you planning on telling me?"

"When we pulled into the driveway, but you're too quick for me."

This was no time for sarcasm.

"Did you really think I would enter their house?"

"No, that's why I didn't tell you."

"It's bad enough that I have to eat with them, there's no way I'm going into their territory."

I crossed my arms and glared out the window. Keith pulled into the driveway next to Nathan's newest acquisition…a firebird.

Keith turned off the car, but made no effort to get out.

"Luke." He began, but then stopped right away. He was trying to figure out the right thing to say. I wanted to stop him. There was no right thing to say. There was nothing he could say that would make me enter Satan's house to have dinner.

"Would you please go in and have dinner. Civil conversation for an hour. Tops."

I didn't move.

"Please Lucas, behave yourself for one night. It would mean a lot to me."

Still not good enough.

"Okay, fine. I'm going in alone then. Wish me luck." He unbuckled his seat belt.

"Why do you do this to yourself?"

"Do what?"

"Put up with him. Why don't you just avoid Dan?"

He shrugged. "He's my brother. He'll be my brother no matter how much I hate him. Besides, it's not for him. It's my mom's birthday."

I unbuckled my seatbelt and slid out of the car into the bitter November air, silently cursing the fact that Keith loves his mom.