Title: Infinity
Chapter Title: Better
Summary: AU, Naruto transfers to a new high school and makes new friends, enemies, and runs into an old lover
Just when I thought that I was better
I realized that I don't know what better was
Is it- better then I used to be?
Better for you or for me?
Better – Hoobastank
The phone's ringing somewhere behind me, but my brain has been put on pause until I can figure all this out. I couldn't have been more surprised if Itachi put on a tutu and started doing the Can Can. I just stand there, staring at him with alarm bells ringing in my head. Finally, he steps towards me, reaching out a perfectly manicured hand to rest lightly against my cheek.
He's staring into my eyes, and I've forgotten the first rule when dealing with Itachi, never, ever look him in the eyes. I suddenly break away from the staring, stumbling backwards and landing on my butt, but away from him and his intoxicating presence, for the moment. I can still feel the cold touch of his hand, as if there was no blood in his veins to warm it.
"What, you're not happy to see me?" he asks, that infuriating smirk resting on perfect lips.
"W-what are you doing here?" I stumble out, eyes fearfully looking up at him. His smile is innocent enough, if a little infuriatingly knowing, but it's his eyes that reveal everything. On the rare occasions when I have the courage to actually look into his eyes, they always surprise me. Now, they're angry, impossibly so. He's infuriated with me.
"What, am I not allowed to come see my favorite boyfriend?" he asked oh-so-innocently. I manage to stand, and he doesn't reach out to help me.
"We're through, Itachi, I thought I made that perfectly clear," I force myself to be strong, to stand up to him.
"Why are you so angry, Naruto? You're the one who asked me to kill you, don't you remember?" I close my eyes and try to cover my ears, but he reaches up and tugs on my hair to make my face up to look into his, I open my eyes and I'm falling into an infinite abyss of red. "You're the one who asked me to take the knife to your throat." He leans down and kisses me, ever-so-gently before pulling away. "You should have heard yourself scream, Naruto, seen you writhing and screaming and bleeding. You were beautiful." I shiver, and push away from him, breaking whatever hold he had on me.
"G-get out," I order, and he just smiles and leaves. I fall to the ground as the door slams closed behind him. Tears run down my cheeks and my lips burn where he kissed me. I'm too weak to stand, too weak to defend myself. I slam my fist into the ground, all the pain he gave to me coming back to haunt me. The more haunting thing is, though, how much my body wants him, yearns for that acidic touch of his.
Somehow, I manage to stand on shaky legs, to make it to my couch where I collapse. I'm trembling, though not from cold, and as I fall into sleep, I can't help but fear even the thoughts within my own brain.
I'm standing in a small room, bare and unfurnished with no doors or windows or lights. It's dark, and I shiver in fright. A voice echoes through the room, and though the words are in a language I can't understand, they're obviously meant to pierce, to wound, to hurt me at my core. Suddenly, the voice starts speaking in English, and the words are even more terrifying.
"You're nothing, Naruto, nothing. You'll never be anything. All you can do is hope that Itachi will pity you enough to end your poor pitiful existence before someone else does it for you. No one could ever love you." The voice was not Itachi's, or my mother's, but a voice that sounds oddly like my own.
"You're wrong," I shout at the voice, tears rolling down my cheeks. "Gaara can love me." The voice laughs, long and loud.
"Gaara! You're kidding me. Gaara doesn't love you, he's using you. That's all anyone's ever done. That's all anyone will ever do. They'll just use you and leave you, just like your father, dying and leaving you to be harassed by your mother and beaten by Itachi. You're better off going back to Itachi with your tail between your legs and asking him to kill you again like you wanted him to do in the first place. That is, if your too chicken to do it yourself."
The wall behind me disappears and the room stretches out. Slowly, I begin to make out the features of a man standing in front of me. His face is cast in shadow, but I can tell he's wearing a black robe tied around the waist with a sash.
He looks into my eyes and I'm startled by the unearthly blue of his eyes. He reaches out and touches my cheek gently. "Give into me, Naruto," he says to me, in the same voice as the one that had been speaking earlier. I tremble under his touch.
"Who are you?" I ask, and he pulls his hand away.
"You." Suddenly, I can see his face, and it is my own, darker, more evil, but still my own. I shrink back away from myself, this dark, suicidal side of my personality that I thought had died a long time ago.
I start, awake at the sound of a telephone ringing. My face is sticky with dried tears. Slowly, I sit up, a crick in my back from sleeping on the couch. I look at the phone sadly, wondering whether or not to answer it. Trembling, I pick up the phone.
"H-hello?" I answer, ready to hang up if I catch even a hint of Itachi's dreadfully seductive voice.
"Naruto," the voice came on the other line. I sag in relief at the sound of Gaara's voice. "Are you okay?"
"I-I'm fine," I respond. Then I remember my dream. Though it nearly kills me to do so, I say, my voice soft with fear, "Please don't call here again, Gaara."
"What're you talking about Naruto?" he demands. I tremble, tears now running along my cheeks again, and I berate myself for my weakness.
"Please, Gaara, don't talk to me anymore. It's better for the both of us. Bye," I hang up, leaning on the wall as tears rack my form.
Somehow, I stumble over to my jacket, opening up the pocket and drawing out my knife. Flicking it open, I begin to look at it, the way the light glints on the blade. Slowly, I raise my arm, and with a swift, defined movement, slit my wrist.
Gaara stares blankly at the phone for a second before grabbing the keys to his car and running down the steps. Temari catches sight of him and stops him with a hand on his shoulder.
"Where are you going?" she asks. He just shoves her arm away, walking past her and slamming the door behind him. She looks after him with a sweetly sad smile on her face.
He jumps in his car, turning the key and speeding out. He reaches Naruto's apartment, thanking whatever deities were listening for not being stopped by the cops. He runs up the stairs, practically running into several people before he reaches Naruto's floor.
He knocks on the door, slamming his fist into the wood as he pounds for someone to answer. No one does and he keeps on pounding.
"Naruto! If you're there you better open this door, NOW, and explain to me what the fuck is going on."
Naruto slits his wrist again, hearing the pounding on his door but ignoring it as he watches the blood in fascination. His last thought before he passes out is an image of his darker self wrapping him in his arms, black cloak enfolding around him as the last of his light is snuffed out.
Gaara stands outside the door, unaware that tears are forming at the corner of his eyes in desperation. As a last ditch effort he stands back and kicks the door in, well aware that he would be in serious shit if anyone found him.
His eyes take in Naruto's form, sitting on the floor, passed out with a blade in his right hand, his left forearm slashed and bleeding. Gaara's head spins, but not from nausea. At the sight of Naruto, his mind fills with images of himself licking the blood off Naruto's arm, and adding a few more cuts with that knife to the ones already there.
Of course it would be better if he was awake a small, insidious part of his mind whispered. Gaara tumbles backwards, afraid of what he might do if left alone with Naruto in this weakened state.
Somehow, he manages to stand and walk past Naruto's form and into his bedroom. He grabs a shirt and walks back towards Naruto. Slowly he kneels beside Naruto, every part of his body screaming in the self control it takes for him to wrap the shirt around Naruto's arm in an attempt to stop the bleeding.
As soon as he is done, he takes several steps backward, putting himself at a safe distance away from Naruto. He flips his cell phone open and dialed 911. He gives them Naruto's address and walks out of Naruto's apartment, unsure of what else he could do.
Back outside in his car, he finds himself wishing that he wasn't so weak, that he could've helped Naruto himself instead of being forced to call for help. He slams his fist into the wheel of the car, a pained scream forcing itself from his throat as all the pain and desperation he's felt throughout the course of his lifetime tumbles out.
That night, Naruto wakes in the hospital, sterile walls gleaming too white. He moans, a headache filling his brain. He looks up, and Tsukiko is sitting in a chair beside him, dried tears staining her face. He sits up, and she watches him with worry in her eyes.
"Are you okay, Naru-chan?" she asks, concerned.
"I-I guess, Tsuki-chan. What happened?" he responds, not remembering most of what happened.
"They found you passed out in your apartment. Apparently, someone made a 911 call giving them your address," she replies. "Are you sure you're okay? I thought you'd stopped cutting yourself."
Naruto groans, leaning back as he recalls the events that had led up to his near-suicide. "I had, but Itachi showed up."
Tsukiko gasps, holding his hand. "I'm sorry, Naruto. What happened?" she asks.
"He came in, kissed me, was a bastard, and left," he responds, clenching his fists in the sheets. Tsukiko hugs him, and they discuss for awhile before she leaves to go get them something to eat. On her way to the hospital cafeteria, she runs into Gaara.
"Oh, I'm sorry," she says, looking at him, and recognizing him from Naruto's descriptions. "Are you by chance . . . Gaara?" Gaara nods, looking at her suspiciously. "Hey, I'm Naruto's stepsister." She holds out her hand, and when he glares at it, pulls it back, smile still in place. "I guess you heard about him being put in the hospital, huh?" He just nodded, creepy eyes silently watching her. She nods, and begins walking past him.
She stops, though, and says back to him. "Naruto really likes you, you know, but he had a run-in with Itachi." She turns back and smiles at him. "He'll appreciate you coming, and if he tries to send you away, it's only because he always gets insecure after talking with Itachi." She continues walking on. Gaara watches her leave before entering Naruto's room.
Naruto looks up, surprised to see Gaara. "Oh, um, hey," Naruto greets. Gaara nods and sits down. They both sit in silence for a moment.
"I'm sorry," Gaara says, breaking the uncomfortable silence.
"For what?" Naruto asks, unsure of what Gaara's apologizing for.
"I went over to your house, but when I saw the blood, I couldn't even go near you without the fear of hurting you more," Gaara admits, eyes on the ground.
Naruto touches Gaara's cheek gently, surprised by Gaara's caring. "It's okay."
"Why did you do that to yourself?" Gaara inquires, eyes worried.
"Itachi showed up at my apartment, was a general asshole, and left me in tears." Naruto is silent for a moment before he looks up to meet Gaara's eyes, determination in them. "Gaara, it's better if you leave. If you stay and we become close, one of us will get hurt."
Gaara stands up, and sits on the bed next to Naruto. "See this? You've allowed me to be able to do this without fear of hurting you. I will stay with you Naruto, and I can promise you that I will do everything in my power to never, ever harm you."
Naruto, tears coursing down his cheeks, leans in to the protective embrace of Gaara.
End Chapter 5
You cannot save me from myself, for I am my own Heaven, but more than that, my own Hell.