Broken, a fushigi yuugi fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own Fushigi Yuugi.

AN: This story is, of course, about Hikitsu's past, before he met Takiko. It follows the past that I laid out in my Genbu story, The Genbu Story (yes, such a creative title). I know that TGS is very long and so it is not necessary to read it before reading this, however if you have read it you may find it a bit better. Well, I hope you like it!

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Hokkan; the cold, windy, snowy, inhospitable country that half of its occupants hated.

The people were sheep herders and fur traders, for the climate did not lend itself to farming. All the food had to be imported from the neighboring countries of Sairo, Konan, and Kutou. There were few cities besides the capital city, Touran; a majority of the population lived in villages that were few and far between, or banded into nomadic tribes which were constantly looking to find food and grazing grounds for their sheep and assorted livestock. A small number of merchant caravans traversed different routes leading out of the country and back, wagons filled with warm hides and skins.

During the depth of the winter months, the chance of running into anyone in Hokkan's barren wastelands were slim to none. Those who were foolish enough to press their luck in traveling during this time usually froze or starved to death in the snowstorms that raged in the wilderness. To go missing was a death sentence; even the heartiest of search parties wouldn't dare to venture out in blizzard conditions.

Chen Entato, or Hikitsu, as most people called him these days, was aware of that danger, but still had been confident enough in his abilities to set out alone for the capital city in the midst of winter. At the time he had known exactly where he was going, and had been well supplied and ready for the journey.

Unfortunately, that was no longer the case. Due to an unforeseen and unlucky turn of events, he'd ended up trapped in a snowstorm. Still, he had been one of the lucky ones; before he was completely buried in the fatal snow, he'd found a cave that was carved into the wall of a cliff. Huddled within its stony walls, he'd managed to survive the storm, but at what cost?

Soon the entrance to the cave was completely blocked with snow and ice, leaving him trapped. Further investigation confirmed that there was no other way out. He'd been concerned at the discovery but hadn't panicked, for he still had all of his supplies and his horse was still alive. When the blizzard ended, he could tunnel them out and still make it to the capital.

But as time passed, the winds continued to howl and his supplies began to dwindle. There was no way to keep track of the days, and slowly they began to blend into one another until he had no idea just how long he had been there. He had no wood, nor way to make a fire, and the cave was deathly cold, despite his heavy clothing and sharing bodily heat with his horse.

He was freezing...starving...

He lay on the pallet of furs that he was using as a makeshift bed, watching his breath form clouds in front of him. The only muscle that twitched on his entire body was when he would occasionally blink. He knew every trick there was to know about surviving in the wild with limited supplies, the things all children in Hokkan learned at an early age. The children of the tribes didn't have a choice; given their nomadic existence, there was always the chance of getting separated from family, and it was often that the caravan couldn't go back for them. Too often it was a matter of losing one, or losing all...

He knew that he had to conserve his energy; excess movement would sap strength he'd need later. His heavy eyes closed and he slipped into a meditative state, something which calmed him and helped attune his senses to the world around him.

His ears picked up the heavy breathing of his horse. The animal was lying down, probably asleep. It was a smart animal. He had raised it from a colt, and it still surprised him with its intelligence sometimes. It had already picked up on his reluctance to move, and had copied him.

His mind moved from the horse, searching for something else to focus on, but the only other sound that he could hear was his own harsh breathing, a reminder of his predicament. Seeking escape, his mind's eye turned inward.

It was a mistake.

A solitary name rose in his mind, the same one that always did. His traitorous mouth whispered the name before he could stop it. "Sora..."

With that name, an image crept into his thoughts, bringing with it all the memories that he had been desperately been trying to suppress. As he lay in the cave that would surely become his tomb, he could feel himself being whisked back to the past, back to when he had been just Entato, not Hikitsu. Back to when he could remember being happy...

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It had started on a cold spring day when he was a young boy. His tribe had just finished setting up camp. They wouldn't be staying very long; a few weeks seemed short compared to how long they'd been moving.

"Entato!" he heard his mother shout. "Entato! Come here!" He ran to her and stood next to her without speaking. He knew better than to ask what she wanted. If he did ask, she would think him impatient and practically bite his ear off, so he had learned long ago to just shut up up and do as she wanted.

He and his mother didn't get along very well. The truth was that he didn't see much of her in him, and he didn't think that she saw much of him in herself. It was his younger brother that was the good one, who always did things right, and better than Hikitsu. At least that was how his mother chose to see it.

"A caravan selling fruits from Sairo just arrived, and I need you to check out their wares. Get only the best, and I mean only the best. If I find any bruises or mold, I will hang you by your ankles!"

"Yes Mother." He stifled his sigh until he was out of her hearing. Buying groceries was NOT what he wanted to be doing at that moment. Like any inquisitive boy, he wanted to be off exploring his new surroundings. But that just wasn't the way things worked when you lived in a tribe, and a small one at that. Work was shared; if one person didn't do their part, then the entire community would suffer for it.

He trotted quickly to where he could see the caravan at the edge of the tribe's camp. It was easy to spot from the throng of people around it. In Hokkan, fresh fruit was a luxury that people could not often indulge in, and every family wanted to take this chance to have some.

He expertly made his way through the crowd, ignoring the jostles and bumps he received. Soon he found himself facing a short man with a thick, black beard. Hikitsu carefully ignored him as he began to inspect the fruit for even the slightest flaw. The man watched him carefully, no doubt making sure that he took nothing without paying for it.

Hikitsu paid him no heed, even though he wasn't paying nearly as much attention to the other costumers. He had grown used to the stares. He was a suspicious looking person. His long silver hair just didn't look natural, although he had been born with it, and the heavy, black eye patch that covered one eye didn't help. However, he knew if he took off the eye patch he would receive even more stares, for underneath that patch lay an eye that lacked a regular pupil and iris. In their stead was a milky white orb.

He picked up another fruit, inspected it, put it in his basket, and then picked up another which he quickly put back down.

"What's your name, kid?" the man asked.

Hikitsu looked up, surprised. "Entato," he said briefly.

"Entato, eh?"

Hikitsu nodded and continued to look at the fruits, trying to seem like he had no interest whatsoever in talking to the man.

"I don't see many who look like you."

"Ah." He looked back up and handed the vendor the fruit he had chosen."I'll take these. How much do you want for them?" he said. The man told him, took the money that was paid him, and Hikitsu quickly left, glad to have avoided more commentary on his appearance.

It was on the way home that he met her.

He was half walking, half running, trying to get home as fast as possible so that he could find some friends and do some things that he really wanted to do. He had been thinking of all the things they may do when suddenly he found himself on the ground. Thanks to his daydreaming, he'd run into a girl, maybe a few years younger than himself.

A surge of panic went through him and he quickly checked his basket to make sure that the fruit he'd selected were all right. Luckily the basket's lid had stayed tightly in place, securing its contents. The girl wasn't so lucky. Her basket had not contained fruit, but small pots that had been filled with various powders and herbs. The porcelain pots that had held them were scattered across the ground, and several of them were broken.

"Oh no!" The girl cried, scrambling to her feet. Frantically, she began to pick up the herbs.

"I'm so sorry!" He couldn't believe what he'd done. "Let me help you!" Soon he was picking out herbs from amongst the shards of broken pottery, and scooping up what could be salvaged of the powders, all thoughts of getting home forgotten.

"My father's gonna kill me!"

"I'm sorry!" He didn't know what else to say. "I'm so sorry!"

"All right! All right! I get it! You're sorry! Let's just get this mess picked up!"

After a few moments of silence, he motioned to the few items that remained scattered across the ground. "What is all this?"

"They're medicines. My father's the village healer-maybe you know him?"

Of course he knew him- a gruff old man who always seemed to be scowling. He had seen him countless times for sicknesses or illnesses or just a checkup. The healer and his mother were also good friends, which automatically made Hikitsu dislike him. In his mind, anyone who could get along with that old bat couldn't be a good person.

But despite his frequent visits to see the man, he had never seen this girl in his life. This seemed strange to him and he voiced it. She smiled grimly.

"Of course you haven't," she said. "There's nothing to see."

"What?"

"Never mind."

He pondered her answer, wondering why he hadn't seen her before, until all that was left of the medicines was finally picked up.

As the girl straightened, she looked him over as if this was the first time she had really seen him. When her gaze focused on the eye patch, he had to force himself not to cringe, but to his surprise, she smiled. It wasn't odd or tight with suspicion, but as genuine and as natural an expression as if he looked just like everyone else. "Thank you, um... what's your name?"

"It's Entato."

"Entato?"

"Yeah. And what's yours?"

"Huh?"

"What's your name?"

"Oh, sorry. My name is Sora." She bowed.

"Well met, Sora," he said, returning the bow. It was polite to say this when you met someone.

"A pleasure," she replied, and hoisted the basket of medicine up onto her hip. He could instantly see that it was too heavy for her.

How did she ever carry that thing?' He thought, as she almost tripped from its weight.

"Oops! Clumsy me!" She laughed a bit, trying to pretend that it wasn't as heavy as it really was. He wasn't fooled.

"Let me help you," he said, putting a hand on the basket. It wasn't so much of courtesy as something else. He wasn't sure what, but something told him not to let this chance go. Not to let her go.

"No, that's okay. You don't have to-" she began.

"Please, I want to." He cringed inwardly at the statement, which sounded like a line from a bedtime story told to a small child. But it worked; Sora let go of the basket and allowed him to walk her home.

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Things progressed rather quickly after that. First they became good friends. Then they became more...

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"Entato."

"Hm?"

"Why do you always wear that thing?"

"What thing?"

"The patch."

He was taken aback. "This?" he asked, pointing the eye patch covering his eye.

"Yes."

He didn't know what to say. He didn't want to show her. Surely she'd never want to see him again if she did. His mother always said that the eye made him look like a monster, that was why he started wearing it in the first place. Who would want to be friends with a monster?

"Why do you want to know?" He finally said.

She gave him an impatient look. "Why do you think I want to know?" He shrugged lamely. "Well, it's kind of unusual for a boy to want to wear one, isn't it? I mean, you have such a pretty face. Even prettier than some girls."

He blushed a bit. He didn't like looking so feminine. "Because..." He couldn't say it. If he told her, she'd want to see. He looked away. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Look at me, Entato." He could tell by the tone of her voice that she was scowling. "I said, look at me."

He knew what she wanted; she wanted him to take it off. Didn't she realize how hard that would be for him? Maybe it was pathetic, but the eye patch was like a shield for him, protecting him from what was really there, protecting him from the monster in that eye.

Sora reached up and put her hands on his cheeks, and then brought his head around until he was looking into her searching eyes. Slowly, as if she were afraid he would pull away, she reached for the eye patch. He felt her hands close around the ties that held it in place and begin to pull them off.

Why could he say? Nothing. It was as if her eyes had captured him, stealing his voice and sealing his lips as she took off his shield.

The eye patch fell to the ground and she gazed upon the full extent of his face for the first time. He waited. Waited for the cry of disgust that came every time someone saw his eye. This wasn't the first time he had shown it to another, and every time he did, in the end they had left him. He was tired of being all alone.

That cry never came. Instead, her hand went back to his face, her fingers lightly tracing his brow, his temple, and the skin below his mutated eye.

He risked a glance at her, and saw not the disgust and horror he expected, but warm curiosity, wonder and... something else. Something he couldn't quite place.

"Why do you hide it so, Entato?"

"I... because..." He looked away again and answered in a voice that sounded pathetic, even to him. "Don't you think I'm a monster?"

"A monster?" He nodded, miserable. "Of course not! Who told you that you're a monster?" He said nothing. Sora frowned and said, "It was your mother, wasn't it? She told you that you look that way."

He nodded. He had told Sora all about his mother.

Grabbing his cheeks, she pulled at his face until he was looking into her eyes once again. "You aren't a monster, Entato, you aren't! Don't you dare let anyone make you believe you are! It isn't such a big deal that you're a little different from the rest of us- and don't let some stupid person like your mother make you believe otherwise!" Her hand brushed the skin near his eye again, and she said in a quieter voice, "I'm glad that you took it off. You... You should take it off more often."

And with that she stood and left, leaving him to his thoughts. It was a good thing. He had a lot to think about.

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He'd never worn the eye patch after that. He decided to leave his eye uncovered and let others stare if they wanted to. Let them think of him a monster; he wasn't! Now that someone else had finally acknowledged that, he knew it too.

In the quiet of the cave Hikitsu reached up and touched the eye patch, now back in place. After it happened... after it happened, the courage and confidence that he'd held had disappeared and he'd returned to wearing the patch. How that had come to be was a tragic memory, and one that he didn't want to remember. Another recollection had come to him that was much happier...

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"Look at that star, Entato! It's so bright!"

She glanced at him and was clearly surprised to find him looking at her.

"Really Entato, look at it! It's very beautiful," she said, pointing.

"It is," he agreed.

She looked back at him and saw that he wasn't paying attention to the star to which she'd been pointing. "You're still not looking."

"Yes, I am. I'm looking at the most beautiful star there is." His voice was soft as he gazed into her clear hazel eyes. She blushed and shook her head.

"You flatter me."

"No. I only say the truth." He brushed a strand of soft hair out of her face. "To me you are the most beautiful star there is."

"Enta-"

He cut her off with a sweet kiss. It was short, but all of his hopes rode on it. He pulled back and looked into her eyes, hoping against hope to find something in them, some tiny bit of what he was feeling. But there was nothing.

He could feel his face burning with disappointment as he got up from where they were lying in the grass. When he turned to leave, however, he felt a hand catch the back of his shirt, holding him back. Slowly, not quite daring to hope for what he might find when he faced her, he turned around.

With slow deliberation, Sora took his face in her hands...and then stood on her tip toes so that she could put her lips to his...

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He treasured that memory and held it close to his heart, a bit of warmth in the cold cave. That was enough. He didn't want to remember any more. But whether he wanted to or not, there was more to remember...

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They were alone in the tent, he couldn't remember whose. He was nervous. So nervous.

What if she says no?' A part of him asked.

What if she says yes?' The other part countered.

Either way he had to ask. He could feel the necklace, the symbol of marriage in Hokkan, heavy in his pocket.

"What's wrong, Entato?" Sora asked.

"Nothing."

"Something's wrong."

"No-"

"Entato, don't lie to me! You're nervous about something."

"Well..."

"Yes?"

"You know I love you, right?"

"Yes."

"I mean, a lot."

"Yes."

"Sora, will you marr-" Suddenly he was interrupted by a huge crash from outside the tent.

"What was that?" She cried, alarmed.

He was moving towards the door. Tearing it open, he looked outside. The sight that met his eyes was one out of a horrible nightmare. Bodies lay strewn about like dolls and more were being cut down by the attacking bandits.

He snapped the door shut and ran back to Sora. "Where's my sword?"

"I don't know! Maybe in your tent? What's going on?"

He didn't answer, just grabbed her wrist and bolted out the door. His family's tent wasn't far; all he had to was make it there and get his sword. Above all else, he had to protect Sora.

They were almost to the tent when it happened. He saw a blur of movement out of the corner of his eye. An arrow had been shot his way. His legs froze up in fear, and suddenly he couldn't move. But Sora could.

"Look out!" A force slammed into him, pushing him out of the way, knocking him to the ground. He looked up to see Sora standing where he had been just a moment before, the arrow embedded in her bosom.

"No," he heard himself whisper. This couldn't be happening, it couldn't! Suddenly the battle seemed far away. All that mattered was Sora. He felt as if he was moving in slow motion as he reached out and caught her body. "Sora..." His voice sounded broken, even to him. "Why?"

"Because... I love you..." She sounded so sure, almost as if there was no other reason needed.

"But...but that's not fair! You can't die because you love me! I love you too! I need you!"

She only smiled. "Promise me something."

Tears were blurring his vision. "Anything!"

"Promise me that once I'm gone you'll move on. Promise me that you'll keep on living... for me..."

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She had died there, among so many others. But he had lived.

It was so unfair.

It was so unfair for him to live when all that was good and just had died. When Sora had died.

"Someone once told me," he whispered into the darkness of the cave, "to be careful not to break."

But he had to go on living. Even when so much evil had happened. He had promised Sora.

At the time, I didn't understand. But now I do.

He would get out of this cave. Somehow. He had to. He had to go on living. For her.

"The thing about being broken... is that you can never be fixed..."

Warning: The following AN contains spoilers for the fic that this story came off of, The Genbu Story. Do not read if you have not read TGS.

AN: Any of you who have read my fic The Genbu Story will recognize this as Hikitsu's past. When I first wrote about his past I really just wanted some great tragic past for him; a reason that he was the way he was. But as I began to think about it I really began to see a character for Sora. I envisioned her in my mind and I felt sorry for her. Clearly, in my story, heaven does exist, therefore Sora must have been there when Hikitsu came. I began to imagine how she must have felt to find that Hikitsu had fallen in love with Uruki. And then I began to think of Uruki, and I really wanted to make it clear that she wasn't just a replacement for Sora.

I think that in the end, Hikitsu would have stayed with Uruki instead of going back with Sora- if he had the choice. This is because it is my personal belief that someone can have more than one love in their life. Sora was one, Uruki was another. I think that after being so long without Sora and growing to love Uruki so deeply, he would stay with her. Also, I wanted to make it clear that Sora didn't want Hikitsu to dwell on her death forever, that she wanted him to move on, even find another love. I don't think that she would have minded that Hikitsu chose Uruki. Love is not selfish, and Sora really did love him.

Also, at the end of this Hikitsu is still in his cave, and claims to be broken. I do not plain to show how he gets out, as it really isn't relative to the story; however it is enough to know that he does as this takes place before TGS and he appears in that very much alive. As for being broken, although this is simply figurative, he is never truly "fixed". I think that he will always love Sora and that wound will never truly heal. I also think that it affected him for the rest of his life. Probably one of the things that made him sacrifice himself for Uruki was his fear of having to go through the pain of losing someone else he loved. Also, you may notice that in this I made it so that Sora is able to convince him to leave him eye patch off. When she dies he begins to use it, and even when he falls in love with Uruki he does not stop wearing it. That's because that was something that only Sora could've done for him.

You will notice that the flash backs that I have in TGS do not exactly match the story. This is for several reasons. First, I actually wrote this at school when I didn't have access to the flash backs. Also, when I wrote the flash backs I didn't really know the exact situations that they were taking place in, just the general outline of them, and when I actually wrote out what really happened I couldn't keep them exactally the same.

I hope that you enjoyed this. Originally I was going to add in one more flash back, but in the end I couldn't make it sound good so I cut it out. This is one of my few fics to actually go through several drafts before I put it up so I'm actually quite proud of it.

I would like to thank KittyLynne for betaing this story. You did a great job! Thank you so much!