Wish Numero Two

Authoress: Esta es mucho LOOOOOOOOONG! Pay up, Sesshy-boy!

2. Its Not a Tail!: Does it look like I, kono Sesshoumaru, have some furry CATEPILLAR growing outta his royal ass?!?!? NO! This Sesshoumaru thinks NOT! Whatever fan said that my DRIP was my tail should DIE! DIE like that abominable pirate Jack Sparrow (See Xmas List #1, #2 Black Pearl) and my HANYOU BROTHER, INU-ASSHOLE!!!! And for all the fans who followed suit, YOU SHOULD ALSO DIE!!! All the fan-fics, the pictures and what-not all show my Royal Person (RP) with a big FURRY (Don't even think about calling me Fluffy!) (See List #1, #5 Stop Calling me Fluffy!) TAIL draped all over my muscular, hot, steaming, sweaty, sexy body, like which most of you sick fans wish to be in your depraved fantasies you have about this Sexxxy-sama….Ano…..Uhhhhh……Where was kono Sesshoumaru? I am somehow becoming aroused with myself……..I suddenly have the need to go to the Male Youkai Facilities Room (MYFRbathroom)……RIGHT NOW!!! Ano…can one of you sick bastards lead me, this Sexxxy-Sama, to the nearest one? AGAIN, there seem to be no PROPER FACILITIES in the SENGOKU JIDAI!!!!! AND NO! My name is not HUGH GRANT or PEE-WEE HERMAN!!!!!! Damn you! You filthy, no-good meatheads for thinking of my RP as such! DIE!!!!!

Does it look like I, kono Sesshoumaru, have some furry CATEPILLAR growing outta his royal ass?!?!? NO! This Sesshoumaru thinks NOT! Whatever fan said that my DRIP was my tail should DIE! DIE like that abominable pirate Jack Sparrow (See Xmas List #1, #2 Black Pearl) and my HANYOU BROTHER, INU-ASSHOLE!!!! And for all the fans who followed suit, YOU SHOULD ALSO DIE!!! All the fan-fics, the pictures and what-not all show my Royal Person (RP) with a big FURRY (Don't even about calling me ) (See List #1, #5 Stop Calling me Fluffy!) TAIL draped all over my , like which most of you sick fans wish to be in your depraved fantasies you have about this Sexxxy-sama….Ano…..Uhhhhh……Where was kono Sesshoumaru? I am somehow becoming aroused with myself……..I suddenly have the to go to the Male Youkai Facilities Room (MYFRbathroom)……RIGHT NOW!!! Ano…can one of you sick bastards lead me, this Sexxxy-Sama, to the nearest one? AGAIN, there seem to be no PROPER FACILITIES in the SENGOKU JIDAI!!!!! AND NO! My name is not HUGH GRANT or PEE-WEE HERMAN!!!!!! Damn you! You filthy, no-good meatheads for thinking of my RP as such! DIE!!!!!

JAKEN!!! Bring this Sex-Shoumaru the Hand Lotion!!!!!! And a MIRROR!!!! NOW!!!!!! (See Xmas List 1, #4 and #9)

Authoress: Huh?! OMG! You are one sick mofo, Sesshou….maru…? Authoress looks around to find Sesshy has disappeared. Uh, it seems his Royal Highness (RH) has left the building and possibly the 21st century to satisfy himself. Mutters to herself , 'Sick fuck! I hope his dick falls off…'

½ minutes later

Sesshoumaru: I, kono Sesshoumaru, am not paying you, a worthless human female to do nothing and --reads previous line-- … my penis is re-attachable.

Authoress: --jumps out of her panties-- You scared me, dumbass!!!!! --whaps Sesshou in the face with panties-- That was fast!

Sesshoumaru: 'Technical difficulties' is all this Sesshoumaru will say of your pathetic inquiry.

Authoress: I didn't inquire. Your Highness (YH) reached orgasm before reaching the bathroom, huh? Happens to the best of us. --shakes head in mock disbelief--

Sesshoumaru: --mortified-- How did you know I, kono Sesshoumaru, was a prince?

Authoress: --looks at him wide-eyed, open mouthed in true disbelief -- You're really an idiot, right? Possibly dumber than Kouga and InuYasha put together?

Sesshoumaru: I will ignore your inane comment and proceed to this Sesshoumaru's question: Where is your undergarment female?

Authoress: --turns green-- I think you're wearing it….. --turns greener than Jaken-- ugh….

Sesshoumaru: --feeling fruity, moves his parts around in new lingerie-- Your female undergarment is quite silky against parts of this Sesshoumaru's Personal Erogenous Zones (PEZ). No! I do not speak in reference of the friggin' CANDY DISPENSER found on friggin' EBAY, you anal-wads!!! I speak of my RP!!! AAAHHHH!!!!! Although, kono Sesshoumaru will dispense his RYS (Royal Youkai Seed: see Xmas List #1, #3 To Get Laid) onto you bastard ningens just to prove a point! Hmmm! My RP feels rather kinky, now. Excuse this Sesshoumaru a second time…..

Authoress: Wait, Sesshoumaru-sama! I gotta puke!!!!!!

½ minutes later

Ano. Where was this Sesshoumaru before I became aroused with myself twice over? Hai! My Damned Royal InuTaisho Pelt (DRIP) is NOT A FUCKING TAIL! It is in fact a…… SECURITY BLANKET! I wrap it around my Royal Person (RP) to feel safe and like a vacuum cleaner, I SUCK on it whenever I feel threatened, especially by INU-BASTARD, WHO TOOK MY LEFT ARM!!!! THE SAME LEFT ARM, WHICH IS NOW IN LOCKED UP IN SEVEN HELLS THANKS TO DEAR OLD DAD, INU-ASSHOLE AND SOU-UNGA!!!!!!! If I were a PROPER DEMON and had TWO ARMS, I would have TWO HANDS and not ONE!!!!! AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I, kono Sesshoumaru, could be like those damned, annoying 'Peanuts' characters and suck one thumb and hold onto my blankie with the other! Kono Sesshoumaru required nourishment several minutes ago and ate the first thing his Royal Person (RP) saw. Fortunately for my RP, my hunger was sated and I found that this ningen food was quite enjoyable, although, this Sesshoumaru found it hard to take the shells off these 'Peanuts' even with his sharp claws. Oh wait! I almost FORGOT, kono Sesshoumaru only has ONE CLAW!!!! Ano. I did not know nuts could scream so much! Kind of like INU-ASSA will when I, THIS SESSHOUMARU, will sever his NUTS!!!! Can you say 'Rocky Mountain Oysters'?!?!?!? (A/N: fried bull's balls) Ahem. Unfortunately, these 'Peanuts' no longer exist as I, this Sesshoumaru, have committed 'The Great Schulzticide'. My favorite ningen snack is lost to the world….. Oh well. The only downside to long, pleasurable, oral sucking sessions is that my DRIP gets wet often, as do you fans when you SEE ME, THIS SESSHOUMARU aka SEXXXY-SAMA!!!!!!!

How do you expect the hottest Bishounen in all of anime to dress his Royal Person (RP) if he were to have a TAIL STICKING OUT OF HIS ASS??? Do you expect me to cut holes in all of my silken robes and my silk thong collection???? There are no scissors in the Sengoku Jidai to cut a perfect circle into my belongings! Why would this Sesshoumaru do as such???? Plus, these perfect circles can not ever be perfect, because I AM, DAMMMMNITTT !!!!! NO ONE CAN BE MORE PERFECT THAN ME -- A ONE-ARMED, GIRLY-LOOKING, HANDICAPPED TAIYOUKAI, WHO HASN'T COPULATED IN OVER 2 CENTURIES!!!!! And yet again, I, this Sesshoumaru, do not speak of Maynard James Keenan's friggin' band either, you freakin' TOOLS!!!!! Neither am I to be compared to that Alice in Chains song, 'Down in a Hole'. Speaking of holes and contrary to popular belief, I am not a THREE input male, only TWO!!! FUCK, I knew that interview Ron-kun forced me into with Howard Stern-sama was bad news!!!! Both kept calling me 'Traci'!!!!!! They got me CHARGED up and DISCOVERED my extra set of stripes!!!!!! I didn't even receive CASH BACK!!!!!! AAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! I AM NOT AN E-MAIL…er…..wait…I mean…SHE-MAIL…er….MALE!!!!! I AM INU NO TAISHO, YOU BAKAS!!!! YOU MUST ALL DIE!!!!!!!! DIE, like President Bush's dream of ever becoming SMART!!!!! So nu-kee-ar!

Kono Sesshoumaru is not done and will continue his Royal Rant (RR): How do you expect this Sesshoumaru to sit down or take a shit or do anything involving my Royal Butt Cheeks (RBC), with a BIG ASS tail getting in the way?!?!?! ANSWER ME!!!!! HOW!?!?!? You can not answer!!! Like Miroku's KAZAANA, this Sesshoumaru knows you SUUUUUUCK!!! This Sesshoumaru will tell you then -- NEXT TO IMPOSSIBLE!!! Do you think I WANT dog hair and fleas and other assorted things between my luxurious, satiny RBCs or all over my insanely god-like body?!?!?!?! OF COURSE NOT!!!! Further, it would ruin your hentai fantasies of glomping my Youkai Unit (YU) with your hot, moist, wet tongues and watching my RP scream in sexual ecstasy as a result. This Sesshoumaru is now becoming aroused thrice over with himself and….wi…..will….re…re…restrain….hi..him.. himself…..fr…fro….from… an…Or…or…..OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!….gasm.

This Sesshoumaru is now quite sated and shall continue his Royal Rant (RR). Ahem. Now, like my Youkai Unit (YU), which I should have left in the medicine cabinet this morning to avoid my current predicament, my pelt is also detachable. Unfortunately, I must keep both about my Royal Person (RP) because Jaken has a tendency to rub himself all over them. HE REMINDS ME OF YOU FANS!!!!! WAIT……!

Authoress: --cuts off Fluffy-sama-- Okay, you've gone on long enough about NOTHING! What Mr Fluffy is trying to say is that, like Metallica, he will sue whatever fan said his DRIP was his tail.

Sesshoumaru: Bitch, you cut my Royal Person off! I find that hot…and sexy, like myself! Kiss me! puckers up, comes toward Authoress

Authoress: --fighting off a horny Inu no Taisho-- UMPH! I…was…..going to……GET OFF ME!!…was…going……..AHH, MY NECK!!!!……to show…. you……BAD BOY!!……guys….. that……that…that…UMPH!…..…Fluffy…..sama….DAMN YOU, THOSE ARE MY GOOD SHOES!! …………that Fluffy-sama……OOMPH!……has no tail…..by…..STOP HUMPING MY LEG, YOU PERV!!!!!!!…..DOING THIS!

Sesshoumaru: --suddenly stops behavior, looks around confused-- Ano. Suddenly this Sesshoumaru feels…. exposed.

Authoress: --smiling sadistically -- You should. It maybe daylight presently, but the MOON is showing! As in, YOURS! ( )( )

Sesshoumaru: --looks down, notices pants around ankles-- whatever color was in his face has now left the building …

Authoress: --holds up back armor flap and part of haori to expose him more-- See everybody, NO TAIL! --motions to Inu no Taisho's backside & notices something else-- Hey! What's that tattooed across yer ass? ( )( )

Sesshoumaru: --freaks, covers backside with his Fluffy-- AAAHHHHHH!!!!!! HOW DARE YOU!!!!!HENTAI!!!! MIROKU!!!! CATHOLIC PRIEST!!!!!

Authoress: --pouting-- Awwww…I only saw the letters 'K' and 'A' and 'U'. I wonder who it could be??? Stay tuned, folks! !!!!!WHAP!!!!! slaps Fluffy on ass ( )( ) (See List #2, #6, Jaken is NOT my LOVER)

Sesshoumaru: --howls like Kouga-- OOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! You broke my wittle ass! (a/n: bugs bunny reference)

Next: Wish #3, Its not a 'C'!!!!!! AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!