Running

Date: February 25, 2005

Beneath the handsome, cocky smirk, there was a frightened boy. Panting, wheezing, clutching for help in a sea of sorrow, Fuji Syuusuke was running. When he stopped in his tracks, he looked around him. Feeling a bit paranoid again, he began walking, breath coming in short pants as his fear plagued him. He was running. Running from the tests. Running from the challenges. Running from life. The darkness came over him, but he did not halt. He was unafraid of the darkness. So he kept running. An unseen enemy hovered over him, causing him to start to lose his breath even more. Eyes widening, he peered over the ledge of the pier, finally noticing his location. He gulped audibly in the dark cover of night, crying silently for his savior, his friend, his opponent, his lover. Another cry came forth as his true friend… the one that could see past his mask, did not come. So he kept running.

And screamed.

Clutching his chest, hair fraying at the ends, he pushed the covers off his bed. Thinking back on the dream, he looked in the mirror, eyes widening at what he had become. Pale, sickly, thin… that was what he was now. All because he let one of his greatest fears rule over his life. He's hurt people that he's loved… and the one that he's loved most because of this fear… this phobia of his…

His lover ignores it, knowing full-well what this is all about. But for now, he is satisfied with knowing, and Syuusuke is glad that he is not questioned by his friend. But Fuji can see it in his eyes. His lover's eyes, that is. The pain, the sorrow, the torture… and he cannot bear it. However… when faced with coming to terms with his fears, or witnessing the constant worried glances of his loved one, he knows what he must choose… and what he chose. Past tense.

The fear still rules him for now. His eyes tell Ryoma all. He's afraid, almost as much as Ryoma's hurt. And it hurts him so, to know that he is the cause of the pain. The causes of the tears that he knows Ryoma sheds when he thinks that he's not awake or aware that they're there. Tears caused by the one that he loves. Tears from the one that Fuji's supposed to love. Tears made… from the fear of… loving.

Fuji Syuusuke… is afraid to love. He knows he's fallen hard for Echizen Ryoma, but will not admit it to himself. For now, he's just holding Ryoma at night, comforting him for the pain that he's caused, not mentioning or opening up to Ryoma. And Ryoma knows this. That Fuji's still shielded… guarded his heart, even from his lover. His eyes are constantly shallow, never revealing much… purposely at least. Whenever Ryoma is caught up in his blue gaze and deep azure irises… many messages are revealed.

That is perhaps the reason Echizen stayed for so long. Through all this pain, he knows that Fuji loves him. He knows that Fuji cares about him. He also knows… Fuji's fear of love. So he doesn't push it. When Syuusuke's ready, he'll tell Ryoma. He'll tell me, in time. With that thread of hope, he holds onto Fuji's heart desperately, never loosening his hold.

Fuji knows Ryoma knows. And he's trying. Trying desperately to stop running. But it's not time yet. Not time to catch his breath. No time to stop. He must keep running. For now at least. But he'll try. For Ryoma's sake, he'll try.

A hand is placed upon his lover's chest, right above his heart. He feels the other's fingers and hand unconsciously hold on with a gentle, but firm grip, as if afraid he'd let go. He won't. But he doesn't know that. For now… the steady beat of his lover's heart is enough to help Syuusuke temporarily dispel his anguished fear until the next morning, when he knows that before Ryoma wakes from his peace slumber, he must first remove his hand and any revealing traces that it was there.

A smile is on Ryoma's face as Fuji falls asleep. He peeks an eye open to make sure Fuji is truly oblivious of his consciousness, and smiles as he realized, there with Fuji spooned to his back, that he's sleeping peacefully. Ryoma shifts his body so that he's facing Fuji and wraps his arms around Fuji's chest, hooking at the back for one close embrace, before loosening as he let his head fall onto Syuusuke's shoulder, nestling under Fuji's neck. His hand gets grip of Fuji's and brings it close to his heart once more, feeling the delicate fingers beneath his own. Eyes drop close as their fingers intertwine, holding on, both as if frightened that the other would abandon him, and both holding them close to their hearts… the back of Ryoma's hand at Fuji's chest, feeling his warmth, his steady beat, and Fuji's at Ryoma's. For now, they're satisfied, Fuji's still running, Ryoma's still keeping his own secret, but in time… they'll both tell.

Fini

A/N: Bang baby! I can't believe I actually got two chapters out in one day. Well, they both have different tones. One is in the hyper, RC-sugar high's effect and the other in this sugar low, in a reflective sort of thing. I was also super nervous about certain conflicts involving scheduling tomorrow, but now the problem is solved. Therefore… I must sleep. This will be posted tomorrow, as it is 11 PM here, and my mother is angry for me because I've got to take a course tomorrow… at 7 am. . wish me luck u guys! Sorry if it's shorter, it's late… and if I make it longer, I'm going to have to only have like… 5 hours of sleep… heh… but I guess I'm staying up anyway to watch Law and Order… :squee: I think the first chapter was better.

Sidenote: Wow, I just reread it and noticed… that I use "breathing" and the whole concept of "change in breath" a lot in my stories… . it's just… breathing can mean anything! Anticipation, surprise, fear, love, arousal, etc.

Oh, and Review! Clickie clickie if u want another chapter!

But I need a plot… and I only write on weekends… school is currently occupying my time. -;;