I would give anything just to live one day in those shoes, if I could be like that, what would I do? What would I do?

Three Doors Down, Be Like That

I don't like this. I don't want to be this. I don't like it. I want to play with Peter and his friends. I'm not a Thirdie; I'm a little boy. I'm Ender. Ender Wiggin. I'm four.

Peter, my brother, has his friend named David here and they want me to play with them. Buggers and astronauts, they want me to play with them. I don't want to. I don't like that game. I'm always the bugger. I don't like buggers, I don't like that mask. It's hot and itchy. I want to read a book and cuddle with Mommy instead. I told them no. I told them, "No, I don't want to play, I want to read a book and cuddle with mommy." They called me a sissy baby Thirdie-Wirdie Mommy's Boy Bugger-Lover Baby. I'm not! I just don't like being the bugger. So I said, "I don't like being a bugger, Peter, I want to be an astronaut instead, okay?" then Peter laughed at me, now he's making a fist at me.

I'm not going to cry I'm not going to cry I'm…

"OW! MOMMY! ENDER HIT ME!"

I did what? I didn't mean to! I didn't! It was an accident! He made me do it. Mommy's asking me, "Why did you hit Peter, Andrew?"

I told her. "It's because he wants me to be the bugger. I don't want to be the bugger. I don't want to. I want to be the astronaut. And if I can't be the astronaut I want to read a book and cuddle you instead. And also he called me a name."

"What name, Peter?"

"I never called him a name!"

"Andrew, what name did Peter call you?"

"He called me Thirdie-Wirdie Mommy's Boy Bugger-Lover Baby."

"Peter, don't call your brother names, it's mean."

Why aren't I getting into trouble? I hit my brother. Now mommy is carrying me away. I can walk for myself! I'm not a baby! I'm four! Put me down! Oh. Oh, she's giving me cookies and milk. I don't deserve cookies and milk. She sent Peter and David outside to play. I climb up on the stool and crunch my cookie.

I'm watching Peter and David playing a game. I miss Vally. She's at her friend's house. I don't have any friends, except Vally. Vally is my sister. I love her, but not Peter. I'm a bad boy because I don't love Peter. I want to be like Peter. Even though he's mean. I don't want to be mean. I just want to be a normal little boy. I want to have a friend who plays with me and lets me be the astronaut. I don't have any friends. Vally is my friend but Vally is my sister, too. She's not the same. When I grow up I'm going to be an astronaut. Then I will have lots of friends. And then Peter won't have any because they're all my friends. Then Peter would be angry, and he might hurt me. I would share my friends with Peter so that he would like me. Then we could be friends, and brothers, not enemies.

I'm Ender. Ender Wiggin. I'm four.