--Alexander's PoV--

I don't think I had ever taken more time in eating a meal as I did this night. I wanted nothing more than to be able to speak with Hephaistion about our relationship and where it was going, but at the same time, I was afraid.

It wasn't for lack of experience that I was frightened, I was well versed in how to show emotion physically. But this was with another man. And not just any man... but with Hephaistion. Even though I know that it is normal for men to take other men as their lovers, I had never given myself to another male. And I know that Hephaistion hadn't either.

We've always loved and cared for one another, even back in our childhood we had shared many moments that, I'm sure, were now adding to what had grown between us.

Innocent touching. Hands on my shoulders, my fingers in his hair. A kiss on the cheek or waking with my arm around him.

It's true that we had shared a bed before this, but not in the manor we were soon to be.

All the while I was thinking of these things, I wondered what Hephaistion was thinking of. We sat across from one another at dinner, casting glances when we knew the other wasn't looking and catching him just as his eyes dropped.

And sooner than it seemed, we were finished with our meal and walking back towards my room together.

I could feel the tension radiating from him. I wanted to take his hand in mine and assure him that everything was going to be worked out.

But I was afraid too. I wanted him to tell me that everything was going to be all right.

In the end, we both decided to stay silent, which was probably for the best. I didn't want to chance messing this up.

--Hephaistion's PoV--

The sun had set by the time we had arrived in his room and the fireplace had been lit. I was surprised how cold it had been these past few nights, and it looked like there were more to come. I found myself hoping that I would be spending the rest of them in Alexander's arms.

I quickly cleared my head and wandered over by the fireplace, my arms behind my back. I'm sure he was locking the door, ensuring our privacy for the talk we were soon to be having.

I stared ahead, trying not to think too much about anything. My mind was telling me to think but my heart was telling me otherwise. I didn't know which to listen to.

"Hephaistion..." Alexander's voice jolted my from my thoughts and I jumped as his hand came to rest on my back.

His face tensed, "I'm sorry." He said, removing his hand.

I quickly grabbed it in mine, bringing it to my lips, I kissed the back of it, "Don't apologize." I said softly, running my hand down from his wrist, up his arm to his shoulder where it took root.

A hand on my chin forced my eyes to his. I wanted to tell him that we needed to talk about this before it went any further, but I couldn't. I wanted this. I wanted him, far too much to even bother listening to my subconscious.

The tip of his tongue ran out to wet his bottom lip and I watched it as a hawk would. My stomach tightened and I tilted my head upwards as he leaned down.

Warm lips settled over mine and I melted. Both of my hands went around his shoulders, clutching at him for the balance my weakened knees were no longer providing me with.

He sensed this and wrapped one of his arms around my low back, supporting me; as his other hand held me close by the back of the neck.

We became reaquainted with one another through a series of slow and deep kisses that left me wanting more. But eventually, we both seperated from one another, me kissing him softly once more before we settled onto the fur rug in front of the fire.

Sitting next to one another, neither of us seemed willing to break the silence. And I knew it was because we were both afraid of what might happen to us once we did. There was no going back from what had started and we both knew it.

I also knew that if he turned me away from him now that it would break me.

I've loved him for far too long to just let go of him. Not when I was so close.

As if reading my mind and wanting nothing more than to reassure me, his hand found mine and our fingers laced through each other's.

I really didn't know where to go from here or what to say. My heart was beating rapidly in my chest and my palms were feeling sweaty. I swallowed hard, trying to wet my dry throat.

Holding my breath, I turned to him, "Alexander..."

His head turned towards mine, "Hephaistion, tell me how you feel about me."

That seemed to be the best place to start. But I was hesitant to open myself up to subjection. And then I remembered that this was Alexander, the one I had vowed to both myself and him, that I would never leave his side.

"I care for you." I said simply.

He shifted so he was facing me and I did the same, placing my free hand on his bare knee. "As I do you." I smiled at that and tightened my hold on his hand, "When did your feelings towards me change?"

My gaze fell from his as I thought, "I'm not sure. I'm not really sure that they even changed at all." Our eyes met again, he was smiling.

"I've always felt drawn to you, Hephaistion." He told me, making my heart soar, "I care for you, more than anyone and..." He trailed off.

But I didn't need to hear the end, I got to my knees and pulled him towards me for a kiss. His mouth met mine, hot and demanding. His arms closed around me quickly in the strong embrace I had known he would hold me in.

I groaned as he parted his lips, letting my tongue fill his mouth. My fingers wound into his hair, pulling at the blonde strands until he moaned. One of his arms stayed around my back as the other slid down to one of my knees, hooking in the hollow and pulling up.

In a hasty yet smooth movement, I was on my back with him between my legs.

I pulled him hard against me, spreading my legs further to allow him room to lay atop me comfortably.

His mouth left mine, traveling down my neck to my pulse where he began to suck. A strangled gasp left my lips. This was what I had been dreaming of for so long. This was what I desired so badly.

Alexander loving me.

--Alexander's PoV--

He was panting under me as we began to rock against one another. I could feel his desire against mine and it alightened my mind to a sense of pleasure and desire that I had never before felt within me.

My hands roamed his body as our mouths found the other's again. I opened my eyes to watch him as he moaned beneath me. The black that lined his eyes was smudged slightly but he only appeared that much more beautiful to me.

Sweat beaded on his forehead and his eyes were closed as if he were intently trying to remember everything about this encounter.

I was happy that I wasn't taking this too fast for him. I knew Hephaistion wanted me, but neither of us had any experience in the matters of love between men.

When his hands began pulling at the ties of my tunic I stopped the movement of my hips. His eyes opened instantly, "Why do you stop?" He asked, nearly out of breath. I didn't want him to think anything was wrong, but I had to do this.

Pulling back, I got to my knees. He was still between my legs, but I had left his body shaking on the floor.

He sat up quickly, "What is it?" He asked, half frantic.

I touched his cheek, "We can't do this." I said softly.

He instantly assumed that I meant I didn't want him, though nothing could be further from the truth. His arms were thrown around my neck, "We can!" He insisted, "Alexander, please don't leave... I'll do anything you want me to do."

Our eyes met and I was filled with sorrow that his were full of tears. I kissed him softly, trying to soothe him. "I didn't mean that." I said. The fear in his eyes seemed to lessen, "I just think that it's... we need to take this slower."

As I began smoothing back the sweaty strands of brown hair from his face, he nodded, "You're right. I should go." He started pulling away from me but I sat back, pulling him forward so he sat on my lap with his knees on either side of my thighs.

My hand reached between us to cup his evident arousal, "I don't want you to go." His eyes closed and he gasped as my hand began rubbing over him.

"Alexander..." He whispered.

"Lay back down." I said quietly, pressing soft kisses along his neck.

With my help, he laid back on the rug, me half on top of him. It took a moment of fumbling, but I finally released his erection into the palm of my hand.

I closed my fingers around him and began moving my hand slowly, wanting him to get as much out of this as he could.

His body tensed rapidly as I studied his every movement. As his breathing sped up, he arched his back and reached blindly for me.

I gasped as his hand grabbed me over the layers of cloth covering my own arousal. His eyes opened and met mine. I saw nothing but love in them.

They closed again a moment later as he cried out, spilling himself into my hand. The sight of him coupled with the intense grasp he had on me caused my own release to rush through my body full force.

I gasped his name and fell forward on top of him as he laid back, shaking heavily.

Kissing him deeply, his hands ran into my hair. "That was incredible." He said.

I smiled softly against his lips as I kissed him one last time and rested my head on his chest. His arms came around my back, rubbing softly. One of mine tucked under his side and with the other hand I began to gently run my fingers up and down his arm.

So content with just laying with Hephaistion, I paid no attention to the time that had passed between what he had just said and now.

I wasn't even sure he was awake as I kissed his chest and whispered, "You're incredible."