Right, so here's chapter two, got it up pretty fast I think. As always, I don't own lost, and feedback is greatly appreciated.
Chapter two: hairline fractures
Kate was sitting on the beach, looking out at the ocean. It was odd for her to just be sitting, not helping sayid with anything, not even helping Claire…but then again, she couldn't help Claire anymore because she didn't know where Claire was.
The breeze blew back at her hair, loose strands coming undone from the bun she'd put it into minutes before.
She and Jack and Boone and Locke had gone separate ways before they'd found Charlie. Boone and Locke went the other way, and the two of them went their way, and she had just stopped. Stopped, moving, talking, breathing…when they had found him. He was just… hanging there and she was choking back these sobs because this was it, surely this was it, there was no way he could be alive. But Jack… Jack told her what to do, and she climbed the tree and cut him down, and watched with this silent horror as Jack pounded on his chest, and tried and tried and tried…but it didn't work.
The wind wasn't blowing her hair back then, the rain had plastered her hair and clothing to her body, the sweat and dirt mingling with this sense of oncoming loss that was too big to ignore.
She told him to stop, she told him it was useless, that it wouldn't work, and she took his hand and he looked at her like, how could you give up on him? And his eyes were so wide, and she was just crying, these silent sobs, and she let go of his hand and left his side and stood. She could no longer hear the birds, or the leaves or animals or rainfalls in the distance, all she could hear was Jacks fist on Charlie's chest slowly slowing down. She couldn't see Jack crying, but he was, and she knew that if Charlie died, they would all blame him. Kate didn't know if he would be able to handle that. Would she? Probably not. Was it that that fueled him? The thought of recoil and rejection? Or the fact that Charlie was dying and he might not be able to save him. She wouldhave asked, but the words would not form in her mouth, it was full of blood and bile from biting her tongue to keep from throwing up.
Then it just happened and Charlie was coughing and gasping and his eyes were bloodshot and he had bruises and cuts everywhere, but he was alive, and he was breathing, and the three of them sat mismatched and tired and dirty and just…holding. Holding onto each other, holding onto whatever was left of hope and solidarity and she couldn't even speak.
They had come back that night, Jackcarrying Charlie to the camp, and there was this cheering and everyone was so happy, even though they knew that they really had no reason to celebrate. Locke and Boone had not come back and everyone was getting worried, and they looked to Jack and herself for answers. She thought she kind of knew what Jack had to do everyday, telling people small white lies for them to stay happy, even though you knew in your heart that what you told them probably wouldn't come true. Hurley had got Jack to sleep, she bet that he hadn't slept at all in the last3 days. She didn't see him that night, and by the time she woke up in the morning, he was already back at the caves, fixing things, answering questions, healing hurts, mending doubt.
Hurley was running up the beach into the caves, and Kate turned her head because anything made Hurley run like he was running now had to be important. He went into the Jungle on the set path they had cleared to that area they had crossed off in the jungle as home base. He was calling for Jack, where was Jack, he needed Jack to come to the beach and her head shot up and god she wished for a minute that she had a mirror, but she didn't, and she didn't know why she was smoothing out her shirt, and fixing her hair into another semi neat bun, and sitting up straighter, because she didn't give a damn about what he thought about her, except that she did.
The thing was, was that she really did care about what he thought, and it wasn't on purpose either. This stupid island had claimed them all and her first priority when she realized that she was alive was to stay unattached long enough for people not to ask questions. But he was there and he needed her help and it had been a long time since someone had looked at her with clear eyes, so she did.
And they just sort of…stuck. And Kate wasn't sure she knew how to deal with it. She could lie like a pro, but she didn't know if she could trust to save her mother. Not that she would want to save her mother. But Jack was so…she couldn't place it. Willing. To know her. She hadn't felt that in a long time. Come to think of it, she hadn't felt anything but fear and remorse and ugh, all these bad things for a long time. She felt longing though. Not for a family. She didn't want to be tied down with three kids and a husband who came home everyday from work expecting a back rub and dinner on the table. It wasn't in her to want that. She longed for a friend. She longed for a time when she could stop running, and catch her breath. But she never could, and time doesn't stop for criminals. And as much as she wanted these things, she didn't because she knew what trust and love could do to break a person, and she had slowly been piecing herself together again. Then here comes this…guy, who's just….god, amazing and funny and nice and sweet and god, a doctor! And just tall, with these muscles, and eyes that just looked through her and it scared her because she didn't know if it was worth it to trust someone just to be broken again.
Jack knew about her mug shot. He knew that she had done something bad and that she probably shouldn't be trusted, but he looked at her with kind eyes and he told her that they should all be able to start over, and she trusted him. The words were almost foreign to her. It didn't help matters that whenever he touched her she felt like her senses were heightened to a billionth degree. Back on the mainland, she never would have thought that she could be friends with someone like him. He was the privileged doctor with the money and the good looks and the big house in the country, and she was the lost little girl looking for a way outta life.
She had secrets that even she herself did not acknowledge, but seeing Jack go at Charlie made her think that maybe Jack had skeletons in his closet too. Not again, he'd said, I can't let it happen again. She didn't know what he meant, and at the time, she was just so happy firstly that he was alive, and happy that Charlie was alive, and she was just holding onto them both and crying and she had never felt such overwhelming relief. His tattoos still puzzled her, because they didn't seem to fit the puzzle that was jack. They covered his whole left bicep and she wanted to know what they meant. But she would have to give something of herself for that information. She wasn't used to wanting to share.
Hurley wasn't back yet, and the wind had picked up and was blowing her hair back again and her hair tie was lost within the sand. She leaned back and searched for it, she only had two others, she couldn't afford to lose one now. She started digging for it and it reminded her of when Jack was stuck in the cave and she was digging like a madwoman, because the thought of being stuck here without Jack made her so scared she didn't want to think about it. And then he came out of nowhere and she had hugged him and she saw some of the looks that they got whenever they walked together, from other castaways. It felt like High School, not that that had been the greatest experience of her life, but it felt good. To have someone look forward to see you. To have someone tell you something and mean it. To have someone want to take care of you.
Kate knew that Jack didn't understand why she wouldn't come to the caves. She just couldn't….stay. She couldn't depend on him like that. She needed to stay independent. But that wouldn't last for very long because when he was there she was talking with him and when he wasn't there she was looking for him. She was going to go out and look for Claire and Boone and Locke tomorrow, even though Claire got first priority, and Locke was a hunter so he could, hopefully take care of himself and Boone. Jack would go too, even though he knew he should stay and be the doctor. And maybe it was selfish but she wanted him to go along because without him she would worry and second guess herself the whole time.
There it was, her hair tie ,three feet away stuck on a jutting piece of fuselage. She knelt in the sand and lifted her arms over her head to put her hair back in a bun. All of her tops were hanging to dry so that the dirt stains from the Charlie hunt would be hopefully, gone, courtesy of Sun and her magical inventions.Sun made a lineout of the long grass as a clothing rack, and it worked too.Shannon had given her a top to wear, and she felt quite foolish wearing the little pink camisole that barely reached her belly button. It's not as though she was ashamed of herself or anything, years of running away from the cops will take off any pounds you wanted to lose, but it was just not her, and the little flowers on the low v-neck bodice didn't help much either. Shannon said she looked good in it. Shannon wasn't that bad actually. Without her, they never would have known what the French lady was saying. Last night at the campfire she braided Hurley's hair because he fell asleep while he was sitting, and he woke up and took them all out, shouting at everyone, and when all the braids were gone he had a huge afro that was just as big this morning and it gave everyone a good laugh.
Kate heard a whistle behind her and lowered her arms and swiveled around to see sawyer walking up towards her.
"Lookin fine there Freckles. As much as I like it, I must say that is an interesting choice of apparel you got goin' on there." Ugh. She didn't hate Sawyer. She just found him a bit…too southern for her liking. But he was deeper than that and she knew it, and she had kissed him and she didn't know why but she had gone in again, and maybe it was because it had been so long since someones lips had been on hers like that, and the moment was there…but nothing else. She wasn't really thinking…and even though he wasn't evil or anything like that; the sneer he would give the others sometimes didn't agree with her and it scared her a bit. She just didn't find him to be anyone she would get involved with. Maybe before she was caught, before the crash, for the money. She winced at the memories and clutched her arms to her chest as she stood up to face him.
"What do want Sawyer?" She said curtly, she didn't feel like talking to anyone right now let alone Sawyer, and to her relief he just said that he was coming back from the caves, bringing water. She told him that it was a change for him, helping out. He told her not to count on it, smirked, and went past her. She heard a shill screech behind her and knew that it was Shannon.
"Hey! You took my sunglasses asshole!" She said, walking towards him. It was true Kate thought, they were hanging off the front of his jeans. He told her not to get her panties in a twist and that he had them. He called her sticks, referring to the fact that Shannon's legs were so long, and she told him once upon a time to stop calling her that, but he kept doing it, and she didn't protest.
Maybe her and Jack weren't the only ones with an inside joke she said to herself and smiled as she swatted him and he dodged her and she cursed at him and they laughed.
Laughing too. She hadn't done that in a while. It wasn't as though she was depressed , but always being on the run would do that to a person she supposed. It was difficult for Kate. Maybe there was something wrong with her, she didn't know. She didn't have full body laughs like Jack. When Jack laughed his whole face lit up and you could just feel it. Jack. Jack Jack Jack! Why did she make everything about him?! It wasn't healthy, get a grip on yourself Kate. Jack didn't know her. She had been to hell and back before she ever met Jack. Jack didn't want to know if she wasn't willing to tell him, and it made her happy to think that he would wait . Even though she knew he wouldn't wait forever. But forever didn't seem so far away on this island. No, Jack didn't know her at all. That's why it was funny to think that he knew when she was sad or angry, and he knew her mannerisms, and he would look at her and reassure her when she was worried and all these little things that made up to be a pretty big whole when you looked at it from far away. But Kate just wasn't sure.
She hears voices behind her but she doesn't look this time and she walks forward slowly into the water, soaking the hems of her pants. And she knows she should roll them up but it's too much of a hassle because Kate's caught up in memories and they're drowning her just like they always do. Kate was beautiful but broken, perfect but flawed, smashed but pieced together somehow, and this made up whole would never be as good as the original and she knew it; because as much as she tried to hide it, the hairline fractures showed through and they were as big as any scar that Kate could ever imagine.
The breeze was back and it was stronger than before and it blew her hair tie out again, into the tide that brought it back out to that never ending ocean. But she didn't move this time, just watched as it was swallowed slowly from view.
Riight. So uh, another chapter, tell me what you think.