After several weeks of sitting in the intensive care unit, Theresa was released and allowed to go home. The first few weeks were a real struggle and would prove that Theresa had enough strength to go on. At first she was only allowed to have her meals through Iv's, but a couple of weeks later her doctor said that she could start to eat things like ice cream. He told her though that it would be maybe two months before she could eat solids again. It all depended on how her wounds healed.
Aside from her major injury, Theresa was fine. She was lucky to not break any bones after that accident. All she had was a few bruises, nothing that would scar her for life.
Pilar had asked Luis to investigate the accident, to make sure that it was just that, an accident. She knew that things between Ethan, Gwen, and Theresa were intense at the time being. Theresa was still refusing to believe that Ethan would never be hers even though all the facts were there. Because of Theresa, Ethan was forced to leave the country with Gwen. He couldn't risk anything happening to his marriage because Theresa was oblivious to the truth. He had already lost his little girl because he didn't know how to say no. He would have to live each day of his life knowing that he played a major role in the death of his innocent daughter. He had to escape, staying in Harmony would only get him into trouble if Theresa was around and that was something he did not need.
Pilar helped Theresa up to her room, she was still very weak from the accident. Theresa didn't think that she could go into her room ever again. There was too much in there to remind her of all the dreams she once had. Her dreams meant nothing to her now, how could they? She once prayed and wished that they would be real one day, but now they would only ever be a figment of her wild imagination. That was the sad reality that she would have to face every remaining day of her life.
Pilar put her hand on Theresa's bedroom door knob about to open it, but Theresa stopped her by laying her hand upon hers. Pilar could see that returning to her old life was going to be hard for her. Theresa waved her hand to let her mother know that she wanted to do this on her own. Pilar respected her wishes and went downstairs to start making dinner.
Theresa stood outside of her door contemplating whether or not she could open the door and step back into her old life. Everyone had told her ever since the accident that she should go on living a normal life, but how could she live a normal life without a voice? How would she stand up for herself? Her voice was her only power. Now she was left powerless.
Taking a deep breath and closing her eyes, Theresa gripped the door knob lightly, turned it, and slowly stepped in. She stepped into a world that she once knew so well. It was now a room she had never been to. Her eyes remained closed as she as closed the door behind her. She was able to tell with her eyes closed that she was home in her room. Her lively presence that once occupied that room lingered there now as an old spirit. Theresa's eyelids were screaming to open up, the tears were squeezing out and sliding down her cheeks, but she couldn't open them just yet so she continued to shut them as tightly as she could.
[i]Now what?[/i]
Theresa didn't know what to do. She was still so confused and hurt. Could she open her eyes and just step back into her old life? It was easier said than done. Theresa finally decided that she couldn't go on playing games, she needed to face reality no matter how much it would sting. Taking one final deep breath, she opened her eyes. The sight of her old room made Theresa feel weak in her knees. Normally this wouldn't be a probably for others, but for Theresa her room held all of her dreams, dreams that she would never be able to live out to the fullest.
Gazing about her room, she began to cry. Theresa now had no control over her tears, they would come and go no matter how much she tried to prevent them. Slowly Theresa began to move about her room. Passing her old desk, she gently brushed her fingers over her favorite childhood books; books that she had hoped to read to her children at bedtime one day. Now that would never happen and Theresa would have to face that she would never be able to read to her child, or sing them to sleep as babies. Two of the things she was looking forward to most now would never happen because she was chasing foolishly after Ethan, he's the reason behind her accident; not the rain, not her, but Ethan.
Theresa paused before one of her shelves that hung on the wall. Upon that shelf her trophies and medals laid; none were ever less than first place. All were from different singing and talent competitions she had entered over the years. Each one meant something special for her, none was more important than the other. Her heart was breaking as she now realized that she could never compete in another competition as long as she lived. So many things would now change all because of this accident. Theresa hated it. She hated herself, the accident, and most of all Ethan. She hated him for leaving her behind like this. All of her anger and frustration that she had been bottling up for so long was now about to explode. With fire burning in her eyes, she grabbed her trophies and threw them against the wall. She so badly needed to scream, but because she couldn't breaking things was the only way she could release all her anger. After destroying all of her beloved trophies, Theresa picked up her favorite books and began to rip the pages out of them as fast as she could. Pilar, who was downstairs, heard all the noise and ran up to check on Theresa. She was shocked to Theresa's room a mess, but even more shocked to see her daughter acting out in such a shameful manner.
"Theresita!" Pilar cried out. "Stop this!"
Theresa collapsed onto her bed and curled herself up into a little ball. Pilar sat beside her daughter and listened to her sobs. She knew that this was going to be everything but easy from now on.
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Now that Theresa had a chance to calm down, Pilar decided to leave her by herself while she returned to the kitchen and finished making dinner. Once Pilar had gone out, Theresa got up and grabbed a dictionary out from a drawer in her desk. She brought it back to her bed and laid in down in her lap. She turned to the letter V section first.
Voice-1 a : sound produced by vertebrates by means of lungs, larynx, or syrinx; especially : sound so produced by human beings b: (1) : musical sound produced by the vocal folds and resonated by the cavities of head and throat (2) : the power or ability to produce musical tones (3) : SINGER
Singer? Something I once was and never will be again
Theresa knew she was just depressing herself more, but she continued to read on.
(4) : one of the melodic parts in a vocal or instrumental composition (5) : condition of the vocal organs with respect to production of musical tones (6) : the use of the voice c : expiration of air with the vocal cords drawn close so as to vibrate audibly d : the faculty of utterance
2 : an instrument or medium of expression
4 a : wish, choice, or opinion openly or formally expressed b : right of expression; also : influential power
Once Theresa finished reading the definition for voice, she turned to the S section and looked what speak meant.
Speak-1 a : to utter words or articulate sounds with the ordinary voice : TALK b (1) : to express thoughts, opinions, or feelings orally (2) : to extend a greeting (3) : to be on speaking terms c (1) : to express oneself before a group (2) : to address one's remarks
2 a : to make a written statement b : to use such an expression -- often used in the phrase so to speak c : to serve as spokesman
3 a : to express feelings by other than verbal means actions speak louder than words b : SIGNAL c : to be interesting or attractive : APPEAL
4 : to make a request : ASK
All things I'll never be able to do again. I'll never be able to state my opinion, give a speech, or sing another song as long as I live.
5 : to make a characteristic or natural sound
6 a : TESTIFY b : to be indicative or suggestive
As Theresa was about to close the dictionary another word popped into her mind. This time she searched for mute.
Mute-1 : unable to speak :DUMB
Theresa didn't have to go on reading any of the other definitions for mute. The first one said it all.
Dumb. That's what I am now, dumb. Why should I even bother go on living? I have no purpose, no reason to go on. I have nothing to live for