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DISCLAIMER: Do I own anything?

Lawyer: *flicking through 'Where's Wally'* well... according to this highly technical law book... *gesturing to book* no. no you don't.

*sigh* what do I pay you for?

Thankyou to all my wonderful reviewers!! I LOVE YOU!! *reviewers back away* heheh...

Oh... and a few things: Artemis can read and even write gnomish, but cannot speak it. I don't know who the hell landed the jet on the mountain, but they did anyway... (*frown* I never thought of that...) Holly wouldn't have trusted Artemis that much, but remembering she only was on about one hour of sleep... (so was I when I wrote it... ^_^) If you will refer to my first chapter, it has "This is set a little after the second book..."

On a personal note: Caspian, I am not ENTIRELY mad at you... I'll only give you rabies at the next possible opportunity.

Some parts of this chapter are a little boring, but all round I guess its funny...

Bubbly

(REVIEW!! [nice 'discreet' subliminal messages...])

My parents have officially banned me from writing for ff.net!! I registered in secret, but... they've banned me from writing, so now on, it is only in secret at school, which completely SUX!! HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

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The elf began to open his eyes.

"Do you speak English?" Juliet said slowly.

"Of course I do, you scatterbrained stinkworm!" he moaned, struggling to sit up.

Juliet pouted. "No need to be rude."

Butler opened the door, and the elf moaned desperately.

"I don't suppose there's any chance this is some off dream?" he asked.

"Sorry, little man," Butler said. "This is as real as global warming."

"I take it I'm in the Fowl Manor and being held hostage?" he asked.

"Fowl Manor, yes. Hostage, no," Juliet said brightly.

The elf sighed and closed his eyes.

"What's your name?"

"None of your business."

"Look, bucko," Juliet snarled, digging a finger into his breastbone. "We are here to help you, and a little courtesy wouldn't go amiss."

"Juliet, don't hurt him," Butler said, pulling her arm away. "Well," he glanced at the blood covered uniform. "Don't hurt him any more than he's been hurt."

"If you'll do me the favor of leaving me alone to curl up and die, please do so," the elf said.

"Tempting... but no thanks. We'll stick around," Juliet said.

"That's what I was afraid of..." he closed his eyes and lay back.

"What's the date today?" he asked, eyes still closed.

"Why do you ask?" Juliet said confusedly.

"Just answer the question," he said wearily, opening his dark eyes.

"The 27th."

He frowned.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

He swore under his breath. "When did you find me?"

"An hour ago."

He swore again.

"Problem?"

"I set out on the 23rd."

"Oh. That is a problem. And the LEP didn't notice you were missing?"

"I had some leave due," he said tiredly. "So I've been lying somewhere half dead for the past few days."

At that moment, Artemis stepped into the room.

"Ah. You're awake," he said.

The elf muttered something indistinct and most definitely rude.

"Nice," Juliet muttered sarcastically.

"So I presume you know what's going on?" Artemis asked.

The elf shook his head. "I have no clue. These two explained it, but I'm still bloody confused. So, I'm not a hostage here?"

"No."

"Really?" he asked suspiciously.

"Really."

"No mind games?"

"No mind games," Artemis said solemnly. "What's your name?"

The elf merely closed his eyes and didn't reply.

"Fine," Juliet said rudely. "Be that way."

* * *

"You WHAT?!?!?" Foaly half-shouted at his boss.

"You heard me. What's the big idea?"

"It'll be a trap for Holly! They probably won't have an officer after all, but they're getting her to go to the manor willingly!"

"But he's not lying."

"And you know this... how? What was the officer's name?"

"He didn't say. He said the badge was too damaged," Root said loudly.

"It'd help if there was a badge to be damaged," Foaly muttered. "We need to get in contact with her!"

* * *

Holly finally managed to get her above ground Visa. She snatched it from the irritated elf's hand, and stalked into the pod, and said her name, rank and her details, which

started it.

she felt a slight heat draft, so she rode with it. Going, going, going... GONE!

Holly bit down hard on the rubber in her mouth, and allowed herself to relax. If the rubber wasn't blocking it, she would have smiled.

She felt the pressure and let rip, feeling the speed in her body. The pod jolted to a halt, and Holly landed the pod gracefully, jerking the joystick at the last moment, to give the

pod a little slide while landing.

She sighed joyfully and spat out the rubber, unbuckling the safety harness and leaving the egg-shaped craft.

In her pocket, her phone vibrated and beeped, so Holly pulled it out.

She took a few steps and the connection went out. Swearing, she stepped back to where she was before, but the damage had been done.

She made her way to the front of the terminal, snatching an LEP helmet, an LEP suit, some LEP wings and an LEP first aid kit.

When the little clerk pixie panicked, Holly showed him her badge.

"May I see your Visa, Captain?" he asked quietly.

Holly fished in her pocket for a moment, and then dropped the paperwork on the desk. He read through it.

"This seems to be in order..."

Holly grabbed it back, stuffed it into her pocket, and began walking, pulling the helmet

onto her head as she did. She put the suit in the first aid backpack, and put the first aid backpack on her back, strapped on the wings, and shielded, zooming off into the distance.

* * *

"One of your little friends is on their way!" Juliet announced to the elf.

The elf tilted his head to one side, attempting to figure out what she meant.

"Clean him up, won't you Juliet?" Artemis said, about to step out of the room.

"Yes, Artemis."

"No!" the elf flushed crimson. "She can't."

"Why not?" Artemis asked, eyebrows raised.

"Because..." he was still bright red. "Because she's a girl!"

"You're quick," Juliet said sarcastically.

"Just sort something out," Artemis said with distaste, leaving the room. The elf and Juliet glared at each other.

"Must you?" Butler said warily. They both turned to him and nodded innocently.

* * *

Holly glared about her suspiciously. The Fowl's weren't known for their subtlety. Either were the Butlers, come to it.

She knocked cautiously on the door, swearing, frustrated when they didn't reply. Suddenly, she kicked the door, still furious at her boss for getting her up.

"Temper," Artemis opened the door, eyebrows raised. "Through here."

Holly stepped in and pulled off her helmet, shaking out her now shoulder- length hair. Her helmet suddenly crackled.

"One minute," she said, and put it on. "Foaly?"

"Holly! Get out of there, now! Turn right around and come back to Haven! It'll be a trap!"

Holly raised her eyebrows and took the helmet off for a moment.

"Is this a trap?" she asked Artemis.

"No."

"Good," she put the helmet back on. "It's not a trap."

"How do you know?"

"I'll see you guys later," Holly switched off the communication, and the Commander and Foaly's frantic screams were cut short, as she casually pulled off the helmet and set it on a

side table.

"Where is he?"

"Through here. Like your hair, by the way."

"Is he awake now?" Holly asked, ignoring his comment about her hair. Stupid police plaza. Stupid immature officers and their stupid dares...

Artemis nodded.

"Do you know his name?" Holly asked.

"He won't tell us," Artemis said.

Holly nodded.

"He's almost had Juliet in tears at least five times."

Holly raised her eyebrows.

Artemis opened the door, and Holly went in.

"What the HELL have you done to yourself?" Holly asked, sinking to her knees beside the sofa on which her colleague was lying.

"Nice to see you too."

"I'm bloody serious!" Holly said. He struggled to sit up.

"Down. By the look of things, you've broken a few ribs."

He nodded. "Guilty as charged."

"What the hell happened?" Holly asked him.

He moaned. "I don't remember..."

Holly swore, and the elf wriggled uncomfortably.

Holly couldn't help but notice the way he was holding his hand behind his back.

"C'mon, Kelp," she said warningly.

"Kelp?" Butler asked. "I know that..."

"I should say so. My little brother was the one you talked to," the elf said.

"He's Trouble Kelp," Holly said to them, nodding emphatically.

"Holly!" the elf shouted angrily.

"If they know my name, then they can know yours," Holly said firmly. "Now give me your hand."

He held it out reluctantly, and the ring finger was dislocated. Holly held his hand firmly by the wrist, and took the injured digit in her free hand. Trouble bit his lip, readying himself

for the pain.

"On the count of ten?"

"On the count of ten."

"One... two... ten!" Holly jerked his finger back into place.

The Butler's and Artemis winced as they heard the crack.

"You need to learn to count," Trouble said knowingly.

"How can you do that?" Artemis asked disgustedly.

"I can do it to myself if I have the injury. You learn with this job, eh Kelp?"

"Yup."

"Why didn't you just use magic?" Juliet asked confusedly.

"I'm going to have to use as least magic on him as I can. His body will already want to reject it coz it's not his."

"Handy," Juliet said sarcastically.

"Isn't it just?" Holly grinned and turned to Kelp. "Go to sleep. That way the magic'll flow easier and it won't hurt as much."

"You expect me to go to sleep?"

"Um... yes?" Holly tried her luck.

The elves were arguing in a different language, which Artemis presumed was Gnomish.

Trouble turned to Juliet accusingly. "I thought you said I had a friend coming."

"I did."

Holly hit him over the head. "Go to sleep."

He raised his eyebrows. "Not likely."

Holly scowled. "Don't make me knock you out."

"Y-you wouldn't dare!" he blurted fearfully.

"Wouldn't I?" Holly asked, eyes gleaming.

"I'd get you back," he said.

"I'd get you back harder," Holly said calmly.

"I'd get you back even harder than that," he said, looking terrified at the look in her eyes.

"I'd get you back hardest," Holly grinned mirthlessly. "Remember last year, with Corporal Fern?"

"How could I forget?" moaned Trouble. "He got a TRANSFER because of you!"

"Not just cuzza me! I couldn't take all the credit!" Holly said, pretending to blush. "You gonna try to sleep?"

"Yes, Holly," he said obediently, closing his eyes. "I can't."

"Bloody insomniac!" Holly cried angrily. "Try again!"

He closed his eyes.

"Are you asleep yet?" she asked after a moment.

"You tell me."

"This seems to be a little heated..." Butler muttered.

"Just a little," Juliet agreed.

"Alright!" Holly decided. "Sit up."

"Why?" he asked suspiciously.

"You ask too many bloody questions," Holly snapped. "Just sit up."

He did, struggling.

"Ok. Close your eyes."

"We've been THROUGH this! I CAN'T go to sleep!"

"Just do it."

"Yes mother."

Holly hit him again.

"I'm not likely to go to sleep if somebody- not naming any names, HOLLY- keeps hitting me over the head!"

"No brain, no pain," Holly muttered, clambering up onto the sofa untidily.

"Ok..." Holly felt around his shoulders for a moment, then pushed in a few places experimentally.

"Ow!" he cried, flinching.

"Calm down..." Holly said roughly, hitting him over the head.

"Quit it!"

Holly smiled and pushed on his shoulders, and he fell to the sofa, snoring softly.

"Haha!" she smiled and did a little victory dance before falling off the sofa and landing face-first. She awkwardly clambered to her feet. "I did that on purpose," she mumbled,

flushing.

"Wait," Artemis frowned. "You said that you couldn't use much magic on him because his body would reject it?"

"Uh... yeah," Holly said cautiously, still not completely trusting him.

"Then what good are medics?"

"Oh. They have this drug... thing, which paralyses the magic inside the brain- that's what can let us complete the ritual and work- so they can use magic without any protests. Of

course, you need a license to use the drug, which we normal people aren't allowed to get."

Artemis nodded. "Clever."

Holly glared.

"I wasn't being sarcastic," Artemis said coolly, watching the steam coming from Holly's ears.

"Ok. You lot need to scram. I can't heal with an audience," Holly said.

"Fair enough," Artemis nodded. "Though I resent 'you lot', and 'scram'."

"And you wonder why I used them," Holly muttered.

The Butler's and Artemis left the room. Flexing her long fingers, Holly laid her hands on the sleeping elf's chest. Taking a deep breath and closing her eyes, she pushed the magic

into him.

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There... I didn't know when to stop. PLEASE review!!!!

Come on... you know you want to...

I guess definitely Artemis and maybe Butler, and Holly were probably all out of character, but this isn't really a fic I'm writing seriously. Unless you lot like it a lot, I probably won't bother anymore... t'was only some fun for ye old reviewers...

Thanks so much to the people who reviewed!! I'll name you personally at the end of the next chapter! (YAY! ^_^) But now, I have to go to bed... (g'night...)

Bubbly

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